One stimulating blog, two of the most prolific digital and print authors of today– that’s the Anne R. Allen Blog with Ruth Harris. Together, they make time to impart their successful writing and publishing techniques with other budding writers. This blog is replete with industry updates and other information that will make writing in the digital age easier– although not without hard work– and more successful than most. Anne Allen is the author of five comic mysteries while Ruth Harris is a New York Times bestselling author and former editor. In this blog they take turns in sharing what helpful tips and updates they have to fellow writers.
So: A great big THANK YOU to the folks at Tribal Messenger Daily!!
Reliving Trauma in Memoir: Offering the Real Truth Vs. Fictionalizing Your Own History
…an interview with Michael Harris
Q. As a young Army draftee you were sent to the island of Eniwetok in the South Pacific during the U.S. H-bomb tests in 1956. What made you want to write about an experience that you’ve told me was very difficult?
I knew at the time that I was witnessing an important slice of American history at the Pacific Proving Ground during Operation Redwing. I wrote about the experience while I was still there, and a friend who left the island before I did “smuggled” the manuscript back to the States for me.
Q. Why did your friend have to smuggle out your manuscript?
Eniwetok was a security post. There were signs everywhere impressing on us that the work going on (I mopped floors, typed and filed requisitions and wrote movie reviews for the island newspaper: (All The News That Fits We Print) was Top Secret. “What you do here, what you see here, what you hear here, when you leave here, leave it here.”
I was afraid they would confiscate the manuscript if they found it. My friend concealed the pages in the clothing in his luggage and luckily they weren’t discovered. When he got back to the States, he mailed it to my father.
Q. What happened when you got home?
When I read it, I was dissatisfied. In order to avoid disclosing classified information, I had written about my year as a novel — and left out too much. I wanted to rewrite the book, but I also wanted to forget what I had seen and experienced, a common response among veterans. I was happy to be home and I was determined to get on with my life.
Ten years later, I wrote a new version of my H-bomb year, once again as a novel. This too was a failure. I was using “fiction” not just to follow security regulations but to avoid the truth — I was also leaving out unclassified material.
1. I blocked out the anger and frustration I felt about the life-threatening incompetence I observed in the officers in charge.
2. I buried the fears that my health had been damaged and that my life was going to be cut short by my exposure to radiation.
3. I shrank from the lies I had been told about our safety (“There will never be any fallout on this island!”) and tried to forget the deadly mistakes, some of which led to radiation sickness and worse. I tried to forget the three-eyed fish swimming in the lagoon. And the men whose toenails glowed in the dark.
4. I was reluctant to confront a deeply disturbing personal incident — the only doctor on the all-male island (the man most responsible for our well-being) tried to force me into a sexual relationship and took vengeance when I refused.
Q. How did you come to terms with your experience?
My perspective gradually changed in the years after I married Ruth. An editor and best-selling novelist, she read what I had written and, in conversations with her, I began to remember what I had tried to forget:
1. We were told we had to wear high density goggles during the tests to avoid losing our sight but the shipment of goggles never arrived — the requisition was cancelled to make room for new furniture for the colonel’s house.
2. We were told we had to stand with our backs to the blast — again to prevent blindness. But the first H-bomb ever dropped from a plane missed its target, and the detonation took place in front of us and our unprotected eyes.
3. Servicemen were sent to Ground Zero soon after Zero Hour wearing only shorts and sneakers and worked side by side with scientists dressed in RadSafe suits. The exposed military men developed severe radiation burns — and many died.
Using these memories, I wrote a new version — one that a number of editors admired — but wanted me to recast as a memoir. Once again I started over, but by now decades had passed. I had changed and certain important external realities had changed.
4. Top Secret documents about Operation Redwing were now declassified. I learned new details about the test known as Tewa: the fallout lasted for three days and the radiation levels exceeded 3.9 Roentgens, the MPE (maximum permissible exposure). Three ships were rushed to Eniwetok to evacuate personnel but were ordered back after the military raised the MPE to 7. That, they reasoned, made everyone safe.
5. I was finally able to confront my memory of the Eniwetok doctor and relate the incident to a long-repressed episode of sexual abuse in my childhood.
6. I made contact with other atomic veterans, some of whom I had known on Eniwetok. They told me about their own experiences and in some cases sent me copies of letters written to their families during the tests. As we talked, we also laughed: about officers who claimed Eniwetok was a one year paid vacation; about the officer who guarded the daily island newspaper by deleting “pinko propaganda,” including a speech by President Eisenhower.
7. Finally Ruth, who by now knew the material almost as well as I did, was at my side and on my side, providing crucial input and detailed editing expertise.
I was finally able to pull all the strands together. I had overcome the anger, the self-pity and the knowledge that I and the men who served with me had been used as guinea pigs. At last I could understand my nuclear year in its many dimensions and capture the tragedy and the black humor that came along with 17 H-bomb explosions. After 50 years, I was able write the book I had wanted to in the beginning.
Q. Do you have any advice for someone who’s thinking of writing a memoir?
1. Make sure you have enough distance from the experience so you have perspective on what happened. Sometimes it’s obvious right away as in my once-in-a-life moment of meeting the Beatles at the airport. The facts themselves tell the story and being objective is a matter of reporting. Exposure to radiation—anger, terror, incredulity—are powerful emotions that take time to process.
2. Figure out how to use (or keep away) from your own intense feelings. In the case of the H-Bomb tests, anger and self-pity were emotions to stay away from. So was the hope of somehow getting “revenge.”
3. Voice/Point of view. Sometimes the unexpected works:
- Finding humor in a tragic situation: military incompetence in planning the H-Bomb tests.
- A third person omniscient narrative can be surprisingly effective if shocking facts are related in an understated way.
4. Figure out (by trial and error) how much or how little of yourself you want to reveal.
How about you, scriveners? Have you had to confront personal trauma in order to write a story you know needs to be told. Did you fictionalize it, or try to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth? Do you think you’re at the point where you can laugh at it the way Michael has? Ruth Harris will respond to your comments below. And don’t forget, now Ruth has her own blog with daily links to fascinating articles.
Hooray for you two on the award! Very well deserved, I say.
As for that interview . . . wow. The rest of us really have no excuse for slow progress with novels xD
Charley: It felt like forever when I was working on the book, but after the top secret info was declassified, it almost seemed worth it. Michael
Sharyl: I feel the same way you do. I think Anne and Ruth have done a great job, and I join you in congratulating them. Michael
fOIS: Thanks for the very nice comments about my memoir. Reading your words makes me feel that in the end it was all worth it! Michael
Congratulations, Anne and Ruth, on the award!
Thank you, Anne, for taking time to stop by my blog for Alex. C's post. It's great to meet you!
A very well deserved CONGRATS! Of course it's one of the best going. Never, ever miss it!
It took me almost 20 years to write about AIDS and the close friends I lost during that time. Finally I was able to fictionalize the experience–to some extent as I believe that almost all writing is autobiographical in some sense– in a novella, but it took me years to get there. I can' wait to read your book, MIchael, sounds just great and what an insightful interview!
Congratulations on the award!! Very well deserved.
Just came back from vacation and wanted to tell you thanks so much for the wonderful comment you left on my blog.
Michael–Thanks so much for visiting us and sharing your amazing story. A lot of people are going to be interested in reading your book. Military incompetence has dire consequences for us all.
Thanks to everybody for the comments about our award. As I said, we sure wouldn't have got it without all of you.
Mindprinter–You're right that all writing is autobiographical in some ways, and often fiction can make us relive the kind of trauma that Michael is talking about. I've got your novella on my Kindle. I'll get to it soon!
Karen–I stopped by to read Alex's post, and your blog looks great and I'll be going back. Thanks for following!
Alex–I love your blog, and I don't always get a chance to visit, but you have the model author blog. Anybody who's getting started in blogging should stop by, or read his rules for blogging on Karen Lange's blog, Write Now.
Of Course You Won!!!! Your blog is fantastic! Packed with helpful info, funny and easy to read, great blog-feng-shui! I'm a huge fan! Congratulations!
Anne and Ruth, congratulations on the award. It is well deserved 🙂
I am awed at the courage and determination of Michael Harris for putting his memoir together so future generations know what often happens behind the closed doors of the Pentagon. Thanks Michael 🙂
Congratulations, Anne and Ruth! Sooo well deserved!
And Michael's interview is an eye opener. Such an important book in these crazy times.
Congratulations, Anne! Your blog is definitely one of MY favorites! 🙂
Anne and Ruth, thank you thank you. You two ladies are awesome. And yes they give out awards for that!
Congratulations! A well deserved recognition.
Alicia: Many thanks for your flattering comments. I’m struck by the irony of your phrase “eye opener” when so many of us on the island faced the fireball without goggles.
mindprinter: I appreciate your kind remarks and look forward to your AIDS novella.
Anne: Thank you for giving me the opportunity to discuss the writing of THE ATOMIC TIMES. I enjoyed being a visitor!
Congratulations! I suspect the blog became a success due to 1) hard work, lots of hard work, 2) talent and humor. As someone not in the "biz," I still find it so interesting so I can imagine how helpful it's been o those "in the biz."
Re. Mr. Harris' new memoir: Sadly, all of us need to remember, when it comes to all things "war" and "military," "Catch 22" is NOT fiction. Alas.
Congratulations Anne and Ruth. OF COURSE you're in the Top 50. You should be in the Top 10. You gals are awesome.
And Mr. Harris, what a ghastly experience. I'm so glad you wrote about it. Hopefully it will never happen again.
Judith, Becky, Sherry–thanks so much.
Churadogs–Almost every veteran I know says that: "Catch 22 is not fiction." Alas
Anne–I does sound ghastly. It helps explain why even non-combat deployments can give people PTSD.
Summer–Welcome. I recognize your name from many other blogs I visit. I hope you'll be back!
Congratulations, Anne. A very well deserved award.
Congrats on your award, Anne and Ruth! What a harrowing story, Michael. My father was a WWII photographer in the Pacific. He never truly recovered from what he saw and recorded. But it's so important these stories be told and I'm glad you achieved the distance and found such great support in Ruth.
Anne Gallagher: I’m glad I wrote about it too. But even today there are times when I try not to think about what happened. I’ve adjusted to the experiences — except for the rare times when middle-of-the-night nightmares reoccur. The happy ending is that I wake up in my own bed (next to Ruth).
Debra Eve/Later Bloomer: I sympathize with your father. Memories are difficult but photographs are much worse. I never saw photos of Eniwetok until the book was about to be published in hardcover — none of us were permitted to have cameras. But I searched for pictures then, found them and used them. I’m happy they’re there but I don’t look at them.
Congratulations on your award. That's wonderful news!
Congratulations on your award- I'm a new follower here from Alex's blog. I love the atmosphere you have going here and look forward to reading more from you.
Congrats on the award. I just recently discovered your blog but have found it to be very helpful.
Rachna,Melissia,Debra and M.Pax–thanks so much. We really are honored!
I heard about your award on Ninja Alex's blog. Congrats! That's really fantastic.
Congrats on the blog award! It's fantastic, and you both deserve it!