by Anne R. Allen
Social media etiquette? Does such a thing even exist anymore? When on any given day your eyeballs can be hit with posts glorifying genocide, disinformation, and alpha-thug rapists and traffickers?
The answer is yes. Even though social media feels more and more like an airplane headed for a large mountain, piloted by a tantrum-y two-year-old. And, as the New Yorker pronounced this week, social media just isn’t fun anymore.
If you are on social media to reach readers, you still need to appeal to those readers. And most readers tend to be more civilized than the average Neo-Nazi or Russian troll. If you’re hoping to reach other writers, the same is true. The writing community hasn’t changed because the bluebird of happiness has been murdered and somebody is giving your data to the Chinese secret police.
We still expect others to be respectful. (And some of the writing community is moving to BlueSky. Ruth and I have been invited to join. I hope to see some of you there. Follow me @annerallen.bsky.social.)
The #1 Rule of Social Media Etiquette is Still: DO NOT SPAM
Last week I visited my X-Twitter page to find dozens of “Buy My Book” spam posts. It seemed some moron had tagged me and 20 other people with his book spam, and everybody responded with their own spam, and my feed was a mess. I sent a “Please don’t spam” response, and somebody replied. “This is one of the perks of Twitter. They tell you who to follow, so we have names of people to tag.”
So wrong on so many levels.
I assumed this guy had recently arrived from a galaxy far, far away and had no idea how X-Twitter works. I responded that a suggestion of a person to follow was not a license to spam that person, and he would make enemies, not sales. I muted the conversation and reported him for spam.
But this week I’ve had a barrage of this stuff from more complete strangers — all writers. Most posts say “see my profile for the code.” Either this is some kind of game, a scam, or both. And sheer idiocy.
Seriously, annoying people with scammy spam is NOT how to sell books on this planet.
Soon after, I got 2 DMs on Facebook with guilt-trippy “buy and review my book” messages. Again, I gently tried to tell the new writers this was spam and NOT the way to sell books. Then they wanted to know how they should sell books.
Read our blog, I suggested. “Oh, no. I don’t have time for blogging” they said. Are there still people who think they need to have a blog to read a blog?
Ignorance is not a good look. Authors are supposed to know stuff. Here’s How Not To Spam.
#2 Never Respond to a Review Online
No matter how unfair. Just. Keep. Quiet. You can’t please all the people all of the time.
We need reviewers, so treat them with respect. Even if you’ve paid for a blog tour and were led to believe the bloggers would give you positive reviews and they didn’t. Honest reviewers can’t guarantee a rave.
Everybody gets rotten reviews. You have just joined a club that includes every successful author who ever lived.
So go read some rotten reviews of great books . Then go offline and do your mourning in private. Buy chocolate and/or wine and call your BFF. Go out to your local pub and imagine the reviewer’s face on the dart board — anything but respond online. You’ll not only embarrass yourself, but you may attract vigilantes who will try to destroy your career if you complain.
I satirized this phenomenon in my novel So Much for Buckingham, where an author’s unwelcome response to a bad review actually leads to murder.
Amazon has recently been more responsive to complaints of troll reviews as they fight review “swarming” (where 100s of haters give 1-stars to some author they want to “cancel” for a perceived transgression.)
I had a troll stalking me earlier this year — and she left some nasty one-star “reviews” on a couple of my books. But Amazon removed them within days after my readers complained. So there is hope.
BTW, don’t ever pay for a review. Even prestigious outfits like Kirkus can be iffy. Amazon has recently shut down a Chinese review farm and kicked some of their customers off the site, so beware. If you’re caught paying for — or trading — reviews, you can be kicked off Amazon for life.
#3 Don’t Whine about the Stupidity of the Reading Public or the Unfairness of the Industry.
If you constantly go on about how stupid readers of popular fiction are, or how ebooks are the worst thing that ever happened to civilization, be aware you’re alienating a huge segment of your potential audience.
Yes, you have an MFA and you’ve read Proust in the original French and you’re furious because you’re flipping burgers even though you’ve written the next On the Road/Ulysses/Work of Staggering Genius. But putting down readers won’t change that. Save that stuff for the local coffeehouse where you can commiserate with your fellow proto-post-post-modern-neo-deconstructionists.
This caveat includes detailing rejection woes. I still see a few writing blogs that chronicle the writer’s history of rejection. Guess what? Agents see them too. That can be an automatic reject. You’ll look like a potentially troublesome client.
And if you end up self-publishing, that stuff will make you look as if you chose your path because your book wasn’t good enough, not because you embrace entrepreneurship.
This is a tough business, no matter how you publish. Most authors go through 100s or even 1000s of rejections before they get a book deal, and most self-publishers spend years building a substantial readership.
Whining will not sell books. Get off the Internet and go write. 😊
#4 Dissing Another Author is Bad Social Media Etiquette and Really STUPID.
Your fellow authors are not “rivals.” They are colleagues. Authors who band together do better than antagonistic loners. In fact the number one thing a beginner should be doing on social media is getting to know other authors in your genre and subgenre and making friends. (And this does NOT include tagging writers you don’t know with nonsensical stuff like “see my profile for code.”)
A really effective sales tool is the multi-author 99c sale. Early on, I participated in a 99c sale with other comedy-mystery authors and it got my boxed set on the humor bestseller list where it stayed for 8 months. A few years later I participated in a joint sale with some heavy hitters like James Scott Bell and K. M. Weiland and my blogging book soared to #1.
Authors who band together get their books in front of the fans of all the authors in the group. Supporting each other is fun and profitable.
But note: “Support” does NOT involve demanding that other authors market your book for you by spamming their Twitter stream or FB page.
It also does not mean tagging other authors as members of your “launch party” on Facebook if they haven’t agreed to join.
It also should not include begging for a “mention” on somebody’s blog or other social media if you have no relationship with them. Establish a relationship first.
I’ve seen indies whine that their fellow authors weren’t doing enough marketing for them and hadn’t bought their books. That’s not asking for support — it’s being a brat. Unless you have a “how to write” or book-marketing title, your fellow authors are not your audience.
#5 Never Argue With a Drunk or a Fool (or a Robot.)
Internet bullies are both drunks and fools. They’re literally drunk on their own rage. Rage can trigger endorphins that create a high similar to cocaine or meth.
How far do you think you’d get using reason and logic with a crazed tweaker on the street? Right. Then don’t try it on the Internet. Even if they are wrong. Because guess what? They almost always are.
A famous 2008 cartoon from xkcd said it all. A guy wouldn’t go to bed because “Someone is WRONG on the Internet.” Yup. There’s always somebody wrong on the Internet. And you can’t do anything about it.
Also, remember a whole lot of nasty comments on social media come from robots. They may be programmed to get people to engage by saying outrageous things.
When you encounter Internet unpleasantness, take a breath, verify facts, and don’t let your outrage get triggered.
When cybermonkeys start tossing verbal feces around a forum or blog, treat it like any other pile of poop.
- Carefully walk around it.
- Realize you don’t have to tell anybody what it is. Its stink will give it away.
- Call maintenance (report abuse)
- Go someplace cleaner.
You might want to send private messages of support to victims, but don’t stand up for victims in cyberpublic no matter how much your inner Atticus Finch is hurting to speak.
I didn’t follow that advice once, and it took me years to scrape that stuff off my shoe.
#6 Do not Use Private or Direct Messages with Strangers
Using social media Direct Messages for spam is a big no-no, as I said in #1, but using them to beg for favors or chat up a stranger is just as rude.
DMs are like text messages. You need to already know the person you’re messaging. The only people who use DMs on strangers these days are those loverboy-romance scammers who message you, “How are you doing today?” right after they trick you into accepting them as friends (and right before they hit you up for $2000 to bail them out of a Burkina Faso jail.)
If you don’t want to come across as a scammer, don’t send a DM as soon as somebody friends you. Interact with them on their page by commenting on posts.
Sending a DM to a stranger is like barging into their living room uninvited. Don’t be surprised if the response is negative.
by Anne R. Allen (@annerallen) October 15, 2023
What about you, scriveners? Have you run into bad social media etiquette recently? Do you have any more tips for this list? What’s the breach of social media etiquette that annoys you the most?
BOOK OF THE WEEK
SO MUCH FOR BUCKINGHAM: Camilla mystery #5
This comic novel — which takes its title from the most famous Shakespearean quote that Shakespeare never wrote — explores how easy it is to perpetrate a character assassination whether by a great playwright or a gang of online trolls.
Camilla makes the mistake of responding to an online review of one of her etiquette guides and sets off a chain of events that leads to arson, attempted rape and murder.
And there’s a cat.
“Laughs and social commentary abound in this global adventure. Camilla Randall, a down-on-her luck-socialite-turned-etiquette-expert, takes on review cyberbullies while her friend Plantagenet hunts down the ghost of Richard III. Anne R. Allen has given us a hilarious satire that pokes fun at some dark topics. And we get a mini refresher course in English history to boot.”–Maggie King
Available in ebook from:
All Amazons Kobo Nook Smashwords Googleplay Scribd
Available in paper from:
AmazonUS AmazonUK Barnes & Noble
Audiobook from Audible and iTunes
#2 ! I saw someone yesterday or the day before post a screenshot of a 1-star review they didn’t like (I assume it was for their own book, but all the info had been removed) with a comment to NOT ever leave a review if you don’t like the book. Apparently this person felt it was just to be cruel. No no no. Readers are allowed to have their own opinions, even if the author doesn’t like it.
DD–Not a good move for that author if the post could be seen by everybody. I think there are FB groups where authors share nasty reviews just for the lols. As long as it’s a private group, that’s probably an okay way to let off steam. As far as not leaving negative reviews, that’s unfair to readers. If you know a certain group of people will not like this book, it’s okay to say so. It’s not okay to make personal attacks on authors, though. Unfortunately, reviewers do it and mostly we have to grin and bear it. Sometimes our readers will report it to the admins and sometimes the attack review will be taken down. I got a bunch of reviews a few years ago from somebody who thought I should be sued for having a character with a similar name as a real crime victim. The crime had happened 10 years after the character first appeared in print, and eventually the “reviews” disappeared. But if I’d complained myself, I don’t think anything would have happened.
All excellent advice, Anne. It seems that “etiquette” has been dropped from the vocabulary of many people on social media and everywhere else.
I’m happy to see you at Bluesky, which so far seems to have avoided the trolls.
Kathy–The amateur sleuth in my mysteries is an etiquette expert who often laments that fact. But people’s bad manners often give her a clue to what they’re really up to. Yes, so far, I haven’t seen any verbal poop on Bluesky. I hope it continues to be a haven for those of us who’d rather communicate than fight.
Great advice for everyone, not just authors.
I’ve seen those complaints about bad reviews and authors don’t make a point, they just appear petty. Not a good look.
Also, joining groups on FB and such won’t necessarily help sell your book. Yes, it’s wise to make author friends and collaborate, but we need readers and if the group is primarily authors, it’s best to not complain and widen the scope.
It’s bad form to join another author’s group then spam your own books. I love to support other authors, and don’t mind the occasional post, but it’s good etiquette to ask first. I had to remove a certain author because she wouldn’t stop.
Also, many sites use algorithms where if you don’t post consistently your posts may not be seen even if someone follows you. You fall to the bottom of the list and it’s hard to climb back out.
I tend to follow the old rule of “if you can’t say something nice, say nothing at all” when it comes to other authors.
Thanks again for this excellent reminder of do’s and don’ts.
Brenda–I think those author groups on FB are just for letting off steam and commiserating, not for selling books. Marketing to authors isn’t very efficient. Much better to join groups where they discuss your genre, even if it’s TV and film rather than books.
Spam is always bad form, especially on another author’s page or group. It’s infuriating when people spam my page. I block them immediately. Posting friendly, positive, or funny content is always the best way to get engagement in social media. Endless whining is the kiss of death. I might have been considering a book, but when I see the author complain of low sales, I figure the book isn’t very good and give it a pass.
Great post, Anne! Boy, has my experience mirrored yours. I particularly like your line, to walk around poop. Unless you want to die on that hill, don’t respond. In fact, I really don’t look at my book reviews unless my publisher or agent point them out to me. I figure, if I’m still get contracts, my books are still selling. Bad reviews just stop me from writing, and thus don’t serve me at all.
Melodie–Sometimes bad reviews can sell books. I remember one that said “It’s as if the author intends this to be funny!” (a review of one of my comedy-mysteries) I think that was a selling point to readers looking for comedies. But the poop is everywhere online and we just have to ignore it. It’s amazing to me that so many people are so angry and joyless that they have to be nasty to strangers on the Internet.
Regarding #2: I actually got lightly trolled by another reviewer who took exception to a review that I left for a book (back in the day, there was no minimum dollar cap to spend on Amazon). Fortunately, one of his posts got removed by Amazon and my review was defended by yet another reviewer.
I believe the only author I “dissed”, at least indirectly, was Robert Jordan. His multi-volume fantasy series got me so annoyed that I actually stopped reading fantasy for about a decade.
Overall, I still practice the advice given to me by a popular author that I used to follow: “no one is forcing you to read/watch/listen to anything. you can always scroll by/change the channel”.
GB–Of course we don’t have to keep reading something we hate–I’m so amazed when people do. One of the great things about having a sample chapter or two we can read before we buy means we’re not guying a pig in a poke. I’m amazed by reviews that say things like, “I hate rom-coms. One star,” when they had to know it was a romantic comedy, because it said so on the cover! But a review that says “this didn’t have a happy ending, so I don’t think it’s really a rom-com” is helping other readers steer clear of something they won’t like.
The post at the IWSG site tomorrow is almost identical to this one – I promise I wrote it Saturday!
Alex–Obviously great minds think alike. 🙂 I’ll have to check out your post tomorrow!
Excellent reminders, Anne — and curiosity sent me via your link to Kathy’s site, where I followed her instructions to join the waitlist on Bluesky, ordered some books, found news (eventually) about a new release of old, just-discovered stories by T. Pratchett and ordered it, then found another book on etymology, a recent interest triggered by Mr Wordmonger… then came back here to thank you for the great post. Only spent an hour in the journey… thanks!!! :O)
Maria
Maria–So I sent you down a rabbit hole? Sounds like a good one. So far, Bluesky seems very civilized. I think you’ll like it. And my goodness, new stories from Terry Pratchett? I must check that out. Mr. Wordmonger is a treasure trove of language information isn’t he?
So, in a nutshell: Be polite and use your brain? What a time that people need to be reminded of this – though I guess it has always been that time, sigh.
#4/5 While I agree, I’d like to add that I value authors who call out bullshit, especially other authors’ bullshit online, basically acting as watchdogs. It’s not for the faint of heart, but I find it both important and educational, as a reader and aspiring writer. I don’t think I have the thick skin needed for this – one of the reasons I’m not sure to start a blog myself. I tend to not suffer fools gladly…
Always great advice, Anne. Sadly the people who most need lessons on how to behave in a civilized, courteous, adult manner never seem to realize they have a problem. Ignorant, arrogant, and proud of it. Sigh.
I’ll do my small part to share this on TwitterX. If just one person realizes the good lesson, it will be great.
Debbie–You’re so right. There are people who pride themselves on being lowlife scum. Many thanks for sharing this! I don’t suppose Elmo will let many people see it, since he is purposely turning XTwitter into a haven for lowlife scum. But I keep trying…:-)
Thank you for sharing the New Yorker article. Over the past year in particular I’ve become increasingly bored with social media. I’m glad it’s not just me.
I’ve seen an increase in DMs on Facebook from strangers trying to solicit me for something. I think social media is due for a paradigm shift. What do you think about Substack?
Liz–I was glad to read that too. It’s not just us. Yeah. They’ve discovered that it’s much easier to send a DM through your author (business) page, than your “friend” page so I get tons of nonsense over there.
Since I’m not a billionaire, I hate Substack. I think making people pay to read your author blog and even your newsletter is just a way of losing readers. Several of the authors I followed have done this. Now I have to pay to help them choose their next cover or read a blurb about the next book. No thanks! They’re Shooting themselves in the font, I’d say.
Yes.
Kindness. Thanks so much for pushing this radical concept that kindness might actually be a good thing for all involved.
CS–Yes! Kindness is an excellent marketing tool and gives you a good ROI. 🙂
Yes, yes, yes, to all of it, Anne! I’ve even had strangers VIDEO CALL through FB Messenger. The nerve of some people. And don’t even get me started on the new writers who feel like I should support their writing dreams because I’ve been in this biz longer. What???
Sue–I’ve had a couple of the loverboys try to video call me. Talk about bad manners! (We should always text first for permission before making a video call so the person is presentable, according to the Washington Post.) And oh, my the whiners who think more successful authors “owe” them. Some of them don’t even read my books. They just want free writing and marketing tutoring. They won’t even read my advice on the blog–that’s too much work for them. I have to do all the work. They want me to spoon-feed them every word in emails. I’m afraid I often send these people to spam.
Great suggestions. I hadn’t a clue this stuff was going on!
Patricia–You are lucky. This nonsense of tagging strangers with the notice about the “secret launch code” is escalating. Two in my X notifications this morning. Always from a profile that’s only been on X for 2 or 3 days. I don’t know what it’s about, but it makes me furious. I keep reporting them for spam, but they just create another account. Grrrr. And the catfishing loverboys never let up on Facebook. I must get one a day. Be grateful they don’t have you on their radar yet.
To be honest, I think Substack is geared more towards writers/journalists who aren’t looking to sell books, only to make money with their writings. I know quite a few people on Substack, and I believe they find it easier to work with than Patreon.
GB–You’re right. I shouldn’t have said I hate Substack. It’s fine for people who want to blog for money. But for authors with books to sell, I think it’s a punch in the nose to your readers.
Great article and not just for authors. Not sure how your blog ended up on my screen, but glad it did. Look forward to reading more.
Londie–Welcome! I don’t know how my blog posts wander about, but they seem to show up in unusual places. Good to see you here.
Thank you, Anne. I feel exactly the same way about “monetizing” anything I want to share with other people. I was considering a permanently free Substack, but I don’t know if it would be a good return on my time investment.
A very timely post. As an author you should never engage with anyone combatively and avoid talking about politics and sex! I got a one star review on a book that averaged well about four stars. The comment was: this writer doesn’t know anything about history. I spent four years researching, so I laughed! What else can you do!