by Anne R. Allen
I’m sure everybody remembers the teacher or parent who told you they didn’t like your “tone” when you were being a snarky adolescent. Or a whiney brat who wanted a cookie right before dinner:
“Oh, right. I’m going to ride my bike to the dance? Like I’m 10 years old?”
“But Mo-o-om, I’m so hungry. I’m going to starve to death.”
What did they mean by “tone”? You knew you could express the same sentiment in a different way, and nobody would get mad at you. That’s a shift in tone:
“Dad, could you please give me a ride to the dance? I’ll be sooo grateful.”
“Could I have a little snack to keep me going until dinner, Mom? Smelling that yummy roast in the oven makes me so hungry.”
Different tone: maybe different results. But kids’ first instinct is to use a negative tone because it’s more likely to be immediately heard.
Tone can be tough for new writers to master. I think this is partly due to young people studying creative writing in a school environment. Students are used to employing a certain tone in writing school papers, and that migrates to their fiction. The tone of their fledgling stories can be of the detached, formal, “most scholars agree” type, which can snoozify a reader.
It’s also due to the fact most creative writing teachers urge young writers to be “honest” above all things. This can lead to a whiney, negative tone that is less than enticing to the audience.
Beware Beautiful Prose
A newbie who is urged to write beautiful sentences and luminous prose may find they’re really off the mark if they want to convey tone.
A gritty thriller doesn’t need lush prose. You create tone by careful word choices and clever juxtapositions, not by showing off your vocabulary, or evoking a lyrical mood.
A Matter of Attitude
The tone of any piece of writing, whether it’s a book or a blogpost, shows the attitude of the narrator. It’s one of the most important things a reader gets from looking at the first pages of a book. I personally prefer a book with a lighthearted tone to one that’s frantic or negative. If a novel is gritty and dark, I want to be aware of that tone from page one.
So we want to make sure we establish the tone of a book or story from the first sentence.
Genre is All-Important
“First she glanced at the clock on the night table and saw it was quarter past two in the morning. Charlie shouldn’t even be here; he should be on shift. Then she got her first good look at him and something leaped up inside her, some deadly intuition.”
We know right away we’re in for something scary in the opener of Stephen King’s The Stand. The ominous, frightening tone comes from word choices like “deadly” and “night.” It also comes from the situation: things are disrupted. Nothing is normal.
Compare this with a very different opening tone:
“Okay, don’t panic. Don’t panic. Don’t panic. It’s only a VISA bill. I mean, just how scary can a few numbers be? I stare out of the office window at a bus going down Oxford Street, willing myself to open the white envelope sitting on my cluttered desk.”
In this opener of Sophie Kinsella’s Confessions of a Shopaholic, we know we’re in for some lighthearted laughs. The jumpy, staccato sentences, the repetition of “panic,” the word “cluttered,” and the situation of a character afraid of her credit card bill let us know right away we’re in for some funny situations and a ditzy protagonist who lacks self-awareness.
Both of these openers involve a woman essentially doing nothing. One is in bed, and one is sitting at her desk in an office.
However, each promises a very different kind of story by the tone they use. One is ominous and the other is humorous.
The Opener Can Set a Positive, Negative, or Neutral Tone
The tone of a piece of writing can be positive, negative, or neutral, which establishes the emotional feel of the story.
The Stephen King opener is essentially negative, and the Sophie Kinsella is essentially positive (In spite of the character’s apprehensions, we feel something funny is about to happen.) But a book can also open with a neutral tone.
Here’s the opener of Douglas Adams’ The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, which is a very funny book, but the tone is neutral, almost academic.
Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small, unregarded yellow sun.
Adams’ omniscient narrator uses a tone that’s neutral and detached. It’s not negative like King’s or lighthearted like Kinsella’s, although words like “unfashionable” and “unregarded” let us know the author’s intention is ironic.
But that neutral tone is part of what creates the humor. Arthur Dent, the Every-Englishman protagonist, makes no judgments about the happenings, but just tries to understand and get himself a cup of “something almost, but not quite entirely unlike tea.”
Is Tone the Same as Mood?
Not exactly. Tone is the attitude of the narrator, but mood is the general feeling of the scene.
Mood and atmosphere are created by descriptors. (Think: “It was a dark and stormy night.”) But tone comes from the diction of the dialogue and the inner thoughts of the protagonist or narrative voice.
Tone is not Dictated by Subject Matter
What got me thinking about tone was an interaction with a publicist for a guest blogger we had earlier this year. Our guidelines say we prefer a “lighthearted tone” for our blogposts here. The publicist replied that was impossible, because the author was planning to talk about his book, which has dark subject matter.
I found it hard to explain to a non-writer that a writer can use a lighthearted tone even when discussing dark subjects.
In fact, Ruth does it in most of her posts. Like her suggestions last week for how an author can fix an ailing book:
- Throw in a joke.
- Kill someone.
- Put them in a wheelchair.
- Or maybe a coma would be better?
- Get them laid. Good sex, bad sex, funny sex, mercy sex. Doesn’t matter as long as it helps you hack a way out of your dead end.
We both find that a lighthearted, positive tone sets us apart from textbook how-to writing, which generally has a detached, neutral tone. The cheerful tone reflects our personalities and attitude toward writing rather than the subject matter.
Choose the Right Tone for Your Audience
In a work of fiction, make sure the diction and attitude create the feeling that’s appropriate for your target audience. Genre can dictate tone, but so can your readers.
If you’re writing cozy mysteries, you’re probably aiming at an older demographic, so you probably don’t want a snarky, wise-cracking attitude. If you’re writing action-adventure aimed at a male audience, you probably want to convey strength and determination. For a rom-com, something cheerful and optimistic will bring in a reader looking for escapist fun.
Sometimes Readers Misread Tone
Even the best writers have readers who don’t “get” tone. I often have trouble convincing people that Jeff Lindsay’s Darkly Dreaming Dexter — the basis of the TV show Dexter — is essentially a comedy. It’s a pitch-black comedy, but its tone is humorous. Here’s the opener:
“Moon. Glorious Moon. Full, fat, reddish moon, the night as light as day, the moonlight flooding down across the land and bringing joy, joy, joy.”
And no matter how many clues I give that my novels are comic, I get some reviews that say things like “It’s almost as if the author is trying to be funny.”
We need to be aware that some readers are humor-impaired, and otherwise unable to pick up your clues. Those readers prefer a straightforward, journalist’s just-the-facts-ma’am approach, and they will superimpose that on any book, whether it’s Good in Bed, or War and Peace.
Those people probably aren’t your audience, so ignore them.
***
What about you, scriveners? Do you have trouble establishing tone in your writing? Do you find some readers misread your tone? Can you think of a book where tone wasn’t established soon enough and you found yourself reading a different kind of book from what you expected?
BOOK OF THE WEEK
BOOMER WOMEN: Three Comedies about a Generation that Changed the World
3 full-length novels for $5.99
The Lady of the Lakewood Diner, Food of Love and The Gatsby Game, now available in one boxed set.
“Canny cultural observation that brings to mind two of my favorite British authors, Barbara Pym and Penelope Fitzgerald. Yes, the humor is there and sometimes spew-your-cocktail funny, but the character depth and plot fulfillment go so far beyond the humor. I felt I knew these people. I felt I was there.”…Debra Eve at The Later Bloomer
“I applaud Allen’s consistently genuine voice, with accuracy that spells ‘that could have been me’. Behind the humor, she is gracefully revolutionary.”…Kathleen Keena author of The Play’s The Thing.
Available from:
Amazon Barnes and Noble, Kobo, Scribd and GooglePlay
***
featured image courtesy of Wiki Commons
I don’t think I’ve grasped how to use tone in writing. Though I am beginning to learn when it means. My hope is to be lightheaded and more rom-com.
As soon as I saw, “okay, don’t panic. Don’t panic.” I knew where it was from 😃 that probably says a lot about me. Most of the times blogs and craft books use genres and books I haven’t read.
I think a lot of people have tried to emulate Sophie Kinsella (including myself). It never translates the same.
Tonya–I think humor writers like Sophie Kinsella should get more respect from the writing community. Mark Twain wrote humor, and he’s not considered an intellectual lightweight, but female humor writers often are. Rom-coms are some of the most popular books around. Kinsella’s voice is her own, but you can imitate her tone in your own rom-coms.
Anne—Excellent! Thrillers with a reportorial tone also work really well as they set up a contrast between a straightforward tone and the chilling content. Check the opening sentences of Day Of The Jackal by Frederick Forsyth (a journalist) fo an example.
https://www.amazon.com/Day-Jackal-Frederick-Forsyth-ebook/dp/B0081KZ20E/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=day+of+the+jackal&qid=1699208897&sr=8-2&asin=0593544994&revisionId=&format=4&depth=3
Here’s a question: How would you define/describe the difference between “tone” and “voice”?
Ruth–Yes, Forsyth does a great job creating a detached, journalistic tone while reporting horrific events. It makes the events seem even more chilling.
I think of “voice” being more about the personality of the narrator and “tone” is the attitude toward the particular event. Tone can change from scene to scene, but voice is the same.
Ennis Del Mar wakes before five, wind rocking the trailer, hissing in around the
aluminum door and window frames. – opener to Brokeback Mountain. 🙂
Ellen–Oh, that definitely sets an ominous tone. “Rocking” and “hissing” signal the storm to come.
Tone may be defined as the relatonship betwen the “author” and the reader. I have run into all sorts of problems with publicists who insisted in talking down to or patronizing the audience they are trying to reach about my book. Tone is a flexible tool for any author, but it must be used carefully — and woe be to the PR writer who doesn’t understand the concept of tone, or that it should be appropriately nuanced.
Eric–I’ve pretty much decided not to work with publicists any more. They think the fact they’re getting paid and bloggers aren’t makes bloggers their minions. And yeah, they sure don’t get tone and voice.
Establishing and maintaining tone can be a challenge not only for beginners but also for those of us who have more experience.
Early in my writing life, I had a problem maintaining tone. One of my beta readers offered a helpful solution. She called my attention to a passage in my writing that established the tone she thought I should maintain. She told me to print off that passage and reference it as I wrote. I still follow her advice.
Leanne–What a helpful beta reader! That kind of help is golden: when they point out what does work, so you can do more of that.
Tone is like a writer’s voice. It takes a bit of writing to get a handle on it.
Most of mine start off more serious, but my second one, which is the lightest of the five, does start off with a light, funny line.
Alex–It does take some practice before a writer learns the subtleties of tone and voice. I know my early attempts at fiction sounded like a robot wrote them. Starting out funny gives a reader a promise of a good time and a lighthearted read, so if you can sustain that tone, it’s great if you can open with a funny line.
Good post, Anne! This was a difficult lesson for many students in my classes, particularly when it came to establishing the tone for the book. That being, you can’t start the book out as a comedy and then turn it dead serious for the next 70,000 words, and vice versa. You’ll disappoint the audience. The tone you establish in the beginning should reflect the type of book this will be.
Melodie–Yes! It’s all about what expectations you set up in the reader, isn’t it? I’m reading a book now that started out as a mystery, but for the next 8 chapters has been chatty women’s fiction. I like chatty women’s fiction, but it’s not what I expected, so I find myself skimming and skipping whole pages because I want to get back to the mystery.
Poets and lyrics writers have so little room to set tone. I often think we can take lessons from them. There’s a big difference between, “Hello darkness, my old friend,” — “In the heat of the night,” and “Silent night, holy night.”
Even those written by the same poet such as Frost. “Hog butcher for the world. Tool maker. Stacker of wheat” and “Two roads converged in a yellow wood, and sorry I could not travel both.”
First lines, paragraphs, or pages are a promise to the reader that what they paid for is what they get. We have to set that tone mindfully. Yes, there can be humor in a dark thriller, There can be a touch of angst in a rom-com, but we have only one chance to set reader expectations. We can’t afford to waste it.
Thank you for reminding us.
Brenda–Good point! We only have a few lines to establish tone, so it’s good to think like a poet. (And I think Paul Simon is a great poet 🙂 )
I’ve never read a blog post about the tone of a book but I loved this and you explained it well. The book I just finished writing is about a depressed young woman but the book itself isn’t depressing. At least I don’t think so. The woman gradually learns how to experience the positives in life and the book ends on a very happy note. But you post made me really think about the tone of a book. Thank you.
Patricia–I recently read a book like that and loved it. In Elinor Oliphant is Perfectly Fine, the narrator keeps an upbeat “perfectly fine” tone throughout the book, as we get revelation after revelation of the extremely not-fine horrors she endured. But in spite of the dark subject matter, the tone is positive throughout, and the ending is hopeful. That’s one of the things that got me thinking about tone, and how important it is to our enjoyment of a book.
Excellent post, Anne. Setting the tone in the first few sentences is so important. It’s playing fair with the reader so they have a sense of what to expect.
Kay–“Playing fair” is the perfect way to put it. Thanks!
Love that line: Tone is the attitude of the narrator, mood is the general feeling of the scene. A beautiful distinction. Thanks.
Danielle–I hope that helps new writers understand how tone is different from mood. Tone comes from the narrator, and mood comes from all the characters, setting, and dialogue.
Good things to think about here, Anne. To answer your question, my experience is that writing in first person establishes tone almost automatically. Close third works similarly, but when I write in distant third or omniscient, I have to actively work on tone.
CS–That’s a great tip. Writing in first person for just one chapter can help a writer with a lot of things–and tone is certainly one of them. I think omniscient lends itself to that detached, journalist’s tone or the history book tone.
A friend of mine wrote a novel that is extremely dark – the protagonist has to deal with the whole range of fantasy creatures (gnomes, ogres, mer-people, vampires, pixies and brownies, etc.) in order to save the world from the destruction planned by evil waterhorses. The tone of the story is snarky, which I found off-putting at first, but once I got into it, I realized that the snarkiness is exactly the balance the story needs, or it would be way too dark. Quite an imaginative story which I came to enjoy thoroughly.
Sally–When I think about it, I realize that a lot of comedy is about dark subjects, but the jokes detach us from the emotions the subject matter would usually evoke. That detachment helps us deal with a lot of emotional pain. So your friend made a great choice, using a snarky, detached tone for a dark story.
Thank you. That’s helpful.
I love these blog posts. I have always had a problem separating “tone” from “mood” and here it is in the most succinct and understandable manner. Thank you!
Elaine–I’m so glad this helps!
An additional comment, if I may, for a book that makes interesting use of tone, read Study for Obedience by Sarah Bernstein. I just started reading this book yesterday. It’s up for the Scotiabank Giller and the Booker and understandably so.
Leanne–Thanks for the recommendation. That’s not a title I’ve heard of. I’ll check it out.
This is so good! The long fancy prose came easy to me. Writing short stories actually helped to tighten down what I was saying and still provide the descriptive detail I wanted.
TJ–Writing short stories can do so much to improve our writing and keep our writing tight even when we’re old pros. Flash fiction, especially, can really hone that prose.
Such a fascinating subject, Anne. Tone and mood have subtle difference, as you expertly demonstrated. It’s important for writers to know the difference. That comment from one of your readers is hilarious! LOL
Sue–I think a lot of writers use tone in ways that enhance their stories, but they don’t realize they’re doing it. It’s kind of a trope for YA books to have a snarky, sarcastic tone, which gets young readers engaged with the narrator. That’s a great use of tone, but many don’t know it.
Yeah–That review that said it was almost as if I wanted to be funny was hilarious. I wondered if they watch late night comedians and think they’re watching the news. Although, come to think of it, sometimes it’s hard to tell… 🙂
Very late to the party, but I have a question: In what way can tone be distinguished from voice? IMO, voice = the narrator’s attitude to what’s being written about. How is this not essentially the same as tone? Thanks.
Barry–The difference is subtle, but your narrator can have an upbeat voice when the tone of the scene is really dark. I recently read Elinor Olyphant is Perfectly Fine, where that happens a lot. The narrator is an alcoholic who’s suppressed memories, but as readers we can see through her delusional chirpy voice to the dark reality of the horrors she endured.