by Ruth Harris
You worked hard. You pored through reference books, consulted Google and maybe even — gasp! — went to the library to do research.
And you made certain the characters were dimensional and well drawn. You spent time creating a solid, intriguing plot and writing zingy dialogue. You paid attention to your beta readers, worked with an excellent editor or maybe even two, and you hired a first class cover designer.
But.
Those reviews! They weren’t what you dreamed of, because readers didn’t finish the d*mn book.
Why not?
What went wrong?
You want to avoid the dreaded DNF (Did Not Finish) tag. But how many books have you started and maybe even liked, at least at first, but eventually put aside and gave up on?
What happened?
Why did you lose interest?
What made you give up and find something else to read?
What were the barriers between yourself and a great reading experience?
Are you sure you haven’t made any of the same mistakes?
Really sure?
Deadly writer sins #1. Location, location, location.
I know. Sounds like a real estate agent run amok, but we’re selling books here, not condos and, in books, location matters, too. A lot.
Where are we?
In Paris or on Planet Klürff?
Or are we just plain lost?
Is the GPS broken? Did Google Maps screw up?
Why are these people in Chapter 1 speaking French? You know, bonjour and merci.
And in Chapter 2, why do they say Zxxxyq and Pzyeef when they really mean hi and thanks?
Oh, duh! The scene moved from Paris to the remote, mysterious Planet Klürff on an outer ring of Saturn.
The reader will eventually figure out that the scene has shifted, but the initial confusion annoys him/her. Why didn’t they tell me right away?
The fix: Clue them in.
When the scene shifts from Paris to the Planet Klürff, or from Chicago to Siberia, a brief alert at the top of each chapter or part will do the job.
A great example occurs in the current bestseller, The Weight Of Ink, Rachel Kadish’s historical fiction about two women who live four hundred years apart — in the 17th century and early part of the 21st Century. The author of this intricately plotted story sets the time and place at the start of each new part and chapter, immediately alerting the reader as to time and place.
November 2, 2000,
London.
Then:
November 15, 1657
9 Kislev, 5418
London
With the help of G-d
Pay attention to Rachel Kadish’s approach. Every book involving different times or settings will profit from this technique. You will save your reader confusion and irritation — which can be fatal when it comes to reader satisfaction.
Ditto if you’re writing a book with multiple characters or POVs.
Start Parts or chapters with the relevant character’s name: Sue or Jim, Muhammed or Françoise. Your reader will appreciate it — and your book.
Deadly writer sins # 2. Thou shalt not double cross your reader
Do not double cross your reader. Ever.
Stick to your genre. Learn its tropes and conventions — and use them to your advantage.
Thriller readers want thrills, romance readers want romance, mystery readers want a mystery. Do NOT let them down. Period.
Here is one area in writing — other than spelling and grammar — where the rules matter.
To be specific here are the no-nos:
- There are no tears, tragedies, or unhappy endings in romances. If you write romance, readers buy your book for the HEA and that’s what you’d better provide. Or else.
- Nix the tearing up in tough-guy noir. Hard edges, damnit! (But lacy lingerie? Go for it!)
- No blood and guts, severed limbs, or xxx-rated steamy sex in a cozy mystery.
- No stopping the plot for a weepy heart-to-heart confession in action thrillers. The reader doesn’t care about the MC’s crappy, traumatic childhood.
- Forget that “revelation” at the end. The one that reveals the whole book, the characters, their trials and tribulations, was the MC’s dream. Your goal here is compelling fiction, not a shaggy dog story.
Don’t think you’re being “creative” when you subvert the reader’s expectations, because, if you do, the person you’re double crossing is yourself.
Deadly writer sins #3. Jargon, lingo and acronyms.
Half of your espionage thriller takes place at IBM in 1953, the other at FaceBook in 2022.
Most of the characters are techies. A few might be billionaires. Some could be digital pioneers, others twenty-first century evil doers doling out deadly misinformation.
Your fabulous plot and characters will let the reader sort out the good guys from the bad guys. Eventually.
But, before the final showdown, comes the all-important set up.
Sometimes they talk acronyms — TCP/IP or ARPANET — only they understand.
Or you’re writing a sports romance.
Yes, drop in a few MVPs, slices, drop shots, and triangle defenses, but remember, a little bit goes a long way to make your setting and characters feel authentic.
A lot? That would be a no-no.
Your reader, who’s looking for spies and double crosses or heat and sizzle, will get lost, bored or hopelessly confused..
S/he will close your book and ding you with a dreaded DNR.
Deadly writer sins #4. Overstuffed & undercooked dialogue.
Overstuffed—
Here’s a perfect example from Anne 😉 :
“As you know, brother Bob, our parents were killed in a car crash on the I-95, caused by a bull moose who mistook a Gremlin for a hot female. Our parents, Lucille and Doug, loved the Red Sox, so we go up to Fenway Park every year to honor their memory. But now an evil mastermind is planning to paint-bomb Fenway, and we must reach Boston in time to warn the mayor.”
Yeah. Bob knows that. And the reader has been taken completely out of the story.
And, yup, the author better learn how to wield the art and craft of backstory.
Besides, I’ve heard plumbers make more money. A lot more.
Undercooked (and half baked)—
“Did you get the aspirin? This headache is killing me.”
“Yes, I got the aspirin.”
“And the hamburger buns?”
“Yes, I got the hamburger buns.”
“Did you remember to stop by Elaine’s house? She said she had something for us.”
“No, I didn’t remember to stop by Elaine’s house. I didn’t remember that she said she had something for us.”
Who’s speaking?
What’s the point?
Did the author even have a point?
Is this code?
Like, about what?
Uh, really?
Please, have mercy on your poor, defenseless, soon-to-be-ex-readers and avoid these 4 deadly writer sins.
For more on dialogue, Ruth goes into details with He Said. She Said. Here’s Anne on the uses of indirect dialogue.
Top-Secret Bestsellers’ Tip.
Which brings us to the pro author’s key to bestselling fiction: The vitally important first line — and last line — of every chapter.
There is one purpose to those first and last lines — and that is to catapult the reader from one chapter to the next, from one page to the next.
IOW make them an offer they can’t refuse.
What the pros do — and what you should do, too — is to create irresistible flow-through that compels the reader to turn the page.
What you’re aiming for are reviews that say, “I couldn’t stop reading.”
Or, “I couldn’t put it down.”
Or, I stayed up way past my bedtime because I couldn’t wait to find out what happened next.”
No matter what genre you write, the first sentence of every chapter should be a seduction. It can be in the form of an invitation. A declaration. A tease. A promise. A jolt. A shock.
The first sentence can offer a change of pace. A slowing down when you want to give your reader time to pause after the action has been non-stop bang-bang. Or the opposite: when the story needs acceleration when some action is required.
The last sentence of every chapter (and scene) should be a cliffhanger — a question to which the reader must find the answer, a tense, unresolved situation, or dialogue interrupted just as a crucial point is about to be revealed. The goal is to compel the reader to read “just one more page.”
Here are two exemplary first lines.
Joe Konrath, Dirty Martini
“He calls himself the Chemist, but he isn’t a chemist.”
Someone’s gonna stop reading? Of course not. Reader has got to know if he’s not a chemist, then what is he?
Here’s Anne in Sherwood Ltd—
“I managed to call 911 and keep calm until the police arrived and paramedics took away the footless body.”
What!? A reader is going to put down the book and go to the fridge for a snack? Mais, non! A footless body? How’d that happen? And who did it?
Now check out last lines that compel the reader to read “just one more page.”
Marie Force Fatal Affair
“I called you,” he said softly. “For days after that night, I tried to reach you.”
“I didn’t know,” she stammered. “No one told me.”
“It doesn’t matter now. It was a long time ago.”
But if his reaction to seeing her again after six years of thinking about her was any indication, it did matter. It mattered a lot.
Someone’s gonna think meh, and turn on Netflix after that? Really? He’s been thinking about her for six years? And she had no idea? Wow. What happens next?
This is RH in Park Avenue Blondes—
Our heroine, Blake, learns her handsome, sexy, ex-cop husband, Ralph, has been shot and rushed to the emergency room. Her mind races as she waits to hear from his surgeons.
“Anxious thoughts of Ralph and the stakeout on Thirty-second Street whirled through my mind.
What’s happening in there?
What are they doing to him?
Why is it taking so long?
How is he?
Where was he hit?
Is he dead? Or alive?
Are bulletproof vests really bulletproof?”
Reader’s gonna go get a glass of wine water? Or turn the page? Think not. They want to know if Ralph is dead? Or alive? Will he ever walk again? Will he be able to think or speak or make love? Readers gotta know.
The point of all this is: Help your reader in every way possible.
Use every technique at your disposal to make the reading experience smooth as satin and as easy to consume as your favorite snack.
When the setting or POV changes, tell your reader right away where they are, who’s involved, and/or ID the day or year when relevant.
Make it easy for him or her to keep turning the page.
Your readers will thank (or Pzyeef) you and they will really, really mean it.
What about you, scriveners? Are you guilty of any of the deadly writer sins? Do you fear having one of those DNF partially read books? Are you careful with the first and last lines of your chapters? Have you ever felt “double-crossed” by an author who breaks genre rules? Do you always let your readers know where they are in time and space?
BOOK OF THE WEEK
Available at Amazon, Kobo, GooglePlay, Nook, and Apple
“WOW! WHAT A STORY!”
“A master storyteller coaxed me through a maze of fascinating, brilliant, tragic, and heartwarming twists and turns, and left me feeling uplifted and satisfied. ZURI slides to the top of my favorite books of 2020!” —Sue Coletta, award-winning, bestselling author
They rescue endangered animals, but can they rescue each other?
Renny Kudrow, Director of the Kihali animal orphanage in Kenya, is a renowned elephant whisperer, a brilliant translator of animal communication. But human communication?
Not so much, thinks Starlite Higgins, the wildlife vet who Renny thinks is not up to the job.
Renny is prickly, remote, critical, and Starlite, accustomed to success, but who almost causes Zuri’s rescue to fail, is unable to win his approval.
When Renny and Starlite must work together to save the life of the baby rhino fatally wounded by poachers, they must face the shocking secrets they both hide—and the attraction they can no longer deny.
And here’s what Amazon readers are saying:
5 out of 5 stars Thoroughly enjoyed it!
Really enjoyed this sweet but important novella about a director of an African animal orphanage and a vet’s struggle to save an injured rhino calf after its mother is brutally murdered by poachers. On one level the story is a tender glimpse into the intelligent world of animals; on another it’s an expose of the tragic world of poaching and the wildlife it endangers. Add to that an engaging love story between the protagonists, and you have a delightful way to spend a few hours.
5 out of 5 stars Wow, What a Story!
The beginning cut deep. I feared and worried during the middle, and cried happy tears at the end. A master storyteller coaxed me through a maze of fascinating, brilliant, tragic, and heartwarming twists and turns and left me feeling uplifted and satisfied, but yearning for more of the lovable Zuri, quirky Boozie, majestic Maise, and the delightful Renny and Starlight. I hope there’s a sequel! ZURI slides to the top of my favorite books of 2020!
Thank you for these wonderful reminders. Some things are worth repeating over and over. Cliff hanger – cliff hanger – cliff hanger. Of course!
brad217—Thank *you!*
The cliffhanger is high on the list of writers’ secret super powers. Learning to use them well will help you, your book — and your readers. Ignore the power of the well-placed cliffhanger at your own peril!
Thanks, Ruth and Anne. Excellent as always.
Re location, location, location: Diana Gabaldon does an excellent job of keeping readers informed in her Outlander series. She does break some barriers with genre, but it doesn’t hurt her storylines.
Kathy—Thank you! 🙂
Thanks, too, for reminding me about Diana Gabaldon’s carefulness in orienting readers to location in the Outlander series. A great example of the importance of *always* keeping the reader top of mind. A detail that pays off!
Great post, thank you ????!
And yeah, those first lines. I seem to like to open with dialogue, at least for first chapters.
“Lock me in at 11pm, as usual!”
is one of those and I thought that the reader will want to find out why a person wants to be locked in every night.
One reviewer recently told me that that opening had her hooked straight away.
Lit Agent Janet Reid also always preaches about ‘killing openers’ (also in non-crime books).
Katja—Thanks for bouquet! Appreciated!
Sounds like you made just the right choice. When a reader tells you they were hooked right away, you know you’ve won! Congratulations. 🙂
Great post, Ruth. I love the suggestion of how to start and end each chapter. I try to do that. And how to correctly change POV’s is another very important rule. All your suggestions were spot on. Thank you so much.
Patricia—Glad to learn the post resonated. Thanks!
I devote an entire draft just to making sure the first and last sentences of each chapter/scene really work to draw the reader in and then on. My reward is readers who tell me “I couldn’t put it down.” IME the time and effort are well worth it.
Ruth, I grin and wince in alternation: I know you’re right and yet it still hurts! Admit it, you go for the tough-love, don’t you? Between you and Anne, it’s like nice-cop/still-nice-but-I-wish-she-didn’t-smile-that-way-cop.
Everything you say here does what you said at first- it burns patience. Readers eventually flame out and put it down. Personally I can’t think of the book I ever started and didn’t finish- probably a Catholic guilt thing- but I resented them plenty all the way home. And no sequels, of course.
Will—Yeah, yeah, but haven’t you noticed? Tough love is the love that lasts.
Besides, nice cops get the job done. Even tho our smiles don’t always persuade. Not at first, at least. 😉
Spot on, as usual, ladies! Yup, a writer’s primary job is to keep their reader turning pages and one of the best ways to stop them is through disorientation. Most of my books open each chapter with a date, time, and place locator. I’ve never heard any negative feedback about this technique, so if it ain’t broke I ain’t gona fix it. Enjoy your day!
Thanks, Garry. Good for you! Yep, details like date, time and place really matter. In real life — and in fiction.
There is an art and craft to writing page-turners. Just look at the top of bestseller fiction lists…every title there is a page turner whether the book is romance, hist fic, thriller or literary fiction. The writer’s first job is to keep the reader engaged and turning pages or else it’s straight to the DNF pile.
The examples are very helpful!
I might write science fiction but I keep it low-tech so there isn’t a bunch of jargon no one gets. That pulls me out of a story.
Thanks, Alex. So smart to keep away from too much jargon no one gets. You’re right: it pulls the reader out of the story.
Writer’s job is to keep the reader *glued* to the story. Otherwise, what’s the point?
Hey Anne & Ruth,
Another fine post filled with the Good Stuff.
Thanks once more.
CS— Awwwww! 🙂
Regarding “There are no tears, tragedies, or unhappy endings in romances. If you write romance, readers buy your book for the HEA and that’s what you’d better provide. Or else.” — Two of the best-selling romance books of the 20th century (The Bridges of Madison County and Love Story) seem to defy the rule.
Jas—Thank you for taking the time to comment.
You make an interesting point, but both Bridges and Love Story are older titles & were published as mainstream fiction so not what is generally regarded as romance. Today, a romance author would be courting peril with a downbeat ending.
BTW, both were written by men. Wonder what *that* means? 😉
Jas–Ruth is right. Those two books have never been categorized as Romance. They are love stories that were published as “mainstream” fiction. A category that, alas, doesn’t really exist now, 60+ years later. https://selfpublishingsites.com/2019/08/decline-mainstream-fiction/ I have read many rants from agents who are fed up with manuscripts that are love stories but not Romance, often written by male authors who want to break into the lucrative Romance market. But there’s a big difference. Romance must have the HEA.
Question: In the first book of a series that follows a couple for several years, would it be a mistake to color the HEA with a wee bit of insecurity in one of the protagonists, to make a reader wonder if the relationship lasts forever or is just happy for now (HFN)? Wouldn’t that entice one who enjoyed it to buy the second book? Thanks. Great post!
Wonderful post, Ruth! You wouldn’t believe how many student manuscripts I get, where the Promise to the Reader is not fulfilled. Where the writer wants to ‘trick’ the reader, in some clever way. Time and time again, I tell students, NEVER trick the reader! Don’t change the genre part way through. No one will thank you for breaking genre rules.
Melodie—Aaaargh! They must drive you crazy!
The “rules” are there for a reason. The reason is to help writers. Not give them a reason to be wise guys. Or girls.
Jeez, students, pay attention to Ms. Melodie. She knows whereof she speaks!
I have at least a half dozen books that I went DNF on for reasons too long to list. The manuscript that I’m currently rewriting is being done for various reasons, of which one was being a mega-Karen overdramtic drama queen with my prose. As I went along, a good chunk of prose was at least five times worse than your sample. In fact, the rest of the issues is much like what you gave for “don’ts”. My saving grace is that this was originally written about 7 years ago, so yeah, I were a newbie.
GB—Yeah, we’ve all been there cuz we were all newbies at one time & maybe even thought we knew what we were doing. LOL
Good luck with your rewrites! Interesting to look back, isn’t it? And great to have another chance to accomplish what we were trying to do way back when we didn’t have the skills we’ve acquired since.
Thanks so much for this post, Ruth! I sometimes worry about my editorial ‘nagging’ with clients, but your four points, and the pro-tip, confirm I’m on track. *grin*
My nags run along the lines of: ‘do you want a guide that gets you to the treasure? or do you want a guide that abandons you in the swamp and takes the map?’ Time lines are a pet peeve of mine, the author assumption that the reader will just ‘know’ when things happen…
Love your process of using one draft only for improving first and last lines! I will be adding that to my on-going author tips — plus, I can refer them to this post, while also recommending this blog, and you, and Anne, and your books.
I believe in tough love — although I call it being ‘blunt’ lololol
Thanks again for sharing your expertise…
Maria—Thanks! Happy to learn you’re adopting my approach to 1st and last lines of chapters. Matters a lot when it comes to writing page-turning fiction.
Oh, yeah, readers will “just know.” Like they can crawl into our brains and intuit our intentions. As if. 🙁
What you call “blunt,” I call “realistic.” Whatever we call it, there’s only one way writers can actually learn—and that’s to understand craft and technique before they start getting “artistic.” Or whatever they think they’re doing.
As a reader, I love books that open with an intriguing premise. Indeed, I browse that first paragraph at the bookstore to see if it grabs me.
As an aspiring writer, I am constantly reading and comparing opening lines and paragraphs to learn from them.
Excellent post, Ruth. Loved the examples.
A note on jargon and neologisms.
I have read so many science fiction and fantasy books that come with a glossary at the end. Trust me, most readers do not want to stop in the middle of the page to go back and search a term.
It is always better to write the jargon or neologism in a way the reader can imply its meaning by the narrative’s context.
Ingmar—Glad you found the post intriguing.
I certainly always read the first para whether I’m in a bookstore or on line opening the “Look Inside.” I see other people in bookstores doing the same and I assume Amazon and other vendors aren’t showing “Look Inside” for no reason.
Completely agree without you about glossaries! It’s up to the writer to make himself clear…and not expect the reader to interrupt himself to flip back. The context should make the meaning apparent.
Great reminders, Ruth. I don’t include the character’s name when I switch POVs. Instead, I ground the reader in the chapter’s first line. Quick example: Frankie flipped through the murder book, searching for how she missed a major piece of evidence—the one clue to break this case wide open.
Sue—Perfect! As with many things, there are different ways to achieve the same goal: in this case, the goal is to firmly anchor the reader.
Confusing the reader is a great way to lose that reader. Make it easy for them to get involved with your story. Don’t throw obstacles in the way. 🙁
Thanks, Ruth. Another great article with sound advice. That first line stuff sort of goes hand in hand with starting a book at the right place. If the intriguing stuff doesn’t start happening until chapter 3, maybe that’s where the book should start.
Wonderful reminders of what NOT to do. And you are correct. Never underestimate the impact of a cliffhanger at the end of a chapter. A reader will both thank and curse you for it at 3 a.m.
Brenda—Thank *you!*
Sometimes my husband wakes up at 3AM to hear all sorts of weird curses. I tell him it’s just readers letting off steam. As you say, they’re like that!
Dana—Thanks! I’d be super careful to make sure only a *very* tiny bit of insecurity shows. Would probably work to refer back to some earlier point of uncertainty in the past so the reader knows the couple has already succeeded in overcoming that bit of doubt. That way, you can either have them live HEA in the future or else go their separate ways if that’s what would work better for your series. HTH
Thanks for this amazing post Ruth and the entertainment in the lessons.:)
Thanks, DG. I appreciate your kind words. Hope the post helped! 🙂
Always 🙂
I’m thinking the overcooked dialogue isn’t so much overcooked as an info dump. Novice writers have issues learning to unfold a situation during the action that keeps the reader turning pages.
Everyone doesn’t have to know everything all at once.
The alternative is to actually write the missing chapters so the backstory becomes the story.
Adira—thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment. Yes! Learning the art and craft of backstory takes time. An info dump via dialogue is a definite no no.