by Anne R. Allen
When a writer complains that everybody in traditional publishing is crooked, or that the whole industry is rigged against new writers, you can usually be sure the author’s manuscript needs work. But it could also be that he doesn’t know how to write a query.
I know some excellent writers who can’t get a nibble from an agent or editor. And if they self-publish, they can’t get reviews. So why are they getting rejections?
It’s possible their negative attitude may be showing through their queries. The complainers can create a self-fulfilling prophesy with disrespectful query letters.
The most brilliant book in the world will get serial rejections if the query shows the writer doesn’t respect the query recipient.
If you don’t visit a website before querying, chances are you appear disrespectful. The information you need to write a good query is on the website: recipient’s name, what they are looking for, and usually, guidelines. If you fail to visit the website, your query will probably disappear into the spam folder, never to be seen by human eyeballs.
What Makes a Bad Query?
All you have to do is take a look at my inbox. Especially on Mondays, for some reason. But I get queries for guest blogging nearly every day. Some days I’m swamped with a dozen or more. 99% are lazy, ignorant. and rude. The queries don’t tell me much, except that the writer doesn’t respect bloggers.
Some seem to have been written by badly programmed robots, and others go on and on about their personal accomplishments in real estate or marketing office supplies, showing they have no idea this is a writing blog.
You’d think our tagline, “Writing About Writing. Mostly” would give them a clue.
But no. It almost feels as if they’re playing some secret game where they have to get a guest post spot without reading one word the blogger has written. Or maybe they’ve taken a course on “how to write a self-rejecting query.”
I once let my anger get the best of me and sent a reply: “READ THE GUIDELINES! If you can’t read, you can’t write.” She replied by sending her article on How to Perk up your Home with Throw Pillows and thanked me for the acceptance.
Sigh. I guess the secret game’s rules also apply to replies. They lose if they read one word I write..
Now I report them all for spam. Because that’s what these queries are. Spam.
If you want to avoid spamming, VISIT THE WEBSITE BEFORE YOU QUERY!
1. Spamming
It’s not just wannabe guest bloggers who spam. I know many wannabe authors who sabotage themselves by spamming as well. You can take all the courses you want in how to write a query, but if you mass mail it, you’re wasting everybody’s time.
What is spam? Spam is mass-mailed advertising the recipient doesn’t want. Many email programs have anti-spam filters that can figure out when something has been mass-mailed, and usually sends it to the spam folder.
Whether you’re writing to agents, editors, reviewers, or lowly bloggers, if you mass-mail dozens of people at once, you are spamming.
Any query that is not sent to an individual agent, editor, reviewer, etc., is going to be treated as spam.
People say “I sent out sixty queries and didn’t get one acceptance. The system is rigged.”
Yeah, it’s rigged by you. Do your homework.
2. Not Writing Your Own Query
I once got a query from the boyfriend of a shy writer. He was sure she’d written the next Twilight, so could I please get her book published? Sweet and sad, really. But even if I were an agent, I don’t think I’d take on a client too mentally unstable to communicate with me in person.
And never, ever hire somebody to query for you!
I’ve recently heard that query services are up their old tricks. Never use one! If you can learn to write a book, you can learn to write a query. Here’s a great post on how to write a query from former agent Nathan Bransford.
These services claim to have a brand new technological secret for finding the right agent for your project. Pay them a hefty fee, and they’ll write a perfect query that will get you a big publishing deal. What they do instead is scam you and spam a bunch of agents with identical queries.
Hiring a service to write a query for you is like hiring an actor to go to a job interview for you. Would you hire somebody who did that? Yeah. Agents can spot these people a mile away and give them an automatic rejection.
3. Rude and Over-Familiar Greetings That Show You don’t Know the Recipient’s Name.
No matter what you may have heard, “Hey You!” is not a professional greeting. Unfortunately most of my queries address me as “Hey you!” or just “Hey.”
But what’s even more cringe-making is the people whose first language is not English who address me as “My dear.” or simply “Dear”.
I’m not blaming them for thinking it’s okay to address a stranger as “dear.” I mean, why is it okay to say “Dear Anne” but “My Dear” makes our skin crawl. I think we should get rid of the archaic “Dear” completely. “Hello Anne” is fine. Even “Hey Anne” is okay.
But they need to know my name!! How hard is it to figure that the person in charge of “Anne R. Allen’s Blog” might be named Anne?
Of course I know that these people are spamming and probably have sent the same query to 200 “Hey you’s” every hour all day.
No matter who you are querying, LEARN THEIR NAME!! (And use it.)
4. Not Sending a Query via Email (or Snail)
The queries I get are pretty bad, but last week I saw the worst query ever.
It was a full query, not badly written, with synopsis, pitch, and relevant personal history. The author gave his personal address and signed it with his name (which had “PhD” attached to it.)
The problem? It was pasted in the comments thread of an agent’s blog. I don’t know what his doctorate is in, but it isn’t business etiquette.
Maybe this writer had recently arrived from a galaxy far, far away and had never heard of email? Maybe his email server had been hijacked by a gang of sentient racoons?
I will never know what the man’s problem was, but I do know the agent will never consider his manuscript. He didn’t even use her name.
Queries sent via Twitter, Facebook Messenger, Instagram, What’s App, Snapchat, or drone are also unprofessional and won’t be considered. Send an email. Being unprofessional may get attention, but not the good kind.
5. Expressing Paranoia About “Stealing Ideas” and Copyright
A new writer once said to me “I may not know much about the publishing business, but I know enough that I got my book copyrighted before I queried any agents. I make sure to tell them so they won’t rip me off.”
Uh. No. Starting a business relationship by accusing somebody of being a thief is never a good idea. This writer said one wise thing. She didn’t know much about the publishing business. A work is copyrighted as soon as you put it on the page. Copyrighting with the Library of Congress will give the book a publishing date of the day you registered. Let your publisher do that when the book is actually published. It’s hard to launch a “new book” that’s registered as debuting five years ago.
And every change you make turns it into a different book. You’ll have to copyright every revision. Don’t do it. It’s expensive and makes you look paranoid and ignorant.
There are many other reasons why you don’t want to mention copyright in your query. I detail them in my post on when to copyright your book.
6. Not Reading the Guidelines.
The way to find out what’s in those guidelines is to visit the website and read them. Do not email the agent, reviewer or blogger to ask for the guidelines. They are ON THE WEBSITE.
Asking the recipient to take time out of their busy day to copy and paste the guidelines into an email for you personally is lazy and rude. If you are vision-disabled so you can’t read the guidelines, get somebody to read them to you.
NOT me. I’m not your babysitter.
If you don’t have respect for my time now, why would I sign up to do business with you?
7. Not FOLLOWING the guidelines
I love the queries that say, “I know you’re asking for guest posts about writing, but I have written a piece about how to use a hot pot to make cat food Fluffy will drool over….”
I stop reading. Seriously, people, find an appropriate place to send your work. Don’t expect a writing blog to morph into Cat Fancy because you haven’t got time to research cat blogs.
Guidelines can be quirky. I saw recently that some small publisher requires queries to be written in Courier font and sent via snail mail. If you want to do business with this publisher, then get out your postage stamps and send him the thing snail mail. Maybe he lives in 1982, or maybe he just wants to support the beleaguered US post office. Ours not to reason why. Just do it.
This is all true of reviewers too. Even though a reviewer has reviewed erotica in the past, if the guidelines say they’re only looking for cozy mysteries right now, believe them. They are probably sick of 50 Shades clones and need a break. (I once worked at a publishing company where I had to proofread erotica. It gets old very fast.)
How to Write a Query That Gets Read
Aretha said it best: R-E-S-P-C-T. Treat the query recipient with respect. Like a real human being, not an appliance.
Picture that person at her desk, opening your email. Maybe, like me, she has just poured herself out of bed and is facing the 80 or 90 emails that have come in overnight. She wants to get them out of the way as fast as possible so she can get to her writing. Most of the mails are junk — ads and pleas for money from politicians. But she comes upon one that’s a guest post query. Sure would be nice to have somebody for that June slot, so she opens it. And it says “Hey You….”
Or the agent’s assistant who has just braved the New York subway to get to work and her shoes are soaked from when somebody pushed her off the curb into an icy puddle. She has to get through a an gigantic slush pile. She opens up an email, and it says, “Hey You…”
I know those emails aren’t yours. Because you empathize with that agent or blogger. You see them as people. With names. And you know how to write a query that doesn’t land in spam. 🙂
***
What about you, scriveners? Have you ever committed one of these deadly sins? Do you have a trick for writing query letters that get positive responses? Bloggers, are you plagued by bad queries? What’s the worst query letter you’ve ever received?
***
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***
Featured Image: 7 Deadly Sins, Anonymous painter, English, 1500s
Anne—Hilarious! And hilariously awful. Also right on target. Needed to be said and you said it.
So much of this is just common sense and good manners, but whatevs. Ruth shrugs and turns on the football game. lol
Thank you!
Ruth–Common sense and good manners–in short supply these days, I fear. Yes, watching men in tight trousers kicking a ball around a field is much more fun. 🙂
Good morning, Anne, and Ruth, too. I hear your voice loud & clear in this one. Something must have set this off, and I’m glad it did. I tried the agent query thing when I started commercial writing. It went nowhere, and I look back at it as a right of passage. I sent around 30 emails out – yes, following the guidelines and only targeting agents who represented my genre. I heard back from maybe 10 with only 2 or 3 being other than form rejections.
So I went my own way, now with zero regrets. I gotta tell you a quick agent story: One day, outa the blue, I got an unsolicited email from an agent who said she’d followed my blog, checked me out, and she asked if I was represented. I figured, “What the hell” so I wrote back, and that led to her requesting a full ms which I sent her. In a few weeks, she politely wrote back, complementing me on my voice, and said she didn’t quite connect with the story, but if I had something else she’d be interested. “If you write it, I’ll read it,” she said.
So I figured, “Why not?” A few months later, I shipped her my latest – I had her personal email address, by the way, not the agency address on her website. A week went by. Then, I got the snottiest reply to the effect of, “How dare you bypass the submission guidelines and contact me directly?” I didn’t give her my time to reply. But I recently checked out her agency, and it looks like she’s no longer in business. Enjoy your day!
Garry–Your experience shows there are agents who can be just as rude and devoid of common sense as the queriers who fill my inbox. Obviously new to the business, and very bad at it. What a nasty experience!
Ha! I’m loving the query for a post that clarifies “how to use a hot pot to make cat food Fluffy will drool over….” Ha! I say again. Thanks for another fine post.
CS–Hey, Fluffy is very picky. It’s hard to get her to drool. 🙂
::rubs hands:: I’m going to try and line up the Vices for this one- this was a genius post and I think I can do it.
#1 is Gluttony
#2 Sloth
#3 Anger
#4 Greed
#5 Envy
#6 Lust
#7 Pride
I quibble about a couple of them, but overall it’s an amazing set of vices you laid out there and I think it does fit the pattern of ages. Just shows you what a timeless idea it was! Thanks Anne.
Will–OMG, you’re right. This is genius. I had no idea my deadly “sins” could be related to the real ones. Thanks much for the insight. And the laughs.
“Being unprofessional may get attention, but not the good kind.”
The above quote summarizes why people get rejected.
I once heard an agent at a conference say publishers use specific guidelines to see if we can follow instructions. She also stressed if they request the first five pages, they meant the first five, not the whole chapter or the first fifty.
Thus, we should be and act professionals when querying agents and editors. First impressions matter.
Once again, your posts are hilarious and insightful (did his email got hijacked by a gang of sentient raccoons?) Priceless.
Thank you, Anne.
Ingmar-Uh-oh. You caught them. Yes, this post was written by the raccoons. They get feisty when they’re angry.
Query faux pas… Yes, I’ve made them (blushing). I’m proud that I never used “Hey, you” but I did use “Dear Editor” Oops. We live, we learn–if we are lucky.
Thank you, Anne, for sharing your knowledge and helping those who are now where I was once.
Leanne–I did too. We’re all beginners once. At least there are writing blogs now where you can learn the ropes!
I can’t imagine sending out a mass email. So unprofessional. And so obvious.
I always check my publisher’s submission guidelines in case they are requesting something new or different from the last time I sent a submission.
The IWSG site gets a ton of queries on stuff not related to writing as well.
Alex–Good tip! Even if you’ve been with a publisher for a while, it’s probably good to check the guidelines from time to time to make sure you’re sending what they can sell.
Hey my dearest,
Here’s a money-back guarantee that if you follow my foolproof formula for fast weight loss by rearranging your throw pillows…Hey you, don’t hit that delete butt–
As always, Anne, you have me rolling on the floor with your wise and witty advice.
Debbie–You had me laughing out loud! Weight loss through throw pillows is a topic that needs to be discussed!
That cat lady queried me, too, Anne. LOL I used to feel bad about deleting guest blogging requests without a response, but like you, no name and no clue about my blog is an automatic no effin’ way. I also hate the PR people who spam my inbox with book review requests, then add “if you no longer want to hear from us, you may unsubscribe here.” Why should I? I never signed up in the first place! Don’t get me started. It’s frustrating to say the least.
Enjoy your Sunday, ladies!
Sue–I just had that dilemma this morning. A guy wanted to post on my “personal finances blog” and offered an unsubscribe function. This one knew my name so I tried to unsubscribe. We’ll see what happens… Probably nothing good.
Reading the guidelines is something that people tend to overlook, no matter if you’re doing a query or a job app. One of the fastest ways my former employer would cull apps is to see if people said if they had a drivers license. As a social worker, a driver’s license is a must. Can’t tell you how many times that people who made it to the group interview stage got torpedoed because they didn’t have one.
Same with queries. I actually got one years ago for a “book” of mine. I’m reading through the e-mail when I noticed that they called a former blog of mine, a “book”. Person got miffed when I pointed out that my blog wasn’t a book.
The only guideline that used to mess me up was when a now defunct small press publisher wanted 10 pages doubled spaced with the query. Could never figure out if it was 10 pages pumped to 20 for doubled space, or five pages pumped to 10.
GB–Scammers really hate it when you point out their pitch is BS, don’t they? Calling a blog a “book” is pretty out there.
Actually, for those who are querying now. The publishing industry’s standard format is 12 pt font, TNR, double spaced, with 1″ margins. So 10 pages always means 10 pages double spaced.
I love telling this story, Anne. I’d also love to say her name 🙂
Garry–Probably we shouldn’t announce her name here, but I’d love to know who it is, say via email or messenger. 🙂
Thank you, Anne, for your timely post. I’m about to start the “query an agent” process soon since I’ve been doing the self-published thing which is getting me nowhere. Your advice is right on and logical and makes complete sense. I can’t believe some of the examples of what authors do! It’s funny but not funny.
Patricia–Best of luck in your querying. Do use Agent Query to search for the right agent. And don’t mention the self-publishing in the query. They don’t want a “failed” writer. But I know you didn’t fail, you just took the wrong path. 🙂
Hi Anne! Thank you for your suggestion to use Agent Query. But I am perplexed. How do I avoid mentioning I’m self-published when I have about 7 books on my website that are published. The first are by a small press and the rest are by me.
Patricia–Oh, dear. I had no idea. Well, mention the small press first. As long as you’re querying a new manuscript, you may not have aa problem. Emphasize the book you’re querying with and keep the self-publishing mentions to a minimum.
Anne, I’m going to confess to committing the deadly sin of pride–I’m proud I’ve never committed any of those sins…except the one: Dear Editor. But sometimes in querying a magazine or digital anthology, the name of the actual editor or individual to contact is nowhere to be found. More than once I’ve even gone to google to look at their website to find out who I should address, and still found no specific name. What can one do then, but address them as “Dear Editor”?
Thank you for another post that offers what we all read it for: information and entertainment.
Fred–Yeah, we all have to use “Dear Editor” sometimes. Often magazines simply don’t tell you the staff names.
I get a lot of weird queries by people who think I’m an agent or for topics that don’t relate to what I do at Literary Rambles too. I can’t imagine what these people are sending to the real agents. Thanks fo your tips.
Natalie–Isn’t it amazing how they can’t even tell something with “Literary” in the title isn’t a real estate blog or a review blog for electronics? It drives me crazy.
Anne and Ruth:
Thank you for this. I need it as I am in the process of submitting a piece to a publisher. So do so many writers. I know this because I am one of the critique group for NightWriters. Your take on the seven deadlies is on target with the types of work people send us for review.
This work is so important I shall be sending it to anyone who asks. Keep up the valuable source.
Mark Arnold
Mark–I just had to fish your comment out of spam. I have no idea why it triggered the spam elves. They must have been having a bad day. Thanks much for commenting, and do spread the word around Nightwriters. Not that we’ll be meeting in person and schmoozing anytime soon. 🙁
Thanks for that little bit of info, Anne. I often wonder when they request the first ten pages, if that’s double-spaced or single-spaced, or if I should single-space it, since they did not specify, and therefor get twice the sample size to be examined. Now I know.
Fred–A one-page synopsis is usually single-spaced, but the manuscript should be double spaced. You should have seen my early synopses–in an 10 pt font, with almost no margins. I would try to squeeze a whole book in there! The agents were not impressed. I was just showing I didn’t know how to write a one-page synopsis. 🙂
Thanks for another great post. I did a lot of laughing and some serious cringing reading it. Such great advice and wonderful examples. I will be posting the link on my blog.
Rosi–Thanks for sharing! (And remember to link back to this blog. Google loves those links!) I’m glad I made you laugh!
Hi Anne,
What an amazing share! I am so glad that you highlighted this. We reach out to some writers and we do get responses. But after reading your article, I realize that we are making some mistakes as well. I will try to keep these in mind and stay away from all of these issues. It really was a great read and I gained a lot of information from this. Thanks a lot for sharing this amazing article, it really was a very helpful resource.
John–All you really need is respect and good manners. But on the internet, people are used to being casual, and they forget they are doing business, not gaming.
Not following the guidelines is the number 1 reason Dancing Lemur Press rejects queries. Which is sad, because that should be so easy – just send what’s requested.
Spunk–It’s great to hear this from a publisher! Follow the guidelines, people!!
Hi Anne,
THANKFULLY, I was born with common sense and a degree of intelligence. No, I never committed any of these faux pas. I research and do everything their websites say…HOWEVER, I wish some of these agents would have the same courtesy. Receiving a “Dear author” or a form rejection is insulting to me especially after all the time I take to craft an individual query to each agent. I totally understand they are extremely busy, but many of them have assistants who could at least show the same courtesy and address said form letter to my name. Sigh.
Michael–Alas, gone are the days when an agent query garnered a critique. Now there are simply too many queries for even a lowly intern to critique. What irks me is the silent rejection. I think they should at least send a real rejection and not leave us hanging in the wind. I think that’s just rude. It’s not like you have to pay postage for an email.
“I once let my anger get the best of me and sent a reply: “READ THE GUIDELINES! If you can’t read, you can’t write.” She replied by sending her article on How to Perk up your Home with Throw Pillows and thanked me for the acceptance.” HILARIOUS. How did I just learn about your blog?!? Keep it up, enjoying the backlist
Shira–Welcome! I’m glad you liked the post. Hey, never underestimate the power of throw pillows. 🙂 Tomorrow we have a post from William L. Hahn on Writer’s Block. It’s insightful and hilarious. We have new posts every Sunday.
I’m late to the party and reading this has made me late for bed. Except I’m not going to get any sleep because I’m still on a high from laughing so much. It’s ages since I’ve read something serious so comically presented. Loved it 🙂
Lindsey–I apologize for keeping you up past your bedtime. 🙂 So glad I could make you laugh.
“How to write a self-rejecting query” would have made a great title for this post.
Thanks for the giggles, Anne. I’m pleased to say I’ve never been dense enough to make any of these specific mistakes, which would explain why I get polite rejection letters or emails. 😉 And sometimes acceptance.