No one less than Stephen King has passed along some career-changing advice.
“I got a scribbled comment that changed the way I rewrote my fiction once and forever. Jotted below the machine-generated signature of the editor was this mot: “Not bad, but PUFFY. You need to revise for length. Formula: 2nd Draft = 1st Draft – 10%. Good luck.”
In today’s post, mystery writer Debbie Burke tells us exactly how to deal with our own “puffyness.”
by Debbie Burke
Have you ever received an email like this from an editor?
“Love your story. Cut twenty percent.”
Instant reaction: “Aargh! That cruel editor wants me to tear the heart out of my masterpiece.”
In reality, she recognizes the great heart of your story. She merely wants you to prune the clutter obscuring that heart.
As copywriter and marketing strategist Roy Furr says: “When you put too much puffery into your writing, you’re hiding the great thinking.”
In other words, when you write tight, readers easily recognize the substance and truth of your work.
Tight writing isn’t using fewer words.
It’s choosing perfect words.
And that’s hard work. Throughout history, great authors struggled to make their writing concise and clear yet still meaningful.
Blaise Pascal, 1656: “I would have written a shorter letter but I did not have time.”
Henry David Thoreau, 1857: “Not that the story need be long, but it will take a long while to make it shorter.”
In 1918, Woodrow Wilson was asked how long he took to prepare his speeches. His answer: “That depends on the length of the speech. If it is a ten-minute speech, it takes me all of two weeks to prepare it; if it is a half-hour speech, it takes me a week; if I can talk as long as I want to, it requires no preparation at all. I am ready now.”
The shorter the story, the more intense the focus must be. But long works like novels also benefit from tight writing. Reader attention spans are brief—they won’t waste time with slop and flop.
How do you learn to write tight? Here are 12 tips I collected during more than 30 years of writing, editing, and teaching workshops.
#1. Search and destroy “junk” words
We often fall back on filler words that contribute little meaning to a sentence and dilute the power of prose. In the first draft, write as loose and flabby as you wish. Then, on the second or third rewrite, run a global search for what I call The Dirty Dozen Junk Words.
It is/was
There is/was
That
Just
Very
Nearly
Quite
Almost
Sort of
Rather
Turned to…
Began to…
Okay, let’s go through the list.
In one of my college writing classes, whenever a student began sentences with “It was” or “There is,” the professor always asked, “What is it? Where is there?” Vague, meaningless pronouns weaken prose.
That is sneaky, invisible, and usually unnecessary. A good test is to read the sentence out loud. If the meaning is clear without that, cut it; if the meaning isn’t clear without that, leave it in.
Just often sounds like a weasely kid’s excuse: “Honest, Mom, I was just borrowing money from your purse.” Sure, you were.
Very, nearly, quite, almost, sort of, rather are all mushy modifiers. Better to choose a strong verb or noun or a precise adjective.
Joe was very tall; or Joe towered over Shaq.
Susan was nearly at the finish line when she tripped; or Susan sprawled on the ground six inches from the finish line.
Albert is quite smart; or Einstein is a genius.
I’m almost ready to go; or I leave in five minutes.
Martin is rather unsure about taking a new job; or Martin is ambivalent about taking a new job.
Dad, I’m sort of pregnant. Enough said.
Emily turned to leave the party; or Emily left the party.
Began to usually precedes a verb: he began to speak; the baby began to cry. Your writing is stronger if you go straight to the verb: he spoke; the baby cried. One exception is if the verb action is interrupted, e.g. he began to run but tripped over the body. (Can you tell I’m a crime writer?)
#2. Clear, direct sentences
Roy Furr also says: “Good writing is impressive. Great writing is invisible.”
Flowery prose and clever turns of phrase are appropriate at times. But, in general, to write tight, you probably have to kill your darlings.
But what about voice and style? Aren’t they important?
Of course. But when writing draws more attention to itself than to the story, readers think the author is showing off.
#3. De-was
Years ago, I took a workshop from acclaimed Montana mystery writer James Crumley. He taught us how to “de-was.” On one page of our writing, we had to circle every variation of the verb to be. That included was, is, were, had been, etc. Then he challenged us to find active verbs instead. In some instances, the solution was easy. Jim was throwing the ball became Jim threw the ball. Other times, we had to flip the sentence order to avoid the dreaded was. The entire neighborhood was destroyed by fire became Fire destroyed the entire neighborhood.
The exercise didn’t cause me to banish to be entirely but Jim made me mindful of how much stronger prose sounded without was and its cousins.
#4. Delete words that are not absolutely necessary
Read a paragraph out loud and pay attention to how it sounds. Listen for repetitions and redundancies and cut them. Verify each word does an important job. If it doesn’t, delete it.
#5. But don’t cut too much
In the quest to write tight, I sometimes leave out details. A sentence makes perfect sense to me. Yet my beta reader scrawls a big question mark on the page because I omitted important tidbits that clarify places, times, and situations. Tight writing cuts unnecessary verbiage but includes information the reader needs to comprehend what’s going on. Remember, the reader can’t peek inside our brains to see what we left out.
#6. Tight writing doesn’t mean slashing whole chapters or paragraphs
When an editor says cut 20%, most writers immediately think they must chop big blocks of prose. More often, you can trim one word here, six words there, maybe a sentence or two. Editing is like pruning a tree with clippers rather than going at it with a chainsaw.
Small, subtle trimming adds up. For example, say the editor wants a 20% reduction in a manuscript of 100,000 words to 80,000 words. Assuming 250 words per page, you need to delete an average of 50 words per page. Some pages require more than that, some less.
Always remember, the reader never misses deleted words s/he didn’t know used to be there.
#7. Substitute action tags for dialogue tags
“Get out of my house,” Jane said as she picked up the gun.
“Get out of my house.” Jane picked up the gun. [Did I mention I’m a crime writer?]
Same meaning, three fewer words.
#8. Make character descriptions do double duty
Instead of a review of your character’s driver’s license (hair, eyes, height, weight), use physical traits to reveal personality and attitude.
Here are two versions describing a lead character in my thriller series:
Tillman Rosenbaum is six-foot-seven, lanky build, with tight black curls and dark eyes. His voice is deep. He’s a successful attorney who, for twenty years, has won most of his cases.
or
At six-seven, attorney Tillman Rosenbaum owns any courtroom he enters. His James Earl Jones voice intimidates opposing counsel and many judges. Few witnesses survive the piercing scrutiny of his dark eyes.
Both descriptions are 31 words. Which tells the reader more about the character?
#9. Incorporate action into setting description
A story comes to a screeching halt when writers get carried away with details about the setting. Elmore Leonard dubbed such description as “the parts readers skip over.”
Static description is the character observing a creepy haunted house.
Dynamic description is walking up the creaking stairs, feeling goosebumps rise from the cold breeze, jumping when the door slams.
Keep the story moving forward as you describe the setting.
Here are two examples from my work-in-progress:
Static setting description:
Tawny Lindholm walked to the entrance of the Mission Mountain Manor, an assisted living facility. Her best friend’s mother lived in the memory care wing. The architecture looked like a ski lodge with a peaked roof, open-beam ceilings, and view windows that faced south. It had a double-door entry. A hand-lettered sign was taped on the inside of the glass. It read: “Absolutely no visitors due to COVID 19! No exceptions!” A phone number was also written on the sign. – 80 words
Dull, right?
Dynamic setting description:
Tawny Lindholm tugged on the door handle of Mission Mountain Manor. Locked. A hand-lettered sign taped to the inside of the glass read: “Absolutely No Visitors due to COVID 19! No exceptions!”
The building looked more like a ski lodge than an assisted living facility, with a three-story peaked roof, open beams, and massive south-facing windows. A beautiful prison where her best friend’s mother was sentenced to spend her last days deprived of her family’s love. – 76 words
#10. Practice exercises to write tight
Enter flash fiction contests. If the limit is 100 words and you’ve written 115, examine every single word to see if it can be cut. Flash fiction develops the habit of tight writing while also rewarding you with a sense of accomplishment when you reach the magic word count.
“Twitterature” is a current trend in tight writing. Is it possible to express a meaningful thought in 280 characters? Judging from most tweets, the answer is unfortunately no. But it’s still a useful exercise to teach you how to write tight.
#11. Study copywriting
What, you ask, does that have to do with fiction? More than you’d expect.
The best copywriters tell a story, whether they want to convince you to buy a pair of sneakers or book a cruise to the Caribbean. They learn the best ways to grab customers’ attention quickly, convince them their lives will be better if they own that product, and persuade them to buy it. All in very few words. They know how to write tight.
Fiction writers need the same skills: grab readers’ attention, promise entertaining journeys to different worlds, and convince them to buy your book.
Author Eli Landes bridges the world between copywriting and fiction. By day, he is a manager of content marketing; by night, he writes short stories and novels. He does both well because one discipline complements the other. In his article published at Medium.com, he says:
“In a nutshell, copy [writing] is about achieving three things:
Delivering a message that converts readers into taking an action.
Remember those three words: Message, Convert, Action.”
Whether or not you realize it, when you query an agent or editor, or write your book description on Amazon, or prepare a news release to publicize your upcoming book, you are writing copy.
#12. Write and study poetry
Poets are economical with words. They skip the bun, tomato, lettuce, pickle, mustard and go straight to the meat. Study their techniques and emulate them. Observe how they choose the perfect noun, verb, or image. If a picture is worth a thousand words, a good poem can paint a thousand pictures.
The tighter your writing, the more your readers pay attention because they recognize every word counts.
What about you, scriveners? Has an editor ever asked you to write tight? Did you have to prune your darlings? Did you find it easy or a challenge?
~~~
Debbie Burke writes the Tawny Lindholm Thrillers with a Heart series and blogs at The Kill Zone, along with writing articles for international periodicals. Check out her recent release, Dead Man’s Bluff. Introductory price only $.99 at this link.
I incorporate some of those things but a couple have made me think of how I could tighten my work more. (I’m a bare-bones writer, so no one has ever told me to cut anything.)
She’s right about not cutting too much. One manuscript, I made a point to eliminate all words ending in ly. My critique partners told me to put a few back in as it read just a little too odd without them. So there is a balance.
So true about balance, Alex. I’m also bare-bones, like a sculptor who starts with a metal frame and layers on more clay with each successive draft. My critique group still says, “We want to know more.”
Thanks for this Debbie! I’m an epic fantasy chronicler, so I growl at ANY suggestion of shorter, plus I worship the purple prose. But no question, these are vital to good writing.
I’m really such a really guy. And it just seems I use either just or seem all the time, just seems like. My technique helps me as I’m constantly writing on an interrupted schedule and having to start back into my last section to get a running start. That’s where I notice lots of those mistakes, and rub them out on my way to starting the new text. I grind slow but fine, like the wheels of justice, I guess.
Yet the “what” of your list looks very good indeed to me. Brava!
William, I just really, really appreciate your very kind words!
Me too! I often go days between writing and I always have to go back a ways to get a feel for the flow. And, like you, I often find many goofs–typos and missing words, but also plenty of “that”s and “just”s to be chopped out.
It’s not writing–it’s REwriting!
Debbie—Great post! So straightforward and helpful. From the “dirty dozen” to the differences between static and dynamic prose you’ve helped every writer in search of improvement. Thank you!
Thank you, Ruth! I’m honored to be here today since you and Anne have taught me so much through the years I’ve followed this blog.
Great capture of good points, Debbie. Concise & compact. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard “less is more” but I agree that taking/leaving too much out can end up hurting a story. Like Alex says – it’s a balance.
Thanks, Garry! However, the saying “Less is more” should not be applied to chocolate.
Brava! And as to “Editing is like pruning a tree with clippers rather than going at it with a chainsaw.” — how true, how true.
Thank you, CS! Editing takes patience and a light touch.
Wonderful tips from a darn fine writer. You nailed it, Debbie! I’ve never been told to cut 10%, etc., but I’m a bare bones writer. I usually end up adding words for emotion and depth on my 2nd draft. Though I do search for those Dirty Dozen junk words. They’re slippery little buggers. 🙂
Sue, you’re so kind! Like you, I’m rarely asked by editors to cut. But as a general rule, the manuscripts I review tend toward the flabby. Newer writers especially want to make sure the reader really, really, really gets the point.
A friend from South Texas says, “Why say in two words what you can say in twenty?”
What an outstanding article. Definitely a checklist for the novelists and other writers, as well.
Thanks so much, Nancy. Glad it was helpful.
That doesn’t seem to apply to books over 59k words. Why? And then most publishers want huge books!
Marta, I suspect the trend toward “huge books” is due to the digital revolution. E-pubbing a 200K-word book is no more expensive than a 50K-word book.
Back when I started in the late 1980s, before ebooks, print books were the norm. The trend then was to shorter and shorter books b/c of increasing paper and printing costs. If a mystery ran over 75K words, it was considered “too long.”
Times and trends change.
This article is a keeper for sure. I tend to write and speak in a rather stilted manner. I’ve been accused of being abrupt. Excellent point about the reader not always knowing what you had in mind. Sometimes more is more, and needed.
Thank you, Brenda. Yes, things get lost in the journey between the brain to the mouth or the brain to the keyboard. It happens more often now to me than it used to. Do you think it’s related to age? Nah.
Never the age. Or maybe it is. I find myself truncating quite a bit, cause who has time for all the (BS) fluff?
Love this! Thanks, Debbie. I call your list the words of exhaustion. Tight writing allows the mind to leap to conclusions, race toward speculation, and not drive off the road the author paved. I especially agree with #2 — are we putting on a show for ourselves or the story?
Your post goes out to all my clients, maybe not today, but inevitably, as the ‘slop and flop’ never ends.
Thanks again!
Thank you, Maria. Hope this is helpful to your clients
I also agree with #2. I enjoy reading Dean Koontz, but I recall the beginning of a chapter in one of his books that I thought just what you suggested: he was just showing off. I was impressed, and yet irritated at the same time. The entire paragraph, a fifty-five word sentence, could have been replaced with, “It was early morning at the hospital…”
A fifty-five word sentence? Wow. If it stopped you long enough to count the words, it sure pulled you out of the story. Thanks for sharing that example, Fred.
Excellent and very helful post. All of us should revisit these tips from time to time as it’s easy to slide back into old habits and lazy writing. Great job.
Thank you, D.P. Old habits do die hard.
At this point in life, I find I need a lot more “review” to retrieve details that somehow slipped away during a senior moment.
Riveting blog post!
Thanks, mcullen.
Thank you, Anne.
I learned new editing techniques.
Glad you found it helpful, Ingmar.
I thought, Nah, I don’t need to read this post. Didn’t send a copy to Evernote, deleted the email. Went and did some revising on my WIP (hmm, that’s too close to RIP for comfort!), and then had to go and find the blog post again, and send a copy to Evernote…because…I kept finding ‘There was…’ ‘It was…’ and other roundabout ways of saying something more straightforwardly.
Ah well…
Thanks!
You’re very welcome, Mike.
While working on my WIP today, I found myself slipping into very, extremely, and rather. The battle never ends.
Thanks, Debbie. Excellent tips.
And yes, I can tell you’re a crime writer. 🙂
You’re very welcome, Kathy.
Once, during a lunch date with two other mystery writers, the three of us were busy plotting a fictional murder of a victim in a hospital bed. What drug could we inject into the IV line that wouldn’t show in an autopsy? All of a sudden, we noticed people at adjacent tables had moved away and were staring at us.
Never went back to that cafe.
A great list of “stop” words! Searching for those and a few others is always part of the editing process. Many thanks.
It’s important to have a personal list of words to check. One of my particular faults is writing “brining” for “bringing.” I’ve pickled far too many characters!
Carmen, thank you for a great laugh. Your characters must be tangy and piquant.
Great and practical post!!! It is challenging for me since I write tightly to begin with–almost to a fault because I started as a poet, and went to shorts and flash for a while…but when I edit my client’s work I see many of these bugaboos. Another common one I find is the use of “and then” where one of the other works fine. I highlight each and every JUST in a manuscript, theirs and mine. And my own personally overused and often eliminated (or strengthened) one is “grabbed.” There are so many more vivid ways to say this. Then, painfully, there are sometimes whole scenes that aren’t essential to the plot and, yes, as you say, they are darlings. I’ve, on occasion, been able to use them elsewhere. Related short stories or essays. I love writing flash fiction and the market is growing, it is good practice for me along with screenwriting; you must get a story across in 100 pages. Now THAT is great practice for tight writing.
Screenwriting is excellent practice for tight writing. Thanks for bringing that up, Karen.
Yes, we all have our pet words that the brain gets stuck on. In my recent book, everyone “shrugged.” After I read that for the fifth time, I ran a global search and had to delete at least a dozen more.
Your list is a great bible for writers. After I turned in the “final” draft of my first novel, the first thing my editor did was have me search for almost all of the words in your point #1. I was horrified to find so many “justs!” Thank you for the reminders.
Thanks for your kind words, Gay.
Junk words are sneaky b/c they turn invisible like “the” or “a.” Next thing we know, there are hundreds of them hiding in the manuscript. That’s why global search is helpful.
Love this! As a writer of shorter fiction, I love this even more. I know “short” doesn’t equal “tight writing”, but I happen to do both. Also, love this quote from Thoreau: “Not that the story need be long, but it will take a long while to make it shorter.”
Great post!
Thanks, Sarah. Before I wrote novels, I started out on short stories, esp. flash fiction. They are excellent training.
This was very helpful! Thank you!
You’re so welcome, Nancy.
Thanks for the concise list. Question though, in dialog shouldn’t junk words be given a pass if the character’s talk that way?
Thanks for bringing up dialog, Sam. Dialog absolutely must ring true to the characters’ personalities. If characters were bound by this list, they’d all sound like stuffy English professors.
This is a fabulous article, Anne! I love it so much I shared it on all my Facebook writing groups, and on my timeline! I can’t say enough good things about your blog!
Thank you so much for your gracious words, I appreciate the shares, too, since I’m no longer on FB due to identity hijacking.
See ya over at the Authors Guild discussion group.
Anne
Thanks! The post is great reminder whenever I write in English. I tend to be wordy and baroque 🙂 It’s sometimes jarring when switching to remember English works best when its sparse and concise while the Romance language just luvvvv going baroque particularly with description or dialogue.
Simenon and De Villers are exceptions but the former was reporter so he had to be concise and sparse 🙂
xavier
Xavier, I’m in awe not only of your ability to write in two languages but to understand the nuances between them. Thanks for your insights.
Well. It occurred to me that I was not receiving your posts.
How am I unsubscribed?
I’ve fixed the matter, I hope.
Love to “write tight”.
Hi Katharine, We have been having a few gremlins in the subscription system and have been waiting for Anne to feel better before we attacked that problem. However, thanks for taking care of things on your end 🙂
Barb
Thanks for stopping by, Katharine.
Glad you sorted out those pesky little subscribe gremlins.
I don’t always show up here, but I absolutely never want to lose the resource!!! 😀
Wonderful,wonderful post. Am passing it along to my writing students.
Hi Rae, Thanks so much!
Thank you, Rae. Hope your students find it helpful.
Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. Such helpful information I’ve even written a post using some of the points. Thank you!
You’re so welcome, Tanya.
This is great advice. I’m saving it for reference in my next draft….
Glad it’s helpful, EmmaLouise.
Really made me think! I am going to spend some time on my WIP tackling verbose verbs!
Thank you, kelbel. Good luck ferreting out verbosity.