Groucho Marxists are definitely on the writer’s enemy list
by Anne R. Allen
It can be tough to be a writer at holiday time. Uncle Bob wants to know why you aren’t rich yet. Aunt Susie calls you antisocial because you insist on doing those rewrites for your editor instead of helping with her booth at the craft bazaar. Your high school friend calls you the “b” word because you don’t have time for a coffee at the old hangout.
Maybe your book came out six months ago and somehow nobody you know has had time to read it. Or if they have, they’re furious they’re not in it. Or they think that awful alcoholic stepdad character is based on them.
The truth is, some people in your old life may find your writing career threatening, and if you’re not emotionally prepared for their indifference–or even hostility–they can derail your project and undermine your self-esteem.
In fact, prolonged exposure to negativity from the people around you can be hazardous to your health. CEO Elle Kaplan wrote on Medium in November: “Research has shown that even a small amount of negative brain activity can lead to a weakened immune system, making you more prone to illness, and even lead to a heart attack or a stroke.”
Kaplan also said, “negativity compromises the effectiveness of the neurons in the hippocampus — an important area of the brain responsible for reasoning and memory.”
Consciously or unconsciously, people on the “writer’s enemy list” can sabotage your writing, confidence, health, and well-being in dozens of subtle—or not-so-subtle—ways.
Here are some non-supportive types to watch out for, and tips on how to deal with them:
Groucho Marxists
The Groucho Marxist manifesto is, to paraphrase the great Julius Henry Marx: “I do not care to read a book, story, or article by a person who would accept me as a friend.”
Groucho Marxists are your family members and buddies who assume your work is terrible because it was written by somebody they know.
I’m not talking about those helpful beta readers who comb through your unpublished manuscript looking for flaws to be fixed before you submit.
These are folks who feel compelled to ridicule and belittle your work, whether they’ve read it or not. No amount of success will convince them you’re any good.
- A major magazine publishes your story. Groucho can’t be bothered to read it. But he’s always bringing you stories by other writers in your genre, “so you can see how a REAL writer does it.”
- That big call comes from your dream agent. Groucho will try to convince you she’s a scammer. Why would a real agent represent you?
- You sign with a publisher. Groucho says the company is about to go under: look how desperate they must be if they’d publish your book.
- Your indie book comes out to rave reviews. Groucho doesn’t have time to read it. But he has lots of time to find internet articles about how terrible self-published books are.
- Your book hits the USA Today bestseller list and you’re making a six figure income. Groucho will say “USA Today is hardly the New York Times. Too bad you don’t have a real publisher.”
These people are highly competitive and feel your success will make you “better than them.”
Remind them of their own skills and accomplishments. If that doesn’t work, the friendship may have to go on the back burner
Projectors
These are the people who claim to know you have less than noble motives for writing. This is usually because of their own less than noble motives for pretty much everything they do.
- You’re working on a memoir, so Ms. Projector claims you’re only writing it to get revenge on family members who have wronged you–even though you have a loving family that gets along fine. She, on the other hand, lists her #1 ambition as “dancing on my mother’s grave.”
- The minute you get an agent, Ms. Projector accuses you of forgetting your old friends now that you’re “rich.” She’s often said if she won the lottery she’d “blow this pop stand and move to Maui.”
- You write about a serial killer and he’ll claim this is the “real you.” If you’re in a critique group with him, he’ll always refer to the anti-hero protagonist as “you.”
- When you get that big contract, she’ll say the publishing company must be “crooked,” and if you self-publish, you’ll hear how Amazon is “corrupt.” She knows everybody in business is a crook. (Of course she left her last three jobs under mysterious circumstances…)
If you’ve known the Projector long, you’ve probably observed he accuses pretty much everybody of the same terrible things. What Projectors really do with all those accusations is tell the world the dark stuff that’s in their own minds.
People who see “corruption” in everybody and a “crooked” thief behind every smile are telling you who THEY are.
Be grateful for the warning. They are usually exactly who they say they are. Believe them.
Crazymakers
Creativity guru Julia Cameron describes these people as “storm centers…long on problems but short on solutions.”
They are the drama queens, emotional vampires, and control freaks who crave your full-time attention and can’t stand for you to focus on anything but their own dramas.
Writers are magnets for these people because we tend to be good listeners.
- You tell your Crazymaker friend your writing schedule, but she’ll always “forget,” and show up at exactly the time your story is on a roll. She’ll draw you into a weepy tale of woe, saying you’re the “only one who understands.”
- Have a deadline for a difficult article? That’s the moment Crazymaker will stomp into your office and confess the affair he had four years ago when you were on a relationship break.
- Is your publisher waiting for a rewrite? That’s the week Mrs. Crazymaker calls to beg you to babysit her sick child because she can’t take off work. After all, she has a REAL job.
- Mr. Crazymaker may appear to be wildly supportive of your work, and express an eagerness to read your WIP—only to give entirely negative feedback. Only he can fix your book, which will take lots of time and direction only he can give.
Crazymakers need to be center stage, 24/7. You will never be anything more than a generic audience member to them. Erect strict boundaries and only stick around as long as they entertain you.
Dream Smashers
These are the know-it-alls who specialize in discouragement.
- If you’re not published yet, they know tons of statistics showing the odds against getting successfully published.
- If you’re published, they’ll read your whole book and have nothing to say except that you have a typo on page two hundred. Turns out it’s not a typo, but it might be, if you were using UK spellings, which you should be doing, they say. Too bad your publishers are such morons.
- They’ll send links to articles with dire warnings about blindness, carpal tunnel syndrome and back injuries due to long sessions with the computer.
- And they have an unending supply of stories about suicide and depression in writers.
- They always “know” some rule that you’ve broken—probably mis-remembered from their 5th grade grammar class.
- Or they’ll criticize your premise in a way that’s also a personal attack: “nobody wants to read about women over 50/washed-up athletes/teens with disabilities.”
- They’ll find fault with anything in your work that doesn’t promote their own world view, and suggest the story would be much better if the hero were more like them.
These folks have probably given up on their own dreams, and want you to do the same. Encourage them to find their own creative projects.
Do you have any of these people in your life?
It’s hard enough to live with the constant rejection we have to deal with in this industry. So when you’re attacked in your personal life, it can feel like a double-whammy.
You need to erect strong boundaries and be fierce in defending them. But if you’re serious about your work, the people who really care about you will learn to treat your time and work with respect.
The others will evaporate.
Chances are you won’t miss them all that much.
What about you, scriveners? Have you known anybody on the writer’s enemy list? How did you deal with them? Have you been able to turn someone like this around so they’d be more supportive?
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Ha! Though these all sound like great characters to have in books, I feel incredibly fortunate that none of them have found their way into my life. My biggest writing enemies are probably internal; I guess I’m living the plot known as man vs. self.
Thanks for another great post.
CS–I can share some with you! Haha. 🙂 I think some of us are magnets for difficult people. But I suppose it’s worse when they live inside your head. Much better to keep them entirely on the fictional plane!
You will find most of these characters in Edward St Aubyn’s “Lost for Words”
That’s me as well. I don’t know anybody like the people described above and am thankful for that. I do seem to be surrounded by people who don’t read the short stories I’ve had published. With the exception of a small handful of people and a few family members, nobody has ever mentioned buying an anthology a story is in or going to the online lit mag that is free to access. That’s a bit demoralizing and makes me curious to know if they think I’m a crap writer or simply don’t care.
Anne, Just perfect!
Sheesh, I didn’t even have to leave home to get a full blast of negativity.
My younger brother: “I’d never read any of the shit you write.” Of course, the only thing I ever knew him to read was Playboy (for the articles, of course) and, when he was in one of his religious phases, the Bible. My parents (both readers) never commented on my work, even when I hit the NYT bestseller list, because “it would make your bother feel bad.”
One star reviews? Who gives a bleep? Thick skin? You bet. Trés noir sense of humor developed very early in life? But of course.
Ruth–Oh, my. That’s harsh even for the writer’s enemy list. My father wouldn’t read my work because he “didn’t read women or Americans.”
And pretty much everybody I know who isn’t a writer won’t read my books. They never give a reason. Their eyes just glaze over and they change the subject. At this point I don’t press it.
Same thing with this blog. None of my friends will read it. They sent me articles on subjects I cover in this blog, but they’ll never read the information here. I even had somebody send me another blog that referenced me as an important authority on the subject, but my friend said that must be “somebody else.” Sigh.
But you’re right that when you deal with this stuff at home it helps you build up a powerful set of soul-callouses for the bad reviews and rejections that come later.
Same here: my kids never read my books! They don’t make comments on my paintings either (in fact, I’ve entirely given up painting and am slowing down on writing too). For the moment, all I do is write articles (mainly for Impakter magazine where I’m senior editor). And that’s OK, not perfect but OK…
Claude–With kids it’s especially problematic, because they may see your work as a rival for your attention. I know I did when i was small. My mom’s dissertation was on a 19th century Shakespearean actor named Samuel Phelps. Her dissertation always seemed to be more important to my small self than I was. So I used to hate the name Samuel Phelps. I’d give the name to all the bad guys in my games.
When my mom’s book came out when I was in my teens, I admit I didn’t want to read it. It was pretty dry to somebody not in the field.
Adult children should mature beyond that, though! I hope they can read your articles!
I used to work with a guy who was like that one who’d read a book and only mention the typo. No matter what you showed him, he felt the need to criticize. I always worried for his kids – did he criticize the hand drawing his four year old brought him?
I’ve met a lot of indifferent ones. People that the moment you mention any book success to them, they ignore it and change the subject.
Alex–I used to go to the theater with an actor who always had a list of complaints about every production. All picky little things that were often not “wrong” but just directorial choices. Finally I talked him into auditioning for one of my shows.
It was the worst audition ever. The guy could not read a sentence. He couldn’t even stand up straight. It wasn’t a case of stage fright. He was very confident. Just terrible. It taught me a lot about critical people. Those who can’t, criticize. 🙂 (But you’re right about that guy’s poor kids!)
Most people can’t stand to be around successful people, unless it means you can buy them a drink. I’ve learned to keep mine to myself.
I am probably my own worst critic as a writer and feel very blessed to be surrounded by so much support from friends, peers and family. On a grander scale, I’ve definitely experienced bruising projection, dream-crashing naysayers and crazy-making citizens in my life. My response to negative people is 1. It’s not about me and 2. Just imagine what it’s like to BE them. 🙁
PS: I loved Lady of the Lakewood Diner!
Eldonna–We have enough enemies in our own heads that we don’t need any outside help, do we? Very good tip to think about what it must be like to be inside *their* heads. If you actually felt angry and bitter when your friends had some small success or happiness, what a sad life you would lead.
I’m so glad you liked Lady of the Lakewood Diner! Thanks!
I enjoy all the people who say they “loved” your book, and they can’t wait to give it to George to read, who will pass it on to Sally, who will loan it out to Fred. Four readers, one sale. It used to bother me, but now I smile and thank them for reading my book. Everything we do is for readers, and not for us.
The gremlins you write about so eloquently should be treated with a shrug and perhaps “I’m sorry, I have to get back to work. I am a writer. But thanks.”
None of us has chosen an easy gig.
Temple–Oh, yes. I’ve had to let that one go too.. But you do have to stifle yourself. They seem so proud of the fact that they’re not paying for your book. But I guess the fact they they liked the book has to be enough. Sigh.
As you say, we have not chosen an easy path. The writing itself has to be the reward a good deal of the time..
I’ve encountered my fair share of Groucho Marxists, projectors, crazymakers and dream smashers. In fact, sometimes wonder if the sensitivity I need to create makes me easy prey for them. Thankfully my life is also fill with cheerleaders and endless supporters. Thank you for writing this helpful article, Anne.
Leanne–I think you’re onto something there. Writers–at least some of us, tend to be empathetic listeners.
That means we provide the “supply” that narcissists and other people with personality disorders desperately crave.
But we are only appliances for them. We fulfill their needs, but we aren’t supposed to have needs of our own, any more than a toaster or a refrigerator does.
So they get very nasty and angry when we expect them to be empathetic listeners to *us.* They also get very angry when we try to move on and find healthier friendships.
Luckily I’ve removed a lot of those people from my life, but new ones still find me every so often. I’m better at recognizing them before they get too entrenched now. I’m sure you find that happens too. But being empathetic and sensitive also brings very good people into your life, so it balances out.
Great labels, Anne! I’m smiling just thinking about them. My version? The person (there are SO many) who ask when you are going to write a REAL novel, instead of mystery/crime/fantasy/romance/comedy. It goes like this: “Gee, your book was an international bestseller. You’re doing so well now. Isn’t it time you tried writing a real novel?”
(Melodie, with the candlestick, in the library…)
Melodie–The intellectual snob is another type that could be added to the enemies list isn’t it? Right, genre novels aren’t “real.”
These people are also often totally clueless about YA and they’ll refuse to read a book by a YA author even though it’s very literary–saying “I’m too old to read about who’s going to be prom queen.”
These people probably haven’t read a book since 1987 and are trying to find an excuse for why they haven’t read yours because they’re too busy watching “Hoarders” on TV. 🙂 .
Thank you so much for this! I’m bookmarking this for those days when those folks once again rear their ugly heads and belch in my direction.
And I appreciate the comments so far, too. Suddenly I realize I’m not alone, and never have been! Fantastic perspectives, especially about those who have abandoned their dreams and want me to do the same. I’d never considered before that even my very small successes can seem threatening to those who have never tried.
Trish–You are definitely not alone. Most of us run into these folks at some point in our lives. And yes, many of them are shut down and bitter because they’ve given up on their own dreams. Any success of yours causes them pain because it reminds them of what they’ve given up.
Hi Trish – I feel the same way and am so grateful to know that I’m not alone either!
I’ve had all of these folks you’ve listed in my life at various points, but not any more.
The thick skin I had to develop has made me extremely independent. I’ve spent years making it clear to the people in my life that writing is! my “day job”. To date, everyone has absorbed the ‘lesson’ and so, always asks before coming over and doesn’t assume my time is always open and flexible. But the cool thing is that they also know that I don’t have to ask someone to take the afternoon off to help them move granny to the nursing home or to look after their dog in an emergency.
The only slightly negative thing I’ve noticed is that these same people have trouble identifying with the type of life I lead, so much so that they don’t know how to talk about it and pretty much don’t talk about it. Fortunately, I have a number of artist friends, who understand the worth of those ‘yay, I did it!’ times, as well as the bang-the-head-on-the-wall times.
None of the nay-sayers you’ve pointed out have any personal power, so they must either degrade or de-legitimize those who do. They can’t be ‘fixed’. They’ll never see what they’re doing on their own, because their true position is just too terrifying to face. Denial is the tool they use and live within, so I just accept that they are crippled by their viewpoint and don’t judge or try to change them — and if they insist on trying to ‘turn’ me to the dark side, I just walk away. :o))
Thanks for another great post, Ann! You always know where we hurt, where we need help, and what to say to help us address all the things that writers grapple with.
Tiger–I certainly have a lot fewer of these people in my life than I once did. I reached a point when I realized I had to make a choice between certain people and a career. I chose the career. I made a few people pretty mad.
But I asked myself: what did I want on my tombstone: “Good Listener” or “Bestselling Author”: Haha. 🙂
It sounds as if you’ve made the right choices, too.
Yes! I had some people who were pretty mad that I was following my dream, which I was compelled to do or become a lunatic trying to lead a ‘normal’ life — and believe me, I tried to be ‘normal’ for a long, long time.
I was the ultimate good listener for ages — my friends called me their ‘Ann Landers’ — and then I realized I was just indulging these people in their denial of reality. I figured I had enough of my own crap to figure out, eh?
I like the tombstone idea. Since I’m opting to give my bod to science (it’s free and helps students), my tombstone might read: Nope, she’s not here either…
Tiger–Those people are angry because they’ve lost their “Ann Landers.” That happened to me too. They thought they had their own captive audience forever.
The tombstone can be metaphorical. My mom donated her body to the medical school at the University of San Francisco, so she had no funeral and no grave, but I still talk about her “rolling in her grave.” I’m sure she understands. 🙂
Hello Anne!
A great article!
Like csperryess, most of my enemies are internal (I’m going head to head with sloth at the moment), but i have run into a couple of the ones you have listed — particularly the Groucho Marxist.
I pinched my method of dealing with them from the web and usually say “be nice to me. You might otherwise wind up in my book, dead. Horribly, horribly dead.” One person snorted and said “so what? no one will read the book anyway.” To which I replied “you will, just to see what happened.”
I felt terribly clever in that exchange, but typically the grouchos are more insidious because they are not as overt and do their damage over time … a steady drip, drip, drip of criticism cloaked in the guise of “helping”.
If I can, (and many times it may not be possible) I try to prune those people from my life.
Brant
Brant–Brilliant comeback! Love it. But you’re right. The Grouchos don’t attack with one-liners as much as with endless little digs… and oh those “helpful” remarks. “I know a guy who got published by Author Solutions. Maybe he can put in a good word for you.” 🙂
Sometimes these people can be surgically removed from your life. It can be more difficult if they’re actually related to you, though.
I may not be a writer but still I found this to be interesting
Joanne–Whatever your dreams, these people will be around to try to smash them, because they have given up on their own creative selves. Julia Cameron talks about a lot of these types in her book the Artist’s Way.
Anne, this is such a terrific post and what you mention happens even in publishing. When I was shopping my nonfiction proposal for The Other Man: 21 Writers Speak Candidly about Sex, Love, Infidelity, & Moving On, I remember a publisher who wrote me back and said, “Who on earth would be interested in reading about gay couples who have problems in their relationships?” Who indeed. I couldn’t believe it. And this from an LGBT publisher. So dream smashers can be anyone anywhere. I have to say this comment made me work even harder to get that book published. I’ve been lucky because most of my closest pals are writers who have always been supportive of my writing and I of theirs. Negativity like you’ve outlined here has no place in a profession that is already plagued with pitfalls that create self doubt and psychic misery, namely publishers who go out of business just after you’ve signed a contract or ones who demand cuts and revisions that threaten to stifle your voice and standardize your writing style. Been there, not doing it. Great job as always. And I had a few laughs along the way. All the best and keep up these great posts. Paul
Paul–That’s a doozy! I think there may be more dream smashers in publishing than anywhere else. I guess a lot of people who got into the business side of publishing abandoned the creative side and can’t forgive the creatives for that.
BTW, I for one wanted to read about the pitfalls of gay relationships in your anthology. It helped me so much with Plantagenet and Silas’s relationship in So Much for Buckingham!
Publishers who go out of business just after your book debuts are good too. 🙂 This business sure has enough misery to go around. You’d think your friends and relations wouldn’t have to add to it. but for some reason, a few of them always do.
Love this Anne. Yes, I know a few of these folks and to laugh about it, I hope when my novel is a huge hit I’ll meet a few more of them. Should I say, LOL?? But truly when you pursue something in the arts, something that many won’t pursue, they scoff at your dream, but secretly wish they had the stuff to do the very same thing. Thanks. Beth
Beth–May you have a HUGE success so all the Groucho Marxists are wildly jealous. LOL.
You’re right. I think everybody has the ability to be creative, but a lot of people abandon their creative selves due to necessity or other material needs. When they see someone succeed on a creative path, jealousy kicks in and it can manifest in some nasty ways.
Thoroughly enjoyed this post Anne. Gratefully, I can say I don’t have any of those crazies in my life, but I will add that many in my life have no conception of what it takes to be a writer and have yet to read any of my books. My best support is from online friends and the blogging community. 🙂
Thank you so much for this post Anne! I can’t tell you how much I’ve been struggling with my writing lately because of the negative people in my life. You just described my whole extended family plus my husband’s family. They all ignore my work or call it my “little job.” Not one of them has ever read anything I’ve written except one aunt that wanted to point out all the “errors” and really didn’t believe that I had written it. I actually started a new Facebook profile just to escape all their nasty comments so I could connect with others that really like the things I write and promote myself as a professional writer.
I’ve decided that I don’t need toxic people in my life. You nailed it when you called them emotional vampires. It’s taken me a lot longer than I wished it had to realize my own mom and other close family members that I support in their endeavors, will never support me in mine. They love to tear me down and make me question myself and my abilities.
It’s hard to break away from “family” but at the same time, my life has so much more peace and calm when I do. I’m learning that I don’t have to be around people that are poisonous in their actions and words, no matter who they are. I’m also learning not to look for their approval but to be confident in who I am and what I’m doing.
Thank you again for sharing – you have encouraged me in so many ways today. It’s been a hard holiday month. Blessings to you and all you do!
Cindy–I’m so sorry you are going through that! The separate FB profile is probably a great idea. These are people who have assigned you a role in their lives: minion. Minions do not have successes. And they do not deserve praise. They only make mistakes.
That’s too funny about the aunt who found “errors” but also didn’t think you wrote it. How awful.
The only way to deal with them is to build yourself a strong emotional wall and not let their petty nastiness get through. I know it’s not easy, though. Especially when it’s family.
It took me some therapy to realize that certain people would never give me approval and the only way to release myself from the pain they inflicted was to surgically remove them from my life. (Not answering the phone for several months was what worked for me.)
At first my life felt a little empty without the chaos. Then I realized “oh, this is what normal feels like.” 🙂
Seek out positive people and hang in there! You’re not alone.
Thanks Anne, I do feel like I miss out a lot but I also don’t miss the stress. I have a great husband and kids that support me so I’m good!
Ha! This was all so true, Anne.
Nina–I wish it weren’t but people can be so childish in their expressions of jealousy.
Hi Anne,
I recently released my first CD. Much to my surprise, two friends who I thought would be celebrating with me have displayed jealousy. I was not prepared for this but I’m sure it’s not uncommon. I’m not sure you covered that reaction.
Bohemian–Not a surprising reaction at all, unfortunately. And jealousy and envy are the motivations for every one of these types. They have given up their own dreams, so they can’t bear to see you fulfill yours. You may have to let them go. You’ve moved on.
All of your points, all of these comments, are the exact reasons why I never show my work to anyone except trusted Beta readers. I don’t talk about what’s in progress, I don’t talk about my blog. I do tell people about the fun I have doing research, about the time I spent a night at the Library researching poisons, and why, therefore, I never bring my work home. The only true encouragement for a writer I feel is 1. Sales and 2. Great reviews. Even your best friends will probably never buy your e-book let alone leave an online review. I think you missed one there, The “gunna reader”, they’re gunna buy it and they’re gunna leave a review.
Actually I’m rethinking that whole “sales” bit. Commercial success is a great personal achievement, but it’s not true happiness is it? Mostly, we’re happy when the WIP is finished to our satisfaction right?
Leo–One of my rules is never show unfinished work to a non-writer friend or significant other. They can give you awful advice and they can react with jealousy because the WIP is a rival.
Great addition to the list: The Gunna-Read/Review. They never do.
Becoming a bestseller is temporary revenge, I have to say. But then they think you’re rich so you should pick up the tab, so you have to deal with all those expectations. And what goes up, must come down.
You’re absolutely right that the real satisfaction comes from doing what you love to do. Everything else is their stuff. Let *them* deal with it.
Great advice here. Anne I don’t think I need a therapist anymore, you do my heart good every time I read your blog.
Cindy–It’s so great to know I’m helping a fellow writer. It’s hard to go through this stuff alone.
You know what I get when it comes to my writing? People don’t even talk about it in my family. Okay, that’s a slight exaggeration but it”s pretty rare for anyone to ask me what I’m writing now or how’s the agent search going or have I sold more books. Is that called being “taken for granted”? I don’t know if that’s an appropriate phrase but that’s how it feels. Not that I expect any big party over having written my seventh book because it doesn’t make me any more special than anyone else. But I’d like a bit more attention to my career than I receive.
Patricia–That can feel like dream smashing, can’t it? Everybody’s all excited about Bob’s promotion, but everybody yawns when you mention you have a new book out that got great reviews and is in the top 1,000 books on Amazon. Sometimes they just don’t know what to say (especially if they don’t bother to read your books) but sometimes there’s some real dream smashing going on. We sure have to develop a thick hide.
I don’t have any of those people in my life but I am part of a large writing group where one of the very successful, traditionally published writers is loudly critical of small presses and self-publishing despite how many of her colleagues are doing very well with such venues. She even chased some writers out of the group with her sharp opinions.
Susan–That’s a new kind of dream smasher isn’t it? It’s very weird when somebody who is successful begrudges somebody else any kind of success.
I have to say your “friend” may be due for a fall. Even very big names can lose their editors in a “palace coup” and find their next book gets no publicity and then the next doesn’t get picked up. In fact that happens more often than not.
Then the authors in your group who self publish or work with small, supportive presses can express polite condolences. And laugh all the way to the bank. 🙂
It’s a shame when somebody like that is allowed to bully other members though. There should be room for all writing paths in a good club. I belong to a fantastic writing club in San Luis Obispo CA that includes several major NYT bestsellers and plenty of newbies who are just scribbling their first poems. Nobody discourages anybody. It would be against what the SLO Nightwriters is all about.
Another super post, Anne. Keep punching them out! 🙂
Frances–Thanks a bunch!
I hired a woman I knew to edit my novel. She was just getting started with an editing business and I wanted to support her. She did a good job, but when we met to discuss the work she rather sheepishly admitted to me that she wasn’t expecting it be so good. Purely because she knew me. I thought that was interesting.
I have a friend who hounded me and hounded me to let him read something I wrote, so I printed up a story, single space to save paper. He wouldn’t read it because it wasn’t double space and he wouldn’t have room to make his (I’m sure many) suggestions. Whew. Inadvertently dodged that one!
Thanks for this. Another great post!
Christine–Two examples of Groucho Marxists at work! You wrote it, and you know, me, so how could the book be good??? Um, what does that say about you, Ms. editor? Ha!
And as for the guy who needed room for his corrections he knew in advance he was going to make…I wonder how he ever reads a published book? 🙂
Great post, Anne. When my husband finished reading my debut novel, he shook his head and said, “It’s a real book!” This was his way of telling me he was pleasantly surprised at how good it was and how much he enjoyed it. Still makes me smile when I think of it.
Jennifer–Isn’t it great when a loved one with a mild case of Groucho Marxism is converted by actually reading the book? That makes it all worth it. So glad to hear he came around!
Have recently discovered your blog and I love it!
You are spot on about the Groucho Marxes…I thought it only happened in Indian families (or Asian). At least I don’t feel I’m being paranoid anymore. Thank you.
Have been struggling with my writing lately due to such energy suckers and as a last ditch measure, I systematically began removing myself from ‘friends’ and situations where I could get sucked into their drama. Sounds extreme but you’re right, the tiniest bit of negativity can sink you like a rock.
On a positive note, luckily my mother thinks I’m great…but she’s never read anything I’ve written! 😀
Meena
Meena–Welcome! I know a number of writers here claim they’ve never had any of these people in their lives, but I think they may simply have better “psychic armor” and they automatically freeze out people who aren’t supportive.
I’ve always found it hard to do that. Especially the “crazymakers” and drama queens. I always want to help. Until I realize that I’m not helping ME and I’m offering up myself as a sacrifice.
Some people feed on our energy like vampires. We don’t even know we’ve become prey until we get sick or exhausted. It’s really tough if we’re related to them. I think that transcends culture.
It’s great that your mom is supportive. Mine was… up to a point. She didn’t approve of my genre, so she kept trying to steer me to write literary fiction. I wrote some, which she loved, but she didn’t like my funny mysteries at all. 🙁
The ‘psychic armour’ you mention is exactly what a therapist friend of mine once asked me to do. She said there would be many people out there to poke holes at someone who doesn’t fit in with their idea of who they should be. So she suggested a daily exercise where you imagine yourself being enveloped by a protective bubble. Not easy to do.
venus–It’s especially not easy for a creative, because what makes us creative is that we’re open to the world and we don’t wear the armor most people have acquired. It’s tough to find balance. I know it is for me.
Oh, yes.
I’ve experienced a writer “friend” who thinks I’m one of the above, and loudly attacks me in public. Library? Grocery store? No problem. Just yell at Kathy.
She thinks I think bad things about her, because I don’t care for her genre (paperback romances, arrgh!) I read them, for her sake. I try to like them. I think up nice things to say about them without lying…
It’s not personal against her, at all. I find it a bit short of amazing that she can write two whole books per year. I just am more the Dostoevski type, when it comes to fiction. I cannot help it.
Still she thinks I belittle her writing advice. I am writing a self-help book. Can NOT get across to her the FACT that her advice about extended point of view tricks is not what I was asking for during a writer group meeting. I accidentally say things that totally offend her. It’s cray-cray around here!
The only solution I can find is not to talk with her. Since she either manages or attends every writerly thing going in our small locale, I just go online and read Anne and Ruth. Or pull Woodford off the shelf for some comic relief.
Whew. Thankful for all who’ve gone before!
Katherine–Oh, deliver us from the chip-on-shoulder fellow writers! They may be the worst enemies of all. Romance writers who think category romance guidelines are rules for all fiction.. YA writers who think we belittle them when they’re the ones all the agents are opening door for. And then there are the academic literary types who think nothing good has been written since Hemingway turned 40..
Each genre has its conventions. What works for one is silly in another. The de rigeur kiss on page 12 does not work in a space opera or a thriller. Lit fic does not have a wedding and a HEA.
You don’t make a pumpkin pie with a pea soup recipe. That doesn’t mean they aren’t both good. Jeez!
Fiction is currently my third priority among avocations, behind my day job and my home business.
The work is home is taking off and involves technical research, writing & public speaking. Fortunately for me, I can say I’ve never experiences these kind of folks in my non-fiction work, among either family, friends or colleagues.
I don’t know how will be in fiction because it’s still a secret, despite WIP’ing this thing for two years now. The two main issues that make me hesitate are it’s steam level and it’s got memoir elements in it. The first person protagonist is modeled after me, to fine detail, and the antagonist father after my own late father. What was originally conceived as a short steamy piece a few years ago has grown into an very introspective coming of age/young adult/romance work that’s already at 84k words and growing (I’m still shooting for 120-130k range.)
I talk to people about my technical work all the time. I go to conferences, grab a beer, and gab the ears off folks in my industry. The only person I know in real life who even is aware of this project is an old crush from the time written about in the book who I’ve reconnected to on Facebook where we can swap stories of our grandchildren – and she’s written her own book that’s on Amazon. When she takes time to respond, often I feel she’s praising me too much. I want someone to challenge me and give me constructive criticism.
I’m able to hide it because when I’m at my desk and my wife asks what I’m working on, I tell her it’s the technical stuff. She would criticize me for the explicit steam the teenage characters are engaged in, especially the characters that aren’t based on her and she could probably figure out the list of who it’s a composite of.
So I have this pseudonym. Hopefully, maybe within another year, I’ll have it done and it will get published one way or another. If it makes money, the current plan is to tell her it’s from the technical work. I may have to come up with a new plan when they make a movie out of it.
Lastly, I’d like to mention that I’ve recently found this blog and have enjoyed it. I’ve hung out at another one for the past couple years. I love her, she’s a great teacher, but I feel like I have to pretend there’s no steam to not hurt anyone’s sensibilities. So I’m still looking for a an additional place to honestly talk shop.
Joe–It sounds as if you need an online or in person support or critique group. It’s very hard to write in a vacuum. Browse through the archives and you’ll find info on critique groups and forums.
I always recommend the Insecure Writer’s Support Group.
I’m about to go off on vacation so I’ll be offline until January.
Writing is wonderful therapy, and we do write our first drafts for ourselves. But if you’re aiming for publication, keep in mind that 80,000 words is standard for most novel genres. Fewer for YA. It sounds as if you may have a trilogy there. Especially if it’s YA.
When you get into editing, that’s when you want to think about your readers. A first draft is for the writer. The final draft is for the reader. Who is your audience, and what do they need included in your story?
Best of luck with your project!