by Anne R. Allen
Social Media Executor? That may not be a term you’re familiar with, but believe me, you need one.
That hit home for me this week after the tragic death of my friend, the kind, talented, funny author Barbara Silkstone. I hadn’t heard from her for a month or two, so I went to check her Facebook page. But it had been gutted. All posts, photos, friends, etc. had been deleted. Nothing was there but her name, header and a link to her blog. And the link was dead. Her lovely website and blog had simply evaporated. Thunk.
I put a note on my own FB page asking if anybody had news of her. A FB friend posted a link to a page at the Austen writers’ group. Barb had written a dozen or more Pride and Prejudice “variation” novels, and the Jane Austen fans kindly put up a memorial page for her.
They said she had died in mid-February. That meant she went shortly after our last phone conversation. I knew she’d been suffering from a spine injury. But she had seemed chipper and positive and had been looking forward to crab cakes for dinner. I’d been planning to phone her again soon. Instead, I found out she’d been gone for two months.
Only the Jane Austen fans knew.
But what about the fans of Barbara Silkstone’s hilarious mysteries and other comic novels? They have no way of finding out about her. Will people still buy books from an author who doesn’t seem to exist? Social media is so important to book sales these days.
None of this would have happened if Barbara had appointed a social media executor. I’m kicking myself for not volunteering to do it myself. I have written about this before, but I can see it’s worthwhile to do an update.
So What is a Social Media Executor?
A social media executor can be any trusted friend or relative who’s savvy about social media.
Make it clear to this person — it’s best to put it in writing — what you want to happen to your social media and website/blog when you’re gone. If you have a free blog, do you want your executor to keep it up and monitor it for comments and spam? (If you have a self-hosted blog or paid website you want preserved, that should be put into your will and communicated to your financial or digital executor.)
It’s often best if your social media executor isn’t also your financial executor. Appointing an online friend or fellow writer will take the burden off the family. Families have so much overwhelming stuff to deal with when there’s a death, that social media can seem trivial. That may be what happened with Barbara Silkstone.
A social media executor can protect your social media accounts and notify online friends of your death.
They don’t have to deal with anything financial.
Things like bank passwords — and book retailer information for indies — need to go to your financial or digital executor. (You’ll need a digital executor if your heirs aren’t computer-savvy.) More on all this in my post on What Happens to Your Blog when you Die?
Your social media executor should have all your usernames and passwords for your blog and social media sites like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn, Tiktok, Pinterest. Goodreads, etc. as well as online gaming sites and forums. And remember to keep them updated.
You can appoint a social media executor informally without going through a lawyer.
How Do You Choose Which Social Media Accounts to Memorialize?
Google can help in choosing which social media accounts to keep. Search for your name. Which accounts come up first? Save those. Google is very slow to learn things, so if the top entry on your SERP (Search Engine Results Page) is Pinterest, it will be for years. If you delete the Pinterest account, then anybody searching for you will go to Pinterest and find you’re not there. They probably won’t do any more searching after that.
Goodreads is often high on the SERP. I’m not a big fan of Goodreads for social interaction, but it’s good for an author to have a page there. It’s like being in the Yellow Pages. So I’d suggest not deleting the account, but add the news of the death to the bio, then disable all comments and notifications.
Memorializing a Facebook Account
If you have a Facebook account, it’s easy to memorialize a personal page — much easier than deleting it, as a matter of fact. FB provides an easy way to convert the page into a memorial page where people can post photos and condolences. Just contact FB with a link to a published obituary to provide proof of death.
This keeps hackers from memorializing random living people’s pages, which they occasionally manage to do. It’s not nice when all your friends and fans read that you’ve died, so of course hacker-trolls love to do it.
Facebook even allows you to name an executor in your profile. You can do it right now. Go to your “Settings” page, choose “Security” and “Legacy Contact.” There you can name a social media executor to be your account’s caretaker. You can also choose if you want this person to be able to download content from your page.
Taking down a FB page requires more: a copy of the death certificate, permission from the legal heir, and proof of identity.
If an author also has a Facebook business page, I suggest asking your executor to post a note about the author’s passing, but leave the page up, with disabled comments. A Facebook author page usually rates high with Google and it’s a way for readers to find out about your books, even after you’re gone. But Facebook may not allow an inactive business page to stay up forever.
Instagram, since it’s owned by Facebook, has a similar policy for memorializing. Fill out their “Request to memorialize” with proof of death, and they will memorialize an Instagram account.
Social Media Platforms Have Their Own Rules
I see that Twitter now routinely deletes inactive accounts, since if you’re not there, you can’t agree to updates and privacy statements. That will solve the problem in a relatively short time.
I don’t know how Pinterest approaches memorials, but it’s easy to post some memorial material on a page.
As far as Tiktok and the other trendier social media, I don’t know their policies, but you can probably find them in their terms of service.
What About Blogs?
It’s up to the heirs to decide if they want to continue to pay for a self-hosted blog or paid website. I think it’s wise to keep it up for a few months.
But a free blog can live forever on the Internet. The best thing to do is memorialize it and leave comments open for a time for condolence comments. But this means your executor needs to closely monitor comments.
Be aware a memorial blog attracts disgusting troll comments and spam, so I suggest cutting off comments after the first month.
Some successful bloggers bequeath their blogs to a like-minded friend who can take it over in case of death or disability. I am so grateful to Ruth Harris and our webmaster Barb Drozdowich who took over this blog in the summer and fall of 2020 when I was suffering from a spine injury.
Whatever you decide, don’t leave a blog untended. I’ve found old blogs of authors and even celebrities that are polluted with porn spam and filthy comments from sick trolls. Never underestimate the evil that bored, stupid people can perpetrate when they think they’re anonymous.
But None of my Friends Has a Social Media Executor!
That’s right. They probably don’t. And that’s not a good thing.
There are soon going to be more dead people on social media than live ones. I get notices telling me to wish “Happy Birthday” to dead friends every month. The notices leave me choked up and sad.
A company called Good Trust estimates there are over 30 million “ghosts” on Facebook. And they report “some 90 percent of people here in the U.S. have no plans whatsoever” as to “what happens to the digital stuff.” These are people whose heirs have not memorialized their accounts or reported the death to FB.
Wouldn’t you rather be memorialized than hang around as so much Internet trash?
Be the first one on your cyberblock! Get a social media executor today. You’ll avoid some heartbreaking incidents like the moment I found Barbara Silkstone’s gutted FB page.
UPDATE:
It turns out Barbara Silkstone did have a designated social media executor, but in her last days, when she was depressed and under the influence of heavy duty meds, she deleted all her social media herself. I apologize to her family for suggesting they had done it. My heart goes out to them all.
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by Anne R. Allen (@annerallen) April 17, 2022
What about you, scriveners? Have you appointed a social media executor? Do you feel sad when Facebook tells you to wish a happy birthday to a dead friend? Do you run into blogs and social media pages that belonged to dead people but have not been memorialized? Are you planning to appoint a social media executor?
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THE LADY OF THE LAKEWOOD DINER
A comedy that pokes fun at the myth of a Golden Age, making parallels between the Grail legend and the self-mythologizing of the Baby Boomer Generation.
Someone has shot aging bad-girl rocker Morgan Le Fay and threatens to finish the job. Is it fans of her legendary dead rock-god husband, Merlin? Or is the secret buried in her childhood hometown of Avalon, Maine?
Morgan’s childhood best friend Dodie, the no-nonsense owner of a dilapidated diner, may be the only one who knows the dark secret that can save Morgan’s life. And both women may find that love really is better the second time around. Think Beaches meets Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe.
“A page turning, easily readable, arrestingly honest novel which will keep you laughing at yourself. Who doesn’t remember crashing on a mattress at a friend’s apartment with the stereo blasting Iron Butterfly and no idea where you’ll stay the next night? A cultural masterpiece for the discerning reader.“…Kathleen Keena, author of Adolescent Depression, Outside/In
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featured image–“Business woman” photo from Flickr
Anne—Excellent advice. Esp for those who don’t wish to linger as internet trash. 🙂 I have a literary executor so would overlap.
Ruth–A literary executor who’s media-savvy would certainly take care of these things. It’s good to let them know exactly what you want to keep up in your social media.
Phew, lots to think about and document! So sorry to hear about your friend, and what a shame it took so long to find out what happened to her. Such a shock for you.
D.D. Part of the problem is Facebook algorithms. I guess her heirs did post something for a week or so about her passing, but it was only one post, so FB considered her account inactive and the notice didn’t show up in my feed.
REALLY important information, Anne. I’m in a box with this- so few people I trust who are also media savvy, and they’re busier than I am! But I have to get to this, I just have to.
Most of my work recently about estates has been on the physical side, and you can bet the pandemic was a shock. In fact, people in the Millennial generation increased their attention on things like their will, power of attorney etc. while Boomers and older didn’t. But no matter how long you think you have or how little you’ve got in the bank, it’s crucial to attend to this.
I’ll get around to it. I promise…
Will–I didn’t notice that Millennials were taking care of business during the pandemic, but Boomers weren’t, but I can believe it. We’re the first generation who’s done pretty much nothing to prepare for retirement. We’re all still doing the “Be Here Now” thing, I guess. But my Millennial nephew went out and bought himself a condo at the age of 30. I was so impressed. (He’s my social media executor, BTW.) Talk to your kids. I’ll bet one would be willing to take it on.
Great food-for-thought/wake-up in here, Anne. I’ve not considered my social media accounts for post-life transition, but I have secured my epub accounts and my website/blog hosting to continue with them linked to payables/receivables in a bank account held jointly with my wife and daughter. Ya never know when the Reaper shows up, and I don’t want my income to stop just because of him.
Garry–That’s the thing. You don’t want your income to stop when you’re gone. And a Web presence is essential to keep those books selling. It sounds like you’ve done a lot to make that happen. So do ask your daughter to take care of your social media as well. It’s not all that much work.
Thanks for sharing this important advice Anne. And I’m so very sad to hear about Barb’s passing, and the way all her work was left deleted after. Btw, it’s the first time in a few weeks I could FINALLY get to your blog. I couldn’t get in for the life of me – different browsers, incognito, through different social sites. I just found the fix, I must turn off my VPN to visit you. 🙂
Debby–I don’t have any idea why that happens, but the WP anti-spam elves go way over the top. Even I can’t comment on the blog unless I sign out of WordPress and pretend to be a new visitor. Go figure. (I can comment from the moderation page, so that’s what I’m doing now.)
Totally bizarre. And here I am responding fine as long as my VPN is turned off, lol 🙂
Barbara’s work was not deleted after her death, she removed her online presence herself while still alive.
Sherie–Thanks for letting us know. I wish she’d discussed it with me, but I’m sure she had her reasons. Trolls can mess up a memorial page in short order. She may have been afraid of that.
Thanks, Anne, for this very important post.
CS–I knew it was important, but Barbara’s death sure brought it home for me.
Already done years ago. I still need to update my will which I have in my notes to do soon. Good advice to let loved ones know your wishes.
Traci–Congrats! Updating your will is smart, too.
Very sorry for the loss of your friend. That’s terrible. And sad her family deleted her. I’ve lost several close online friends, but fortunately their sites are still there as a memorial.
Thanks for the tip that I do need to take care of it for myself.
Alex–I think people who aren’t social media savvy have no idea how devastating it is to book sales to delete an author. Yeah, you need to make sure it doesn’t happen to you.
Her family did not delete her, she took down her own Facebook page and website prior to her death.
Sherie–Thanks for letting us know!
Man oh man, this is the best statement: “Never underestimate the evil that bored, stupid people can perpetrate when they think they’re anonymous.” Took me a long time to understand that, Anne. Thanks for this valuable reminder, and yes, I will do something about this this week!
Melodie–I’m so amazed at the hate that is directed at the families of people who have died. I ask myself why and I can’t come up with an answer. I guess it’s lying in the streets of Kabul and Bucha. That’s why we need to make sure somebody is looking out for our online reputations after we go. Too much evil wandering around out there.
Anne, please accept my condolences on the death of your friend. And thank you for this important information.
Leanne–Thank you. Every writer needs to think about these things, even though it’s kind of unpleasant.
Social Media, blogs etc etc etc has become such a big part of a writers’ life experience and yet who would have thunk what happens after we’re gone…thank you Anne.
Judy–I think 99% of writers don’t give it a thought. But it will make things much nicer for your friends and fans.
Very very good advice, Anne. My 2 kids (23 and 28) are extraordinarily tech savvy and I’ll have to tell them a couple of things so they can handle this if I am gone. Thank you for this post.
Patricia–The main thing they’ll need is your passwords. (And remember to keep them updated when you change them) I know tech is like breathing to Gen Z-ers.
Interesting and helpful post, thank you!
I am about to ask my nephew to be my literary executor – he’s always interested in what I’m doing regarding my publishing, and of all the family he’s the one with the smallest income (sadly, though laudable, church youth work doesn’t pay well), so I reckon he’s my best choice because he’ll keep things rolling and earn the income after I’ve gone.
I’d not thought of a social media executor as a separate entity – I guess I’d just assumed that would be part of his job, but separating it out and leaving clear instruction is excellent advice.
Deborah–The jobs can be one and the same, and some may expect one executor to do it all. I mostly encourage people to have a social media executor because it’s so easy–especially on FB and Instagram. Other executor issues require more work, and usually a lawyer, so people put it off.
That’s good to know, thanks.
‘Putting it off’ when it comes to wills and executors because it’s complicated, is understandable, but if, like me, you have a simple situation, it doesn’t have to be. I downloaded my own will template (legally correct for my own country of Scotland), and a couple of codicils, one of which I shall use to deal with my literary estate. Provided you get the right forms, you don’t need the expense of a lawyer in the UK, but most people don’t realise this!
Deborah–I don’t think it’s as easy in most parts of the US as it is in the UK. Here in California, you can avoid a lawyer if your will is very simple, but you need two witnesses to sign it in front of a notary (not free.) You can write your wishes down and hope your heirs will follow them, but without the official stamp of the law you don’t know if anybody will pay attention. So it’s a hassle. What I’m suggesting is a small something you can do today instead of “someday.”
Wow. Such an important topic, Anne. I’ve thought it about over the years when friends have died. Now it’s time to do something about it. Thank you!
Sue–We all feel immortal, but it’s good to do this “just in case” stuff, even young people. Because it’s easy, people are less likely to put it off.
Thank you for this important reminder. It’s got my head spinning a bit, but clearly all of these things need to be addressed.
Joan–Nobody wants to think about this stuff, but we should. And it’s easy to do this one thing.
Barbara deleted her own Facebook page and website prior to her death.
Sherie–Thanks for letting me know. She didn’t say anything about it to me. I’m sure she had good reasons. Trolls can make a mess of a memorial page and she may not have wanted to saddle her heirs with the job of monitoring a FB page. I also fear she may have been depressed.
I agree that I wish should would have discussed her change of plans with someone. She originally did have a designated person in place to handle her Facebook page and the sale of her books once she was gone. I did see your Facebook post regarding this blog, but was unable to comment. I do hope you are willing to update your comment that “her heirs gutted her page and deleted her website”, nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, other writers were notified before family, which never should have happened. Matters concerning her passing were handled poorly by someone who should not have been doing so, which unfortunately led to some people not finding out when and how they should have.
Sherie–Thanks so much for elaborating! I will fix the post right away. How tragic that the wrong person took over her affairs. I guess the message here is not just that we all need a social media executor, but we need a good, up-to-date will.
You’re obviously close to her family and my heart goes out to all of you. It sounds as if Barbara was not thinking clearly in her last days. It doesn’t make sense that she decided not to let her designated Facebook/social media executor do her job, and deleted everything herself. I know she was taking some heavy duty meds. (I was on similar drugs with my spine injury and they can cause depression and what my doctor called “going cuckoo.”)
This explains a whole lot and I’m grateful to you for reaching out.
Hi, Anne–Just wanted to note a correction to this excellent post, re: your mention of the Writer Beware blog. Ann Crispin established the blog in 2005, but looped me in as a contributor within a few weeks. By 2006 I was the main contributor, and since 2007 I’ve been the sole contributor (with the exception of occasional guest posts). Ann died in 2013.
Victoria–I’m so sorry I got that wrong. Several other blogs have said the same thing. I will try to find them and correct them. I started reading your blog in about 2005 and I knew you’d been a contributor all along, but I didn’t know you had virtually taken it over long before Ann’s death.
But it is a smart thing for someone with a popular blog to bequeath it to a like minded friend who can take it over in case of death or disability.
I’m sorry for your loss!
P.S. I *wish* twitter regularly cleared out inactive accounts. They threaten to if you are inactive for 6 months, but if you want the account, they simply say “We cannot release inactive usernames at this time.”
I’ve been hoping since 2013 to get the @morganHazelwood account that has 0 followers, 0 tweets, and 0 following since 2010… instead I’m stuck on @morganHzlwood.
Morgan–Well, that’s a bummer. Social media is such a source of disappointment these days, I hate using it at all. Sorry you can’t get your own first account deleted. That is so stooooopid on their part. But these days I think social media should change their names to Stoopid’r’us.
It’s inevitable.
My Blogging friend died. His son went on his blog and posted an announcement and a short biography that his father had died. That’s how I found out
Janice–That son was very kind. A person’s online friends need to know. I hope the son was able to access his father’s other social media.
An excellent post thank you Anne. Some essential points to make note of.
Sally–Many thanks!
https://dgkayewriter.com/2022/05/20/may-writers-tips-copyrights-plagiarism-book-matter-and-more/
Debby–Many thanks for the two mentions in your Tips for Writers blogpost. I had to fish this out of spam because it was a link with no text. I guess that’s what a lot of spammers do. So if you comment on a WP blog, you probably need to add some text. But this is a link to a great blogpost, people!
Thanks Anne, and my pleasure sharing your great info. Arg, my pingback is giving me grief, so I’m sorry for that. 🙂