by Ruth HarrisYour title is just right for your genre. Your cover is on-target, too. Perfect image, just-so font, come-hither colors. This is a cover that will end up in the book cover wing of the Louvre. You know, that premium spot right next to the Mona Lisa. Your blurb is totally irresistible. I mean, even Very Big Deal Book Reviewer for the NYT who gets every book published for free couldn’t resist that blurb. You’ve worked hard, and done everything right. The reader clicks, lands on your book page. S/he just needs that one, teeny, tiny little last push before s/he hits the buy button. But. Caveat emptor and all that jazz.S/he wants to know what s/he is getting into before spending 99c. 2.99. 4.99. So s/he checks out the Look Inside option. And, bingo! You’ve made your sale. Or have you? Or does your reader change his/her mind? Does the sale you almost made go bye-bye? That’s how important your Look Inside is. You only have one chance to make a first impression.Does your Look Inside show you all primped and polished, on your best behavior, with manners even Anne’s oh-so-polite Camilla will find impeccable? Is your grammar flawless? Your punctuation ditto? And have all the typos been cleaned up? Because if they’re not, you will lose the sale just at the crucial moment when you were about to close the deal. You didn’t go to the prom in the mangy sweats you wear to wash the dog or the car, did you? You didn’t go to that Very Big Deal job interview with spinach caught in your teeth and scuffed shoes. Did you? You didn’t show up for that first date with Mr. or Ms. Perfecto with a can of beer in one hand and a newspaper clipping of your recent run-in with the law in the other, did you? Of course not. (I hope.) Over the years, Anne and I have addressed the specific details crucial to presenting your reader with a compelling, irresistible Look Inside. Let’s take this opportunity to review and reconsider, and take a look at ways your Look Inside can fail to seal the deal—and suggest some fixes. How to write a great first sentence.Your chance to swing for the fences and grab your reader starts with the first sentence. A great first sentence—the one that launches your Look Inside—is equivalent to the bottom of the ninth, two out homer that wins the game/series/championship for the home team. Depending on your genre, you want to intrigue, entrance, delight, seduce, or freak out your reader. In how to write a great first sentence, I’ve collected memorable first sentences from Daphne duMaurier to Leo Tolstoy, from James Ellroy to Sylvia Plath to inspire you. I’ve also included a guide to a variety of approaches to the first sentence ranging from the first person introduction to the third person introduction, from the shock-and-jolt to the rule breakers. Your first sentence matters. A lot. Write it. Polish it. Rewrite it. Edit it. And then do it all over again. Just do whatever you have to do to make sure every word in that ultra-important first sentence counts. A cheat? A cliché? Or just a yawn?How—and where—to start? There are three basic no-nos—all classic beginner’s mistakes—that flunk the test.
You should also forget: The weather report beginning — “It was a dark and stormy night.” Really? Starting with a funeral. Especially the funeral starring your main character. Aaaargh. You really think your reader will identify with a corpse? Let the poor creature RIP. The exception might be a story set in the supernatural whereupon the dearly deceased immediately joins a league of zombies, ghosts, or vampires. Other than that, avoid grave-robber territory. Instead, heed Anne’s solid advice about how to write a first chapter. Here are some of my thoughts about banishing the first chapter blues. And remember to write/rewrite/revise that crucial first chapter last because by now you have finished your book and actually know what it’s about. Character clutter.Yes, you want to introduce your MC—the character you want your reader to root for—in the first chapter. If your MC has an important partner, sidekick, human or animal or robot (remember C3PO?), you also want to introduce him/her/it. And, you certainly want to introduce or at least indicate the main conflict, whether in the form of the antagonist or the Impossible Quest. Period. Resist the temptation to introduce too many characters and especially resist the temptation to introduce each new character with by a by-the-numbers, police blotter description—you know, height, weight, hair color, last-seen-wearing—that stops forward motion dead. You want just enough to intrigue the reader, engage his/her imagination and keep him/her turning the pages until they hit the Buy Button. You do not want to introduce too many characters in the first pages of the Look Inside and you especially want to make sure they don’t all have the same initial. John, Jack, Jane = confused reader = lost sale How about? John, Percival, Charlotte = happy reader = cash register rings up another sale. Heed Anne’s tips about how to reduce character clutter and de-confuse your poor, innocent victims, um, readers. Anne’s thoughts about how to create believable, troubled characters using personality disorders backed up by solid research will point you in the right direction. Protagonist or antagonist, hero or anti-hero, the rogue character is the engine that provides forward momentum, the jolt of energy that revs up a plot. I suggest ways and offer tips about who they are and how to create them. There will be dialogue.It will occur in your Look Inside. And it had better show that you know what you’re doing. Too much yadda-yadda is the mark of the beginner. Especially go-nowhere exchanges about the weather/Sunday’s barbecue/or the cat’s last visit to the vet. (Unless the cat is your main character or sidekick and even then the cat-focused dialogue needs to have a relevant point.) Dialogue can do a lot of heavy lifting: characterize, move the plot along, slow things down, speed them up. It will also solve many show-don’t-tell quandaries. Dialogue will bring your characters—and your book—to life. Don’t tell your reader that Thomas is paranoid, crazy, and dangerous. Use dialogue to show them. “I have to take this loaded, big-ass howitzer everywhere I go.” “Why?” “They’re out to get me.” “Who?” “People with backpacks. Also the ones carrying totes, purses, books, or babies. The ones with shopping bags, too.” ***Do you know how to punctuate dialogue? Really? You’re sure? Ruth wrote all about dialogue—including the sounds of strategic silence—right here. Anne opined about characters who blab on—and on—and how to get them to STFU. Beware the dreaded info dump.Yes, you’ve done a ton of research. Yes, you know a lot about your character, setting, plot, but, no, you do not want to Tell Everything and certainly not in your Look Inside. Because if the reader knows Everything at the first peek, why on earth would s/he bother to read the book? Allow the reader the pleasure of filling in the blanks you have skillfully inserted as you drop in essential backstory in bits and pieces where appropriate. Here’s how to spot the dreaded info dump: This happened and after a while that happened and that’s because blah, blah, blah. Or: They went from here to there but it was raining and the train was late, and that’s why blah blah blah. Definition of an info dump: all those words pile up, go nowhere, and stop the plot in its tracks. They are boring to read and, in fact, boring to write. Readers hate them and writers should, too. You should be on info dump alert as you review your manuscript and see long, dense grey blocks of text or lengthy paragraphs of narrative. You should also pay attention whenever you bore yourself writing. What! You don’t believe me? Trust me, it happens. Ask me or any other writer how we know. Instead: Serve in bite-size pieces. Instead of one long, boring info dump, convey the needed information sprinkled throughout the book in interesting, provocative, dramatic, suspenseful ways. From how to modernize your prose to adverbosity and false starts, Anne delves into nuts and bolts of a powerful Look Inside. How long is too long?Your Look Inside should not consist of one, long chapter. If it does, break that chapter into smaller, more digestible pieces to vary the rhythm and pace of your story. Make sure that every little chunk ends with a cliffhanger that poses a question, adds a conflict, or causes your MC to confront a new, unanticipated problem. Although non-writers will probably not be able to explain why your book — or your Look Inside — is irresistible, cliffhangers are among a writer’s most potent tools. Cliffhangers compel readers to turn the page, and write the kind of review that tells other readers, “I couldn’t put it down.” The skillful use of cliffhangers will mark you as a pro. They assure the reader that, if s/he decides to invest time and money into your book, s/he can be confident they will be in good hands and can look forward to a great reading experience. Cliffhangers come in (at least) a thousand different versions. Learn to use them.
The one and only function of Look Inside:Leave em wanting MORE. Because the only way they can get MORE, is to buy the book. Period. by Ruth Harris (@RuthHarrisBooks) March 28, 2021
What about you, scriveners? Does the “Look Inside” feature make or break a sale for you as a reader? Have you read your own “Look Inside” previews on Amazon or other retailers? BOOK OF THE WEEKSALE! ONLY 99c AT ALL RETAILERS!Husband Training School Tougher than Harvard, more demanding than MIT, Husband Training School is the last hope of desperate wives everywhere.
Only 99c at Amazon, Kobo, Nook, iBooks, GooglePlay Three wives at the end of their rope. They love their husbands but… Will Trailer is baseball’s MVP, but around the house? Not so much, according to JessieLynn Wessell, his gorgeous movie star wife. Efficiency expert Howard Hopkins has just retired. Edna Hopkins married him for better and for worse—but not for 24-hours-a-day. Gordo Canholme would procrastinate breathing if he could, but will he ever get the new baby’s room ready? Tech exec Sissie Canholme, his very pregnant wife, isn’t holding her breath. When JessieLynn, Edna and Sissie enroll their husbands in the Husband Training School, former Marine Corps Drill Instructor Robin Aguirre, founder of the School, thinks she has seen—and heard—it all. But has she? “A charming read with a well-crafted, fast moving plot that is just plain good fun to read. If you like humor and real people, pick it up today.” —Rabid Readers Review Ruth Harris
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Well, crap. My next book has a prologue, but chapter one does start with another character’s funeral. Book’s already under contract, so maybe all is still good.
Alex–Fear not! A funeral starring the Main Character is a Chapter One no-no. Friends and family, a whole different cuppa. Send flowers. or whatever. 😉
Hey Ruth & Anne,
Excellent stuff. Plus links to all the fabulous advice I’ve already read & (what a surprise) may have slipped my addled mind since reading it. And so true. Right now I’m reading George Saunders’s *A Swim in the Pond in the Rain* — brilliant. He is all about revision, to such an extreme that he says the sentence you start a project with is almost irrelevant, because by the time it’s ready for someone else’s eyes you will have revised it so much it will have become exactly what it needs to be, as will all the sentences you added to it & revised until they became exactly the story you needed to tell.
Keep up the good work!
CS—Thanks for contributing the Geo Saunders input. Helpful and reassuring!
Love love LOVE this post, Ruth! I always appreciate these how-to-build-a-novel post. I already know a lot of these things but they’re still fantastic reminders, and always make me think about my work.
Book 1 starts with sort of dialogue (but not too much, I hope) – a few text messages.
“My mobile phone buzzes in front of me on the bare windowsill.
One message.
Lock me in at 11, as usual, Sonja writes.
Same message she sent yesterday at this time. Same as the day before. And the day before that… She reminds me every night. As if I didn’t know.
…”
Book 2 does start with dialogue again. Yikes? But only twice…
“He still doesn’t know?” the priest asks.
I hear rustling on the other side of the confession booth, as he flicks through the pages of his Bible. My back stiffens and my fingernails dig into my knuckles as I squeeze my clasped hands together, turning them white.
I try to swallow but my mouth is dry. “No. I haven’t had the courage to tell him.”
I’m hoping to intrigue and draw the reader in. Information is left out, hopefully creating suspense…
Yeah, the character introduction thingie. I once read a friend’s opening chapter. In the first paragraph (maybe 14 lines or so), he introduced 9 (yes, NINE) characters!
Explained how this was too many but Writer Friend didn’t think much of it, maybe…
Happy Sunday all!
Katja—Thanks for the kind words. OMG! Nine characters? Writer Friend needs to pay attention to you!
I don’t understand your Book One opening. Do you mean dialogue? Is the person who says “My mobile phone buzzes…” speaking to someone? If so, who & what is the reply? There no end quote or indication of who is being addressed.
Or do you intend to share the messages with your reader & these paragraphs should be narrative?
Sorry, if I’m misunderstanding.
You didn’t misunderstand – I messed up!
I copied-pasted the first few lines of the opening and just put speech marks around that bit, but they’re not there in the book. In fact, there are none as two characters exchange a few texts (4 or so – 2 each).
The words that are texted by mobile phone are italic in the book, but I couldn’t keep it that way here in the comments somehow.
So, just ignore those speech marks I put for book 1. I apologise for the confusion!
Writer Friend is now Ex-Writer Friend (like a few others) because I fired myself from the local group last autumn (after 2 years). I gave such different feedback to what others provided. I didn’t fit in. The feedback that was usually given was “Sets the scene nicely” (yeah, even with 9 characters in an opener!) and “you’ve got a typo there”.
I’m glad I’ve found this blog instead. ????????
And yes, narrative!
Excellent post, Ruth! Great title and intro, and packed with a treasure trove of spot-on advice from you and Anne for writing fiction that grabs the readers and keeps them engaged and avidly turning the pages! And I love your entertaining writing style! Sharing!
Jodie—Thanks! And thanks, too, for the shares.
Your clients are fortunate to have an editor who understands the demands of popular can’t-put-it-down fiction!
Awesome post! Had me going into my Look Insides and checking!
Jemi—Thank you! Never hurts to look again and take advantage of the opportunity to fix things if we’ve messed up—and to feel great if we’ve done a terrific job! 🙂
Ruth, this is the best breakdown of openings I’ve read – and I’ve written a few myself! So much covered in that blog. Once again, you have me in awe.
Melodie—Many many thanks! So flattering! I’m blushing… 🙂
Ruth – “Leave em wanting MORE. Because the only way they can get MORE, is to buy the book. Period.” Business words of wisdom, bar none. Can I throw in my two cents regarding Look Inside? I can? Thanks! Here goes.
I’m nearing twenty eBooks published now, and it wasn’t till last year that my mentor gave me the goods on how to work the sales funnel and how to set up a proper Look Inside. The e-sales funnel follows a predictable path of Attraction – Cover – Blurb or Product Description – Look Inside – Buy Button. The attraction can be anything from a pay-to-play ad to a word-of-mouse recommendation, but somehow the prospective buyer finds the retail site. Covers are EXTREMELY important, and I could run on and on and on about cover impact. Once the cover cues interest, the blurb has to pique the prospect into clicking Look Inside where everything you laid out is 100% dead-on balls accurate. But here’s the mistake many publishers (indie & TP) make.
They clutter the front matter with frivolous bullsh*t like their copyright, table of contents (for fiction??), a dedication, a quote, testimonials, other books they’ve written, a foreword, an author’s note, a picture of a potbellied pig eating mashed potatoes, and so forth. You get what I mean. It’s fine in paper books for someone taking the time to browse in a bricks & mortar store. Not online, baby.
Online browsers have the patience and attention span of a millipede on methamphetamine. You have maybe two to three secs–five at the most–from the time they open Look Inside to where they get hooked on the mesmerizing words. Get all that time-sucking, non-essential crap in the backmatter where it belongs and get the Look Insiders right into wanting more. Thank you. *Steps off soap box, takes a bow, and sits down.*
Garry—Thanks! Excellent points! TradPub and DigiPub are different critters and authors need to recognize the diff.
As to toc for fiction, they seem to be required. Also, a chance for more sell if the author creates provocative, witty, sexy, scare-y etc chapter titles & rather than just boring Ch 1, Ch 2 etc. Another way to hook the reader. Writers should take every advantage!
Your check is in the mail. 😉
Excellent reminders for us all, Ruth. Thank you! I often write/rewrite my opening chapter AFTER I finish the first draft. Knowing the original first chapter will likely change helps to relieve some of the stress of staring at a blank page.
Sue—Thanks. Smart…writing/rewriting the first chapter last. Always good for the writer to have an idea of what s/he is doing! lol
Such great suggestions, Ruth. Thank you. I am gearing up to start my sequel and agonizing over the first line of the first chapter. But if, as you say, I should end up throwing it out the window anyway, then I should shut up and write!
Patricia—I feel your pain, but IME agonizing is counter-productive. Just write something and keep writing. You can—and will—have more, better ideas as you go along and you’ll continue rewriting that pesky first line until you get something you can live with.
And—don’t forget—if you self-pub, you can even go back once the book is publishing and rewrite the d*mn thing again!
Thank you. I appreciate your advice. And you are so right. I am self-publishing, so I can change it at any time!
Yay! Go, Patricia! 🙂
It’s nice to have all this information in one post.
Rich—Thanks. Glad to know the post helped. Good luck with your book! And your Look Inside!
Fascinating stuff, thank you Ruth. Of course I had to check. I’m generally happy with my openings but did find a 3.5 star review where the story is completely muddled. Don’t know what book they were reviewing but wasn’t mine. Only noticed while checking the Look Inside..OTOH I have definitely made buying decisions based on others’ Look Insides,.
valerieparv — Never hurts to check, does it? After all, Murphy’s Law reigns supreme: “Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.” lol
Absolutely love this, Ruth. I’m obsessed with first lines (I collect them like Hummels). More than that, though, is the other points here. I have been that potential buyer more times than I can count. I was nodding the whole time I was reading this. My neck is aching.
Perfect cover. Perfect blurb. Perfect subtitle. Perfect ALL OF THE THINGS! Then, Look Inside and…wait, what?! Click back to cover, reread blurb… Hmm. Try again. Peek at Look Inside. Yup, the words, those terrible words, are still there. Confused and deflated, I close the tab. So sad.
Sarah—Thanks! So it’s not just me who’s obsessed with first lines. 😉
You described the sad letdown perfectly. Confused (did I *really* read that?) and deflated (Oooooh, I was looking forward. Past tense.)
OH, you are not alone, my fine feathered friend. 🙂
I couldn’t care less about blurbs.
imkittymyers—There’s one in every crowd! lol
Thanks for taking the time to comment. Anne and I appreciate all our readers and commenters. Including the dissenters. 😉
Thank you for mentioning the character introduction problem! I’m debating dropping a book because the author keeps introducing the characters with:
1. Name
2. Who he’s related to
3. What he looks like
4. How the narrator feels about him
It’s the same order every time. This is book four in a series of stand-alone romance novels. (Each book features a different couple, but there’s continuity.) Either the reader has read the other books and already knows the characters, making the introduction redundant, or this is new information that isn’t helpful for distinguishing characters.
I like the concept of this book. The prose is hurting it.
M Layton—Thanks for taking the time to comment and for ID’ing the issue so succinctly. Too bad and, as you say, maybe even a lost sale. A good editor would certainly have spotted this & helped the writer learn to vary character intros in a more engaging way.
Sarah Brentyn — What is it they say? Birds of a feather….;-)
My favourite opening in my second memoir book is ‘Tomorrow, I’m going to kill Caroline.’ In book 3 of my Africa series ‘The tears ran down Amie’s face as she watched them lower her body into the grave,’ (No zombies etc, readers know she is a real person).
Your post reminds me of the ‘clunk-click’ syndrome we were familiar with in scriptwriting. Catch the view/listen in the first two sentences / scenes or they clicked on to the next channel . Men especially love to take possession of the controller and they have a lot less patience!
Lucinda—You’re a master of the first sentence! 🙂 No one is going to put down a book that begins like that. Not even guys with no patience.
And, speaking of them, it’s not just men any more. *Everyone* is so pressed for time now, patience is in short supply all around.
Excellent post. It’s most helpful, and the links are good, too. I found a couple I’ve not read before.
V.M.Sang—Glad to learn you found the post helpful. Thanks for commenting and taking the time to let me know. I appreciate it—and you!