by Anne R. Allen
This week I saw links to a couple of threads on social media about reader pet peeves. Then Buzzfeed weighed in, listing some of the biggest complaints from fiction readers. Some peeves are predictable but others are kind of surprising.
I do some of this stuff myself, so I was grateful to be enlightened.
Too many gastrointestinal references.
It seems readers don’t like it when, at the revelation of every new plot twist, the protagonist’s stomach gets filled with butterflies, then clenches, and afterward feels like it got punched.
Fear affects other parts of the body, too. We need to remember that. 🙂
Dialect spelled phonetically.
I’m 100% with the readers on this. I remember trying to decipher dialogue in Treasure Island when I was a kid. It was decades later, on a trip to England, that I finally found out that “summat” meant “something.” Even now, if I see something written in dialect, I skim until they get back to the story.
If you’ve heard the dialect before, you can kind of understand the phonetics, but if you’ve never heard it, the whole scene is gobbledygook.
An author can show dialect with a few well-chosen words or phrases and no funny spelling. For example, if you want to convey that somebody speaks with a Boston accent, it’s wicked easy to have him to bang a U-ey and head for Southie for a grinder without the author making him “pahk the cah.” 🙂
“Panties” is on the list of reader pet peeves. Who knew?
Apparently a whole lot of readers (as well as editors) hate the word “panties.” Readers ask that if you’re a Brit, call them knickers. (And “pants” means trousers to Yanks, so don’t go there.) If you’re a Yank, just call them underwear. Or of course, a thong if that’s what’s going on.
Unless you’re talking about a three-year old. But “undies” will do too.
Too much thinking during dialogue.
This one was mentioned in a couple of lists of reader pet peeves.
“Is it raining?” Bob said.
Martha looked at Bob and thought about how it rained all that summer after their parents were killed in that freak car crash on I-95 when a twenty-five car pile-up was caused by a confused bull moose who tried to take somebody’s AMC Gremlin to the prom….”
Put the backstory somewhere else. Readers say they just want to know if it’s raining.
The secret McGyver.
You’re more than half-way through the book, and their vintage Gremlin has gone kaput in the middle of the Maine woods while the heroine and Bob are speeding to Boston in pursuit of the villainous mastermind who’s planning to set off a paint bomb that will drench Fenway Park in Yankee blue.
Suddenly she mentions she majored in auto mechanics at the local community college, and for her, fixing the car with duct tape, Double Bubble and six Butterfinger wrappers is easy-peasy.
If your character has a superpower, let us know before she has to whip it out to save the day.
Characters giving flattering descriptions of themselves.
Readers are totally over the old “looking in the mirror and taking a flattering personal inventory” trope. It might be at the top of the list of the reader pet peeves. As one reader pointed out, real people “look in the mirror and — usually — think ‘God, I look like crap.’”
They also don’t believe most people muse about their “lush, wavy auburn hair, thick eyelashes and full lips” when they’re on their way to a crime scene.
And it seems high on the peeve list (for women, anyway) to read details about every female character’s body. One reader pointed out that everybody has nipples, so they don’t have to be mentioned every time a woman enters the room.
The truth is authors don’t have to say all that much about a protagonist’s looks. You can say more about the looks of secondary and walk-on characters–so we can tell them apart. But you don’t have to give a long, detailed description of the protagonist. All Jane Austen told us about Elizabeth Bennet was that she had “fine eyes.” But I’ll bet every reader of Pride and Prejudice has a clear mental picture of Ms. Bennet.
Give your reader’s imagination some room.
So long, Mister Mxyzptlk.
Sci Fi and fantasy readers say they’re tired of characters with names they can’t pronounce. Especially ones with numbers or symbols in them. Give your readers a break.
And hey, what if somebody wants to make your book into a film? Don’t you want Adam Driver to be able to pronounce his own name?
Awkward, insecure protagonists who are sexually irresistible.
He or she feels utterly unattractive and dorkified around the opposite sex (or whichever sex they prefer.) But the hottest person in the room is always drawn to them and immediately falls in love.
For some reason, readers don’t feel that’s altogether believable.
Chuckling, chortling, sneering, and hissing dialogue
It’s true what your creative writing teacher told you about dialogue tags. “He said/she said” is invisible. But when the characters sneer, hiss, chuckle and chortle their dialogue instead of saying it, readers say they get taken out of the story.
And you can’t sneer words. Try it sometime.
Readers also think it’s kind of self-serving when the author has the character chuckle and chortle hysterically at a joke that isn’t all that funny. Which of course the author wrote.
When an author overuses a word or phrase, especially if it’s weird.
Just because the protagonist feels dorkified around Mr. Perfect shouldn’t drive the author to discuss dorkification every time Mr. Perfect walks his undorkified self into the room.
We all have favorite words and crutches. That’s why we have editors.
Historical characters with modern sensibilities
Or who use contemporary slang. When Anne Boleyn tells Henry she’s hella mad because he’s objectifying her, being inappropriate, and not respecting her boundaries, the reader wants to chop off her head, too.
Characters who never resist an offer of sex
I was surprised to read this, but yeah, I understand. Although I think a bit of promiscuity can be excused when it’s part of a behavior pattern. My character Camilla tends to fall into bed with Mr. Wrong more often than is wise, but that’s part of her persona.
However, if all your characters have trouble keeping their pants/panties/underwear on, it might be time to cool them down a bit.
Ordinary characters who live like one-percenters
Call this the Carrie Bradshaw syndrome. These are the people with low-level jobs who can somehow afford to take exotic vacations, have a closet full of designer leather goods, and live in elegant apartments in Manhattan. Unless their parents are crazy-rich, this is unlikely. And if her parents actually are one-percenters, disclose it.
Ditto all the YA characters who get into Ivy League schools. And their parents can afford to send them.
Typos, word misuse, and grammar slip-ups.
Yeah. Readers notice this stuff. They don’t care if correcting grammar mistakes offends your muse. Or that you expect them to understand you’re making art, so you can’t be bothered with little details like getting the words right.
Surprise! Readers aren’t being judgmental or trying to stifle your prodigious artistic gifts. They simply can’t enjoy the story if they have to wade through typos, misspellings, and grammar glitches.
The reader is paying the same money for your “artistic” book as they are for a polished, well-edited one. Be respectful of them.
“As you know, Bob” -ism.
This is when authors want to get in some backstory, so they put it in dialogue.
“As you know, brother Bob, our parents were killed in a car crash on the I-95, caused by a bull moose who mistook a Gremlin for a hot female. Our parents, Lucille and Doug, loved the Red Sox, so we go up to Fenway Park every year to honor their memory. But now an evil mastermind is planning to paint bomb Fenway, and we must reach Boston in time to warn the mayor.”
Yeah. Bob knows that. And the reader has been taken completely out of the story.
Info-dumping in dialogue is not a good idea. You’re writing a novel, so you can tell the reader stuff. You don’t have to put information in dialogue the way you do in a play or film script. (And yes, it’s telling, but storytelling requires quite a bit of telling. See my post on Why Show Not Tell Can Be Bad Advice.)
Several readers also complained about characters who use each other’s names too often. This poses a dilemma for the author, I realize. If we have several speakers in a conversation, we want to let the reader know who is being addressed.
But instead of saying “As you know, Bob,” it’s better to say “She turned to Bob and said…”
It was all a dream…
Bob Newhart dropped the mic on this trope back in 1990. If you must include dream sequences—and yes, I do occasionally—make sure they are short and exist to further the plot, not fool the reader.
I’m not advising any writer not to follow the muse when creating a story. But when you’re revising and editing that story, always keep your reader in mind. Then your work won’t end up on some list of reader pet peeves.
***
By Anne R. Allen (@annerallen) March 14, 2021
What about you, scriveners? Do you find yourself falling into any of these patterns the readers complain about? What are your own reader pet peeves?
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Got a few chortles out of this post, Anne. Can see myself here, being the one who never saw a mirror he didn’t like. “Dorkified/dorkification” – new words for me and I’m gonna steal ’em. Happy Pi day!
Garry–It IS Pi Day, isn’t it? I think I may have made up the word dorkified, so steal away. Just promise you won’t over-use it!
That was one of the greatest endings to a series ever. Newhart is a genius.
I was very aware of names that are difficult to pronounce in fantasy and science fiction, which is why I made sure my own books had simple names that still sounded alien.
There are a few I’ve done, but I like to think I’m getting better.
Alex–Wasn’t that the best series ending ever? Love Newhart. Simple names can still sound alien. It takes more creativity, but your readers thank you, I’m sure.
Great post, great advice .
Aw, the demanding reader. ???? And, yes, I suppose I am one of them…
I once stopped reading a local writer colleague’s novel because the ‘as-you-know-Bob’-ism was all over the place and I was like WHY don’t we SEE how he discovers the body rather than reading how his admirer tells a third character on the phone how he had found it.
It wasn’t even backstory. We could have just ‘been’ there while it happened.
As for character descriptions: I also know that some female editors/agents don’t like it when female characters are described by their looks but male characters by what they do.
Janet Reid, for example, hates this!
Over using a word and names: yeah, in the last chapter I wrote for Living Lies (my current WIP), I have my antagonist call the protagonist ‘Petal’ quite a bit, and I’m like yikes it could be annoying. But: the girl (who usually loves this nickname) suddenly despises ‘her’ name and almost snaps. She’s annoyed by it for the first time, so if my readers were annoyed just that one time, they at least know how SHE feels. ????
Yeah, Fiancé (who is British), rolls his eyes out at me if a say, “Where the heck are my pants?”
“Trousers! TROUSERS, we say!” ????????
Thanks for this post. Will keep it in mind for my writing!! ????
Katja–I’m with you. Life’s too short for books like that. As you know Bob-sim is lazy writing. When I realize the author didn’t take the time to do it right, then I’m not going to take the time to finish reading the book.
Janet Reid is brilliant. I’ve learned so much about the publishing business and writing craft from reading her blogs. Her “Miss Snark” persona educated a whole lot of writers a decade ago.
It’s fun to have a character be annoying, as long as you don’t annoy the reader too much along the way. Sounds like you did it right.
Yeah, Miss Snarky Shark is indeed brilliant. I’ve learned from her AND made a handful of writer friends on the Reef.
She mentioned your blog a little while ago (as a good resource for something… that I now don’t remember ????) and when I recognised it was this blog, I was like “Yay, thank you for the confirmation” that Anne’s blog is another place to hang out. (It had only been a few days before that I had stumbled upon this blog here!)
You’re BOTH great personas, to be fair. Fairly similarly snarky in how you write your posts!
Maybe you’re somewhat related, lol…
I’m flattered that Janet Reid mentioned me. She was one of the first people who visited this blog back in 2009. She liked a post I wrote about bogus agents (an epidemic back then, now showing a resurgence.) I was over the moon that she’d visited little old me.
This really made me laugh, because most of them are my pet peeves too. In all my writing I’ve only had one female character look at her reflection, and she ignores it because she’s already decided she looks like a gerbil.
Pet peeves I have that *aren’t* on this list are (1) the character who can do no wrong in the author’s eyes (2) the character who has tacked-on flaws that never really seem to cause any trouble, and (3) the character who appears to have been tweaked to address every character failing the writing group complained about, so that the prose is full of little exculpatory by-the-ways and kitten-savings that have nothing to do with the plot or the rest of their character. I guess those all fall under the difference between a character being a person whose traits arise from something central, or a construction cobbled together from the outside.
I seem to be very invested in the idea of character arising from within rather than from outside forces, don’t I? Hmm.
browneps–I’m glad you brought up “writing group syndrome.” I might have to write a blogpost about all the stuff that writing groups make you do that utterly ruin the story.
The “Mary Sue” character who can do no wrong is definitely a pet peeve of mine too. I didn’t see it mentioned in the discussions I found last week, but those characters do make a whole story unbelievable.
A character who thinks she looks like a gerbil sounds fun!
Hey Anne,
I am a reader who agrees with the irksomeness of “historical characters with modern sensibilities.” This a major problem in modern teen and middle grade works. I can 100% believe that some unfortunate Neanderthal female might think, “gosh, I hate it when Borg drags me around by my hair.” However, I just can’t go there when she organizes all the other female Neanderthals into a full-fledged protest for women’s rights. It’s really a big thing to know your time period. And sure, your protagonist’s sensibilities can be a standard deviation beyond the norm, but that’s about as much as it should stretch.
CS–There’s such a fad for anachronistic “historical” stories on TV that I think YA writers and readers are confused. I tried to watch a TV show called “Reign” about Mary Queen of Scots. After 10 minutes of the rock and roll soundtrack and totally, yanno, like, anachronistic narration, I clicked away in disgust. Why they have to destroy a nail-biting story with cheesy, pointless anachronisms, I don’t know. But that may be bleeding into literature, and that’s why you’re running into it.
My ambition for a column like this is to chuckle several times, and gulp never.
Nailed it.
Well, if you excuse the dreams. But in fantasy, they can actually MEAN something!
Fabulous work as always Anne.
Will–I’m so glad you could read this gulp-free. 🙂 Dreams that mean something are useful to the plot. Dreams that fool readers into thinking something exciting is going on, only to let them down–not so much.
Amusing and right on. There are two pet peeves I have that weren’t mentioned. 1. The insta-boner like every man is a twelve year old with his hand down his pants. 2. Something I call the fireman syndrome. A building is on fire, smoke everywhere, The fireman rescues a woman (usually a redhead) and takes the time to notice the silk of her long hair cascading over his arm, the way her curves fit into his body, her thick eyelashes lying like raven’s wings on her porcelain cheeks. Her eyes flutter open and they are the most amazing emerald green.
Oh and maybe number 3. He/she is different than other kids. I see this a lot in YA.
Okay I’m done. Thanks for the reminders of what not to do. I love “dorkification” by the way.
Brenda–Haha! I’m with you on the instaboner. 🙂 And the inevitable social outcast protagonist. (And why are those damsels in distress always redheads with green eyes? I actually am a redhead with green eyes, but I have no eyelashes to speak of–typical of my coloring. Which makes us kind of dorkified.)
And dammit, we redheads with green eyes do NOT have emerald green eyes! I don’t think anyone has. Mine are Scottish racing green, or jade green. How about you, Anne?
Mine are more of an avocado green. I guess that means I’ve become a true Californian, even though I wasn’t born here. 🙂
Brenda, had to comment that I actually laughed out loud at your fireman rescue description! You have just described every YA-male-rescue-female scene in every fantasy novel by my Crafting a Novel male students.
Word misuse is big for me. There are a lot of writers used words I don’t think they know the meaning of like:
Bemused: Folks, it does not mean amusement.
Smirked: It is not interchangeable with smiled. I read a book where all the characters smirked at each other. It got kind of obvious the writer thought it was simple another word for smiled.
For the 1%ers, Dave Farland has another term for this–characters who don’t exist outside the story. They go off on whatever adventure the store requires, but they don’t have a jobs or even a family history.
“As you know, Bob” – a key way to show who’s talking without using the other character’s name in the dialogue is:
“No, I haven’t,” he said. “Not since she stalked out of here last night.”
Said is a wonderful word because, when placed after the first sentence of dialogue, it orients the reader and is not intrusive.
Linda–I’m with you. I really get steamed when words are misused. Bemused is a major one. Some I know I have to give up on, because the misuse has become the norm, like “begging the question”–which actually means avoiding a question, not asking one. Sigh. I haven’t seen the misuse of “smirk” but it would annoy me too. It’s such a great word for a snarky smile.
Wonderful and helpful post, with some funny-but-perfect examples! Thanks. I’m saving this one. And thanks for the free book, too. I’m looking forward to reading it and learning more. (My motto: Learning something new every day helps keep us young, and helps our brains stay active!)
Marcia–I hope you enjoy our book! And it’s absolutely true that learning keeps us young.
I LOVELOVELOVE this post, and not just because of the New England references! Sharing far and wide.
Martha–Thanks! I grew up in Central Maine, and I don’t get to talk about New England much, since my mysteries are set in California. But I might have to take Camilla on a vacation to Maine one of these days…
Loved this. Personally, I don’t write a lot of description of my characters. I get bored reading lengthy descriptions of faces and bodies and hair and clothes. Too much detail bores me. I like to leave a bit more to the reader’s imagination. I probably am going to get dinged for saying this, but in reference to dialects and such, I could not read THE HELP. I started to read it and I found it so irritating trying to wade through what the heck to the characters were saying that I gave up. But I loved the movie!
I agree. I find that writers often use dialect when writing dialogue for people of other races. It’s offensive and a stereotype. I stopped reading Where The Crawdads Sing because of the dialect of an African American character. People who have been in this country for centuries do not talk like that.
Rita–I know it’s nearly blasphemous to say this about Crawdads, but I thought there were lots of things in that book that were stereotyped and cheesy. The “Magical Negro” characters with their vaudeville accents were definitely unrealistic.
Patricia–I think writers have to respect the reader’s imagination a bit more. It’s become routine to describe characters’ appearance in detail, but apparently it’s not what readers want.
I think “The Help” is one of those stories where the movie was better than the book.
Loved this post, Anne, and had to say a special thanks for the link to one of my early crushes, Bob Newhart, and the best series ending ever. Back when the whole family might be together to watch the show, eh?
I’m also a BIG not-a-fan of ‘panties’… no one in my world has ever used the word, except one kinda creepy guy in high school…
Thanks for sharing your always valuable wisdom! :O)
Maria–Wasn’t it great when the whole family could get together for a TV show? My mom and I watched Newhart and Carol Burnett together and it was such a fun bonding time. We’ve lost a lot of that in the era of multiple screens.
I’ve always called them underpants. But a Mexican American friend recently introduced me to a new word “chonies”. I think it’s cute but not creepy. I think we should adopt it. 🙂
I like chonies — probably pronouncing it wrong though…
When I lived in KY, ‘drawers’ was the universal term for undies, and used more by men it seemed. The ladies went more for ‘unders’ with girls and ‘drawers’ with boys.
Piers Anthony uses “panties” in his Xanth novels as a goal to be seen by a male and concealed by a female…That’s an oversimplification.
Love Bob Newhart! What a great show back in the day. Yes, yes, yes to all your wise advice, Anne! I especially despise on-the-nose dialogue. It’s so obvious the author is info-dumping. “Panties” sounds uncharacteristic of any of my characters, so I doubt I’ve used it. Nonetheless, I’m surprised readers would point it out as a pet peeve. What type of books are they reading? LOL
Sue–True about “panties”. They’re not mentioned all that much in the books I read. 🙂 I agree that Bob Newhart was a comic genius.
All of these! As a reader and (checks computer anxiously) possibly as a writer too ????
Jackie–I certainly am guilty of some of these. I think we all are. But we can do better. 🙂
Lot of serious pet peeves as a reader. I despise one entire genre (Literary, both fiction and non-fiction) and I could write a rant about it that would make you squirm in your seats. On a smaller scale, as a reader, I have a few, but my two biggest are: 1) narrative voice that insults your intelligence/talks condescendingly to you. Doesn’t matter if it’s part and parcel of the character’s personality, to me it’s a instant turnoff. I was reading a book about a vampire set in 1970’s NYC, but the narrator’s voice for the character just felt so annoying that it simply stopped me from continuing with the book (I think I got about 15-20 pages in).; 2} Giving away the ending of the story within the first 30 pages and making the reader suffer through the next 180+ pages as the writer starts to do psychological profiles on all the suspects, plus tangents.
My daughter has many, but one she didn’t like had more to do with the blurb: Make sure that the blurb matches up with the actual story. Don’t promise something good on the blurb only to do a complete 180 and write a completely different story.
GB–We do need to feel engaged with the narrator, don’t we? Even today’s fashionable unreliable narrator has to be entertaining. Condescension isn’t entertaining to most of us.
I think I know the kind of story you’re talking about. All that “little did they know that three years later, they’d all be dead” kind of stuff. Yeah, revealing the ending kind of screws up the tension in a novel. 🙂
Dishonest blurbs are a peeve I’ve read in a lot of places. We have to be really careful not to promise what we can’t deliver.
Thanks for the accurate and entertaining list. I have a new pet peeve. Recently I’ve been reading quite a few books by English authors. I enjoy the colloquialisms and the chance to visit a charming village. My pet peeve is- the characters in these books drink tea All.The.Time. At any exciting point, when they have to tell someone something important, “I broke up with Bob”, “I’m being deported to Australia”, “The Duke didn’t dance with me”- they must have tea. And not only do they need tea before the story can continue- they have to decide they want tea, ask the other person if they want tea, boil the water, get the tea pot, steep the tea, pour the tea, agree that tea is needed to solve the problem, etc. Many times in each chapter!
Jena–Haha! There is an amazing amount of tea drinking in English novels, isn’t there? Thing is, Brits consider a “cuppa” to be the solution to pretty much everything. It wasn’t until I lived in England for a while that I realized all those tea breaks weren’t overkill on the part of English cozy mystery authors. The English really do drink that much tea. 🙂
BUT!!…as a non-coffee drinker, I get just as irritated when it seems every American anywhere must have coffee, or at least have it offered, every time he/she enters an environment.
On a side note, for those that do drink hot tea, I use a coffee maker and put in two tea bags with a full pot of water, and then often add another half pot and get much more quality (black) tea than you can possibly get the traditional way.
I write a lot of thinking in the middle of dialogue. Probably should reduce that.
Rich–I haven’t seen your work, but if you think there might be too much thinking in those scenes, you might try putting the info in another spot.
Good idea. Thanks.
I heartily agree with the unpronounceable character and planet/galaxy/fantasy world names. Nooooo. How can a reader recommend something unpronounceable? Woe to the poor audiobook narrator, too.
Carmen–Good point. If your unpronounceable word/name is in your title, you’re thwarting that old “word of mouth” build about your book. If the words don’t fit in people’s mouths, they’re not going to recommend them. 🙂
As always, Anne, funny and on point.
Word misuse irks me. Now I hear it creeping into speech as well from supposedly professional broadcast journalists. Yesterday, a news reporter bemoaned that screening mammograms are down b/c of Covid concerns and delays in diagnoses were “exasperating” underlying medical problems. Yup, nothing worse than exasperated illnesses.
Such misuse is exacerbating the decline in both written and spoken word.
Debbie–That’s a new one for me! But I’ve seen enough similar misuse that I totally relate. We do have to stop exasperating medical problems. They get so cranky. 🙂
A word mangling I first heard one of my in-laws use a few decades ago was, instead of “behaving” she said “Being hayve.” (the y is to indicate the pronunciation is with a hard a) Later I heard another in-law use it. I almost screamed. But then, (gasp) I actually read it in a published something (don’t remember length or subject or genre). As a former high school English teacher, I figuratively wept .
Fred–“Being have”? That’s fascinating. I wonder what the psycholocigal meaning might be. When you behave it’s because you “have”? As in “God bless the child who has his own” maybe?
I had a great uncle who was what Garrison Keillor calls a Norwegian bachelor farmer–who was something of a miser. Instead of the expression “he wouldn’t do that for love or money,” my uncle would say “He wouldn’t do that for love of money.” 🙂 Freudian stuff there.
Loving this conversation. Last week I posted my typo of the day on Facebook. Hero, “You looked so relaxed. I must have been a beautiful dream.” Consensus varied from, “What typo?” to “Can you keep this in?” I may have to find a way.
Valerie–Haha! Love it. I want to be a beautiful dream. 🙂
That does sum it up very well thanks Anne. One of the areas that some authors let themselves down is geographically and when reading a novel set in modern day not sci-fi, I don’t need the lead character jetting off to Hawaii from London and getting there in two hours… There are other interesting road journeys that appear to be done on a magic carpet. Terrific post. Sally
Sally–So true! I call that the “beam me up Scotty” syndrome. Like when people magically transport from LA to SF in an hour or get around a major city with no traffic. Even Fantasy novels have to have some plausible reality.
Wonderful post.
And I’m enjoying all the comments, too.
Susan–Thanks! Our readers are so great. I learn from them every week.
I was surprised that a love triangle wasn’t on there. I love writing them, but I get comments from some readers about how they hate them.
Heather–Oh, I don’t think we could write romantic fiction without love triangles. If people hate them, they must be really jaded. 🙂
Some people just don’t want to read about them.
I was in the YA demographic as Twilight became popular. For a few years afterwords, it seems like there were editorial mandates to add a love triangle to every YA novel with a big marketing budget. So many of those love triangles had obvious solutions or didn’t fit with the rest of the plot that it put me off the whole genre. I don’t mind a love triangle if it’s written well and the characters are interesting.
Loved this one, Anne! Oh, the minute description of females…do I ever relate to that one. Certainly, in my years of teaching Crafting a Novel, I have been given unwanted lessons in what men notice (and in what exacting details!) grin – All your points above are wonderful.
Melodie–Haha! Maybe you could have a class in What Men Notice and Women Don’t Want to Read About.
LMAO at the looking in the mirror and thinking “God, I look like crap.” and the people musing about their “lush, wavy auburn hair, thick eyelashes and full lips” when they’re on their way to a crime scene. hahaha.
I so get the whole everyone is rich thing. It drives me nuts. Oh, and everyone lives in New York. Seriously? There’s an entire world out there to use. I’ve never been to NY and have no real desire to go, so I certainly don’t need to read about it. Give me a nice Colorado mountains or south Texas beach (instead of Miami) any day.
Oh, but panties? Hmm… there’s a difference between underwear and panties, especially in romance. A female character might get flustered if she suddenly finds herself on a date and wondering if they’ll have sex and hoping they won’t because she’s wearing her day-of-the-week undies. She’s wishing she’d remembered to put on her black lace panties–panties, yes, because she wouldn’t wear a thong if her life were threatened. But give me a nice pair of comfortable cotton undies any day of the week.
Jeanne–Oh, those Day-of-the-Week underpants. I had some when I was a kid. Yeah, I hear you about black lace panties. Sounds a lot sexier than black lace underwear.
Great post Anne. One trope I wonder about in mysteries is the hospitality that people being questioned at home always offer the detective. Liquor is frequently offered (and declined because the cop is on duty) but coffee seems to be poured routinely. Maybe I’m just inhospitable, but I can’t imagine offering anything to the cop who’s there to ask me where I was on the night of….
Allan–The one time I had a visit from a cop I did offer him a glass of iced tea, which he declined. He was taking my report after I got my pocket picked at Farmer’s Market. But yeah, if I’d been worried about him taking me “down to the station” I probably wouldn’t have been the perfect hostess.
Ah, you really can’t beat the Sunday post. Thanks for this, Anne. Very enjoyable.
Stephen–I’m glad you found it entertaining. This one was fun to write.
Considering that I use a fair amount of Scots in my novels (a language rather than a dialect but not many will know the difference) I obviously don’t agree with that. On the other hand, it wouldn’t have hurt Robert Louis Stevenson to include a glossary, which I do. But my glossary includes archaic military terms and the terms for parts of armor and weapons as well.
And of course, I do not misspell the Scots vocabulary. Very few readers complain except that some would prefer that I put the glossary at the front of the novel.
JT–I don’t think people are talking about hating dialect, as much as hating phonetically spelled dialect. Obviously if you’re setting your story in Scotland, you’re going to need to use dialect. And as I said, you can do that with choice words, but you don’t have to spell them funny. (BTW, a “grinder” is a sub sandwich in Boston.)
Haha. So true! The first time someone offered me a “grinder” or “hoagie” I had no clue what they meant. We eat SUBS. Another good one is “barbecue” as a verb. We don’t “barbecue.” We’re “grillin’.” 😉
Sue–I grew up in New England, so of course we ate grinders. But when I went to college in Philadelphia, I had to learn to call them hoagies. It would be fascinating to find out where those names came from.
This was a fun post and I saw many that irks me as a reader.
Unpronounceable characters name ranks near the top. The irony is that common names widely use today like Jason, Helen, Hector, or Diana, come from Greek and Roman mythology. Others like Joseph, John, David, Jeremy, Daniel, Matt, Elizabeth, Mary, Rachel and Rebeca are Biblical. Hence, centuries from now they will still widely in use. No need to come up with futuristic names.
Historical characters with modern sensibilities are not only anachronistic but unbelievable. It would take me out of the story.
Likewise with the secret McGyver. It is too convenient. Besides, such convenience feel cheap. Readers like conflict, no easy solutions.
Finally, the “as you know Bob-ism” is a creative way to write info dumps but it is an info dump nonetheless. This is not the 1940s (and I bet 1940s readers did not like it back then either).
Great informative post, Anne. Thank you!
~Ingmar Albizu
Ingmar–Interesting point that old names will probably survive well into the future. You’re right. They tend to go in cycles. One generation names kids Biblical names and the next the Greco-Roman ones. Right now Biblical ones seem popular. Somebody on Twitter was complaining that every other kid is named Tobias these days. Or it would be fun to imagine a future where everybody had Aztec names or ones from Japanese folklore.
It’s true that some conventions of 1930s and 40s pulp fiction drifted into contemporary prose. It’s probably better that we let them stay in the mid=20th century.
I have to wonder if Tobias was kicked off by NCIS as he’s a recurring character.
I love how you dispense excellent fiction-writing advice with such witticism and humor, Anne! Thanks! Sharing. 🙂
Jodie–Thanks! Much appreciate the shares!
This was such a good post. I enjoyed every bit of it. And it comes at a good time for me: I’ve been away from writing, working on my new book, for over a year, due to Covid partly, and also due to a huge move. (My husband and I moved to Portugal last month.) I’m just getting back into my book, and this post was full of such good reminders of where to be careful and what to avoid. Thank you!
Elizabeth–Wow. What a dream move! Portugal is one of my favorite places. It is hard to get back into creativity when you’ve had a big upheaval in your life. I’m glad this post helps you dive in there and get back to writing.
Just a wee hint, Anne. ‘Sommat’ is a word in the Scots language not a ‘phonetical spelling of a dialect’ and Sir Walter Scott happened to be Scottish. Using words in another language than English is not the same thing.
JR–Thanks for the clarification! When I finally heard the word “sommat” it was in the English Midlands, but I guess the Lincs dialect may contain some Scots vocabulary. Treasure Island was written by Robert Louis Stevenson, but he’s a Scot, too. 🙂
Great post! Though I personally would love to be involved in painting Fenway blue ;^) the “mechanically-gifted” character is one of my pet peeves. You can’t make a little scene where that character is changing the oil filter first?
Another, also covered here, is anachronism. Oh, boy, that gets me riled up! I recently began to read a novel set in 16th century Italy, where the MC constantly said everything was “cool”. After about 5 chapters, I threw it across the room. It ultimately ended up in recycling, as I was too mad about it to donate it to the thrift store.
Gifford–Anachronisms drive me batty. There’s a fad for them in film and I guess it’s spilled over to books. Anachronistic soundtracks are a thing now. I think I’ve mentioned my disappointment at the TV series about Mary Queen of Scots that had a rock and roll soundtrack. And a recent–rather good–screen version of Vanity Fair had a Bob Dylan soundtrack. Like they didn’t have popular music in the 19th century? Research isn’t that hard, people! Do it. 🙂
This is a wonderful post. You’ve got a knack for finding the funniest phrasing.
I think the “gastronomic problem” is a version of “default expression syndrome” – when an author always uses the same body parts to describe emotions.
Other pet peeves of mine:
– very long paragraphs
– the narrative insisting two characters have different personalities when they react the same way to everything
– miscalculating time, usually seen as “Bob left for his vacation on Tuesday. He returned five days later, on Tuesday.”
– authors assuming they know how something works, so they don’t need to research (See: historical women wearing nothing under their corsets)
– in self publishing or very small presses, trying to sell a book as something it isn’t. (I once read a Family Saga which advertised itself exclusively as a romance novel. The love interests first interacted 25% of the way through the story.)
In all cases except the last one, the pet peeves aren’t universal. Some authors use long paragraphs for stylistic effect. Unreliable narrators can make characters seem distinct when a close reading reveals they aren’t. I like messing with time if it’s intentional. Authors writing long ago might not have had access to certain research tools.
M. Layton–Long paragraphs stop me, too. It’s just fashion, I suppose. But recently I read a book written in the 1920s and the paragraphs went on for days. I kept wanting to take a red pen to it and make little paragraphing marks. Continuity problems can certainly take the reader out of the story. That’s where an editor really earns their keep.
It’s interesting what you say about small presses. I haven’t run into the “false advertising” thing myself, but I’ve heard some authors complain bitterly because their publisher put a bodice-ripper cover on their literary fiction or a space ship on their fantasy novel. So it does seem to be a pattern. I hope they see the error of their ways. 🙂
And then there was the reader who complained because I didn’t describe my characters more fully! LOL You can please some of the people some of the time…
D.D. Oh, well. As you say, you can’t please everybody. But I don’t think most readers would ask for more description. They want a story.
Late to the party but as a recreational reader and a critique group reader—number one for the win. I was unable to finish Jeff Shaara’s Gone for Soldiers because by the third chapter I knew WAY too much about Robert E. Lee’s ~ahem~ delicate constitution in stressful situations.
Elias–I didn’t see “too much information” on the list of reader pet peeves, but it sure is on mine. I totally agree with you. Authors, always consider the “ick” factor before you include something, um, intimate.
I think I escape from most of those in my books, but I sure see them in others. Being British European (new status we’ve been inventing since January 1) I have trouble with naming clothes, so most of the time I don’t describe them. Especially pants. (which go under trousers).
I also couldn’t understand what that Bostonian was doing, but I did understand Pahking the car. I have recently toned down accents in my stories until my editor was happy with them, though 🙂
Fun post!
Jemima “British Europeans”–Brexit has spawned all sorts of changes, hasn’t it? Names for clothing are problematic, so you’re wise to skip them. I read lots of British fiction when I was a kid, but I had such a hard time with “jumpers”. In the US, a jumper is a kind of pinafore worn only by girls. So when boys were always putting on jumpers, I was so confused.
BTW, Americans are very weird about names of sandwiches. In most of the US, a sandwich on a baguette is called a “sub” or “submarine sandwich.” But in Boston, it’s a “grinder,” in Philadelphia, it’s a “hoagy” and in New Orleans, it’s a “po’ boy”. No I don’t have any idea why. 🙂
Yeah, ‘panties’ – huge squick factor … talk about infantilizing … and it’s only women’s underwear. Can you see an author talking about men’s panties? (excluding very specific circumstances, of course 🙂 )
Widdershins–Nice to see you here! It’s been a while. 🙂 I love the word “squick” and yes, that word is childish. Men in panties?…well maybe when you’re talking about Tim Robbins in Bull Durham…
Great post. I thought it was just me but, apparently, lots of people get their panties in a bunch reading about Underoos.
Second place goes to… “As you know, Bob”. Argh! Such a pet peeve of mine.
But, honestly, the biggest (most unforgiveable) winner is (drumroll, please): word misuse and grammar mistakes. ???? That is a deal-breaking, throw the book, DNF for me.
Sarah–“Underoos” is a great word and I think it’s much superior to “panties”! 🙂 I’m with you on grammar and vocabulary mistakes. I’m reading a book right now that has a great story, but I’m reluctant to go back to it because the author used the word “ascetic” when they meant “aesthetic”. I think this one was traditionally published, too.
I see quite a few “typos” (read as “wrong word choice”) in traditionally published books. I don’t get it. There are editors at the publishing houses, no?
Typos happen but it’s distracting to read books with lots of mistakes and, also, it feels lazy. Sounds a bit harsh but… If the author can’t be bothered, why should I?
Underoos! 🙂
Sarah–Apparently some publishing houses offer very little editing. A ms. may be run through a grammar check program, but that will catch punctuation mistakes, but not wrong word choices. I find those all the time–both in trad and self-pubbed books.
As a reader, I do agree with most, if not all, of this. I was reading a book today, and I took mental notes of how many times the author wrote pretty detailed descriptions of all the characters, including the main one (and the story is told in the first person)! And I’ve told a fellow writer many times that the way he relentlessly describes the female characters “attributes” will never endear him to female readers, but I’m not sure that he’s taken a lot of notice. I’ve also done a few translations, and hate the weird dialogue tags (and can’t help but try to hiss or chortle dialogue, and I’ve never managed yet). Dialect can be effective, but it’s difficult to do well, and it does require some knowledge and plenty of imagination as well (trying to read the text aloud sometimes help, but it requires a lot of guesswork as well). A great post! Thanks, Anne!
Olga–Translating phonetically spelled dialect sounds like a nightmare. Guesswork and creativity would definitely be required. Thanks for weighing in. I think translators and audiobook narrators probably have a full set of peeves, since you are all too aware of superfluous and badly chosen words.
I think a first person narrator should only describe people they’ve never met before. It’s silly to think a person would take inventory of their friends’ and lovers’ looks whenever they meet them. But I run into it all the time.
My pet peeve? An author who uses the same first initial to name many of her characters. I find myself going back countless times to figure out if Missy or Melissa is Marty’s wife? Or if she’s married to Matthew??? Aargggh, seriously?