by Anne R. Allen
Last July, I put this blog on hiatus after 15 years because I had a novel to finish and blog business seemed to be taking all my time. I also felt worn down by the daily disrespect from the 1000s of wannabe guest bloggers who will not read or follow guidelines. Not to mention the publicists and marketers who think “blogger” is a synonym for “slave.”
Also, I realized I had been in blogging mode for so long, I’d lost the joy of writing fiction. My imagination well was dry. It was time for me to learn to be a novelist again.
I spent a week or so “filling the well” with music and sunshine. Then I got to work on The Hour of the Moth, a novel I’d spent over a year working on, but had only half finished. But this time I was ready for it. I hit that magical state of “flow” almost immediately. I turned off my phone and ignored the news, and in two weeks I’d finished the book.
It wasn’t even a sh*tty first draft. The manuscript sailed through beta reads and editing with almost no changes.
I sent it off to my wonderful new publishers at Thalia Press, and their designer gave me a fantastic cover. We decided to wait to launch in April of 2025 when I could do a big launch. I planned another dramatic reading with author and actress Mara Purl and our acting team who have done great events with us in the past.
Do Writers Get Post Partum Depression?
I’d written nearly 40,000 words in two weeks! NaNoWriMo speed. I should have been a happy camper. But I wasn’t. It was as if I had some kind of post-partum depression after giving birth to my book.
I sank into a dark place where I couldn’t write at all. I spent my days going down Internet rabbit holes that only made my depression worse.
I wanted to put together some blogposts on different topics I’d dealt with on the blog and turn them into a couple of handbooks for writers.
But every time I sat down to do write, sadness took over. I thought I’d never write anything again.
The Science of Depression
On my umpteenth attempt to work my most popular blogposts into book form, I ran into a post I wrote in 2012 about depression. I called it Hello Darkness, My Old Friend. It addressed recent scientific studies on how depression affects the brain.
Some of the data I quoted in my piece had been questioned because it came from a couple of articles in The New Yorker and The New York Times written by a neuroscientist who was later cancelled for misquoting Bob Dylan. But I’ve found no evidence that his other scientific research was less than sound.
The articles said that brain function researchers had discovered the part of the brain active in depressive episodes is the same area we use for complex thought.
That’s right. This is what they found: CREATIVE THOUGHT IS ANATOMICALLY IDENTICAL TO DEPRESSION.
So when I was in that state of “flow” for 12+ hours a day for two weeks straight, it seems I was also in danger of sinking into depression. Which is exactly what happened.
Depression May Have a Purpose
If you’re a writer who fights depression like me, you probably know we’re not alone: a lot of great authors tend to be depressives. From Plato, who was reported to suffer from “melancholic disease,” to Virginia Woolf, to David Foster Wallace, writing and depression seem inexorably linked. In Nancy Andreasen’s famous study at the Iowa Writers’ Workshop, 80% of writers surveyed met the formal diagnostic criteria for depression.
Until recently, nobody knew there might be a reason for the darkness. But as a result of the new research, some evolutionary psychologists have hypothesized that humans developed depression — with its accompanying rumination and lack of interest in normal activities — as a mechanism for focusing on problem-solving. But this new research says that if humans are too happy to see there’s a problem, they can’t become problem-solvers
In evolutionary terms, when Gog’s BFF died trying to spear that saber-toothed tiger, Gog got sad, mooned around not eating, sleeping or making little Gogs, and…invented a longer spear.
Writing and Depression
Whether or not you buy the evolutionary cause-and-effect, this research gives us tools for understanding — and perhaps managing — the depression that overwhelms so many of us.
It does seem that depressive episodes can come with long periods of complex activity in our heads. Especially the kind that comes from writing fiction, and living in that “land of pure imagination” Willy Wonka sang about. So maybe we can cope by making sure we take frequent breaks for physical activity, social interaction, or non-cerebral tasks. (Who knew that boring day job was saving you from mental illness?)
It’s like those folktales about journeys to fairyland. You can only stay in that magic place a certain amount of time. Otherwise you’ll die/go mad. The land where magic happens is also full of demons.
When we spend most of our time online, we can feel as if we’re surrounded by superpersons. They all have more hours in their days than we do. We’re bombarded by voices that say, “you can’t succeed unless you do this! And that! And these other 100 things! How dare you eat/sleep/read/have a family? You obviously don’t really want to succeed!”
But it turns out the opposite is true. If we don’t take time out to be in the real world, our minds can slip into the bad neighborhoods of fairyland and fall prey to the demons lurking in those dark, magical woods.
by Anne R. Allen (@annerallen.bsky.social) February 2, 2025
What about you, scriveners? Do you fight depression? Have you felt “post-partum” depression when you finish a big project? Have you ever experienced the “too long in fairyland” depression I felt?
COVER REVEAL
My New Camilla Mystery!
Camilla Randall Mystery #9
Storytelling can be deadly!
Coming in April from Thalia Press!
Available for pre-order at Amazon
***
featured image: FreePix
Good luck, Anne. Take as many hiatuses as you need. I share your opinion of blogging — it can be all-consuming and no longer a joy when it interferes with your life.
All the best for more books in 2025 and beyond …
Kathy–I’m so impressed with your blog output. I’m glad to know you’re making sure it doesn’t take over your life.
Hey Anne,
I love the cover — it’ll look fabulous on the shelf (face out, of course) next to *Catfishing in America*.
As to depression, I’m one of those screamingly fortunate people who doesn’t seem to be wired for depression. I can get upset or ticked off or momentarily sad, but it thankfully doesn’t stick. And when I finish a big draft or revision, I tend to be pretty motivated to go find the next shiny story. Another reason for me to feel grateful.
CS–It sounds as if you’re one of the lucky ones. A tendency to depression is hereditary, and it’s a chemical and anatomical problem, not a failure of character, as some people still think. My advice here is for the people who are prone to it. If you’re not, stay in the magical woods to your heart’s content! I’m glad you like the cover!
Awesome! That book will be out soon.
Not sure I’ve ever felt depression after finishing a book. Certainly been crazing a long blog break for a while though.
Alex–You sure deserve a blogging break! You’ve been at it so long, I’m amazed that you still manage to keep turning out your SciFi novels.
I’m always depressed after finishing a book, Anne! It’s in limbo – will anyone like my baby, besides my publisher? Was there any point creating it? And then, the pressure to start a new novel, when you don’t even know the reception the last one will receive. I can’t imagine why I keep doing it, except for that gem of info that you gave us above. Perhaps – if I *didn’t* write – I would be in depression most of the time! thanks for this post, Anne!!
Melodie–Oh, I hear you. That’s just what I go through. And this time, it’s been really difficult to shake that depression.
So much of what you put in this blog hit home. I spent years in burnout mode, which I believe was prodded on by depression. I lost all of my enthusiasm for writing until I never wanted to write another word again. After reading this post, I realized that I had spent all of my free time writing. I wasn’t allowing myself that relaxation time. It was always “butt in chair and write” for me. Now I understand why that worked against me. Thank you for this post. I’m going to take that relaxation time a lot more seriously now.
Ruth–I’m glad this post resonates with you. I get really annoyed with those writers who say “I’ve never had writer’s block, therefore it doesn’t exist.” Writer’s Block is real. Just the way depression is real. They are often the same thing. Yes, do take more relaxation time!
I think I just went through a tiny bout of depression this week. Last weekend I just wrote the proverbial “The End” to a five volume fantasy series (did a marathon two weeks of writing the final 8 chapters) that I had spent 2 1/2 years working on. This week, I had someone unfriend me on FB, and while something like that normally doesn’t bother me, this time it did. I spent a fruitless three days this week trying to determine who it was, but had no luck.
I’m just now starting to get back into the flow of things with my transcription, but I was definitely going through something maudlin this week.
GB–Congrats on finishing that series!! And I’ll bet your brain got stuck in that “magic wood” a little too long. Makes more sense than worrying about social media “friends.”
Welcome back, Anne. How frequently will you publish now? Be sure to leave time for other creative endeavors. I haven;t considered depression a problem until 2 1/2 years ago when my brother died. I’m inspired by your return, especially after the health issues you’ve managed. I’ve been thinking about you and was just about to send you an email when I saw your blog post. Will do that later.
Judythe–I’m aiming to post once a month. Plus I will have some guests who will mostly be familiar to blog readers. Depression can hit any of us during a rocky time. Medication helps–up to a point. And there are always side effects. So knowing this tip for avoiding it is helpful.
Oh Anne, thank you for writing this courageous post as well as the brilliant one from 2012. I didn’t know you back then so this was the first time I read it. Wow.
Some comments really jumped out.
Shelley Schanfield said, “that might be what makes really good writers so perceptive, that acknowledgment of one’s own inner suffering and the ability to see conflict and pain in others.” Yeah, I think empathy and the ability to climb inside someone else’s skin are crucial to connect with readers.
fOIS in the City said, “Women get depressed and withdraw … men get angry and start wars !!” I don’t know if that’s true but it’s sure thought-provoking.
Someone else mentioned connection with other writers. Civilians (y’know, those normal people who don’t write) don’t understand us. Friends from my writing community are often closer than family. We’ve all been in those places you describe and we *get* each other.
For me, exercise, movement, and fresh air/sunshine are critical to health–mental, physical, and emotional. Also, the ability to recognize that my energy and capacity are limited. I can only do what I can do. If I don’t meet self-imposed deadlines, no one is going to die.
Dear Anne, this too shall pass. If only it would hurry up…
Sending you big hugs and gratitude for the wisdom and balance you’ve given me for many years.
Debbie–Thanks so much! It’s true if we don’t meet self-imposed deadlines, nobody will die. But sometimes people die of self-imposed deadlines. 🙂 It’s so important to remember. The quote from Fois in the City (Florence Foisatani) took me back. She was brilliant. I loved her blog. She passed a few years ago.
Wow. That is literally all I can say.
Anita–Yeah, we need to be aware of our own limits. Brain chemistry is a complicated beast.
As I’m about to take my winter blogging break, I can so agree with you on blogging. Congrats on the book and I do love the cover. 🙂 As for what you said – the part of the brain active in depressive episodes is the same area we use for complex thought, makes so much sense. My writing has become severely impaired since I lost my husband. It’s a thing. <3
Debby–Some people can write through grief and create great things. Others find grief takes up too much of their brains to be able to do much. Nothing is right or wrong, but we all need to learn to cope with what our brain is telling us.
Absolute Anne. 🙂
Great cover, Anne, and I’ll be sure to get your book, I love Camilla! And your post sure resonated with me. I suspect it’s not only writers who get depressed this way, after a big chunk of work is done, I’ve noticed other kinds of work lead to this sort of (momentary) depression too! When I worked in the Secretariat at the Food and Agricultural Organization (it’s a United Nations spoecialized, technical agency concerned with rural development and fighting hunger worldwide) here in Rome, and we had these conferences with tons of meetings with delegates (representing member countries) and ministers of Agriculture coming into Rome from their various countries —and I was serving as the Conference “secretary” (and no, that’s not a typing job but acting as the assistant to the Conference President and it involved organizing meetings, picking up comments, putting reports together, writing Chairman Notes etc. etc — it was a really intense time of constant meetings and writing.
And you know what happened when after a week like this it was all over and everybody went home? Yeah, depression! A real letdown, a collapse…
And I’ve regularly experienced the same after finishing a manuscript, especially if it involved a “last rush” of writing as inspiration prodded me along and I was like a bolting horse!
Claude–Thanks! You’re right that this phenomenon doesn’t just happen to writers. Any kind of complex thought happens in the same part of the brain that causes depression. Your experience is more proof the science is right. Thanks for that “bolting horse” metaphor. That’s just what it felt like with my last writing surge.
Sorry, I hit the wrong key before wrapping up my comment. I just wanted to say that this was an immensely useful post and I wanted to thank you for it! And note, in passing, that work-related depression is not just something that happens to writers, it can happen to anyone involved in a white-collar job after a moment of intense activity!
I went through this a little when I tried to write for 8 hours straight. This was only for one week when my kids were young and away at camp. 🙂 Since then, I realized I can’t write for more than 1-2 hours a day and also keep my sanity.
I’ve read several times about the importance of counterbalancing intellectual work with physical work. I’ve noticed that going for a walk or cleaning out a drawer helps.
This was a really interesting read! I especially enjoyed learning the science behind why creativity or brain work can be so tiring.
Jenni–Thanks for more proof of how this phenomenon works. And you’re right that “activity” doesn’t have to be running a marathon. Organizing a drawer can do wonders for your mental health. Bringing order to a chaotic world–even a tiny sliver of it, can soothe those brain cells.
Great insight, Anne.
I’ve experienced both the end-of project depression and the too-long-in-fairyland depression.
I combat the former by making sure I line up a non-writing related project or some kind of trip, preferably including my partner and/or visits with friends.
The latter I find much harder. I make myself get out of my chair every 60-90 minutes, and I go for walks at the end of the writing day even before I feel ready to leave the story. Because that’s the lure of fairyland, isn’t it? To try to persuade us to ignore our own best interests.
It’s strange to realize creativity is such a double-edged sword.
Linda–Thanks for sharing your experiences. It sounds as if you’ve got some good solutions to the problems. I love the idea of planning a trip or big event for after you finish a book. But fairyland is so seductive isn’t it? Your body may ache from sitting too long, but your head is still in that magic space. We need to learn to be firm with ourselves.
This post stuck in my mind when it came out, but I just found the drive and the time to read it and think about what you’re saying.
I’ve been trying to set aside 5 hours every day to write, and not making much progress on finishing my mainstream trilogy.
I’ve got the additional problem of chronic illness, and that, if I take time to do something like go soak in our therapy pool (warm!), it uses up so much energy that it wipes me out, and it can take days to recover from the logistics of a twenty minute soak. And then it takes me several days to reload everything in the writing environment, and try to start writing again.
I think I’m going to have to try harder to let some of the light in, and find some way not to let it be so overwhelming as to be completely counterproductive.
But it’s not easy when you’re already writing on ONE cylinder.
I’ve suspected depression, but it’s more of a situation where I can’t do what I love because humans can’t focus ONLY on the writing – so there’s no joy in either option.
And the ‘easy’ option – pills – makes me too sick to do either.
I may have a solution if I rev up the CBT – which does work for me, but requires effort from that tiny supply.
If I ever get the trilogy finished, it will be because there was a balance in there somewhere, and I found it. It always helps to know where the battle-lines are. Thanks.
Alicia–I totally relate. I use a wheelchair and live with chronic pain, which means I simply don’t have the same energy I had when I was able-bodied and turning out blogposts or chapters every day as well as teaching at conferences and making lots of personal appearances. After my bout with sepsis, I had to learn to let up on myself and treat myself differently. That’s why I cut back on blogging and I write much more slowly. But I’m still writing, and that’s what’s important. When we have a lot of time to write, I think we feel pressure to use it all for writing. But the truth is, the brain can only stay in that deeply creative mode for a short time or you exhaust both your body and your soul. I’m sure you can find that balance you need. Best of luck with the trilogy.
I’m so sorry – I didn’t know you also live with chronic pain and lack of energy. It doesn’t show in the posts you write, but possibly in the frequency!
But the writing IS important. It’s part of us. We are not OURSELVES if we’re not writing something part of the time.
I didn’t realize at the time that the first two trilogy volumes were created and published when I was younger and somewhat less ill – until the idea came for a few critical changes in the third (to expand an area every one of my mentor-writers basically ignored), and I knew I couldn’t reprise what they had done, and decided to plunge in, learn, and do a good job! And found myself very much slower, as if that were even possible.
Silly me thought she was out of challenging writing. I could have let it go – but this will be SO much better.
Thanks for writing back. And the advice.
LESS IS MORE. Hmmm.
Alicia–One thing that’s helped me let go of the need to push myself into a crash is a great book by editor Jodie Renner: Live Your Best Life With Limited Energy