9 Common Dialogue Problems—And How to Fix Them

by Anne R. Allen

Learning to write effective, believable dialogue is one of the toughest parts of learning to write narrative — whether fiction or memoir. We don’t want to simply transcribe the way people actually talk, with all the pointless “ums” and stammery filler-things we say in real life. But we also don’t want to write as if all our characters are English professors, speaking in complete sentences composed with perfect grammar.

What we’re looking for is believable dialogue not realistic dialogue. In fiction, we’re usually aiming for believability, not realism.

And dialogue tags! Dialogue tags are probably the biggest problem in newbie writing. Is “said” really invisible?” We want to show a little creativity, but avoid the “Tom Swifty” trap

Here are nine of the most common dialogue problems a new writer has to deal with — with some suggestions on how to fix them.

1) Big Chunks of Dialogue with no Action or Internal Thought

Talking heads are boring. Move the characters around and let them do something or feel something. We need action on the page.

I don’t mean “action” in the action-adventure sense. When Marlene is telling Bob she’s leaving him, he doesn’t have to jump out of a helicopter or stab a villain hiding behind the arras and she doesn’t have to slay a dragon or dance a minuet.

But the two of them need need to do stuff, even if it’s just clenching a fist or getting another beer. And we need to know what’s going on in their heads. Is Bob fighting back a tear? Is Marlene thinking about that little Beretta in her purse?

We don’t need a lot. Just something to give us movement and emotion.

You also don’t want to try to inject emotion with punctuation. Exclamation points are like jalapeno peppers. A few can enrich your work, but they they can easily overwhelm it.

2) Too Much Realism

As I said, realism isn’t the goal. You don’t want to keep an eavesdropping notebook and transcribe normal conversations word for word (although an eavesdropping notebook can give you some great ideas.) But mostly, in real life, people say really boring stuff.

“Hi Bob.”

“‘S’up Marlene?”

“Nothing much.”

“Gonna go to the…?”

“Dunno, you?”

“Maybe.”

“Gonna, um…?”

“Prolly.”

This is why we read fiction. It skips the boring bits of real life.

A fiction writer should aim to put “just the good parts” on the page, and that includes leaving out the normal pleasantries that people go through in real conversations.

3) Not Enough Realism

But we need the dialogue to hit a happy medium where it seems authentic.

This is why you should never let one of those AI robots loose on your novel without supervision.

If you use grammar rules for all dialogue, the third-grade dropout will speak as correctly as the lawyer or the librarian. So will the recent immigrant from Uzbekistan and the hairdresser from Queens. They’ll all sound exactly the same, and nobody will make any grammatical mistakes or use any kind of regional colloquialism.

There’s a word for grammatically perfect fiction: unbelievable.

You also have a problem when you let your characters say exactly what they’re thinking.

In real life, people seldom say exactly what they think. If your characters are revealing their souls in dialogue, it needs to be in a therapy session or major heart-to-heart with a significant other.

4) Reader-Feeder Dialogue: As-you-know-Bob

This is when your characters tell each other stuff they already know in order to fill in backstory for the benefit of the reader — aka “as-you-know-Bob” dialogue.

“As you know, Bob, we are in the lair of the Evil Queen who took our sister Marlene hostage after the battle of Curmudgeon and we have been seeking her for twelve long months…”

The writers of those CSI episodes often resort to as-you-know-Bobs to explain the science to the audience. It gets a little comical when two highly trained scientists are explaining to each other the basics of rigor mortis or how to detect cyanide poisoning.

This is another instance where “show-don’t-tell” is not always your friend. You can just tell us. Don’t put it in dialogue.

5) Show-offy Dialogue that Doesn’t Move the Story

Okay, that ten-page scene shows how perfectly you’ve captured the patois of young stockbrokers in their native habitat — but does it actually further the plot?

I remember reading a manuscript where the dialogue was wonderfully authentic 1960s surfer-dude-speak. Unfortunately, there was no tension and nothing of importance was said. That was one of the “darlings” the author had to cut.

This is common with new writers. It was for me. We’ve been listening forever, writing down the speech patterns of our protagonist’s demographic and we want readers to see how perfectly we’ve captured it.

But it turns out readers don’t care. They want us to get on with the story.

6) No Dialogue Tags

If readers lose track of who’s talking and have to go back and puzzle it out, you lose them.

“I hate you.”

“I hate you more.”

“It wasn’t my fault”

“Are you going to blame Georgie again?”

“You don’t even like Oreos. I hate you.”

We’re totally lost. So we figure we need dialogue tags. But beware…

7) Cryptic Dialogue Tags

It is true that “he said” or “she said” tags are mostly invisible to the reader, while “he spat” or “she screamed” draw attention to themselves — often not in a good way.

But that doesn’t mean he said/she said tags are the best way to attribute dialogue. Those tags can be boring. They also can withhold essential information.

“I hate you,” he said.

“I hate you more,” she said.

“It wasn’t my fault,” he said.

“Are you going to blame Georgie again?” she said.

“You don’t even like Oreos,” he said. “I hate you.”

Now we know the genders of the people talking, but not much else.

8) Improbable Dialogue Tags

Some writers try for more colorful tags like this:

“I hate you,” Bob spat spitefully

“I hate you more,” Marlene chortled condescendingly.

“It wasn’t my fault,” Bob snarled snarkily.

“Are you going to blame Georgie again?” Marlene hissed hysterically.

“You don’t even like Oreos,” Bob bellowed belatedly. “I hate you.”

This gives us some audio and physical cues, but not many. Plus there’s the added problem that people can’t actually spit, chortle, snarl, or hiss those words.

And as for the adverbs? Well, there’s a reason Stephen King said “the road to hell is paved with adverbs.” 😊

9) Overloaded Dialogue Tags.

So is the solution to add action to the tag?

“I hate you,” Bob said, throwing the empty Oreo bag at Stephanie and watching it sail over her head onto the floor by the garbage can.

“I hate you more,” Marlene said, opening the kitchen cupboard and getting her box of Valentine chocolates, which she dumped on the table in front of Bob.

“It wasn’t my fault,” Bob said, sniffling as he looked at the chocolates, a bite taken out of each one.

“Are you going to blame Georgie again?” Marlene said, remembering the time Bob blamed his little sister Georgie for spilling the chocolate milk he knocked over.

“You don’t even like Oreos,” Bob said, picking up the Oreo bag from the linoleum floor and opening the garbage can to throw it in, where he found all his Oreos, covered in coffee grounds. “I hate you.”

It doesn’t quite work, does it?

Sometimes NO Dialogue Tags are the Answer

I turns out what we often need is…NO dialogue tags. Use action to give the attribution without actually saying it.

“I hate you.” Bob threw the empty Oreo bag at Marlene. It sailed over her head and landed on the floor by the trash can.

“I hate you more.” Marlene opened the kitchen cupboard and took out her box of Valentine chocolates. She dumped the contents on the kitchen table in front of Bob.

“It wasn’t my fault.” Bob sniffled as he looked at her Russell Stovers, a bite taken out of each one.

“Are you going to blame Georgie again?” Marlene remembered the time Bob blamed his sister Georgie for spilling the chocolate milk he knocked over.

“You don’t even like Oreos.” Bob picked up the empty Oreo bag and opened the garbage can to throw it in. There were all his Oreos, covered in coffee grounds. “I hate you!”

Now we’ve got some believable dialogue with some storytelling going on.

For more tips on writing dialogue, see Ruth Harris’s post, “He said, she said.”

by Anne R. Allen (@annerallen) July 9, 2023

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What about you, scriveners? What is the toughest part of writing dialogue for you? Do you have trouble with dialogue tags? What advice would you have for a new writer who’s dealing with one of these issues? Do you have any dialogue problems to add to the list?

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featured image: “Gossip” by Charles Haigh Wood c 1897