A social media executor will keep you from becoming a social media ghost.
by Anne R. Allen
We’re living through a time when we’re forced to face something our culture prefers to ignore: our own mortality.
We’re discovering, to paraphrase Emily Dickinson, that although we do not stop for death, it kindly stops for us.
As we see the daily death toll rising, we know we need to prepare for worst case scenarios.
Social isolation is making us increasingly dependent on the Internet and social media, so we need to keep technology in mind as we make those preparations.
Ever wonder what happens to your Facebook, Instagram, Goodreads, LinkedIn, Twitter, etc. accounts when you die?
The answer is: nothing. Tech is immortal. And that’s not a good thing.
Without passwords and usernames to log in, your heirs won’t be able to take them down and those pages may exist in cyberspace forever.
If you have a free blog, it’s going to be hanging there too, collecting cyberdust and spam.
Last week a friend called me, confused after visiting the Facebook page of SciFi author Jeff Carlson. She’d been friends with Jeff when he was a member of our writing club many years ago, before his big success with his Plague Year trilogy (scarily apropos right now.) She’d got a Facebook notification that it was Jeff’s birthday and went to wish him a happy one.
The page looked the same as usual, but a posted birthday greeting had a comment saying Jeff had died.
My friend and Jeff hadn’t been close since he moved away, so she hadn’t heard that he died of a fast and nasty cancer two years ago.
But his Facebook page said nothing about his death.
He had become a social media ghost.
We See Dead People.
Jeff became a ghost because he didn’t have a social media executor.
The fact is that social media is crammed with dead people. An article in Time last year said that Facebook will soon have more dead people than live ones.
And bad things can happen to dead people on Facebook…or any other social media site.
Scammers are always trolling inactive Facebook pages and skimming profiles to use for catfish accounts and identity-stealing schemes. I still get “messages” from several dead friends on a regular basis, trying to lure me into clicking on a link that will release malware.
Plus the Russian troll army steals inactive social media identities in order to spread their toxic political disinformation all over the world.
There’s also horrible thing called RIP trolling where bands of bullies deface the pages and accounts of people who have died for the sheer fun of torturing the bereaved.
I’ve read sad tales of young people who have died suddenly whose social media accounts stay open forever because their parents don’t have enough info to shut them down. The accounts not only attract disgusting trolls, but remind friends daily of their loss.
An article at Mashable told of one young woman who lost her best friend, and after getting “updates” from her friend’s “ghost” for months finally had to unfriend her.
And any untended blog will also attract endless spam invitations to buy Voodoo love spells, fake college papers, and pills to enlarge your genitalia. Most of us would prefer not to have that as our legacy.
The solution is to appoint a Social Media Executor.
Right now–while you’re Skyping and Zooming with relatives for the religious holidays–would be a great time to bring it up.
What’s a Social Media Executor?
A social media executor can be any trusted friend or relative (perhaps of the younger generation) who has all your online passwords and usernames and knows what you want to happen to your social media after you’ve gone. It’s best if this person isn’t the same as your financial executor, in order to take a burden off the family member who has so much overwhelming stuff to deal with when there’s a death.
A social media executor can protect your social media accounts and notify online friends of your death.
They don’t have to deal with anything financial. (Things like bank passwords and online book information need to go to your Digital Executor. More on that in my post on What Happens to Your Blog when you Die?)
They should have all your usernames and passwords for your blog and social media sites like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn, Pinterest etc. as well as online gaming sites and forums.
You can appoint a social media executor informally without going through a lawyer.
Make a “Password Passbook” for Your Social Media Executor
Put everything in writing. It’s helpful to make a “Password Passbook” for your social media executor and heirs. You might consider making it hard copy only, because a hacker can find a file by searching for “passwords”. (Or you could label them “fishcakes” or some code only you and your executor will understand.)
You can make a simple handmade document with three columns listing for each site:
- Site name
- Username
- Password
Then put this in a safe place with your other important documents and snail mail a copy to your social media executor. And remember to update it every six months or so as you change passwords and add or delete accounts.
Make sure to note which sites you want kept up and which you want taken down and where you’d like to post announcements of your death.
You can also download a free Excel Worksheet for a “social media will” at a helpful site called Dead Social.
But, for those of you who have lost a loved one who did not save information for a social media executor, here’s how you get accounts deleted.
How a Social Media Executor can Memorialize and/or Delete a Facebook Page
Facebook is definitely the most user-friendly site for heirs. Their policy is to memorialize a deceased user’s page for the benefit of the survivors. People can post their condolences, for example, or share photos.
- Memorializing a page requires proof of death via a published obituary.
- Taking down a page requires a death certificate and proof of identity from the legal heir,
- Deal with your Facebook legacy right now and make things easy for everybody. FB has made it easy for you. Go to your “Settings” page, choose “Security” and “Legacy Contact.” There you can name a Facebook friend to be your account’s caretaker. You can also choose if you want this person to be able to download content from your page. Or, you can simply check a box that tells FB to delete your account when you kick the bucket.
How to Close a Twitter Account
Twitter does not memorialize accounts. If you don’t have access to the account via password, an executor has to contact Twitter Security via snail mail, at:
Twitter, Inc.
c/o: Trust & Safety
1355 Market St., Suite 900
San Francisco, CA 94103
Include:
- The username of the deceased (e.g., @username or twitter.com/username)
- A copy of the deceased’s death certificate
- A copy of your government-issued ID (like a driver’s license)
- Your full legal name
- Your email address
- Current contact information
- Relationship to the deceased user or their estate
- Action requested (e.g., ‘please deactivate the Twitter account’)
- A brief description of the details that evidence this account belongs to the deceased, if the name on the account does not match the name on death certificate.
- Link to an online obituary or a copy of the obituary from a local newspaper
How to Delete a Goodreads Author Account
An executor will usually want to delete an active author account, but keep the books and their reviews on site. If you have no access to the account, contact a Goodreads librarian and attach a copy of the death certificate as well as proof of your identity and relationship to the deceased.
What About Blogs?
There’s not yet a standardized system for dealing with blogs once we’ve gone home to the Great Social Network in the Sky. If you want your blog left up as a memorial, your executor can put up a notice of your death, allow grieving readers to comment, then disable comments after a certain period.
After that, they can delete the blog or keep it up with disabled comments. If so, they will still need to check periodically to make sure everything is still working.
They may be willing to put together a “best of” ebook and memorialize the blog that way.
If you have a big blog following, you may want to bequeath your blog to another writer in your field who could continue it for your readers. This is what happened with the Writer Beware blog when founder Ann Crispin died. Her blog partner Victoria Strauss took it over and has continued its tradition of exposing the scammers,crooks, and evildoers who prey upon writers.
So, yeah–you’ve probably never thought about this, and you’re not quite sure what you’d want. So ponder it a bit, talk it over with your executor, and then put your wishes in writing in that “password passbook.”
A Special Note to Writers in the Query Process
If you’re in the query process, it’s also a good idea to let your social media executor know where to find the list of your outstanding requested manuscripts and story submissions.
A quick email from your executor to the agents or editors who are reading a writer’s material would not only be kind, but it might even make it possible for a story or book to be published posthumously. (If we can judge by Steig Larssen’s phenomenal success, being deceased might even be a good career move.)
By Anne R. Allen (@annerallen) April 12, 2020
What about you, scriveners? Do you have a Social Media Executor? A Digital Executor? Is the plague making you think about your own mortality? Have you taken the time to make a will? Are you okay with joining the throngs of Social Media Ghosts?
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Plain and simple- I’m going to do this, Anne, and I thank you for the reminder. Just have to figure out who’d be best and not split the job up among too many people.
I also need a neat trick for how to update passwords because the sites jump on you to do that about twice a month and it could get hairy for the executor.
But hey, no point dreaming about making it big in an electron-passing business without a will that covers it in the paper world.
Will–It is best to have just one executor. Maybe they can pass the job around every few years. And yes, passwords get updated all the time. But it’s a good excuse to stay in touch. I need to send my latest list to my nephew.
Anne—sensible and realistic. Thanks and happy Easter!
Happy Easter, Ruth!
Also, one thing worth noting: There should be a transition point or endpoint with the social media executor. A friend who was an actor in a popular TV show and movie series died last July. There were two official sites. With one site,..I finally had to unfollow it on Facebook. The person who ran that site kept searching entertainment sites and posting “notable deaths in 2019” links–at least six months after he died! It was like once she didn’t have any more new information to post, she didn’t know what to do. The other site…they turned it into a memorial site and will reassess what they want to do after a year. People still visit it.
Linda–Great point! It’s good to let the executor know how long the memorial page should stay up. It sounds as if that actor’s executor was going way overboard.
Hey Anne — very helpful advice, as usual. I, too, was surprised by Jeff Carlson’s untimely death. I suppose you’ve inspired a new page or three in the Perryess Trust.
CS–It was sad to lose Jeff so suddenly. It devastated his wife and small children. I’m sure she wasn’t up to putting up a memorial on FB, so there his page sits.
This is wise post and very helpful. Thank you.
Patricia–It’s a simple thing. We just don’t think about it most of the time.
Very useful, and timely. Thank you, Anne. Be well.
Gay–I’m glad it’s helpful. You stay safe too.
Facebook will have more dead users than live ones? In what year? 2050? There are millions of FBook users. Is it because most of us are uncool and over the age of 50? Dang.
I sent a message to a friend on Quora a few years back. He was in the process of moving out of 5 feet of snow in Colorado, and I hadn’t heard from him in a week. I asked him how the move was going and heard back from his wife, who told me he’d had a heart attack and died. I was thankful she’d told me, and it was good she had his user name and PW. There were many on Quora who were fond of him; they were grateful I’d told them and they could write tributes to him.
I am going to start deleting accounts right this minute. I don’t know how to get rid of old free blogs, though. And paid ones, I imagine, go down when the hosting provider isn’t paid, or the blog name isn’t renewed.
Which brings up another good point: Heirs could actually inherit blog names, right? Some are worth thousands of dollars. I’ve had ChezGigi.com since the 90s, and I know it would get snapped up if I didn’t renew it. I’m going to tell my family to put it up for sale. It’s worth more than I am!
Thank you for the somewhat gloomy Easter reminder, Anne!
Gigi–The stats are in the Time article I linked to. I’ve lost some good social media friends over the past decade. Often I find out in weird ways, like I get an obviously spam email that pretends to be from them. It would be nicer to see a memorial wouldn’t it?
If you have your password, you can delete an old blog. Just go “back stage” and find “settings.” With Blogger, you go to “settings” –> “other”–> “delete blog.”
I think you’re right that your domain name might be worth some money. Definitely bequeath it!
Thanks for the reminder. In a world of material goods it’s easy to forget that there’s more to a person’s life than what can be physically touched.
Brenda–That’s so true. In our era, our most valuable assets may be made of electrons.
I’d thought about which online friends I’d want contacted if something happened and who would take over the IWSG. But not what would happen to my social sites. Thanks. (Fortunately, my executioner won’t have a lot to do.)
Alex–Haha! I don’t know if that was the autocorrect elves, or a deliberate joke, but it’s pretty funny. We all need a social media “executioner” to whack all those profiles!
Excellent prompt for future planning, Anne. I was thinking about updating my will (not that I have current plans to check out any time soon) and I’ll make this SM passbook part of it. I’m also going to link it to your post with these helpful instructions. BTW, Hoppy Easter!
Garry–Thanks for linking to the post! Have a hoppy bunny day yourownself!
This is excellent advice, Anne. Honestly, I’d never given much thought to what happens to blogs, websites, and social media accounts after someone dies. It’s definitely something to prepare for in advance.
Lydia–Most of us haven’t thought about it. This stuff never crossed my mind until my mom died. She’d been losing memory for about a year, so she had no idea of her social media passwords and it was a big pain to get the profiles taken down.
Timely advice, unfortunately. I was alerted to this by something Kristen Lamb wrote a few years back. Immediately added a document for my “executioner” (love it!) spelling out what social trails to follow and friends to contact including online groups they wouldn’t know about. I updaste it regularly and, yes, file it under something completely irrelevant, while keeping a paper copy to be found when I fall off my twig – as my lawyer phrases it. Live long and prosper, all.
Valerie–So glad to hear you already have a social media executioner! 🙂 Kristen usually has good advice on stuff like this. “Falling off our twig” sounds like a good metaphor in the age of Twitter.
Great advice! I’ll look further into this. I have this provision in my will but it needs further adding to. Thanks!
Traci–This is much less complicated than other things involved with a death, but it can be time consuming. So appointing a separate social media executor can make things easier on everybody.
Excellent advice as always Anne. I did this a few years ago, but good reminder to go over in case of some password changes. 🙂
Debby–I have to update my passwords with my executor, too. 🙂
Excellent post. I would add one more thing: appoint an executor not only for death, but in case the person mentally declines. I worked in home health care, and I saw a few social media users in the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s disease. Usually, no one worried about this until the person had forgotten their passwords and usernames. As we get older, we need to discuss what to do. A person can live for years with dementia, years in which an account can appear abandoned. Also, as the mind deteriorates, a person can get into serious trouble online, with scams or with angry rants that attract trolls and extremists. We must allow someone we trust to take over when we do not have good judgement anymore.
Someone once warned me to never abandon an account if we don’t want it anymore. Always delete it. I get followed by so many bot accounts where it’s clear they stole photos from other accounts. You can always start a new one if you change your mind.
Although we want to live to old age staying mentally sharp, sometimes it doesn’t happen. This is a topic that needs much more discussion than it gets.
Missi–You got some very good advice there. People leave abandoned blogs hanging in cyberspace and don’t realize that’s the first thing that comes up in a Google search of your name. Not a good impression.
Great point about needing an executor even before you die. Computer skills are the first thing that go during mental decline. We had that problem with my mom. She seemed fine, but she couldn’t get into her email program anymore. I so much wish we’d had her passwords!
Good points, Anne
The problem with a list of passwords is they go out of date.
I recommend people use a good Password Manager. This means you don’t have to remember all those logins for all those sites and you can easily use complex passwords. It remembers for you and keeps them secure. (I use free LastPass)
Then, all the executor needs is your computer login (don’t forget to include that) and your Password manager password. Then they can access all of your accounts directly.
Helps you now, helps them later.
David–I’m not a big fan of Last Pass because you can’t change the password there. My Last Pass password got into the hands of a hacker and I was in deep doo-doo. The trick is to keep sending updated password lists to your executor. It’s a good excuse to keep in touch!
Just yesterday, I saw a birthday announcement for a friend who had died two years ago, and 38 people had wished him happy birthday. I sadly let people know. It’s heartbreaking. Thanks for doing the research on this, Anne – I’ll bookmark this blog for sure.
Melodie–It’s those birthday announcements that reminded me I needed to blog about this again. I get them so often. There really are a whole lot of dead people on Facebook. It doesn’t take much to put up a memorial page and it’s so worth it for the friends of the deceased. Facebook is very helpful about it.
Haven’t thought about one yet, although I do have an envelope stashed in a secure place with passwords/ID’s of the various sites that I consistently use for those who will need access at the time of my demise.
GB–It sounds as if you’re halfway there. Now choose somebody who’s not going to be dealing with all the financial stuff to do the social media stuff. Your financial executor will thank you.
I know a guy who cannot remember his yahoo password and cannot ask for a password change unless he gives his phone number. However, his phone was gov. issued and he cannot remember the phone number, either, and he is retired from that job. Heh heh. There probably is a workaround for that, but he is clueless. Not that he’s a writer, but he just might be a family member… Getting old is definitely not for the young whippersnappers!
Katharine–My heart goes out to your friend. Some of those things are pretty near impossible. I had the hardest time taking down my mom’s Barnes and Noble account. They were still paying royalties into a non-existent account and they wouldn’t take it down. They wouldn’t even accept a death certificate without a password my mom had forgotten long before she died. They may still be paying her for all I know. This is why we want somebody to know our passwords no matter what our age.
At first I thought this was a dark-humor joke. Then I read the post and the comments. Sage advice, Ms Allen and readers.
SK–It does sound humorous, but it’s a real problem. We need to be allowed to die with dignity online.
Thank you, Anne. I’ve pondered this before, but never took action. Now seems like the perfect time to do it. I’ve always kept a password book, because I can never remember the gazillion passwords I create/change on a regular basis. Doubt anyone could read all the chicken scratches. Thanks for the reminder to straighten that out too.
Sue–I have that password list too. I started a new system, where every password was supposed to start with the same collection of letters and numbers, but I always forget which is upper case and which is lower case and can’t remember any of them.
This is something I know will never cross the minds of lots of people (including myself) so thank you for writing about it, Anne. This is something I will certainly get to work on. Fortunately, I’ve deleted many of my social media accounts because I found I was spreading myself too thinly. So, whoever I appoint won’t have too many accounts to close.
Hope you’re well, Anne?
Stay safe.
Hugh–Having an executor is a courtesy to your friends and online following. I’ve had to delete some angry tweets and comments on this post. People do hate to be reminded of their mortality. But this is a way to let online friends know what has happened and allow them to grieve. I have a lot of online accounts I don’t use often, but the marketing people seem to think it’s good to be everywhere even if you can’t engage that often.
It saddens me when people get angry with us when we write about death or mortality, Anne. I had the same thing happen to me when I wrote and published a blog post entitled ‘Why Do We Not Like Talking About Death?’ Some angry comments were left on the post which I ended up deleting because they weren’t very nice. I know it can be a very difficult subject to talk about, but we should never not talk about it simply because it’s not nice. Given that many authors write about ‘death’ in their books, and we see it happening in TV dramas and movies, why should it be a subject we shouldn’t talk or write about in the real world? If I didn’t like reading something, I’d simply stop reading it rather than write an angry comment to the author of the post. Likewise, if there is something on TV that I don’t like watching, I’ll switch channels.
Hugh–I’m with you 100%. I’m not a fan of violent TV and movies and I often see 10 or more murders in the first 5 minutes of a movie everybody is “raving” about before I turn it off. I often can find nothing I want to watch because so many films are violent. But talking about preparing a will? That’s offensive! Grrrrr.
It is a scary, but necessary topic to think about. I’ve seen accounts of deceased people before and it always strikes me as slightly eerie. Thanks for compiling all of this information, it’s useful.
Kathrin–It’s a contemporary problem that tech hasn’t really addressed. Tech is still a young business, and tend to be in denial about mortality. But we need to get it under control before there are more dead people online than live ones.