Is your query letter the problem?
by Anne R. Allen
I’ve often wondered why some wonderful writers never get a nibble from an agent, and others get a request for a full manuscript after a handful of queries. I had an insight into the issue this week when I heard from a friend of a friend who’s been getting nothing but rejections on his excellent novel — and was about to fall into the hands of a notorious vanity press.
After a look at his query, I saw why he’d been getting rejected. The letter wasn’t terrible, and it was a solid business letter, but it wasn’t going to entice an agent to read his pages. I told him it was likely nobody had actually read a word of his book. They’d been put off by the query.
Which meant his book hadn’t been rejected. No need to throw it to a scammer.
There was no element in the query that was a deal breaker, but there were enough missteps that the cumulative effect was going to be “pass.” Since I made a lot of these mistakes myself when I was starting out, I thought I might share what I’ve learned along the way.
Tip: Be professional and concise.
I get queries nearly every day for guest spots on this blog. I can tell almost immediately — usually from the greeting — if the writer is professional enough to write for this blog.
Here are some amateur missteps that can get your query rejected, and your pages ignored.
#1 Fake personalization or none at all.
The guest blogger queries that have me pounding the “spam” button are the ones that start, “Absolutely love your blog. I read it every day. I love how passionate you are about bathroom cleansers…” Yes, it’s good to tell the person why you’ve chosen to contact them, but not if it’s a blatant LIE.
Tip: Lying does not make people want to work with you. Look at George Santos.
Personalization isn’t required, but it helps a lot. An agent (or a blogger) wants to know why you’re contacting them. It’s much easier to personalize an agent query in the age of Google than it was when I was first querying. Yes, it’s fabulous if you met the agent at a writers’ conference last summer and discussed the return of the gothic romance over an Aperol spritz.
But if you don’t happen to have met her in person, you just have to Google the agent’s name with “interview” and you’re very likely to find out a lot about the agent. Then start your query by saying, “I’m reaching out to you because you share my interest gothic romance. I enjoyed your interview with….”
However, don’t say it if it’s not true. If you don’t write gothic romance, find something else you do have in common that relates to your book.
#2 Word Count is too high or too low.
A lot of first novelists try to get every thought they’ve ever had into one novel and end up with a doorstop of 200K words or more. That’s the novel you put in a drawer and later mine for reasonable-length books. That’s what I did. My first doorstop novel became Food of Love and The Lady of the Lakewood Diner. There are probably 3 more novels in there if I ever decide to get literary again.
What’s a reasonable length novel? It depends on genre. For a first novel, 65K (for mysteries and romance) to 95K (for fantasy) is best. “But…but…but,” you say. “What about J. R. R. Tolkien and George R. R. Martin?”
Okay. If you’re a famous fantasy author with two middle names beginning with “R” you might get a nibble. But if you’re a newbie, forget it. A publisher doesn’t want to invest all that expensive paper on an unknown.
But what if your novel is too short? A novel is generally defined as at least 50K words. Any less is a novella. But if you write short, take heart. The novella is coming back in our era of short attention spans. Some small publishers now specialize in novellas. Agents interested in novellas aren’t common though, so don’t pitch a novella to somebody who doesn’t specifically ask for them.
#3 Genre is unclear
You’re waving a big red flag if you say, “I’m seeking representation for my steampunk, coming-of-age, mystery-thriller, space opera historical romance…” If you don’t know your own genre, you’re showing you don’t know anything about the publishing industry.
With a query, you’re basically applying for a job in the publishing industry. Would you apply for a plumbing job and admit you don’t know how to use a wrench?
Educate yourself about genres before you query. Here’s a post from Roz Morris on deciding if your book is YA, NA, or adult fiction and one from me on zeroing in on your genre.
#4 You query more than one book
This was my downfall. I didn’t know this was a big no-no, and after I cut my opus down to two novels, I queried them together for at least a year. And got auto-rejects. I started thinking I must be a terrible writer.
No. I was just terrible at querying.
Why do agents only want to look at one book? Because they can only sell one book at a time. Publishers usually want to know if the first book sells before they take a chance on the next one.
#5 The pitch is disjointed or vague
One of my favorite writing gurus is Nathan Bransford, freelance editor, book coach, and former agent. He has an excellent feature on his blog on most Thursdays where he critiques queries. I’ve learned a lot from these. One of his constant criticisms is that the book description is too vague. He reminds us to be specific.
So instead of saying, “She must fight the forces of evil” you might say, “When her friend Prince Derek is imprisoned in a magical web in the Dark Castle, Dorcas must destroy the wizard powers of Derek’s evil stepfather King Drock by pouring spider venom into his ear while he sleeps.”
Nathan has a great example, with his rewrites, in this week’s blogpost.
Another common problem is the disjointed pitch: “Dorcas grows up alone in a cabin in the woods. Prince Derek wanders in the woods. Unloved and ignored by his family, Desmond is turned to stone by the evil wizard, King Drock. Prince Derek is trapped in a giant spider web. Sir Dorian steals the king’s prized Dodge Dart. Alone, Dorcas must rise up and fight the forces of evil.”
All of those things may happen in the story, but they need to be connected. And don’t bring up named characters unless they’re connected to the main storyline.
#6 You withhold the ending
Your query pitch is one place where you don’t have to worry about spoilers. Tell the story. The whole story. Don’t go into blurb territory and end the pitch with rhetorical questions like, “Will Dorcas find true love with Prince Derek and topple the evil regime of King Drock?”
Instead, say something like, “Dorcas sneaks into the Dark Castle, saves Derek, Desmond, and Dorian, then poisons King Drock. The three escape in the stolen Dodge Dart to the safety of Dorkland, where Dorcas is welcomed as the rightful queen.”
#7 Too much talk of theme and not enough story
Forget theme. An agent is not your English Lit. professor. They don’t care about theme. I know you do. I do too.
But they don’t want you to wax philosophical. They just want the story. In the final paragraph, you can mention theme in a quick sentence. But that’s not what will sell the book.
#8 Self-praise and smarmy advertising lingo
Some authors are tempted to present their book like a TV ad or a movie trailer with grandiose promises.
“You’ll laugh! You’ll cry!! Turn pages long into the night!!! In a world where nothing is as it seems, two teens fight the most evil creature in the land — the tyrannical wizard, King Drock!”
#9 Too formal or too informal
You don’t want to be so formal the letter sounds like a legal brief. Your first reader will probably be a Gen Z intern, freshly out of NYU or Brown. Write for her, rather than your law school professor or an editor at the New Yorker, and don’t overwhelm with obscure words and references.
But you also don’t want to treat the agent like an old buddy. Be respectful.
2 Tips:
1) “Hey” is not a professional greeting. Even though the person going through the slush pile is probably that Gen Z intern, text-type writing is too informal in a query.
2) A heads-up for those writing in English as a second language — “My Dear” is not a suitable greeting. It means “My Sweetheart” and has no place in a business letter. Yes, we still use the archaic “Dear Sir” as a greeting, and it’s confusing. But “Dear” on its own has a very different meaning.
#10 The query is too long
Even though people send queries by email now, the query should fit on one page. That means 250 words or less. Yes, that’s damned hard, but it can be done. Just give the core of the story in 2-5 sentences.
Tip: Instead of trying to squish your story into those few sentences, try this trick I learned from NYT bestseller Catherine Ryan Hyde. Instead of shrinking your story, start with a one sentence logline and expand from there. Here’s my post on how to write a logline. Try this formula:
When______happens to_____, he/she must_____or face_____.
Like this: “When Dorothy Gale gets tornadoed to Oz and accidentally squashes an unpopular head of state, she must find a wizard to help her get home to Kansas, or be killed by the ruler’s evil sister and some nasty flying monkeys.”
Don’t take up too many words talking about your credentials or lack thereof. And don’t mention any self-published books, unless they made a bestseller list. Only mention two or three of the most prestigious journals you’ve published in. Right now, you’re selling the story, not yourself.
Writing a query is one of the toughest things a writer has to do, so it’s worth taking the time to do it right.
by Anne R. Allen (@annerallen) December 3, 2023
***
What about you, scriveners? Are you querying now? When you were querying, did you make any of these mistakes? What’s the worst mistake you made in a query?
BOOK OF THE WEEK
THE LADY OF THE LAKEWOOD DINER
Someone has shot aging bad-girl rocker Morgan Le Fay and threatens to finish the job. Is it fans of her legendary dead rock-god husband, Merlin? Or is the secret buried in her childhood hometown of Avalon, Maine?
Morgan’s childhood best friend Dodie, the no-nonsense owner of a dilapidated diner, may be the only one who knows the dark secret that can save Morgan’s life. And both women may find that love really is better the second time around.
It’s a comedy that pokes fun at the myth of a Golden Age, making parallels between the Grail legend and the self-mythologizing of the Baby Boomer Generation.
“A page turning, easily readable, arrestingly honest novel which will keep you laughing at yourself. Who doesn’t remember crashing on a mattress at a friend’s apartment with the stereo blasting Iron Butterfly and no idea where you’ll stay the next night? A cultural masterpiece for the discerning reader.“…Kathleen Keena, author of Adolescent Depression, Outside/In
All Amazons Kobo Barnes & Noble
plus AppleBooks and GooglePlay
***
featured image by Gerard Ter Borch, 1655
That could not make it any more clear!
Going over word count is something I have never worried about. I couldn’t write a 200,000 word epic to save my life.
Alex–You should feel lucky that you didn’t overwrite. It often happens when you can’t figure out how the book ends. So you keep adding more adventures. But the conclusion never comes. That’s another reason they don’t like long books. They think you’re probably not ready for prime time.
Hi Anne,
Well done. I’m not a huge fan of writing queries, but over the years they’ve improved — largely due to nudges by folks like you. Keep up the good work.
CS–Writing queries is not fun. I don’t think anybody enjoys them. But we learn along the way. .
” If you don’t know your own genre, you’re showing you don’t know anything about the publishing industry.” Oh Anne – this is pure gold. If only new writers would take it to heart. I can’t tell you how many times students have said to me, “but I don’t want to be pigeon-holed…” As if it somehow impinges on creativity. That might be true, but we live in a world where books are a business. Great post!
Melodie–That’s it. They want to be artistes, not money-grubbing business people. They don’t realize that all the “classic” writers and artists were also good marketers. That’s why we’ve heard of them. Look at Byron and Dickens, not to mention Dali and Picasso.
Excellent tips, Anne, and I laughed out loud when I read your example for Tip #1. Catherine Ryan Hyde’s formula: superb. I’ll be sharing this on Bluesky and Facebook.
Kathy–What? You don’t think I’m passionate about bathroom cleanser? 🙂 Thanks for sharing on your social media!
Great timing for me! I am writing the final edits of my latest novel and thinking of querying agents. Thank you for this post.
Patricia–I’m so glad this is timely for you!
Anne—Super list and great advice! One other item: PleasePleasePlease skip the cutesy approach. Pro editors do not want to consider subs decorated with ribbons, stickers or cartoon animals. What!? You think it doesn’t happen? Have mercy on us!
Ruth–OMG, I’d forgotten about cutsie submissions. I remember when I was getting all those rejections and a friend in marketing told me to use hot pink envelopes and put a little glitter inside (!?) Stickers and ribbons sound almost as bad. Do they think editors are 7-year-olds?
My worst mistake: I addressed my query letter to the wrong editor. It’s very important to address you letter to a person not a position, but make sure it’s the right person–and check and double check the spelling of the first and last name.
Leanne–I did that too. I think that may be the most common mistake there is. And once I made a typo in the header. Those are simple mistakes anybody can make, but they don’t make you look good, that’s for sure. Another thing I’ve heard agents complain about is when queriers mis-gender them. It’s always better to write to “Pat Jones” with no title, rather than “Mr. Pat Jones” when Pat stands for Patricia.
Tip#1–I always try to personalize the greeting. One thing I find frustrating is nowhere on the publisher’s website (this is mostly e-anthologies) are the names of the editor(s). I hate having to resort to “Dear Editor,” but I have no choice…or do I?
Tip#2–I finished my NA novel at 300,000 words. I knew right away that I would get no takers, so I split it into two novels of about 97,000 words. The rest is still in my documents; but will probably never see the light of day.
Fred–Sometimes you can’t personalize. Anthologies often have different editors in different years–or even months. If they haven’t had time to put it on the website, there’s nothing you can do.
Sounds as if your doorstop novel had the same fate as mine. It was several books in one, some of which weren’t ready for prime time.
I’ve queried Indie publishers before, but never an agent. But thanks for the tips. Agents may be a bit more exacting in what they require, so it’s nice to know all the gotchas.
My current WIP is about a down and out private investigator on a distant planet. I’ve tentatively given it the genre of Space Noir. Who knows, maybe it’ll catch on.
As for novellas not being an easy sell, hopefully that will change. These days my poor old brain just can’t seem to wrap around an 85k to 100k manuscript, but I keep trying. Maybe this old girl has got one more left in her.
Hope you had a stellar weekend.
Brenda–These rules are pretty much the same whether you’re querying an editor, agent, blogger or reviewer. “Space Noir” is clever, but you want a category that’s on a shelf in a bookstore, (or a virtual shelf on Amazon) so I’d call it “science fiction” and mention Space Noir in the final paragraph. Novellas are growing in popularity. Melodie Campbell’s Goddaughter series is made up of novellas, published by a Canadian publisher. They can fit in your pocket and are perfect stocking stuffers. 🙂
This list is pure gold. I laughed so hard at “Absolutely love your blog. I read it every day. I love how passionate you are about bathroom cleansers…” Glad I wasn’t drinking coffee when I read that.
I’ve heard from agents about their names being misspelled and even being followed around at writers’ conferences by overly eager authors. I had never heard of the glitter though. So funny.
Kay—Ruth here politely butting in. How about sliding a query under under the dividing wall of a ladies’ room stall? Think it didn’t happen? You’d be sososo wrong. True story.
Kay–I genuinely get those queries at least once a week. Marketers have to be “passionate” about everything these days. And oh, yes, agents even get accosted in the ladies’ room at writers conferences. I’ve seen it happen. And the glitter did too. I think at least that fad has been squelched.
“No ribbons, stickers, or cartoon animals.” Damm! No wonder my queries haven’t worked. Late Happy Sunday wishes, ladies, and – yes- I have been drinking.
Garry–And no glitter! Don’t forget the glitter.
The query letter was/is tough but the 3-sentence blurb required by the publisher is worse. Torture devices! As to word count, before I knew better, I merrily filled up three floppy discs with my first, um, masterpiece to the tune of 180,000 words.
Good, concise advice, Anne, as always!
Yvonne–Publishers used to write those in house. My first three publishers did. If you’re writing your own blurb, follow the guidelines for a pitch here, but leave out the spoilers. I agree. They’re a major challenge to write for your own book.
I totally relate to that doorstopper tome. My first was about that long. And yes, it was on floppy disks. I kept my ancient laptop that reads floppy disks, just in case I want to read the thing again, but so far, I haven’t had the urge.
Thanks Anne, this article was perfectly timed for me: after radio silence on multiple queries, I’m going to completely revise my approach (and hope that it is, in fact, my query letter and not the manuscript that’s the problem!). Fingers crossed for 2024…
Tamsin–I’m so glad this helped. Best of luck in 2024!
This is SO helpful! Thank you for this. I’m not ready to write a query letter yet, but I’ll definitely come back and reference this post when I need it.