By Anne R. Allen
Point of view is one of the toughest things for a new writer to master when learning to write fiction. You hear terms like “omniscient, third person limited, second person, deep point of view, camera’s eye” etc. But it’s hard to figure out which one works for your story.
And how do we do that and avoid the dreaded “head-hopping”?
Dreaded Head-Hopping
I remember when I was first brave enough to show one of my early short stories to my mother — a professor of English with an Ivy League PhD. It was a Christmas story about a mom slogging through making fruitcake, which she hated, thinking everybody in the family wanted her fruitcake. But it turned out each member of the family lied about liking it, too. There was a paragraph or two from the point of view of each family member.
My mom didn’t get past the first page. “You’re head-hopping,” she said. “You can only have one point of view in a short story. It has to be told through the thoughts of one character.”
That was my crash course in point of view. The story went in the trash. But later I found out my mom was partly wrong. I still regret tossing that sweet little Christmas story.
Today, you’ll see lots of bestsellers that have so much head-hopping it will give you whiplash — and they sell millions of copies. (I’m looking at you, Lessons in Chemistry and Where the Crawdads Sing.) It drives readers like me bonkers, but others don’t mind a bit.
Third Person Limited is the “Modern” Point of View.
I do know why my mom was so fierce about using a single point of view. The “Moderns” of the 1920s, 30s, and 40s made the third person limited POV the standard for the industry. (That’s when the entire story is told from the point of view of one character without being told in first person.) After the omniscient storytelling of the Victorians, readers found third person limited gave a refreshing clarity and intimacy to a story. Pulps hung onto omniscient longer than literary writers, and my mother thought my head-hopping seemed pulpy.
Even in the Post-Post-Modern (Post-Post-Post Modern?) era, third person limited is the standard POV for most fiction. If you’re a newbie trying to get published, it’s easiest to break in with the standard single 3rd person POV (unless you write historicals or high fantasy.) First person is equally accepted for YA, rom-coms, and chick lit.
Only deviate from the norm if it’s absolutely important for the story, because an unusual POV will be a huge obstacle to your publication success.
There’s a reason for the industry’s preference: A single point of view provides the clearest, easiest, most relatable story-telling. If you’re writing popular fiction, you want to write with your reader’s comfort in mind.
Consider these Examples:
1
Detective Smith thought one of those three at the buffet table had to be the culprit.
Jake loved the way Sophie looked with that dark hair. But she could feel Ross’s fear. After he helped himself to three large scoops of scrambled eggs, she gave his hand a squeeze of support. She needed him to calm down. Jake felt a twinge of jealousy.
Why hadn’t Sophie reminded him he hated scrambled eggs? What he really wanted was some of that roast beef. And for Sophie to stop grabbing him like that. Jake leaned over and kissed her as they waited for the roast beef carver. He needed to get her away from Ross so they could talk about what happened to Doris.
Smith returned to the buffet and stood behind them at the roast beef carving station.
2
Smith knew one of those three at the buffet had to be the culprit. Sophie — now a brunette — sidled up to Ross. After the greedy bastard helped himself to three scoops of scrambled eggs, Sophie gave his hand a squeeze. So — it looked like those two were an item.
Or maybe not.
As the three waited for the roast beef carver, Jake bent down to give Sophie a lingering kiss. Hmmm. Maybe they were in a menage a trois, and they’d all plotted together to kill Doris?
Smith returned to the buffet to listen to the three lovers as they waited in line for the bloody roast beef.
Clarity and Flow are All-Important
A reader can kind of understand what’s going on in example #1, but it’s choppy, and they may have to go back a couple of times to check to see who’s thinking what.
Not only is example #2 clearer, but there’s better flow. And since we’re tight in the detective’s head, we can know his thoughts and judgements about what’s going on.
In #1 we know what everybody is thinking, and in #2 we only know the detective’s interpretations of their movements. But those interpretations present interesting story questions that presumably will be answered later on.
A lot of beginners will head-hop because they haven’t mastered the art of showing multiple characters’ thoughts through the eyes of the protagonist. It does take practice, but it creates a more readable, polished story.
Try this Trick
If you are having trouble writing from a single point of view, try writing a couple of pages in first person. Yes, rewrite it with “I” instead of “he/she.” That way you can only write what’s in the head of one person — the protagonist.
I’m not saying you should write your whole book in first person (unless it obviously improves the storytelling) but it’s a great exercise to help you think in terms of a single point of view.
Omniscient Point of view vs. Head Hopping
“But I’m writing in the omniscient point of view!” The newbies say.
The thing is, they probably aren’t. Omniscient POV is not the same as multiple points of view. Omniscient point of view is the hardest to do well.
In true omniscient POV, the narrative voice is almost a character unto itself. It will have attitudes and judgments that make that voice unique.
Omniscient POV tends to sound old-fashioned, so it lends itself to historical fiction and high fantasy.
“Once upon a time, in kingdom far, far, away, there lived a lonely mage whose powers allowed him to turn into a lobster at will. It was a prodigious talent, but not one appreciated by the opposite sex, especially the princess he pined for. Sadly, he nearly met his end when he approached the beauteous Princess Belinda on the shores of the Dronigan Sea and she plopped him into a pot of fish stew. In her defense, the fishermen’s catch had been meager that day, and she was ravenous after beating three suitors in a foot race. But little did she know…”
This voice can tell us what each character is thinking, but it is detached and distant. The narrator doesn’t feel what the characters feel or get emotionally involved with the story. It’s a historian’s voice, or a storyteller’s voice, but not the intimate voice of each character.
Camera’s Eye Point of View
One way some writers avoid the head-hopping problem is to write in omniscient POV as if they were writing a screenplay. The narrator only sees what is outside the characters, and has no insight into their thoughts. Those are only shown in dialogue. This can work in fantasy, historical, sci-fi or comic storytelling that needs a slightly archaic, detached voice. But it’s hard to sustain in a whole novel. The emotional distance is less engaging for the reader and some may find it tedious.
The young woman stood on the banks of the Dronigan Sea. Her robes suggested she was a royal, perhaps a princess. She watched the huge lobster making its way across the wet sand directly toward her.
“Bouillabaisse!” the princess said to the lobster. “You’ll add flavor to today’s pot of fish stew. The catch has been meager today.”
How to Show Multiple Points of View Without Head-Hopping
But what if you need to show several characters’ thoughts to tell your story? Do you need to use the omniscient voice?
No. You can use third person limited and still move to different characters. Just make sure changes in POV are clearly labeled, and each POV character has a separate chapter or section. I have used separated points of view in several of my books. In So Much for Buckingham, I alternate between Camilla and her best friend Plantagenet as POV characters. And In No Place Like Home, I alternate between Camilla and criminal’s-wife-on-the-lam, Doria Windsor. I used first person for Camilla and third person for Plantagenet and Doria.
Each character has a separate chapter, clearly labelled. This is a way to let the audience know what’s going on “in another part of the forest.” It allows readers to experience those scenes first-hand and not wait for the protagonist to hear about them after the fact.
But we don’t want to hop into the head of one of the main characters if it’s not their chapter. Keep those heads carefully separated so there’s no temptation to hop from one to the other willy-nilly.
Other Points of View
Some writers may be tempted to try a second person point of view, and it’s a fun gimmick. It’s great for experimenting, but second person can be tedious for the reader if it’s used for a whole novel. (It can be fun in short fiction, though.)
Yes, there are a couple of novels in second person that soared up the bestseller lists, like And Then We Came to the End, which is in 2nd person plural. But to be absolutely honest, I never did come to the end of that one. “We” became boring, and I didn’t care about any of them.
If you use it, realize you’ll be fighting an uphill battle for readers’ attention. Cleverness alone can’t sustain a whole novel. You need a story that engages the reader completely.
“Deep” Point of View
You’ll read a lot of blogs and articles about “deep” point of view, and they may confuse you. The truth is, “deep” is simply a version of third person limited POV that is particularly intimate. It uses fewer dialogue tags and simply gives the protagonist’s thoughts and feelings. If you write your third person as if it’s first person, you may be writing “deep” without knowing it.
So soldier on. 😊 Remember the important thing is to make the story as clear to the reader as possible in whatever point of view you choose.
by Anne R. Allen (@annerallen) August 6, 2023
What about you, scriveners? Do you have problems with head-hopping? Does it bother you when an author head-hops? What point of view do you prefer as a reader? As a writer?
And tomorrow, August 7th, I’ll be visiting The Kill Zone to talk about the importance of firing “Chekhov’s Gun.”
***
BOOK OF THE WEEK
SO MUCH FOR BUCKINGHAM
Internet trolls and Amazon review swarms lead to real-life murder.
“This wonderfully satiric comedy is a joy to read. On the surface, it’s a frothy romance cum suspense story about a whacky writer, Camilla, whose life is threatened by trolls and who topples from one hilarious disaster into the next.
But underneath, it provides a perceptive insight into the mad world of modern publishing, the sub-culture of Internet lunatics and the mindset of cultists who can – and do – believe ten impossible things before breakfast.
The reader is left with the question: how much of the story, perish the thought, might be true? Tremendous fun, wittily satiric and highly recommended”…Nigel J. Robinson
Camilla and Ronzo see their reputations destroyed by online review trolls. Meanwhile, Plantagenet Smith heads to England, where he encounters a dead historical reenactor dressed as the Duke of Buckingham. Plant is promptly arrested for his murder. In jail, Plant meets the ghost of Richard III, and hears what it’s like to live with character assassination “fake news” that has persisted for half a millennium.
So Much for Buckingham is available at:
All Amazons Kobo Nook Smashwords Googleplay Scribd
Available in paper from:
AmazonUS AmazonUK Barnes & Noble
Also in Audiobook!
available at Audible and iTunes
***
featured image by Kevin Delvecchio at Unsplash.
I understood head hopping early but I tend to write in third person through one-three people and that helps me keep it straight. My last two books were third person from only one character. (Never could do first person. I don’t want to be in my character’s head that much.)
Alex–Writing in first person does kind of mess with your own head, doesn’t it? Sometimes I get up from a writing session still thinking like Camilla, worrying about being polite all the time. 🙂
Not sure if it counts as a lot of head hopping or not, but the way I’ve been working on my trilogy is thus: each chapter alternates between both groups of people; within each chapter, I have three to four distinct sections concentrating on a subset within that group; sometimes I’ll have a break within that section in order to get a story point across; and sometimes I’ll repeat a minor point in order to involve the other participant in that particular scene (mostly for continuity and sensibility).
Overall, I haven’t come across much in the way of head-hopping. I think the majority of books that I read do a very good job of making sure that the characters involved in a given chapter(s) aren’t stomping all over one another in order to move the story along.
GB–As long as you keep the sections separate, you’re not head hopping. It’s when you change POVs in the middle of a paragraph that readers start wanting to throw the book across the room. But I lot of popular writers do it. Louise Penny hops everywhere.
Anne— It’s all about how best to tell the story. For example, from Holden Caulfield in “Catcher In the Rye” to schoolteacher Barbara Covett in “What Was She Thinking [Notes On A Scandal]” the range and power of the first-person narrator are on full display. Bottom line: As always, when it comes to fiction, it all depends on the skill of the writer.
Ruth–Yes! Choice of POV is as important as choice of your protagonist. A book takes on such a different tone when you switch from 3rd to 1st person. Certain genres lend themselves to first person more that others. Catcher in the Rye probably established 1st person as standard for YA. (Not that it was written for teens, but there was no YA category then.)
Wonderful column as always Anne. Like most aspects of writing, doing point of view consciously, proving you’re doing it on purpose, is better than any form of writing it without realizing.
I particularly like the “crossover scene” in third person limited, where one sees a character encounter a major moment, and then later the same scene from a second character. Harder to do because you’re lapping timelines, but the payoff can be huge.
Will–That’s the difference between a pro and an amateur isn’t it? Doing things on purpose, rather than stumbling into them at random. You’re right that overlapping timelines can be a big problem with alternating points of view. When I was writing So Much for Buckingham, I had to keep a spreadsheet with notes on what each character was doing at exactly what time (keeping in mind the time gap between California and the UK.) Otherwise, I would have had a tangled mess.
How do you satisfy publishers who want only 1 POV when your main character isn’t in all the scenes or chapters? I’ve been scrupulously careful to have only 1 POV throughout except in a chapter where the main character isn’t present and couldn’t overhear (or otherwise discern) some key incident/motivation about another key character. I have 4 POVs in the book, and all those key characters appear in pivotal roles throughout the entire series. One publisher nixed my book solely because they said they never publish a book with more than 1 (or 2 max) POV characters. (They did say my writing skills met their high standards.) I truly don’t know how I could do a rewrite without losing something in the process.
Lana–Some publishers are real sticklers about POV, aren’t they?
Those scenes need to be conveyed to the protagonist either through dialogue or the protagonist’s imagination. The character who did witness the scene could phone or show up with the story. Or have your protagonist cogitate on what might be happening. “He assumed the three of them would disappear when they realized who he was. He tried to picture the argument a trois that might have ensued.” Or “Now he knew the thief must have sneaked in through the upstairs window and appeared in Sofie’s bedroom unannounced.” It’s one of the toughest things to learn, but you can do it.
“Remember the important thing is to make the story as clear to the reader as possible in whatever point of view you choose.” Yep – I’d say whatever keeps the reader in the story. In “The Art of Racing in the Rain”, Enzo the dog was the POV narrator and it worked real well. Happy Sunday, Anne & Ruth.
Garry–I haven’t read Racing in the Rain and I didn’t know it has a dog narrator! Now I think I might have to give it a chance. It sounds like fun.
I create Chapters in the POV of my major characters. The Chapters are labeled with the name of the character we will be with. THUS, as the story progresses, the reader experiences it though the viewpoint of that character, becomes familiar with that character’s story. Then the last chapter, I bring this all together.
Beth–That’s just what I do. As I said, I used separate chapters for different points of view in So Much for Buckingham and No Place Like Home. I think that allows the story to move smoothly. I have had reader complaints, though, especially one who said she’d never seen a story told from two points of view before. I figure she didn’t read much. 🙂
Thanks for giving us a good lesson on POV, Anne. I was told early on in my writing to have one POV per scene / chapter, and I’ve followed that advice.
Do you have an opinion on how many different points of view can be used in a novel? In my third novel, I gave POV scenes to a number of characters, all of whom could be considered possible suspects in the mystery. Then the main characters also had their own chapters.
As a reader, I don’t mind head-hopping as long as the story is clear.
Kay–You can have as many POVs as you can get away with, but more than 5 usually is hard to follow. But giving the POV of every suspect is a cute gimmick, so I’d say you probably got away with all of them.
Oh, yes. I had to keep a timeline in my Wolves of Vimar series. One, it was between two books where the party had been separated and each group had a book each. The second was in the same book where, again, there was separation, and different groups and individuals have their own chapters.
VM–I’ve never tried to coordinate timelines between two books. That’s hard to keep track of. But clever. I sometimes tell people with books that are to long to separate them into two or three books with a different protagonist for each. But I’ve never actually seen the result. Sounds as if you did it and it worked.:-)
What a great breakdown of the confusing topic of POV, Anne.
Somewhere I read that, when deciding which POV for a scene, choose the character who has the most at stake or the most to lose. Obviously this applies to books with multiple POV characters, rather than a singular POV.
My latest thriller has eight POVs, the most I ever attempted. But they were necessary to relate events happening in several different locations at the same time. Each character had their own chapter(s). That signaled the change to the reader. So far, no readers or reviewers complained about getting lost.
Look forward to your visit at TKZ!
Debbie–Good advice for a short story. We often choose the wrong POV character for a story. If you choose to stay in one POV, you can still focus on the important character in that scene, through the protagonist’s eyes.
Hi Anne,
Thanks for this. I’m with you about head-hopping. 90% of the time it makes me absolutely nuts, but I must admit an occasional author will pull it off for reasons I can’t quite grok. When it comes to writing, my comfort zone is first person, present, but I’ve been working on my third person, close which I see a lot of possibilities in.
CS–That’s the problem–a great writer can pull off an unusual POV and then a lot of readers think it’s the norm. I wish I wasn’t seeing quite as much head hopping as seems to be showing up in new books right now. It takes a lot of enjoyment away from the book. It’s tough to follow and doesn’t allow you to be right in the story.
I love first person present, but not everybody does. I originally wrote The Best Revenge in first person present–to give a kind of roller-coaster tone. But my editor wanted it rewritten in first person past, so I did the rewrite. That’s common for editors of first novelists, I think. They want you to dot those t’s and cross those i’s. 🙂 But I think that POV is acceptable for children’s and YA.
A great post, as usual! And timely, as POV is something I have pondered lately with the books I’ve read 🙂 So, a comment from a long-time lurker! (Also, second-language speaker, please excuse mistakes.)
Personally, I like writing in First Person, but I have this idea for a Multiple POV book, so I’m looking for inspiration and what (not) to do in my reading.
One book used Third Person Limited and while the writing never left the narrator‘s head, the other characters were so „alive“ I felt like I could almost look into theirs.
Than I read this book that was very obviously written by a newbie, the head-hopping (among other problems) made me cringe.
Now I’m reading two books that are parts of series. Both series started with First Person narrators, only to switch to Multiple POVs in later books. I will admit that this slowed my reading pace to a crawl. I’m usually not a big fan of Multiple POVs – I‘ll always end up liking one more than the other(s), so parts of the book become less enjoyable. On top of that, one of the books has scenes in other POVs that add nothing to the story, really. I find that authors will sometimes switch to Multiple POVs in an attempt to avoid Telling. A book that switches to another POV for just one or two chapters usually frustrates me – I often feel like the author chose the „lazy“ way.
Another book I’m reading (yes, I read multiple lol) is using two POVs in an expert way. The POVs feed off each other, weaving the story in a way that feels constantly progressing even when it loops back. It also plays with the character’s different interpretation of events in a very organic way. This way I’m not feeling like I’m reading multiple stories in one book, as I often do.
If you want to try another book in Second Person, I can highly recommend N.K. Jemisin’s Broken Earth Trilogy, where she alternates between Third and Second Person. The strangeness of that actually added to the mystery, so I devoured the books, wanting to find out who was „talking“ to whom!
Tina–Thanks for de-lurking! If you’re happiest writing in 1st person, you might like to have one of your characters write in 1st in his chapters and others in 3rd in theirs. Much easier than attempting an omniscient voice.
What most readers are looking for is exactly what you said: “Third Person Limited and while the writing never left the narrator‘s head, the other characters were so “alive“ I felt like I could almost look into theirs.” That’s what I think we should all aim for unless the story begs to be told another way.
Thanks for the book recommendation!
I wish I’d known all this when I started but I did learn after several years. My most popular book was written in three different POV’s and I loved writing it. But usually I write in deep third person POV and I write women’s fiction. You explained it well. Thank you.
Patricia–Women’s fiction loves deep POV, because it’s about one person’s emotional journey. So it sounds as if you’ve chosen the right path.
Anne, you say exactly what I use in an assignment: to master single viewpoint, first write the scene in first person, and then rewrite it in third! Simply change pronouns. I usually tell people to think in terms of ‘scenes’ (certainly, I see the book in ‘scenes’ and write that way.) Even if writing in third person, use one viewpoint character per scene. If that character walks out of the scene, you can switch to another. But make it clear who the viewpoint character is at all times, and the best way to do that is to change viewpoint character when you change the scene – and tell them to remember that a new scene means a ‘change’ – a change of time, setting or people.
Melodie–I called them “chapters” but they only need to be scenes. I like to have one scene per chapter, but not everybody likes short chapters. But absolutely. Keep the POV characters separated by scene and you can change points of view all you want.
I often have a first-person narrator. I’m not sure why. Being a pantser, I just go with it. (Though, as Alex said, being in their heads is awfully grim sometimes.)
I like reading 3rd person POV (even with multiple characters) and, as long as they keep the dialogue voice unique to each character, I’m good. It’s when I’m rereading passages over and over wondering who said what that I want to ditch the book. I think distinct voices are wildly important here.
Sarah–You bring up an important point! Voice has a lot to do with telling characters apart. When everybody sounds the same and then you change POVs, the reader doesn’t have a chance. We need to make sure every character has their own way of speaking.
Thanks, Anne, for another goodie. In my first, and short fantasy novel, it was entirely first person. The second fantasy novel had a clear protagonist, but there were several major characters in many different locations. The first chapter was deep third in order to discover the scene of the crime. Like many crime procedurals, this character is never seen again. Then I use the camera eye (Thank you for the label–I didn’t know what to call it.) POV for the second chapter in order to introduce the two most important characters, Teyla and her mother, Mirra. After that, any scene (chapter) that has one of them in it is told in third person from their POV. As other pivotal characters enter the story, their part is in their limited third POV. But those chapters are short. But that only happens when Teyla or Mirra are not present.
Fred–It sounds as if you have everything under control. 🙂
The number of books I’ve read where the characters all sound the same… I don’t get how these made it past the editors. *shrug* Sometimes it’s difficult to do (especially in certain genres or for certain age groups) but, honestly, well-developed characters kind of take on their own voices. You know? Anyway, great post, as always, Anne. You and Ruth always get me thinking. 🙂
Sarah–I agree. It seems to be an epidemic. If authors must head-hop, they should at least hop into interesting heads. If all the heads are identical, the reader is lost forever. And yes, if the author has developed a full-fledged character, the voice should come naturally.
Whoops. Meant to reply and created a new comment. Sorry!
Sarah–Not your fault. The WordPress elves are really erratic in where they place comments.
“they should at least hop into interesting heads.” 😂 Well said.
So I’ve gathered. Bah! WP gremlins!
I’d never heard of head hopping until my editor pointed it out. I did not know what she was referring to because I’d always written like that and knew exactly what was happening in my stories. But as she rightly pointed out, what’s in my head also needed to be on the page; otherwise, how would a reader know what was going on?
Once I realised what I was doing, I switched from writing in the third POV to the first POV. And that’s what I write more than anything else now. It took my writing to another level (or so I’m told).