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Writers, Can You Pass this Quiz? Catch Those Repetitious Redundancies and Pleonasms!

Writers, Can You Pass this Quiz? Catch Those Repetitious Redundancies and Pleonasms!

Do you repeat redundancies over and over? Find out now!

by Kathy Steinemann

Hello there. How are you today? Are you ready to test out your redundancy eye?

You might ask, “Why should I care about redundancies?”

Before we begin, I’ll answer that question.

Redundancies are superfluous words or phrases also known as pleonasms: the use of more words than are necessary to express an idea.

Pleonasm is an unfamiliar term to some people, which is why I and other writers often refer to unnecessary words as redundancies.

Rather than augment writing, these extra words slow down action scenes and increase word count — without adding helpful details.

Did you notice the strikeouts in the previous paragraphs? Each strikeout represents a redundancy. If I were intentionally bloating this post, I might leave them in. However, they’re just useless padding.

Oh, wait. I guess I did leave them in, and that means they still count as words. Oops, sorry, Anne, I needed them to illustrate my point.

A Few Words About the Quiz

Below you’ll find fourteen sentences that contain redundancies, and fourteen suggested solutions. They’re revised examples from books, news, social media, television shows, and conversations.

Scrutinize the examples and try to find the pleonasms. Will you score 100%?

Welcome to the Promenade of Useless Redundancies

  1. The village was home to a community of people with many diverse talents.
  2. The thick clouds entirely obliterated the sun and darkened the sky.
  3. If the pump doesn’t perform as expected, you’ll be eligible for a full refund of the money that you paid for it.
  4. They couldn’t have been more different. They were total polar opposites.
  5. A hunter picked up the lion’s scent spoor and tracks fortuitously by accident.
  6. The writer tried various different phrases, but none of them seemed to fit the context.
  7. The most quintessential obsession of Pauline’s existence was the consumption of coffee, coffee, COFFEE.
  8. The new scanner reads UPC codes much faster than the old one.
  9. The toddler threw a noisy temper tantrum when his mother took away the toy.
  10. They had reached a critical juncture — which of the options should they choose?
  11. They didn’t have the same resources now that they used to have before.
  12. Just to be on the safe side, Bryan decided to cram a medical kit into his bulging knapsack.
  13. We need more information about exactly what that means.
  14. The both of them knew that they were in for a severe trouncing.

Suggested Edits

Edit #1:

The village was home to a community of people with many diverse talents.

community: a group of people who live in the same place or share particular characteristics

diverse: many different types of people or things

Note how the definitions embrace the meanings of the deleted words.

Alternative edit: The village was home to many people with diverse talents.

Choose the connotation that matches your storyline.

Edit #2:

The thick clouds entirely obliterated the sun and darkened the sky.

obliterate: make invisible by obscuring

If something is invisible, can it be partially invisible? If not, we don’t need to mention that it’s entirely invisible.

When readers visualize the sun obliterated by thick clouds, they’ll imagine a dark sky. We don’t need to mention the darkness.

Other phrases to beware:

  • entirely by chance
  • entirely decimated
  • entirely inappropriate
  • entirely natural
  • entirely surrounded
  • entirely [fill in the blank]

Whenever you encounter entirely or one of its synonyms, question its necessity.

Edit #3:

If the pump doesn’t perform as expected, you’ll be eligible for a full refund of the money that you paid for it.

refund: money that is given back or repaid

If buyers are repaid or given back the money they paid for something, of course it would be a full refund. Of the money that you paid is included in the definition of refund.

Alternative edit: If the pump malfunctions, we’ll issue a refund.

This sentence is more direct. Why say that consumers will be eligible for a refund? They’ll receive a refund. Period. A responsible manufacturer shouldn’t make people fight for their refunds, and a happy customer is usually a repeat customer.

Edit #4:

They couldn’t have been more different. They were total polar opposites.

polar opposite: complete opposite

complete: absolute, total

According to the preceding definitions, the second sentence of the original example could be interpreted as They were total complete opposite opposites. Awkward, right?

Alternative edit: Delete the second sentence entirely. Sorry, I couldn’t resist. (See Edit #2.)

Edit #5:

A hunter picked up the lion’s scent spoor and tracks fortuitously by accident.

fortuitously: happening by accident or chance

spoor: the track or scent of a person or animal

Unless this is a story about a character such as Tarzan, the likelihood of tracking by scent is negligible. That leaves a single option: tracks.

As written, the original sentence could be rendered as The hunter picked up the lion’s tracks and tracks fortuitously by accident by accident.

Alternative edit: A hunter picked up the lion’s spoor by accident.

This is my preferred version.

Edit #6:

The writer tried various different phrases, but none of them seemed to fit the context.

various: different or diverse

none: not any

Various embraces the definition of different, and seemed to is fluff. Do events seem to happen, or do they happen? Period. The phrases didn’t fit the context. Full stop. Although of them might pass muster with many readers and editors, it’s unnecessary.

Alternative edit: The writer tried several phrases, but none fit the [narrative, plot, storyline].

Edit #7:

The most quintessential obsession of Pauline’s existence was the consumption of coffee, coffee, COFFEE.

quintessential: the most perfect or distinctive example of a person or thing

Can anything be more perfect than most perfect? Most is superfluous.

The consumption of might escape an editor’s eye, but readers will assume that Pauline’s obsession embraces the consumption of coffee. What else would she do with it? apply it to her hair? sprinkle it in her bathwater? sniff it? Hmm. Story prompts?

Edit #8:

The new scanner reads UPC codes UPCs much faster than the old one.

UPC: universal product code

The original sentence could be rewritten as The new scanner reads universal product code codes much faster than the old one.

More problematic phrases

  • ARC copy ARC: advance reader copy
  • ASIN number ASIN: Amazon standard identification number
  • GN novel GN: graphic novel
  • ISBN number ISBN: international standard book number
  • LOI letter LOI: letter of introduction
  • MSRP price MSRP: manufacturer’s suggested retail price
  • RRP price RRP: Recommended retail price
  • SASE envelope SASE: self-addressed, stamped envelope

Edit #9:

The toddler threw a noisy temper tantrum when his mother took away the toy.

tantrum: a loss of one’s temper in a noisy and uncontrolled way.

Now envision a toddler throwing a tantrum: yelling, stomping feet, throwing toys — not a silent scenario, right?

The definition of tantrum includes noisy and temper.

If you don’t like tantrum, try a synonym such as conniption, hissy fit, hysterics, or meltdown:

  • had a conniption, went into conniptions
  • [had, threw] a hissy fit
  • [broke, went] into hysterics
  • [had, experienced, suffered] a meltdown

Edit #10:

They had reached a critical juncture — which of the options should they choose?

juncture: a critical point when a decision must be made

After this many examples with definitions, I shouldn’t have to justify the strikeout.

Some editors might remove the em dash and following words. However, I think the question adds to the story. This illustrates the importance of a writer’s situational judgment.

Edit #11:

They didn’t have the same resources now that they used to have before.

used to: something (familiar or routine) from the past that no longer applies

Drumroll. Your dictionary is your friend, folks.

Alternative edits

  • They didn’t have the same resources anymore.
  • They no longer [enjoyed, had] the same resources.

Edit #12:

Just to be on the safe side, Bryan decided to cram crammed a medical kit into his bulging knapsack.

Writing is usually better without phrases like the following:

  • chose to
  • decided to
  • determined to
  • elected to
  • opted to
  • resolved to

It’s more direct to have characters just do something, unless their actions follow indecision that plays a role in the storyline.

cram: to stuff a container so full that it seems to be overflowing

Readers will assume that if Bryan has to cram a medical kit into his knapsack, it will be bulging.

Edit #13:

We need more information about exactly what that means.

exactly: without discrepancy, accurately, precisely

Remember what I said in Edit #11 about your dictionary? Ditto.

Even better: We need more information about that.

Edit #14:

The bBoth of them knew that they were in for a severe trouncing.

both: referring to two people or things

trouncing: severe punishment or defeat

If you can substitute both with the two, you don’t need the both.

  • Both parrots could talk. (The two parrots could talk.)
  • He chastised both of them. (He chastised the two of them.)
  • She loved both men. (She loved the two men.)

How Did You Do with your Redundancies?

You probably have more edit suggestions. I’d love to see them.

by Kathy Steinemann (@KathySteinemann) June 13, 2021

What about you, scriveners? Do you have more edit suggestions for Kathy? What are your favorite redundancies? I know I use “on the safe side” a lot. Did you know the word “pleonasm”? It was a new one to me. I always learn stuff from Kathy!

About Kathy Steinemann

Kathy Steinemann, Grandma Birdie to her grandkids, loves words — especially when the words are frightening or futuristic or funny.

As a child, she scribbled prose and poetry, and won public-speaking and writing awards. As an adult, she worked as a small-town paper editor, and taught a couple of college courses. She has won or placed in multiple short fiction contests.

If you were to follow her around for a day, you might see her wince when a character on TV says “lay” instead of “lie” or when a social media post confuses “your” with “you’re.” And please don’t get her started on gratuitous apostrophes in pluralized words.

Her popular books in The Writer’s Lexicon series are touted by writers as “phenomenal,” a “secret weapon,” and “better than a thesaurus.”

You’ll find her at KathySteinemann.com, Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.

***

Image by chenspec from Pixabay

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About Anne R. Allen

Anne writes funny mysteries and how-to-books for writers. She also writes poetry and short stories on occasion. Oh, yes, and she blogs. She's a contributor to Writer's Digest and the Novel and Short Story Writer's Market.

Her bestselling Camilla Randall Mystery RomCom Series features perennially down-on-her-luck former socialite Camilla Randall—who is a magnet for murder, mayhem and Mr. Wrong, but always solves the mystery in her quirky, but oh-so-polite way.

Anne lives on the Central Coast of California, near San Luis Obispo, the town Oprah called "The Happiest City in America."

Comments

  2. Will says

    Oh, I’m horrendous about this. Watch as I commit redundancies even while lamenting my tendency to use redundancies. Great column, using few words now, leaving! (Honestly, fleeing)

    Reply

  6. Ruth Harris says

    Kathy—Redundancy is good when it comes to spare tires (the ones on your car!), back up strategies for your computer and extra hot dogs for your Fourth of July cook out.. For your book? meh. Not so much.

    Thanks, Kathy, for such great examples! Writers, en garde!

    Reply

  8. Maria D'Marco says

    Kathy! I hail you and this post! I managed to gain a high score, but I believe that is only due to my daily encounters with redundancies in my editing work.

    Authors moan when I cut them out, insisting that their use creates clarity or emphasis or … drives me batty. I blame contemporary advert materials where a FULL refund is considered a must-do so folks understand that it won’t be a partial refund. aaaaack! :o))

    This post elicited a loud “oh boy!” once I saw it and will go straightway to all my clients, current and past. Thank you for such a thorough approach regarding a practice that often cripples many authors best efforts.

    Thanks, Anne, for this guest post! Have a lovely Sunday!

    Reply

    • Kathy Steinemann says

      Thanks, Maria. I feel your pain. Even in dialogue, some redundancies are downright infuriating. (I wish I had strikeout. I’d change that last sentence: Even in dialogue, some redundancies are irritating.)

      Reply

      • Maria D'Marco says

        Yet ‘downright’ reveals your voice/personality — those I don’t mind, if it’s appropriate for the writing. It’s the ‘nearly’ this and that, and as Debbie noted, the ‘most’ unique — the true redundancies we use in conversation every day. Like too much spice, but we love to show our personalities in all we do, eh?

        Thanks again for addressing an issue too often ignored. :o)

  9. V.M.Sang says

    I hate Various Different. It has crept in everywhere these days. Also, in writing, seemed to. When critiquing, I always point that one out. ‘So’ is another one. It gets me when someone is asked a question and they begin their answer with So. There are times it’s acceptable, like ‘Why did you do that?’ ‘So I could…’. But in answer to a question like ‘How did you find out…’ No!
    Another thing I’ve been hearing recently in answer to questions is ‘Yes, No…’ What’s that about? Is it yes or is it no. Can’t be both!

    Reply

  10. Garry Rodgers says

    Great wake-up to clean writing piece, Kathy, and a hello greeting from the left west side of the Canadian Rockies. I am so totally one-hundred percent culpably guilty of pleonasmization, and I didn’t even hardly know the word existed. Thanks! And Happy Sunday to Anne and Ruth, even though I’m tardily late to the party. BTW, I sort-of got most of the quiz right except for the ones I didn’t.

    Reply

  11. Sue Coletta says

    Terrific post, Kathy! I’m a stickler about redundancies. Can’t shut off my internal editor while reading, either. But we can’t see our work as well as others. Thank God for editors who catch the little rascals we miss!

    Reply

  13. dgkaye says

    Another fabulous and great teaching post from Kathy, Anne. I enjoy her quizes, and fyi Kathy, I’m happy to report my perfect score. Your lessons are paying off handsomely, lol. But I have to say, It’s so easy to cut off the redundancies from the work of others, yet, painful when it comes to my own writing. 🙂

    Reply

  14. Lenny Lee says

    Hi Miss Kathy,

    Cool post. I love these quizzes. I’m getting better and better at them. Whoops! Is that a redundancy? Lol. Thanks to you, I’m learning soooo much. My WIP has lost a lot of fat.

    My cousin asked me to edit a short story. It looked like Zorro had done it after I slashed a ton of words and redundancies. She got mad. Ack! I told her it’s your fault. Ha ha. Later she said it read much better and asked if I’d edit another one. Hooray, a triumph for Lenny the Super Slasher.

    Thanks, Miss Anne, for sharing Miss Kathy’s post on your blog.

    Stay safe

    Masked mug and clean hands hug,

    Lenny

    Reply

    • Kathy Steinemann says

      Heh heh, Lenny. Great job. I can see you now in a Zorro mask and wielding a sword. Maybe Lenny the Super Slasher will become famous.

      [elbow bump and hygienic hug]

      Stay safe!

      Reply

  15. Sarah Brentyn says

    Oh, how I love cutting words. 😉 I write short fiction so it’s a must. I enjoyed this quiz (I’m a bit of a nerd) and got a near-perfect score. I missed a few words and cut some you didn’t (like in #9, I cut “away” from “when his mother took the toy.”) Fun post. And a much-needed one. Thanks for sharing!

    Reply

  16. Kevin says

    I never thought “decided” was a redundant word, until I read this post. It just never occured to me. BTW, I have to search and destroy “just” all the time.

    Reply

  17. presstfortime says

    I did so-so on this quiz, though it did make me take a closer look at some things I’ve written and oh boy, what a wake-up call. Thank you for this, and now I’ve got work to do.

    Reply

  18. crmcbeath-urrutia says

    Thank you for a great exercise! I recently woke up to my own tendency to leave redundancies in my edited copy. This was brain-training for me! I previously thought some of these gave a “folksy” or informal tone to my writing, but, now I am sure that is not their effect. They suck the power from the sentence. Quiz result–I got about 80% correct.

    Reply

  19. raynayday says

    Possibly your first skeptic? Whilst agreeing with the premise, disagreement with the whole. Hemingway or Dickens? A newspaper reporter or a writer? your choice.
    I would rather the fuller description, the gloss, the hedge, the colours and light, the maze of the day, the lofty cloudiness of the writer over the sparse prose of the journalist. The question, I suppose is; do you wish to write for “The intelligent reader” or “a reader”
    Writers, generally, wish to make money from stories, tales, novels. Others wish to write, create grand conglomerates of visionary words and ideas. Building each sandcastle upon another producing glories of psychology, personality, emotion,and understanding just as each fledgling idea is washed away by the tide of history. Sometimes the superfluous word is the most important.

    Reply

    • Kathy Steinemann says

      Hi, Ray. This is for the writer who wishes to reduce word count, whether it be for a short story where specific guidelines are enforced or a novel that is threatening to become another War and Peace.

      Thanks for stopping by!

      Reply

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