by Anne R. Allen
In a comment on my post “A Little Less Conversation. A Little More Action Please,” Audrey Driscoll pointed out that novels that throw in a whole lot of combat and running from danger can be boring, too.
She was absolutely right. In my response to her comment, I tried to explain what we mean when we talk about “action” in writing, but I didn’t have enough room.
Because it’s complicated.
So I decided I’d write about it in another blogpost. This is a problem I see many, many new — and not so new — writers struggle with.
The truth is, action can mean any kind of movement. It can involve a character taking someone’s hand, petting a dog, or eating a muffin. It’s what we call “business” in the theater. It’s what a character does besides talk and think.
In the extreme, it can also mean combat, running from danger, or slaying dragons. What’s important for a writer to remember is that all action doesn’t need to be negative or violent.
Action Does Not Equal Violence
I don’t know how many newbie books and stories I’ve read that begin with violence. It’s either a battle scene, murder, physical abuse, or some other altercation that involves one person hurting another. I know these writers think they’re doing what they’re told: starting with action, not dialogue.
But there are many kinds of action. When we’re talking about “action-adventure” thrillers, we are talking about physical movement. But when writing teachers talk about “action” they mean story movement. This kind of action does not require anybody to get bopped with a flail, garroted, or slain.
If a lover takes a partner’s hand when the two have been at odds for the whole book, that small movement can be a momentous event.
If a woman pets her neighbor’s dog she’s been furious with for digging up her flower bed, that movement can bridge a rift between her and the neighbor and maybe spark an important friendship.
And if character stuffs a whole muffin in her mouth after finding out her spouse is cheating, that can signal to us that she’s stuffing down her feelings and the cheating will get worse.
These actions have major impact on the story without resorting to violence.
Action is Handy for Eliminating Boring Dialogue Tags — And Moving the Story Along
Dialogue is more interesting when punctuated by action. (Although you don’t want to overdo it.)
See how much more movement there is in this dialogue when it’s combined with action.
Here’s dialogue with boring tags:
“Green beans do not belong in meatloaf. That’s nonsense,” she said.
“Oh, so everything I say is nonsense now?” he said.
“You’re turning into your mother,” she said.
“Well, at least my mother can cook,” he said.
***
And here’s dialogue with violent action:
“Green beans do not belong in meatloaf. That’s nonsense.” Her voice came out in a pitiful squeak as she stabbed the mashed potatoes with a fork.
“Oh, so everything I say is nonsense now?” His right hand closed into a fist as he pushed her against the refrigerator door.
“You’re turning into your mother.” She spotted the hat his mother left after church, and dropped a forkful of potatoes on it.
“Well, at least my mother can cook.” He hit her with such force, she fell face first into the mashed potatoes.
***
Or try the same conversation with calmer action:
“Green beans do not belong in meatloaf. That’s nonsense.” She turned him around and steered him out of the kitchen.
“Oh, so everything I say is nonsense now?” He turned to wipe a smear of mashed potato off her nose.
“You’re turning into your mother.” She spotted the hat his mother had left after church and giggled as she put it on his head.
“Well, at least my mother can cook.” He laughed and gave her a kiss.
Narrative is not Description
What a lot of creative writing teachers should make clearer is that story consists of a number of elements: narrative, internal monologue, dialogue, description, and action.
Too much of any of these elements can slow down a story.
Some of the commenters on my conversation/action post said they use lots of dialogue because they don’t like reading a bunch of description.
But a writer’s choice is not just between dialogue or description. We can also choose internal monologue, action, or narrative.
Narrative is the basic tool of storytelling. It can be done in an omniscient voice, first person, third person, or any other POV:
“Once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far away, lived a prince who liked green beans in his meatloaf…”
***
“I never liked green beans. When Gary asked me to put them in my famous meatloaf, I decided to leave him.”
***
“When Gary suggested Marlene put green beans in the meatloaf, she smiled and accepted the bag of green beans, but immediately hid it in the fridge behind the big bunch of kale. Gary hated kale.”
Description isn’t Always About Hearts and Flowers
I also want to add that description is necessary to storytelling, too. And it doesn’t have to be boring.
Marlene was first attracted to Gary because of his lime green VW bug. He had it tricked out with custom upholstery that could have come right out of a Peter Max painting, all wild colors and psychedelic swirls. When she heard the car horn play the powerful opening notes of Cream’s “Sunshine of Your Love” she was hooked.
***
I looked down at the gray slab of meat Marlene had put in front of me. It was the most boring meatloaf I’d ever seen. Not a perky hint of green from peppers or beans —not even a bit of tomato red. Nothing but relentlessly gray sadness on a plate.
Dialogue Needs to be Enhanced by Internal Monologue, too.
Internal monologue isn’t all navel-gazing. Consider the meatloaf conversation punctuated by internal monologue instead of action.
“Green beans do not belong in meatloaf. That’s nonsense.” Marlene wondered where he got the idea of adding green beans. It must have come from his mother.
“Oh, so everything I say is nonsense now?” Gary’s face showed anger, but Marlene could see something else. Maybe despair?
“You’re turning into your mother.” Marlene immediately regretted saying that. They were always fighting about his mom, who really was a sweet woman, but she could be such a colossal pain.
“Well, at least my mother can cook.” Now he looked as if he might cry.
…A Little More Action, Please”
So even though it was fun for me to use that Elvis song to talk about the problem of too much dialogue, the comments let me know I should have added that there are other alternatives to action to move the story along.
And I wish Gary and Marlene all the best in working out their green bean dispute. 😊
***
By Anne R. Allen (@annerallen) February 18, 2024
What about you, scriveners? Did you think “action” needed to involve violence or danger? Is there one aspect of storytelling you tend to overuse–dialogue, introspection, description, narrative, or action?
For more info on how to write dialogue, see Ruth’s post “He Said, She Said.”
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Examples are very helpful – thanks. Easier to understand.
I’ll take the green beans and they can keep the meatloaf though.
Alex–Me too. But I once knew a woman whose husband refused to speak to her for a week because she didn’t put green beans in meatloaf. Sounded bonkers to me.
Hi Anne,
Great stuff, as usual. And I’m with Alex on the beans!
CS–Yes. I love green beans. Meatloaf, not so much. 🙂
Not always. While my current project has a lot of danger and violence, it’s carefully added with a lot of other types of action that moves the story along, from a simple personal conversation to search for ingredients to make a antidote, and everything else in between. And the important thing is, they all move the story along and aren’t just thrown in for the sake of padding a word count.
And they can keep the green beans, I’ll take the meatloaf and drown it in Hunt’s Tomato sauce.
GB–I hope people aren’t still padding word count. Not many journals pay by the word these days. And readers have a strong preference for lean prose–in novels, short fiction, and creative essays. Too much of any of the basic elements can create bloated writing.
Hi Anne. Hope you have a calm Sunday. No earthquakes or rain.
Thanks for going into detail about what action is and that not all has to be life threatening, karate punches, or clash of swords.
I often think some of the ‘action opening’ comes from story structure advice. Start with the protagonist in their routine environment then drop a house on them. I think the wicked witch of the west can relate. Anyway, then a critique partner or alpha reader says, that’s nice, the writing is good, but nothing happens. This puts the writer’s back to square one with that darned opening scene or first chapter. It can get very confusing at times.
About dialogue tags, great advice and wise to stress not to overdue it. Good action dialogue tags can certainly set the mood or give us a glimpse of what’s going on inside a character’s head.
Green beans in meatloaf? Umm, no. However the VW bug brought back memories and it was The Doors for me, not Cream.
Kudos. Stay well.
Brenda–Alas, we’re about to be hit by another “atmospheric river”–a doozy of a storm that’s supposed to hit California hard over the next four days. We’re expecting power outages and lots of flooding. Never a dull moment!
I really knew a guy whose car horn played the opener of “Sunshine of Your Love.” I didn’t recognize it right away, though. It sounded just like the theme for the Ajax cleanser commercial “Stronger than Dirt.” 🙂
I remember the Ajax ad. Into the scene rides the shining knight on the white horse. (Back in those days, you knew what an ad was selling without having to scratch your head in puzzlement. Not so much these days.) And my musical interests predate both The Doors and Cream. I tend toward 17th, 18th, and 19th Century music … but then again, I know I’m odd.
Sally–Ah, the Ajax white knight! He was stronger than dirt! And I think he carried a flag that said “Ajax” right there for all to see.
I don’t think we have to choose between classical and popular music. They both speak to places in our soul. Pop music might be best for a car horn, but I can imagine the first few notes of Beethoven’s Ode to Joy on a car horn.
Interesting post, Anne. I’m somewhat fascinated by this misunderstanding. For me, action means “doing something”, the “Hollywood meaning” is only secondary – but then, English isn’t my first language…
I agree that every element can be good or bad. E.g., I love witty banter in dialogues and well-done worldbuilding-descriptions in fantasy (I recently read two series that were awesome in the latter regard!), but I’m bored by meaningless fight-action.
No opinion on the meatloaf. I suggest they order pizza and watch Meat Loaf in The Rocky Horror Picture Show instead 😉
Tina–Yes. Action means “doing something”. It can be holding somebody’s hand, or cutting it off. Both are action. I’m not sure what you mean by “Hollywood”. I said that in the theater, small actions are called “business”, but not all action is business, just as not all action is violence. Love Rocky Horror!
This may be the most fun post on writing I’ve ever read! Well done, Anne. Particularly since I make a mean meatloaf, and consider green beans punishment. Thanks for making my Sundays always something to look forward to, Anne 🙂
Melodie–Many thanks! I fear people aren’t understanding the post, but I’m not sure what’s not clear. I had fun with Gary and Marlene and their meatloaf. 🙂
“Hollywood” was supposed to hint at action movies (or books) as a genre, as in lots of fighting, violence and running. In German, we use “action”, too, but only in this sense.
Argh, my reply is not where it should be… Sorry!
Tina–Not your fault. This is a WordPress glitch. Apparently it can’t be fixed. Sigh.
Tina–Ah. Now I get it.
I love both, but I am disinclined to put them into the same dish – ON the same dish, but not IN. 🙂
Actually, I’m reading a great book right now called “The 12 Fatal Flaws in Fiction Writing” by five women who are all professional editors and novel writers. Great examples of problems with too much dialogue, too much description/narrative, head-hopping and POV consistency, pacing and tension – all kinds of stuff like that. The examples show “before” passages and “after” passages. I don’t suffer much from most of these 12 fatal flaws, but the book is refreshing my “spidey senses” about them and reminding me of those that are bugbears for me.
Sally–That sounds like a helpful book. I fear that head-hopping is no longer considered a “flaw.” 4 of the last 5 bestsellers I read were so full of head hopping I couldn’t figure out who or what was talking or thinking and I was constantly turning back pages to try to figure what was going on. I hope this is a fad that will disappear soon. A slithery POV is so unfair to readers.
Fighting can be boring in novels; you are right. The problem is when it is ‘thrown in’. Like other elements such as sex or dialogue, it should be there because the story calls for it is essential to the plot or characterisation. You would (possibly) be amazed how many boring sex scenes I have skipped because they were thrown in rather than contributing anything. It tends in some genres to a check marking process; we have to have X many fights or sex scenes so in it goes. I believe we are in agreement that anything does not contribute to characterisation or advancing the plot are the job of all the elements you mentioned. If something does not do those things it is filler and should be cut.
Oh dear. One day I will learn to read a comment before hitting the button. Hopefully, you can make out what I meant. 🤦♀️🤣
JR– 🙂
JR–I agree. Gratuitous violence is as boring as gratuitous sex. I suppose some genres do expect X many scenes of whatever, but if you’re following a formula, you still have to create a reason for actions.
Thank you. Really interesting post and feels quite pertinent. I’ve just got some feedback on my work in progress – the first scene is too slow. The protagonist is outside a building, standing still and doing a bit of thinking. The beta reader is right – it’s glacial. In the rewrite I think if I put some motion in (drives to the building, rushes to the building late?) that might be the action needed to pick the scene up.
Since the entire WIP is romance set in a meditation class, the entire concept of action is an interesting one for me. The story needs action but people are learning to meditate which, by its nature, is sitting very still (though not always). Faster meditation needed perhaps 🙂
Tim–“Rushes to the building late” works well. Then you’ve got tension to pull the reader in. Lianne Moriarty made meditation exciting in Nine Perfect Strangers. You can do it!
I suspect that head-hopping is less a trend that is being accepted and more a trend that the editors of “bestsellers” aren’t editing anymore. I meet a lot of people who have been (and some still are) professionals in the language arts, but who appear to be oblivious of basic English grammar, sentence structure, context, present- vs. past-tense, homophones, etc. To my dismay, I know several English teachers – some active and some retired – who fit this description.
Most coming out of school these days have no education at all – in anything, from what I’ve observed, not just in English. For example, they have no clue of the power of a missing serial comma. In 2017 a Maine dairy had to cough up $5 million to pay 130 milk delivery drivers for years of accumulated, unpaid overtime, all because a serial comma was missing in the law, which led to including the drivers in an employee category that didn’t apply to them. (In 2018, the Maine legislature corrected the error.)
If you are unaware that standards and “rules” of English usage exist, you will not pass them on to others, and the whole shebang collapses into unmitigated miscommunication.
Sally–I remember that Maine case. Commas save money! Alas, I fear you’re right. I know an English teacher who doesn’t know the difference between “advice” and “advise” or when to use “lie” or “lay.” Sigh.
Yeah, it’ll be tough plugging action into meditation. But I don’t know: Usually when I try to meditate, my mind is full of the most distracting action … Maybe that’s a way you can handle it!
A cooking lesson and a writing craft lesson on a single post. Anne, you know how to multitask! Great how you took the same bit of dialogue and twisted it into so many emotional and physical variations. I esp. like scenes with lots of subtext under the words the characters are saying. That can become a whole ‘nother level of action.
Clicked before I finished a thought. What’s said vs. what’s unsaid can add tremendously to conflict.
Debbie–It does indeed.
Debbie–Subtext! Maybe I should add subtext to my list of story elements. It’s so important.
Anne, I do love your posts. —learning so much that I don’t know. I still get lie and lay mixed up, but I do know when to google it one more time.
I found that internal dialogue helps me to move the narrative.
In the book, “Drawing on the Right Side of Your Brain,” the author writes ‘draw what you see, not what you know.’ The premise being we learn to draw at 5 yrs old and often don’t progress past that left-brain memory—stick figures with no shoulders.
So what do we really see, what do my characters see? They don’t see stick figures, they see “business”—new word of the week.
On the fourth chapter. A friend and copy editor told me my conversations were good. So I’m encouraged.
Stay dry.
Londie–I think the difference between “lie” and “lay” may be lost in this generation. 90% of memes I see on social media use them wrong. Sigh. Betty Edwards’ Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain is a classic book on creativity. I think it can help all kinds of creatives. I’m glad to hear it’s helping you.
An excellent book on drawing. I have it myself. I’d not thought of applying that statement to writing, but it does apply.
I totally agree on the meatloaf/green beans issue. On the same plate, but no beans in the meatloaf. As for action, I like to open a novel like Law and Order or NCIS open their episodes: Introduce the readers to the violence that has already happened and make it clear this is the driving force of the story.
Fred–Opening with a dead body is standard in a mystery. Our goal is clear: find the perpetrator. But opening with the POV of a person who is about to get killed doesn’t work as well in a book. It works on TV, because we know who the protagonist (s) are, but in a book, opening with somebody who is about to be wacked feels like a false start.
Thanks Sally.
I popped in walking meditation and Sufi whirling to spice things up a bit. I think though fundamentally the reader is going to have to have some kind of sympathy for meditation and examining their internal states. If they think it’s all a bunch of navel gazing rubbish then it might not be for them
I’ve also fitted a car chase in (of sorts). I allowed the characters not to be meditating during that. 😉
Whew!
Tim–Not meditating while driving is probably a good idea in real life, too. 🙂
Same in the UK with English teachers. I was doing a cover lesson for an absent English teacher some years ago. A pupil brought me his work for a comment. I noticed that the previous piece has been ‘corre ted’ by the absent teacher. The boy had written ‘lose’ correctly (can’t remember the sentence) but the teacher had crossed it out and written ‘loose’.
Some years ago while I was proofreading my first novel, MS Word’s spell-&-grammar check prompted me to replace “its” (possessive) with “it’s” (“it is” contraction) in the sentence, “The horse lifted its hoof.” When I wrote to Microsoft about the problem, they replied that they were not responsible for other manufacturers’ software. (I suppose they hoped I was incapable of recognizing that something with their brand name on it did not imply that they had produced it. Odd.) So, evidently, Microsoft doesn’t care about providing correct English usage to their consumers, either. I hadn’t trusted their software for some time anyway, so it was more a matter of disgruntlement, not shock. I use it to highlight things, which gets my attention. Then I decide for myself if it is correct or not.
Sally–I also suffer from disgruntlement at MS Word’s dead wrong grammar “rules.” 🙂
VM–“Corrections” of correct grammar make me want to scream. The latest grammar check in Word insists on always putting a comma after a huge number of random words. So wrong in so many ways. I figure these silicon valley guys were good in math, but failed high school English.
An excellent post, Anne. I have begun my latest WIP with the protagonist embroiled in The Battle of Hastings. A lot of action, but not much of his earlier life. Now I’m unsure if I should start earlier.
Meatloaf, with or without green beans are a definite no.
VM–The Battle of Hastings! Exciting, but opening earlier so we know who the protagonist is (especially in his native habitat) might be better. The Hero’s Journey is supposed to start with the hero at home before the “call to adventure.”
Whew!
Such great insights! I loved how a change of words can completely turn the scene around from something that was violent to a gushy romantic banter between the partners.
Nick–That’s why stark dialogue with no action can be boring. There’s so much opportunity for subtext and additional information.
Good Post Anne. I like action tags, in place of boring dialogue tags, though nothing beats “he said, she said”. As S. King once said, those we read over, it’s automatic. I try to use both, or sometimes none at all but I’m no Cormac McCarthy!!
Yvonne–You’ll see here that adding action makes the conversation much richer. Lots more is happening. Too much he said/ she said can be really boring.
Thanks for the mention in your intro to the post, Anne!
This certainly clears up what is meant by action. Also reminds us that a balanced mix of the necessary elements in fiction is what we should aim for.
As for green beans, they’re better briefly cooked and served on the side, with butter.
Audrey–Thanks for inspiring this post! I agree 100% about the green beans. I like them fresh and slightly crisp and buttery.
This post is validating to me. My sci fi stories have a lot of action of the non-violent sort. Three women work to re-outfit an alien spaceship so they can take a trip into space. Lots of detailed descriptions of them working together on this, along with dialogue, some romancing, and musical performances. Plus a brief battle on the Moon and a spaceship crashing into the Bermuda Triangle. I try to keep a mix of the elements you listed.
After I wrote this, I saw it could be a good blurb for Book 2.
Mike–Yes. It’s amazing how insight into your stories can appear when you’re NOT trying to write the blurb. 🙂 Good luck with book 2!
Thanks for the excellent advice.
Any guesses why the Pinterest button didn’t work?
Sherrie
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In Book 2, “Secrets & Lies in El Salvador,” Shelly goes to El Salvador to photograph Salvadorans in the midst of the civil war there. She becomes the keeper of many people’s secrets & lies.
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Sherrie–This is a whole lot of spam to attach to a blog comment. Generally the spam elves would have blocked you, but I’m going to let it stand. The Pinterest button works fine on my computer. Maybe you should clear your cache?