Storytelling isn’t as easy as it seems
by Anne R. Allen
Making mistakes is how we learn. Some beginning writer mistakes are so common they’re almost a rite of passage. Here are five I see all the time. I think I did every one when I was starting out.
Taking “Show Don’t Tell” to Extremes
It’s drummed into every beginning writer’s brain: SHOW DON’T TELL.
But the truth is that storytelling actually involves a whole lot of telling.
Yes. “Show Don’t Tell” is generally a wise piece of advice. When we’re starting out, we need to learn that instead of telling the reader, “Uncle Brewster was not a nice man,” it’s better to show Uncle Brewster knocking that scoop of Rocky Road off a kid’s ice cream cone or kicking a stray kitty.
But the show-don’t-tell rule can lead to some snoozifying storytelling.
The beginner can be so terrified of “telling,” he keeps everybody in the dark for pages. Readers may have to plow through half a chapter of description of a character’s high visibility Nomex jacket, Phenix helmet, SCBA mask, and red suspenders before they find out the guy’s a firefighter.
The reader just wants the protagonist and the kitty to be saved from the burning building already. It’s okay to tell us the fire department has arrived to put out the fire. Yes, that’s telling. But it’s necessary for storytelling.
For more on this, see my post on Why Show Don’t Tell is Bad Advice.
Too Much Dialogue
This was a biggie for me early in my writing career. I’d spent decades in the theater, so I thought in terms of a script. I also thought scenes with dialogue “showed” more about the characters, so I was following the old “show don’t tell” dictum.
But too much dialogue can slow a story to a crawl.
Agent Noah Lukeman wrote in his classic book The First Five Pages, “Dialogue is a powerful tool, to be used sparingly…it is to the writer what the veto is to the President…if you overuse it, people will resent you for it.”
So instead of giving us a whole chapter of dialogue between an arsonist and his mother, arguing about whether he needs therapy, you can tell us “Freddy liked to start fires, a habit which greatly upset his mother.” Then he can get on with setting fire to the building where our protagonist is trying to rescue that kitty that Uncle Brewster kicked.
More in my post, Do Your Characters Talk Too Much?.
Thinking Worldbuilding Equals Plotting
This is especially a hazard for new writers whose chosen genre is fantasy or science fiction. They’ve got this fabulous idea of a planet inhabited by all of Earth’s pagan gods. The gods are furious because Earth people don’t believe in them anymore, so they’ve decided to invade Earth and replace humans with a race of cat people.
Only two intrepid archaeologists can save the human race after they translate a prediction of the invasion in an ancient runic text that’s been buried for decades in the bowels of Harvard’s Weidner Library.
So the author spends the first half of the book writing about the history of the pagan god planet Elysium and all its different countries and the dress and architecture of each, and how Thor and Zeus and Quetzalcoatl totally hate each other.
Unfortunately, they may forget about getting back to the intrepid archaeologists in the bowels of Weidner Library.
I know it’s fun writing all that description of the planet Elysium and its inhabitants. But if the conflict between the gods and humans is your actual story, don’t leave it hanging there.
If the process of worldbuilding develops into a different story, with characters and a plot, then you might want to rethink. If that budding attraction between Thor and the Egyptian cat goddess Bastet develops some tension, you might make that your story and edit accordingly.
For more on what to do and not do with your worldbuilding, here’s a great post from epic fantasy author Will Hahn.
Withholding Information Instead of Storytelling
This one drives me bonkers.
I realize there’s a certain kind of jokey storytelling that withholds information as part of the fun. Like where Brianna and Stanley are found dead on a mound of broken glass surrounded by a puddle of water and you’re supposed to figure out how they died.
What you need to figure out is that Brianna and Stanley are goldfish. The storyteller has withheld that tidbit of information.
But withholding crucial information throughout a novel only makes your reader furious.
They read page after page of mysterious goings-on in the bowels of what might be a university library, trying to figure out where the *&%# they are and why these two intrepid archaeologists think they have to save the human race from cats.
It’s not until you’re halfway through the book that you find out you’re in some kind of future Cambridge, Mass. that’s been invaded of by the inhabitants of the pagan god planet Elysium.
This may explain why intrepid Harvard archaeologists Briana and Stanley, who were both having a thing with a catty visiting lecturer named Bastet, are now afraid their ex-girlfriend plans to exterminate everyone in Massachusetts, and maybe the tri-state area.
And we still don’t know why Bastet ran off with that big Norwegian lout with the hammer.
And at this point readers don’t really care. They’re tired of being kept in that dark basement.
If you’ve got a good story, tell it. The conflict should be between the characters, not the reader and the author.
Confusing Violence with Story Conflict.
This is probably the most common mistake of all. I ran into it often when I was working as an editor. It’s especially a problem with fantasy and thriller authors. They hear that readers want conflict on the first page, so they start a story with a huge battle or street fight involving lots of sharp, pointy weapons and mayhem and gore.
But sharp, pointy weapons and mayhem and gore do not equal storytelling. Until you introduce characters we can care about, we’re not just in the dark. We don’t care.
Readers need to form an emotional connection with the characters before they care about whether they survive the battle between the Harvard Professors and the Cat People from Outer Space. Otherwise they might as well root for the Cat People, who are better looking (and fuzzier.)
Conflict doesn’t have to be physical. Violence is not conflict. A couple of archaeologists shooting cats in Harvard Square is violence. Bastet and Thor arguing whether they should exterminate tenured members of the Harvard archaeology department is conflict.
***
By Anne R. Allen (@annerallen) February 21, 2021
What about you, scriveners? Have you ever fallen into these storytelling mistakes? Or thought you should be doing these things because they seemed to follow the “rules” more than your own writerly instincts? What part of storytelling is hardest for you?
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Balance. As in life, writing. Enough dialogue, but not too much. Readers need enough information to feel grounded, but no info-dumps. Tension’s good, but not at the cost of character development, or a dozen other elements. Balance. Thanks for the reminder.
CS–Yes, we need balance. We also need to keep in mind that the reader’s experience is more important than “rules.”
Absolutely. I totally agree about balance. Telling is not the big bugbear we’re so often told about. Yes, too much will leave the reader not caring about our characters as deeply as if we’re in their heads, but there are times when we should tell.
I find in my critique group that every time I tell, I’m told I should be showing. Sometimes I disagree.
Anne—Great post! Agree with every one of your points. But, to start at the start: Beginning writers need to remember that we’re storytellers. *Not* story showers.
Ruth–Great line! I wish I’d thought of it. Would have made a great opener.
Anne—Use it. Be my guest. 🙂
OK, so now you have to write the Thor-Bast romance. That’s number one, I’m already hooked. And the Quetzalcoatl love triangle, say that three times fast…
Fabulous clear rules Anne, well done as always. You honor me with the shout-out and that mistake is maybe the happiest one, because when you world-build like that you are indeed making stories for the future.
Will–That Norwegian-Egyptian romance would make a great story, wouldn’t it? I had to look up how to pronounce Quetzalcoatl, and I still can’t do it right.
Did the fireman end up rescuing the kicked kitty?
I used to think action meant something more violent.
I have never been accused of too much description though! Usually too little. I probably shouldn’t attempt an epic fantasy.
Alex–I think the kitty was a secret spy for the Cat People from Outer Space, so he rescued her, but then she exterminated him later along with the arsonist and his mother. And of course Uncle Brewster.
So many new writers think action and conflict mean violence. Their books end up being boring, because too much pointless violence is snoozifying.
Good Sunday morning, Anne and Ruth! Hundred percent with you on the points. Yesterday, I put out a post on Stephen King’s success and how important it is for writers (new and used) to read, absorb, and apply his advice from “On Writing”. He touches on show/tell and puts it in common sense perspective. SK’s quote is, “Just tell the GD story.” (Although he expanded on the acronym GD.) Enjoy your day, everyone!
Garry–Stephen King’s “On Writing” is one of the best writing books out there. Writing is all about storytelling. Not show-offing. 🙂
Hi, Anne,
I wanted to add one thing on withholding information. There are ways to hide information in plain site. The reader isn’t disappointed because if they go back through, they’ll realize they just missed it. It can be hidden in a scene where another crisis is happening or buried in a list.
Linda–Great point! “Easter Egg” information is something totally different from withheld information. I love it when writers “hide” info in a scene that seems to be about something else. A great trick of Dorothy L. Sayers. I like doing it in my own books, too.
Thanks Anne, great post, reminding us that storytelling is hard. Most people can string words together. Making them page-turning is an art and the reason why true storytellers like King are rare.Expect to struggle. Read the “rules” then set them aside and just write. As Aussie writer Kate Grenville says, they can all be fixed tomorrow.
Valerie–“They all can be fixed tomorrow.” Great quote. It’s the storytelling that’s hard. Everything else can be fixed–by you or an editor.
Agree on all your points, Anne. Moderation and balance are key to good storytelling. Too much of anything slows the pace and feels forced. Happy Sunday, ladies! *waving from NH*
Sue–Too much talking or showing or too little information can ruin a story. This is why we write many drafts. *waves back from sunny California.*
As always, terrific advice, which I wish someone had shared with me years ago! I’m revising a first draft from a bajillion years ago right now, and am cringing at the first two mistakes you describe. I took “show don’t tell” to its logical extreme when I was twenty years old, and just stumbled upon a 19-page dialogue scene regarding a contentious dance audition. I ended up keeping about four lines of that dialogue in the 2nd draft. At this rate, maybe I shouldn’t be as worried as I am about this manuscript being far too long!
Also, you already have me hooked on the epic conflict between Harvard professors and Cat People. How does it end?!
Irvin–Reducing 19 pages of dialogue to 4 lines is fantastic editing. It’s amazing how you can shorten a book if you “leave out the parts that the reader skips” as Elmore Leonard said.
I’m not sure how that story will go. I’m pretty sure Harvard will win. Maybe they’ll defeat the cat people by luring them back to their space ships with the sound of giant can openers in the sky. 🙂
Anne, I think for me, the hardest part is too much narrative… I just love description, though I’ve learned to hone it down to essentials (with maybe just a “little” bit more) that won’t disrupt the action and flow of the story. I got the best piece of advice from my son, to whom I read my first book (still in a drawer where it belongs!), a fantasy story a la The Princess Bride. I’d read a chapter to him as a bedtime story (ok, he was in 7th grade and he’s no 44, that’s how long ago this happened!). He’d heave a big sigh and say, “Enough character development, Mom, get back to the story!” Needless to say, my next book had much less “character development” in it than my first! LOL
Susan–Kids are amazingly good at truth-telling aren’t they? Readers don’t tolerate as much description as they used to. I remember one of those 5-minute Shakespeare troupes where an actor walked out on stage and said. “Mind numbing exposition blah, blah. Next scene!” Of course Shakespeare had to describe things because productions often had no sets.
All these points are so true, and hard to internalize as a new writer. As with everything, it takes practice and hard work. Editing and layering are a storyteller’s friend. Reading a few samples right now in prep for a critique session, and both pieces suffer from several of these issues. Amazing how much easier it is to spot in someone else’s work.
LG–It IS easier to see flaws like this in other writers’ work. That’s one of the biggest benefits of critique groups and beta reading. When you can see the mistakes in other work, it’s a whole lot easier to see them in your own.
Love it. You showed, not telled. Let’s hear it for the Cat People.
Julia–Maybe we need to be invaded by the Cat People. 🙂
Luckily, I’m a product of the workshop system, so I had most of the beginning writer mistakes smacked out of me.
Liz–Workshops and critique groups can really help beginning writers. But they don’t always get the storytelling mistakes, because they tend to focus on one chapter at a time. That’s when beta readers can take things the extra mile.
When I went through school, we just workshopped short stories. I have a hard time imaging how to critique a part without the context of the whole.
Liz–Yet another reason why it’s best to start your writing journey with short stories rather than novels. 🙂
I didn’t even attempt a novel until five years after grad school.
Anne, you have a great way of teaching with examples that not only illustrate the principles you’re talking about but also make the learning process fun at the same time.
But the best punchline came in the comments section when you mentioned the giant can openers to lure the cats back to their ships. Put me on the floor.
Debbie–Thanks! 🙂 I wish I’d thought of the giant can opener when I was writing the post. (I do think it would work!)
I found found the “deep point of view,” which basically forbids almost all telling of emotional reactions to be terribly inhibiting. Trying to obey the rules against naming an emotion rather than describing its physical effects has stopped me in my tracks more than once. I’m trying to get over this and tell myself and can tell now and show later if necessary, but it’s still a struggle. I am trying to get a balance. I’m also at a point in my WIP where two major secrets are revealed. I’m worried that I have too much dialog because it’s the only way I can think of for those who know to inform the co-protagonist who does not know and needs to be informed. Any thoughts on this will be greatly appreciated.
Ima–I find a lot of the stuff about “deep POV” unnecessarily confusing. If you want to write in “deep POV”, which we used to call “close third person”, just write a chapter or two in first person. Then translate it back to third, only changing pronouns. That’s “Deep” POV. Ignore all the rest of the noise.
Just wanted to tell you what a wonderful post this is, well done, you had me laughing out-loud!
Claude–I’m glad I gave you a laugh!
Thank you, Anne. Always good advice and we have all been down this road. But writing is a learning experience, that’s for sure!
Patricia–We all have to go through these mistakes in order to learn. And yes, we have to keep learning.
I just LOVE these posts on how to build a novel. Thanks for this one.
I also find your posts humorous. “Snoozifying” is just such a cool word, lol!
While I’m writing my second novel, I’m a little worried I actually have too little dialogue. I have whole chapters with a single word directly spoken. At least not between characters. Sometimes they shout a word out loud in desperation only, so it’s no dialogue. Just a bit of direct speech.
Some of my characters send text messages to each other, so that might count as dialogue (delayed?).
They do speak to each other but rather, rather little. Maybe too little, oh dear.
My opening chapter’s conflict is definitely not between 2 or more characters. It is within only one. She has a terribly bad conscience and kneels inside a confessional booth. I hope it counts as conflict?!
I have also offered what’s at stake in the first chapter – like, what if she doesn’t come clean and tell the truth.
I do hope it means conflict. It’s action, really. Hence no violence. But it’s not between two characters either. ????
Katja–Not enough dialogue usually means not enough scenes. You may be skimming over things, saying “Briana and Stanley, enemies at first, felt a sudden attraction and decided to get married.” Right there, you’ve got a whole romance novel if you put it into scenes.
Conflict doesn’t mean action, and it doesn’t have to be between two characters. It can be between one character and an entire planet. Or a character and an idea or a culture. You can create extreme tension with only one person and no action if you’ve got a character hiding in a haunted house with strange noises outside. The point is to have something stressing the main character.
I always say don’t worry about your opener until the book is finished. Write your first chapter last.
Great advice, especially the last sentence!!
Thanks so much!
Fantastic breakdown Anne, succinct and informative. I will also add that I recently had to stop reading a book, a novel, I forced myself to keep going and threw in the towel halfway because of zero dialogue. Many characters and none of them speaking for themselves. I found it bizarre. 🙂 And Happy Belated Birthday 🙂 x
Debby–No dialogue is often an extreme beginner mistake. Too much dialogue is what happens when a writer tries to correct it. (Like putting in too much showing instead of telling.) Sounds as if your author needed a basic course in fiction writing.
Thanks! I’m still celebrating. Wine on the patio with friends later. 🙂
Yes, makes sense, perhaps it’s the fictional style that requires an upgrade.
And go you! Drink up girl! 🙂
Debby–If this was a book by a well known author, they might have been breaking the rules because they can. A “stylistic choice” as you say. They may believe that pleasing the reader isn’t as important as showing off.
Ugh. The showing-ALL-OF-THE-THINGS-so-I-don’t-tell, the nothing-but-dialogue, the you-want-conflict-I’ll-give-you-conflict (*chops body parts off three characters in the first page*), and the ALL-OF-THE-WORLDBUILDING-but-where-is-the-story… Gah. I can’t choose a most cringe-worthy one. Great post. Just as an aside, I am cheering for the Cat People.
Sarah–Haha. I’m kind of fond of the cat people, myself. Yeah, I think the “3-characters-lose-body-parts on page one thing is the most annoying. And of course, on page two it turns out it was all a dream. 🙂
Ah, yes. And…”it was all a dream…” 😉 Perfect.
P.S. Just a stupid question (I’m good at thosr, and bad at computing and social media setups etc., LOL):
How do I get a picture of mine into the comments (the square) like so many here have done?
I’m not on WordPress, so…
Katja–I think you can still get your photo into blog comments if you sign up with Gravatar. It’s affiliated with WordPress, but it will also get your photo (or avatar) on other blogs.