by Anne R. Allen
What should a new writer do when friends or family members ask to look at your fledgling WIP (work in progress)? We’re usually eager to share our work, and want to hear if we’re on the right track.
The problem is, over-exuberant praise can keep us from polishing a draft, and commands to “send it out now!” can result in a lot of rejections.
On the other hand, getting negative feedback too soon can stall a WIP, stifle creativity — or even stop a career before it starts.
Negative feedback comes more often than we expect. I don’t know why it is, but for some reason, folks who happily offer praise to beginning musicians, quilters, sculptors, or Star Trek action-figurine painters, often feel compelled to launch into scathing critiques of the efforts of the creative writer.
I remember showing an early story to a non-writer boyfriend. He returned the manuscript covered with red-penciled “corrections”— changing characters’ names, dialogue, and much of the plot.
I asked why he felt the need to edit my story. He said, “What else would I do with it?” I said, “The same thing I do when you show me your woodworking projects — tell me what you like about it.”
He looked at me as if I had just arrived from the Delta Quadrant.
The Compulsive Critic
Even years of professional writing credits don’t deter a compulsive critic. When I was already multi-published, a visual artist who often e-mailed me .jpgs of her latest work — which I dutifully downloaded and praised — asked to see my latest project. I sent her the opener of my new WIP. She replied with a 100% negative critique.
Maybe this behavior is perpetrated by those grade-school teachers who had us read aloud our poems about “What Thanksgiving Means to Me,” and invited class comments — which often devolved into verbal spitball attacks.
I don’t remember the same free-for-all judging sessions for our construction-paper Pilgrim hats or renditions of “Over the River and Through the Woods.”
Criticism from non-writers is often so clueless, we can laugh and ignore it.
It can even be helpful. An untrained eye can sometimes help us look at problems in a new way.
But if it’s derisive, hostile, and/or entirely lacking in praise, energize your deflector shields. It has nothing to do with your WIP and everything to do with the “critic.”
Some People Think Negativity Sounds “Smart”
An amazing number of people, even decades out of adolescence, still think negative remarks make them sound intelligent.
It’s good to remember that any Bozo can look at a Picasso and say, “My two-year-old paints better than that!” Appreciation takes education.
How to Get Helpful Feedback on your WIP
We do need feedback. If you don’t have an editor or trusted beta reader, find a good critique group, preferably writers in your own genre. A good critique is a gift. You know when you hear one. It may sting, but it gives you an “ah-ha” moment that improves your work. Good critiquers know “not my cuppa” shouldn’t be expressed as “your story sux.”
Plus they’ll always give positive comments to balance the negative.
Nobody can take undiluted criticism. The brain registers it as an attack, which triggers a fight or flight response.
Dealing with Unhelpful Comments on your WIP
1) Avoid showing unfinished work to people who don’t read your genre. If your grandma only reads romances, showing her the first draft of your psychological thriller will probably not get a useful response. Some non-writers make great beta readers, but they usually are already fans and read voraciously in your genre.
2) Consider the source. If Mr. Judgmental hasn’t read anything but an auto repair manual since he dropped out of Bounty Hunter school, creative writing is probably not his field of expertise.
3) Be clear that you don’t want an edit. If someone asks to see an unpolished WIP, say something like, “My editor prefers that nobody else edit my material. But I’ll be happy to hear about what you enjoy, and please let me know if you catch any typos.”
I once made the mistake of asking a newbie writer to beta read a first draft. She sent pages and pages of bizarre criticism and personal insults without one positive word. I realized later she had no idea what a beta reader does, and thought she was supposed to be Dorothy Parker writing a snarky book review.
If I’d been clear about a beta reader’s duties, it would have saved us both a lot of grief. Here’s more on how to be a beta reader.
4) Give the critic a sweet smile while plotting her murder in your next novel. This is one of the perks of writing thrillers and murder mysteries. 😊
5) Think of this as practice for when you’re successful enough to be reviewed by snarky professional critics.
6) If you have unsupportive friends and family, you’re not alone. Here’s my post on how common this is.
If the Negative Feedback on your WIP is Emotional or Personal
If something feels like verbal abuse, consider the possibility that it is. Haters gonna hate. And narcissists can’t praise anyone but themselves. This experience may teach you to keep this person at arm’s length in all things, bookish or otherwise.
Writers are magnets for narcissists. We pay attention, which is what they crave — and we’re solitary, which makes us easy prey. They lure us with praise and fascinating stories; keep us enslaved with threats and/or self-pity; then try to erase our personalities and make us mirrors for their reflected glory. They will do or say anything to destroy a victim’s sense of self. Remember NOTHING a verbal abuser says has value.
Ask yourself if the critical friend is feeling neglected. Writers can be selfish with our time. Take her out for coffee and catch up.
Consider this person might be a writer-wannabe. A lot of people think they “have a novel in them.” They’re dying to write, but are too terrified/ blocked/ lazy. Envy can make people nasty.
Only Share a Sh***y First Draft with Pros
Okay, I know not all first drafts are actually “sh***y,” but they all need work. Friends and family may mean well, but they probably shouldn’t read your WIP until it’s more polished.
You don’t need to hear that your first draft is perfect any more than you need to hear it should be tossed in the trash. Show it to an experienced editor, beta reader, trusted writer friend, or critique group first. But do take even these critiques with a grain of salt. Here’s my post on 6 Ways a Critique Group Can Hurt Your Writing and 6 Ways It Can Help.
Good criticism is necessary to any art form, but the unsolicited, negative variety is poison. If comments are unhelpful or unkind, ignore them and boldly warp into the next galaxy.
By Anne R. Allen (@annerallen) June 9, 2024
What about you, scriveners? Have you ever showed a WIP to a friend who returned a barrage of negativity? Or told you it was perfect when you knew it needed work? Do you ever show an unfinished WIP to friends or family who don’t write? What’s the most useless feedback you’ve had on a WIP?
***
BOOK OF THE WEEK
E-Book ONLY 99c!
GHOSTWRITERS IN THE SKY: Camilla Mystery #1
Murder and mayhem at a California writers’ conference.
After her celebrity ex-husband’s ironic joke about her “kinky sex habits” is misquoted in a tabloid, New York etiquette columnist Camilla Randall’s life unravels in bad late night TV jokes.
Nearly broke, and down to her last Hermes scarf, Camilla accepts an invitation to a Z-list Writers’ Conference in the wine-and-cowboy town of Santa Ynez, California, where, unfortunately, a drag queen dominatrix named Marva plies her trade by impersonating Camilla. When a ghostwriter’s plot to blackmail celebrities with faked evidence leads to murder, Camilla must team up with Marva to stop the killer from striking again.
Available in e-book at:
All Amazons GooglePlay Kobo Scribd Nook
Available in paper at:
***
Featured image: Albert Edelfeld, Lady Writing, Finnish Museum
You’re right, Anne. Even when the name I’ve chosen is criticized—albeit chosen to remind be of a personality trait, and to keep my character in character—I tend to shut down. I have officially included a deflector shield in my backpack.
Great article!
Londie–When they hate the names of your characters it’s kind of hopeless isn’t it? Once a boyfriend said I couldn’t name a character “Ratcliff”. “Because it makes him sound like a rat.” “But he is a rat,” I said. “He’s the villain.” Then there was the friend who told me to change the names of the main characters–in a series with 5 books already published. “I don’t know anybody with those names. They’re weird,” she said. “Do you know anybody named Hercule Poirot or Peter Wimsey?” I asked. Sigh. Cluelessness is so hard to deal with.
Why do people always feel like they know better with writing? Interesting question, Anne. I would think it’s because many people know how to write a halfway decent text, but painting and the like are harder to know how to do.
I was lucky that I got mostly positive feedback from friends and family (and teachers) when I started out. Though praise without details always felt empty and frustrating. The worst was no feedback at all. Like, is it THAT bad or did you just not bother?!
These days I’m lucky to have a great (writing) friend who knows how to balance praise and critic.
I’m convinced that negative feedback is always about the reviewer, less often about the content. I’ll leave you with my top negative review (not my book): “This book is in English. I don’t know English.”
Tina–Haha! That review gets a prize. 🙂 Negative feedback from an editor or other professional can be helpful if they’re genuinely trying to help improve your work, but from others, you’re right–it’s almost always about the person giving the feedback. I remember getting a rejection from an agent for Ghostwriters that said. “This is set at a writers’ conference. I don’t want to read about something I have to do for work.” As if the book-buying public was made up entirely of literary agents. Narcissism is everywhere.
@Anne You’re right about feedback by pros, of course. I meant negative as in “non-constructive”.
Hi Anne,
I am fortunate in SO many ways, & one of them is this. The people I’ve handed my work off to for critique have been serious, kind, & smart about it, though I’v e certainly heard a little snark from agents & editors. Ha!
CS–Agents and editors (and their interns) can definitely be snarky. They can also be helpful. I remember an agent who told me my first version of Lady of the Lakewood Diner was “like episodes of a sitcom.” She was absolutely right. I needed a story arc for the whole novel instead of loosely related episodes.
Most family and friends never see my unpolished work. (Most don’t even read my published works, but that’s a whole different issue.) I do have a couple test readers for my genre and usually use three critique partners for polishing.
Not sure why so many suddenly become teachers and feel they have to grade your work.
Alex–It’s amazing how friends and family of writers so often won’t read our published work. I think they’re afraid they may see themselves in some character. Or that they won’t. They seem much more eager to see the unfinished work of a newbie for some reason. I guess often because as you astutely put it, they “suddenly become teachers” and get to “grade” the work. Either thing isn’t helpful.
I’m fortunate to have a developmental editor I trust with my first partially-completed draft for each novel. She’s what I call “straightforward” in her feedback, and I put on my suit of armor when I get her response. Although we occasionally disagree, I always learn from her. The second (complete) draft usually goes much smoother. Not only is the finished product considerably better because of her work, I’m becoming a much humbler person. 😎
After my editors are happy, I have a group of friends and colleagues I trust to beta-read the ms and give me honest feedback. Emphasis on “honest,” never snarky.
Kay–A great editor is worth so much. Yes, they may be infuriating, but if they’re right most of the time, it’s magic. If you can get an edit before you give a piece to beta readers, I think that’s best. Then you can be very clear the book has already been edited and it isn’t the beta reader’s job to edit it further.
I guess I was lucky. When I sent some sample pages of my first “real” novel to an ex-girlfriend who happened to be a freelance copyeditor for several New York houses, I held my breath for days waiting for her response. And when she came back with a “you can do this” plus a couple of tips and “watch-out-fors,” I went full steam ahead to finish it, hiring her in the process as one of my editors. I haven’t looked back since. I’m publishing my sixth novel on this upcoming June 20 Solstice.
Harald–You were lucky indeed! To have a friend who’s a professional New York editor would be a big boost to any writer. And way better than a high school dropout with a chip on his shoulder who wants to “grade” your book, as Alex put it. Congratulations! Happy Solstice!
My abusive ex almost destroyed my ability to write. He destroyed my confidence in myself and my writing. He hated that it took time away from him. It took me years to remember the first editors I had for my fan fiction and their encouragement. Also, my first cp reader was balanced with praise and criticism. How I wished I held on to all their comments but when I get published, it’ll be the best revenge!
Traci–It’s true: Writing Well is the Best Revenge! Your ex sounds like a malignant narcissist. He had to be the center of attention all the time, so he couldn’t let your writing draw focus from himself. So he tried to squelch your creativity. Now you need to squelch all those lies he put in your head!
What a wonderful two sentences I’m adding to my ‘Anne file’ – “My editor prefers that nobody else edit my material. But I’ll be happy to hear about what you enjoy, and please let me know if you catch any typos.” Perfect, Anne! How I could have used this in the past.
Melodie–I actually got that quote from the editor at my first publisher. He was one of those impeccably polite Englishmen (a nephew of Lord Lucan, but that’s another story… 🙂 ) He told me to say that, because he needed me to stop listening to amateurs who criticized my work.
“Writers are magnets for narcissists. We pay attention, which is what they crave.” How true that is, Anne!
B/c I’m a good listener, they flock to me like mosquitoes. Took me a while to figure out what was going on. I finally realized their motives.
So I turned that around on them and used them as antagonists in my books. Now, I listen, absorb, take mental notes of how s/he might make a good villain. But always have an exit strategy to disentangle from them.
Debbie–Isn’t it fun to kill off our abusers in our writing? Or make them the nasty villain? 🙂 But you’re right: always have an exit strategy, or they may take over your life.
I’m extremely fortunate in that I have a great team of 7-8 beta readers, including a writer and a former editor, who give me thoughtful feedback on my cozy mysteries. They all read cozy mysteries, which that genre, which, as you noted, crucial. I also send them a third draft, which is still messy from a copy editing standpoint. One of my beta readers is my wife, who is an excellent copy editor and a thoughtful reader.
I sent them a questionnaire along with the book, to help them shape their feedback. They can use as much or as little of it as they like.
Informed feedback from thoughtful readers has made all the difference improving my fiction.
That said, you do need to be careful about sending an early draft to friends and family who don’t have reading experience in your genre and might not understand what constitutes helpful feedback.
Dale–What a great idea to send a questionnaire to beta readers. I think I’ll try that myself. Thanks!
What a wonderful post, Anne. I’m sadly in the group whose family (at least) don’t read my books in either draft or published form. My son doesn’t read novels, my daughter doesn’t read my genre, my sister only seems to read magazines (a complete waste of time imo) and the local newspaper, my brother-in-law reads technical stuff, and my husband prefers biographies. And so it goes on. I do have an old school friend who reads all my books when published. Thank you Pamela.
I find it hard to discover beta readers. One who replied to a request started to read, and sent a few early comments, then said she was busy with exams. I said there was no rush, but I never heard anything more. Another took the ARC I sent her, but I heard nothing more, in spite of a couple of emails from me.
Still, I’m in a couple of critique groups on-line, and find them useful.
VM–I’ve always found it hard to find beta readers, so I know what you’re talking about. And so many of my relatives don’t read my books. Even ones who love mysteries. It’s really annoying when you send your book to somebody and never hear from them again. But it happens to all of us. Glad to hear you’ve had good luck with online critique groups. I’ve never tried one, but they sound like a good way to get helpful feedback.
My husband is actually my best beta reader. He gives constructive criticism, marks out the good stuff, and makes excellent suggestions on character and plot. Then again, he’s highly educated and edits PhD dissertations on the side. “Appreciation takes education.” I think you nailed it there. My experiences with a lot of beta readers who are also writers is that they want to change things to their comfort level. Or nitpick instead of giving constructive feedback. I’ve learned to send along a list of what I need from the beta reader, and do like you said, politely tell them I don’t need editing, I have someone for that. Finding good beta readers has to be the unicorn of writing.
Constance–You’re right that good beta readers are unicorns. But when you have a family member who’s a pro, it’s wonderful. A very successful author I know gave every book to her mother before sending to her editor. Her mother had been a freelance journalists and knew exactly what made a story readable and compelling.
I never show a WIP to family, and only to friends if they’ve agreed to beta read and I trust their judgment.
Annabelle–Wise plan.
One problem with showing work to friends (or even gifting them a finished novel) is that, from that point on, every time you see them, part of you is wondering, “Did they read it? Did they like it? Why don’t they say anything!” I even get to the point where I worry that if I email for some other reason, they may think I’m going to ask about the book! I still give away published books to friends, but I have had to train myself to treat that book as thrown to the wind. All that said, and your advice taken to heart, I’m always astonished to read the acknowledgments section of a novel, especially a stellar read, and learn that the author has had dozens, nay HUNDREDS sometimes, of willing readers who, it sounds like, served as expert, invaluable editors. Where are all these people when I need them? Critique groups have been my salvation, with all their pitfalls and flaws. I love your posts, BTW, and point people wanting to begin publishing in your direction.
Virginia–Yes! What’s up with those authors, anyway? Where do they find all those supportive friends and family members? I don’t give friends copies of my books anymore at all. They never say a word. Not even to criticize it. They just pretend my books don’t exist, like ignoring a pile of poo on the sidewalk. Sigh. I rely on my critique group too.
Thanks much for the shout-out for this blog!