by Ruth Harris
With tongue firmly in cheek, Ruth Harris tells us what NOT to do in the coming year to further our writing careers. We both wish you the very best in 2016!
If you’re a new commenter on the blog, you may have to wait for comment moderation. I apologize for that–we LOVE new readers. But we’ve had a little hacker problem. I’m on the road today, so I’ll be be moderating comments later tonight…Anne
1) Resolve to discard those notebooks that clutter your hard drive, desktop or desk, pockets, backpack, and purse.
The story idea you can’t get out of your mind, the one that wakes you up at night and intrudes when you’re otherwise occupied? You’re way too busy to spare a few minutes to jot down a note.
The chapter you’re bogged down on and hate writing? Your muse might be telling you you’re on the wrong track but how can the notes you make while writing a reverse outline help?
The dazzling idea or sudden zap of inspiration that flashes through your mind? It’s great. It’s terrific, so why bother to write it down. You’ll remember it, right? Wrong.
Who said that the idea that doesn’t work today won’t work a year from now? If you’ve made a note, that idea will be there when you need it.
2) Resolve to save time and energy (but not money) by not learning to make a style sheet.
A style sheet? Never heard of it. Besides, whatever it is, it sounds like a PITA.
Seriously, you need one.
(Sighs) Well, OK, since you’re being a complete drag about it, tell me: exactly what a style sheet is and why should I bother to find out?
3) Resolve to go on a diet.
High Protein? Low carb? Paleo? Uh-uh. I’m talking about a reading diet. After all, everyone knows diets don’t work so why waste your time reading in—and out—of your genre? Why bother to spend your time delving into books that succeed and books that fail and trying to figure out what’s the difference and why?
Why should you clog your brain with newspapers and non-fiction? Digital or print, vintage or current, newspapers, magazines, books, and blogs offer interesting, offbeat, shocking, lurid, provocative and enlightening content.
You certainly don’t think you might get a great idea for a book, character or super plot twist from a news article about classic movies set during World War II or an account of a kayak trip through the remote outer islands of Indonesia, do you?
4) Resolve to buy reviews. Amazon will never notice.
Think of all the time and energy you’ll save:
No wasting time querying book reviewers!
No sending out those pesky ARCs!
No waiting for someone, anyone, to post a review!
No risking the possibility of a one-star slam!
Why bother when you can buy—guaranteed!—a thousand five-star reviews for about five bucks. What’s not to like?
Anne has a few thoughts that might help keep you out of solitary in the Amazon SuperMax: Why You Should Never Pay for Amazon Reviews.
5) Resolve to embrace the frazzle.
You know from experience that you do your best work when you are feeling overwhelmed, out of control, and stressed out.
So what if your first chapter doesn’t make any sense? So what if your all-in, expensive promo campaign is for the wrong book because you made a mistake on the submission forms? So what if your muse has gone AWOL? So what if your blood pressure is in the stratosphere and your spouse/partner/best friend/roommate is halfway out the door?
How about you calm down and cool down? A walk, a bike ride, a few minutes to get up from your desk and unload the dishwasher: all help. So will a well-chosen yoga tape or some time out for meditation and/or deep breathing to help get you back in primo working order.
Yoga for beginners to get you started (or restarted).
Kundalini yoga.
Over 200 free yoga classes on line.
Time out for meditation.
Controlled breathing.
6) Resolve to spend more time spamming your book on Twitter, Facebook and GooglePlus.
After all, people love to be bombarded with relentless Buy Me! Buy Me! tweets, posts, messages and newsletters. Oh, and don’t forget about the DMs!
Everyone will love you and every single person you friended four years ago and haven’t heard from since will whip out the money to buy your book.
Not.
Heed the chapter and verse from Anne on how not to be a spammer.
7) Resolve to self-publish an unedited, unproofread, and unspell-checked novel.
So what if there are hundreds (thousands?) of typos? What if the grammar is so bad people think it was translated by chimpanzees in a Bulgarian yogurt factory? What if the main character’s name changes from Bruce to Suzanne halfway though the book? Transgender characters are on trend, right?
Besides, no one’s gonna notice anyway, are they?
Besides, if someone (or someones, plural) does notice and slams you with a few dozen one-stars, you’re tough enough to take the incoming. Aren’t you?
Of course you are, because you’re a master of mixed martial arts for writers.
8) Resolve to marry your title and never, ever budge.
Who cares what your agent-publisher-editor-beta readers say?
Just because some of them actually threw up when you mentioned it doesn’t mean anything.
After all, what do they know?
Zombie Sex Slaves Go Rogue In New Jersey. It’s a 1000% on target, can’t-miss title. Gonna sell a million copies, right?
Maybe.
Maybe not.
Here are some tips on how to choose the right book title.
9) Resolve to ignore social media.
Your book is so brilliant people will slog through pages of Google results just to find it. They will enjoy the treasure hunt, cherish that nugget of gold (aka your book), and shower it with five-star reviews.
Or will they? Why social media is still your best path to book visibility.
10) Your romances sell. Your mysteries don’t. You resolve to abandon the romances and write another 10 mysteries.
You just you *know* that if you just keep at it, those mysteries will make you rich and famous.
Uh? You’re sure?
You are? Really?
Well. Whatever.
11) Resolve to take your own sweet time writing your next book.
Masterpieces take a lot of thought, effort and time.
Michael Crichton spent 8 years researching and writing Jurassic Park. It took him 20 years to write and publish Sphere. He liked “cooking” ideas in his head before he began writing.
After The Hobbit was published, J.R.R. Tolkien spent nearly 16 years working on the sequel. He began writing parts of The Lord of the Rings in 1936 and spent over 10 years writing just the primary narrative and appendices.
Larry McMurtry had the idea for an epic western movie in 1972. When it fell through, he decided to turn the screenplay into a novel instead. Lonesome Dove was published 13 years later.
You’ve set your sights high. You want to be in Michael’s, Larry’s and J.R.R.’s league, so you’re going to put in all the time necessary.
Besides, speed kills.
Or does it? Here are my tips on how to write faster.
Ian Fleming wrote the James Bond thrillers in three months.
Frederick Forsyth wrote The Day of the Jackal in 35 days.
Muriel Spark wrote The Prime Of Miss Jean Brody in one month.
Fyodor Dostoyevsky wrote The Gambler in 26 days while also writing Crime and Punishment (and helping his wife with the dishes).
by Ruth Harris (@RuthHarrisBooks) December 27, 2015
Ruth Harris is a NYT million-book-selling author and former Big 5 editor. She posts here on the last Sunday of every month.
So, scriveners, what resolutions are you making to further your writing career? Meanwhile, whatever resolutions you choose to make (or break LOL), Anne and I wish you all the best for a very, very Happy New Year!
BOOK OF THE WEEK
Beautiful and inspirational, A KISS AT KIHALI draws on the power of human-animal relationships, the heroic accomplishments of African animal orphanages, and the people, foreign and Kenyan, drawn to careers involving the care and conservation of wild animals. Filled with drama and danger that lead to a happy ending, A KISS AT KIHALI will appeal to readers who love tender romance and who have personally experienced the intense, mystical bond between humans and animals.
“A must-read for anyone who cares about animals and the environment, because what we do to them, we do to ourselves”… bestselling author Sibel Hodge
OPPORTUNITY ALERTS
When anybody has a win or places work with a publisher or contest listed here, let us spread the word! Send Anne an email and we’ll give you kudos on the blog.
Platypus Press. A new UK small press is looking for literary novels and poetry collections. No agent required. Though your manuscript must be complete, the first three chapters of a novel will suffice when submitting. It must be previously unpublished, but work posted on a blog or personal website is acceptable. Accepts simultaneous submissions.
Sequestrum Reprint Awards. Finally a contest that actually wants previously published short stories and creative nonfiction! Entry fee $15. Prize is $200 and publication in the Fall-Winter issue of Sequestrum. The runner-up will receive $25 and publication. Finalists listed on the site. Deadline April 30th, 2016.
The Poisoned Pencil: New YA publisher open to submissions! The well-known mystery publisher The Poisoned Pen now has a YA imprint. They accept unagented manuscripts and offer an advance of $1000. Submit through their website submissions manager. Response time is 4-6 weeks.
Open call for the Independent Women Anthology: short stories (flash fiction included), poetry, essays, artwork, or any other woman and/or feminist-centered creative work. 10,000 word max. All genres but explicit erotica. $100 per short story, $50 for flash, poetry, and photography/artwork. All profits will be donated to the Pixel Project Charity to end Violence Against Women. Deadline January 31, 2016 with a goal of publication on International Women’s Day, March 8, 2016.
SCHLAFLY BEER MICRO-BREW MICRO-FICTION CONTEST $10-$20 ENTRY FEE. Fee includes a subscription to River Styx literary magazine or one issue depending on amount of entry fee paid. Submit up to three stories of 500 words or less each. All stories will be considered for publication. $1,500 first prize plus one case of micro-brewed Schlafly Beer. Deadline January 1, 2016.
published by Ruth Harris on December 27, 2015
Brava! Another fine post. As an audiobook narrator, I can attest to the frighteningly high percentage of writers thinking tip #7 is a good idea. Sadly, most of the titles available to narrate are in sore need of editing (even the oh-so-important first page). Here’s to a new year filled with good news for both Ruth & Anne.
CS—And I thought I was joking! What *are* these writer thinking? Best wished from Anne and me for a glorious New Year!
Happy New Year, Ruth and Anne! A superb post to send us off into the new writing year. I especially liked to hear – for once – a recommendation to read new or alternative stuff. So many authors seem to believe that they can’t read while they’re writing, but that’s a slippery slope. As fully certified procrastinators, most of us are always writing, so when else would we read?
To you, Tara, as well. All the best from Anne and me for a most excellent New Year! So many reasons to read outside our usual genres: new insights, fresh vocabularies, off-the-beaten-track characters and situations provide infinite sources of inspiration. Why not go for it?
Happy New Year to you both. Great advice as usual. Love these posts. Keep ’em coming. Paul
Thanks, Paul. Anne and I join in wishing you the best and the most for the New Year!
Gentleladies- I only laugh until it hurts, both of which were immediate with every “rule”. I’m personally guilty of #2 and just this morning broke down on FB admitting it. Popular post, folks love schadenfreude… while I’m making do with “Excel for style sheet”, be sure to let me know how else I can trip over the white line in 2016!
Hi Will–Anne and I wish you the very best of New Years! Not to worry about stepping over any lines. Anne and I are on the case 24/7!
Laughing! Yes, Ruth, I am sure you were talking about me re number 10. Or a reasonable facsimile (dating myself horribly here.) When you have a rep for crime humour, that’s what your readers are waiting to buy. Writing a serious novel (meaning one that doesn’t support a laugh track) merely confuses them. I’ve had to learn what I do best – which really means, what sells best. Thanks for this!
Melody—Wait. What? You’re not writing a 21 C version of War And Peace for the Snobby, Snooty, Nose-In-The-Air Publishing Company?
Don’t make me clutch my pearls! But do have a very happy New Year. 🙂
Excellent, hilarious post. For my resolution I’ll be concentrating on using a style sheet rather scribbling everywhere (upside down, sideways, in the corners, etc.) in my notebook. *sigh* Happy New Year, Ruth and Anne.
Yes, Sue! 🙂 Style sheets! They are easy to do and will save you lots of grief (and money) because they add up to one less thing to pay an editor to find and fix. While you establish the Style Sheet habit, Anne and I are wishing you a very happy New Year!
When I tried to share this post on Twitter I got a weird message about linking to your website, so I backed out. Are you aware of this?
Thanks, Sue. I’m not aware of this. Don’t know whether or not Anne is. Thanks for pointing it out as we are still transitioning the blog and tracking down errant bugs is part of the job.
Hi Sue–I’m back from vacation. I have no idea what that’s about. I will ask JB. I’m also not getting notifications of comments. Sigh. There’s always something to go wrong with tech…
I about split my side laughing at the humor in the rules’ titles, but there is seriously excellent writing advice directly under the humor. Thanks for these excellent tips.
Thomas–I agree that Ruth’s writing is fantastic. She’s got some seriously good advice under the humor.
Thomas—Thanks so much for the flattering comments! Hope some of the tips lurking under the snark help.
Number seven is hilarious!
I’m already frazzled, which is why I am on a break.
Alex, thanks and Happy New Year. Gee, you’re so chill and fabulous, I thought you were frazzle-proof. 😉
Style sheets — what a lifesaver! Great article! Happy New Years and looking forward to more wonderful posts from you guys!
Jessica–I’m so glad Ruth has introduced me to style sheets. They make everything easier, especially with a series!
HI Jessica, yes, style sheets rule! They save time, money and temper…a writer’s winning trifecta.
This is such a hilarious post, Ruth! Great summary (in reverse) of some of your best advice this year! I’m still vacationing, but got to a friend’s computer. Off to drink some champagne now…Happy 2016 to all! 🙂
Happy New Year! Clinks glass of Veuve Cliquot (said to be Winston Churchill’s favorite champagne) with yours! 🙂
Great post Ruth, and Happy New Year to you and Anne. I’m also grateful for the reference links.
Hi Ann— Thank *you* for the kind words. Anne and I wish you a most happy 2016!
You are welcome and thanks.
I resolve to publish the virgin draft of a contemporary romance set in New York. My marketing plan is based on Twitter, because only Twitter works for selling books. I mean, you have to be innovative, no? I’ve never been to the States, never read a Romance–because I’d taint my style if I would–so my novel will be absolutely unique! It will be a bestseller! And I will publish it in 2025. All good books, like good cheeses, need to ripen in damp darkness before they are enjoyed. I’m all set now. 😉
Have a great start into the New Year, Ruth! (& Anne!!)
Veronica–Ha! I have some books still “ripening” in that damp darkness. I think they need to meet the recycling bin. Happy 2016 to you too!
Hi Veronica, Excellent advice! Be sure to share it with those who want to join the writing 1%. 😉
Great way to remind us. I’m wondering if this is “living dangerously?” Has anyone used NoiseTrader to distribute ebooks for free/tips? Are they legit? Thnx 🙂
Hi Kate, Thank you for the kind words. 🙂 Sorry, but I don’t know/haven’t heard of NoiseTrader so can’t say. Wishing you a HNY from Anne and me!
Informative post. Humor in the titles, and great advice for new writers.
Thanks, Thomas. Much appreciate your kind words. From Anne and me to you: the best of New Years!
A fun post. And what a pleasure to read the nice, cleanly formatted website.
Hi Skipper, Thanks for the compliments! Anne and Johnny have worked hard on the website. All credit is theirs. Hoping 2016 is everything you wish for!
With Ruth’s typical sharp wit, I found myself laughing, but also taking mental notes – yes, I will write them down, Ruth. For the past several months I’ve felt pulled off track by the many demands of life. I don’t make New Year’s resolutions, but with this new start to a new year, I know I need to honour and respect my work much more. I know I need to release the need to “succeed” as a writer, and get back to the love of writing.
Thanks to writers like you, Anne R. Allen, and so many others I’ve connected with over the years, I’m learning more about what it means to walk the walk.
As always, well done!
Hi Debbie, Much appreciate your kind words. 🙂 Yes, the love of writing, the pleasure we find in writing, is key. The rest is the-word-we-cannot-mention-here. 😉
Resolve to go on a diet? That’s a great tip for writers, Ruth, who want to keep up their word count. How come? We just adjust our daily calorie intake to our word output. So we’ve written 1000 good words today? We’re allowed to eat just 1000 calories. Done 5000 words? We can pig out at McDonalds, with a side order at KFC. But those words have to be good. If they’re not? Pull the McDonalds and nibble on a chicken bone…
John–lol…the creative mind at work. 😉 Anne and I send our best wishes for 2016!
Well! I saw the post a day or so ago, skimmed it and said, “I want to get back to read it…” So I did. …and now I have a whole slew (slue?) of links to look at, printed pages, and things to think about. Thank you! Much of this is what I (choose any) needed to read, didn’t want to read, admitted it was me, found it unutterably interesting, found myself nodding at. I also blocked out a style sheet. I’ve been doing that for quite a while, but not organized like that. I think that setup will work better. Thank you!
Hi Diana, thanks so much for the kind words. Hope at least some of my points will be helpful and, yes, style sheets are (one of) a writer’s secret weapons! Wishing you the best of New Years from Anne and me!
Wonderful! And thanks for all of the links. So much great information. Happy New Year to you and Anne!
Thank you, Christine! Anne and I send you our very best wishes for 2016. 🙂
I’ve always wanted to try #7 just because I’ve seen so many of them in the #1 spot. Happy New Year Ruth and Anne!
Anne—LOLOL. Go for it! Meanwhile, wishing you all the best for 2016 from Anne and me. 🙂
Too funny! These made me laugh out loud. 🙂
Wishing you a Happy New Year! 🙂
Hi Jess, Always good to start the new year with a laugh. Glad I could contribute! 😉 Anne and I wish you the best for 2016!