A transition sentence is like a bridge
by Ruth Harris
At a writers’ workshop, I once heard a beginning writer talk about how it had taken him almost all day to write a paragraph describing his character waking up in his bedroom upstairs and going to the kitchen downstairs to make breakfast.
“He made eggs and toast,” continued the writer.
“And then what happened?” I asked.
“He got some strawberry jam out of the refrigerator.”
Not much of a story, I thought. “The jam was poisoned?” I prompted.
He shook his head. “He found a body near the stove.”
Which meant the writer needed to beware the dreaded narrative-crushing, throat-clearing set up.
Which also meant he needed to learn how to write a compelling, effective transition sentence.
What is a transition sentence?
Transition sentences are the crucial bridges that link one thought to the next or one scene to the next.
Well-constructed transition sentences, unlike London Bridge, do not fall down. Instead, they structure a smooth-flowing story, ensure forward progress, escalate suspense or tension, and, in turn, create page-turning, can’t-put-it-down fiction.
We’re talking about the hard working sentences that move your story from here to there, from him to her, from good guy to bad guy.
The transition sentence seamlessly moves the reader from one character, scene, place or mood to the next.
For example:
“As up-and-coming country singer, Joe Bob Smith, knocked on the door of the Memphis company’s hottest hit maker, in cold, snowy Moscow, his sister, CIA super agent Daphne Smith, bundled in thick sheepskins, skulked along the wall surrounding the Kremlin.”
So here we are: all the way from Memphis to Moscow, from pop music headliner to tense thriller in a single sentence.
The transition sentence can also link one thought or mood to another:
“She loved him, but she was already late for work and he’d left the car’s fuel gauge pointing to empty. Which meant she would have to stop at the gas station first and would make her even later.
“Which also meant she wanted to kill him.”
Three sentences that shift the mood.
Whether the tone is mystery, thriller, or comedy depends on genre.
How to write a powerful transition sentence.
The transition sentence must be clear, simple, and direct as it moves the reader’s attention from one focus to another and provides the connective tissue that supports compelling narrative.
It might link AM and PM, Wednesday and Friday, Spring to Summer — or one place to another — from Memphis to Moscow, from the kitchen to the living room, or from one thought or mood to another.
“Leaving the hot, steamy kitchen and the winey beef stew for which she was locally celebrated, Linda Jones checked the mirror to refresh her makeup and tidy her hair. She wanted to look her best when the tall, Cary Grant lookalike United Parcel man rang her doorbell even as she fretted about what she could do to keep her husband from finding out about him.”
The well-crafted transition sentence can compress or expand time.
“As Henry Tailor gunned his silver Ferrari into merging traffic, he recalled the time almost fifteen years ago when he’d been dead broke. He’d vowed never to be poor again, and he’d lied, stolen and cheated to make his way to the top of the Hollywood heap as CEO of Colossal Pix.”
Write only what moves the plot forward.
Don’t get bogged down with extraneous details.
Do not describe your character’s cute Donald Duck pajamas, what brand of toothpaste s/he uses, or whether s/he prefers cereal or eggs for breakfast — unless such info is essential to the plot. (Killer Corn Flakes, anyone?)
If your character decides to go to Paris, do not describe how she gets to the airport, checks her luggage, and drinks a Coke in the departure lounge.
Instead, jump cut to the next scene as she arrives at her hotel on the Left Bank where her lover (or her assassin) waits for her.
If a scene ends with Jo Anne deciding to confront her ex about the missing child support check, the next scene should not begin with Jo Anne arriving at her ex’s door determined to collect.
Instead heed screenwriter William Goldman’s advice, and get into your scene as late as possible. In this case, the transition sentence can start the scene as Jo Anne faces down her ex and demands the money.
Cue to his refusal, his weak explanation for his lapse, his flimsy promise to do better next time, or his sincere apology as he hands over the check.
The resulting scene can escalate to murder — or to passionate reconciliation.
Each sentence in the scene as it transitions from one emotion to the reaction should carry the reader’s thoughts from one possibility to the next.
The skillful use of transition sentences will heighten the tension and compel the reader to wonder what will happen next — the essence of compelling, can’t-put-it-down fiction.
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by Ruth Harris (@RuthHarrisBooks) September 24, 2023
What about you, scriveners? Do you have trouble with transition sentences? I sure did when I was a newbie writer. And I was the one who got the strawberry jam out of the fridge and spread it on the toast endlessly while any semblance of plot evaporated. When is it toughest for you to transition between scenes?
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featured image by Peggy and Marco Lachmann-Anke for Pixabay
Excellent, and fundamental, advice about transition sentences!! Thank you!
Excellent advice. Thank you.
I think it was here, in another blog post recently, that I recounted an endless sunrise (that went on for five or six hours) while the characters did this, that, and the other thing. That story definitely needed a transition – or a transmission: It was stuck in “neutral.” Funny how a single example can so often relate to distinctly different topics.
This is the first time I’m seeing (learning) this. Food for thought. I’m taking notes. Thank you for sharing Ruth!
Bobbi—Thanks for taking the time to comment! Hope you found some help for finding out how to move your story along.
V.M.—Thank *you!* 🙂
Sally—Ah, yes, the endless sunrise! 🙂 Writers need to keep track of the time, aka “time management.” Applies to fiction, too!
Thank *you,* Kenneth. Transition sentences are (one of) the keys to writing compelling fiction. I live in dread of boring my readers!
Great discussion of transitions. Blow by blow descriptions of ordinary activities make me skip ahead or, worse, give up on the book. Just get the character to the next place they need to be for more action.
BTW, the mail chimps are acting up again, as they did last week. Didn’t receive the regular email notice of today’s blog.
Thanks for the examples to make your point. They helped.
Dianna—Thanks — and agreed! I think examples really help…they make the point specific and much clearer.
Debbie—Couldn’t agree more. As I said above to Kenneth, I dread boring my readers and what could be more boring than descriptions of mundane activities. Everyone knows socks go on before shoes. Well, don’t they?????
Did you use Ruth’s advice on that transition, @debbieburkewriter? Seems like a good one.
Ah Ruth. So many of my students say, “but if I leave out all the ordinary things she does, I won’t have enough words for a book!” To which I respond: “You have just told me that you don’t have enough *plot* for a book!” Which is usually the case. 80,000 words needs a LOT of plot. Great post, Ruth!
Ah Melodie. I feel your pain. Yes *plot!* Banish the ordinary. Who wants to read about how they do the laundry or wash the car????
Also maybe more (better) characterization? And how about setting when/if appropriate?
I am about to start editing my first draft of my ninth book and this is a very helpful post, Ruth. Thank you. I have never read a post about transition sentences and yet they are so important. Thank you again.
That’s why our stories are about the more than ordinary things. We have to work to develop those. Lots of wannabe writers are afraid of applying the elbow grease. It took me a long time to work through a difficult part of my second novel – it was the toughest writing I have ever done – but the deep satisfaction upon having done it cannot be matched. The experience grew me. In addition, I realized, when it was done, that it was merely “boot camp” for my next project, whetting me for what will be the hardest writing I will (or may) ever do – a non-fiction work about police families surviving line-of-duty deaths. It’s not something I chose – it most distinctly chose me.
Patricia—So pleased my post landed at an opportune moment for you. Yes! Transition sentences matter. A lot! No compelling narrative without them — and no forward momentum to keep readers turning pages. Good luck on your edit!
Thanks for taking the time to comment! As someone once said, easy reading is hard writing. A prominent editor once told me that my fiction was silky smooth. It was not a compliment! (if you can believe that). I work hard to make reading easy…don’t readers deserve that effort from writers????