Don’t embarrass yourself with a clueless query.
by Anne R. Allen
I don’t know why, but I’ve recently been hit with a barrage of requests from new writers who want me to critique their query letters. Most of them come from LinkedIn, which I’ve happily ignored for years, but for some reason I’m suddenly getting 5-10 daily requests to “connect.” And lots of requests for freebies.
I tell them Ruth and I have a very strict policy of NO FREE CRITIQUES of queries or anything else. With over 20,000 subscribers, followers, FB friends, etc, we’d be dead from overwork and/or starvation in a week. We do provide the information on this blog absolutely free—without any advertising, except for a mention of our books. But we need time to write the books that pay the bills.
We also get daily queries from writers who want a guest post or book review. (We do not write book reviews.)
I even got a Tweet this week asking for a review in response to somebody’s RT of my post on BookBub reviews. (That author might get a special bad query prize.)
So today I’m going to give the advice I would have given all those clueless queriers if I’d had time. If writers follow this advice, I promise your queries will be head and shoulders above 99% of the ones I see.
Bad queries get automatic rejections.
- You can be the next J.K. Rowling, but nobody will read your pages if you come across as a narcissistic moron.
- Even Doris Kearns Goodwin will go into spam if she pitches me a post on Teddy Roosevelt’s childhood or Ladybird Johnson’s favorite recipes.
- And you don’t want to know what reviewers say when they get a query for a genre they don’t read.
But there are ways to avoid this kind of epic fail. First, follow these two magical secret tips. (Our regular readers know most of this stuff, but do pass it on to less-informed friends.)
Magical Secrets to a Less Embarrassing Query.
These two things must be secret, because 99% of queriers don’t know them.
1) READ THE GUIDELINES.
Go to the agency website, blog, or home page and look for something that says “guidelines” or “submissions” or “guest posts” and read the words. All of them. Even though it takes 5 minutes of your precious time.
Yes. We know some writers think their time is more valuable than the agent/ editor/ blogger’s time. We get that. And that’s why their queries go directly to spam.
If all your query says is that you are too lazy and / or illiterate to click on a link and read a webpage, there’s no point in sending the query.
You can’t write if you can’t read. And you can’t be a working writer if you’re lazy. This is a tough job with long hours.
2) FOLLOW THE GUIDELINES.
No matter what they ask for, provide it. If an agent wants 20 pages, single-spaced, detailing how you were inspired by your cat/grandmother/Baba Ram Das to write this book, write them. (Although you might rethink working with such a squirrely agent.)
Agency guidelines trump all others. Even though AgentQuery says this agent reps chick lit, if the agent’s website says “we no longer represent chick lit,” or you don’t see chick lit as a genre they rep, then don’t send them a query for chick lit. AgentQuery isn’t updated as often as the agency website.
Sending a query to an agent, editor, blogger or reviewer who does not handle your genre because you’re sure your genius will win them over is the definition of clueless. Even if you’ve written the next Harry Potter, if you send it to a publisher of how-to carpentry books, they’ll reject it.
If a blogger’s guidelines say “we are booked until June 2020, so please don’t query us until after March 1 2020” then don’t query on December 31st. Wait until March. You may not get that guest post spot, but your query isn’t as likely to go into spam without a response.
Basic Query Rules
Writing a query is like composing a sonnet. You can be interesting and creative, but you must do it within the prescribed format.
There are variations for different types of queries, but they all have certain things in common.
A query must:
- Be less than 250 words, or one page.
- Be 100% professional. A query is essentially a job application. “Hey!” is not a professional greeting.
- Stress the work rather than the author, although credentials are important.
- Be sent via email (or snail mail if requested) preferably with “query” in the header.
- Not be written by somebody who thinks they’re too special to follow guidelines. (Or your Mom.)
How to Write a Query for a Novel or Memoir
Like all Gaul, the classic novel query is divided into three parts. The parts can be interchanged, but usually the order goes like this:
1) The Facts, Ma’am
Tell them the basics: what you’ve got to sell and why you think this person will buy it.
A) “I’m seeking [representation, publication] for my [number of words, plus genre] novel (or memoir), [title].
Never query an unfinished novel! Ruth Harris—who was an editor at Big 5 publishers for many years—says if it’s your first novel or memoir, you should say your work is complete. Apparently a lot of newbies don’t know they need to finish the book before sending a query.
B) I’m writing to you because…” (This is sometimes called the personalization. Get personal, but not chummy.)
- A referral by your client/ colleague ___.
- I met you/heard you speak at ___ conference/book event.
- In your interview with___ , I liked what you said about___.
- I’m a fan of your client ___, and we write for a similar audience.
- I love your book ___.
- I’m a big fan of your blog. I’ve been commenting as SusieScrivener.
- DON’T MAKE THINGS UP. Better to skip the personalization than lie.
2) The Pitch
The ideal pitch is three or four sentences, usually starting with a logline, which goes something like this: “When______happens to_____, he/she must_____or face_____.
A pitch needs to sizzle, as Ruth Harris wrote in her post on The Art and Craft of the Elevator Pitch.
And here’s more advice on hooks, loglines, and pitches.
You want to include the main character, their goals, the conflict, the antagonist, and the setting
NOTE: Never start your pitch with a rhetorical question like “Have you ever wondered what you’d do if you were a 3-eyed humanoid from Betelgeuse trapped in a wrecked spaceship full of Oreos on a planet in the Nebulon galaxy orbiting a star that’s about to go supernova?”
The agent, reviewer, or editor has never wondered that. Trust me on this.
Leave them out of it and tell the story instead: “When George, a 3-eyed humanoid from Betelgeuse, crashes his space ship on a doomed planet in the Nebulon galaxy, he must defeat the fearsome Nebulonians trying to kill him, or be incinerated by the plant’s star, which is about to go supernova. All George wants is to take his precious cargo of Oreos to the rebels on planet Alpha 9, but the Nebulonians have forbidden all chocolate from the galaxy.
NOTE: I didn’t say anything about stating your themes or the impact you hope to make on society with this book. These things don’t matter in most queries. If you’re querying literary fiction, you can make a mention of theme, but don’t get grandiose or pompous. Run it by a beta reader for a little perspective on the pomposity factor.
3) Who the %&*! Are You?
This is the part newbies panic over. But it’s actually pretty simple. Just don’t go overboard. This only needs to be a sentence or two.
Here are some things you can include—especially if they’re related to the work you’re presenting.
- What you do. (“I’m a retired NASA engineer, high school physics teacher, stay at home dad and avid sci-fi fan.”)
- Publication credits: (“I have published X number of short stories in literary journals including __, __ and __. “)
- Awards: (“I was short-listed for a Pushcart prize for my short story: The Nebulon Chocolate War.”)
- Anything that makes you stand out that could be used for publicity. (“I was the famous “baby in the well” who made all the headlines in 1972.”)
For more on how to write your query bio, see my post on How to Write an Author Bio for Any Occasion.
NOTE: If you’ve self-published and the books haven’t hit any bestseller lists, don’t mention them. Also, don’t mention you had an agent who dropped you. Never advertise your failures in a query. You can admit them after the agent has fallen in love with your work.
Then politely sign off thanking them for their time. Do not say, “I’m looking forward to your speedy reply.” You’re not. The speedy replies are usually rejections. They’ll reply in their own time.
How to Query A Non-Fiction Book
Nonfiction is sold in a whole different way from fiction. You do not need to have finished the book.
But you do need to write a polished book proposal that includes comp title analysis and a detailed marketing plan as well as info about the book and your credentials and platform.
For excellent instructions on how to write a nonfiction book proposal, see Jane Friedman’s post on how to write a book proposal. She says it much better than I can.
You will need a cover letter as part of your book proposal, and many of the above tips will help.
How to Query a Book Reviewer
A book review query is much like an agent query.
Especially the two “secret” cardinal rules I opened with. Book reviewers really feel like Hulking out when you query a genre they state they don’t read.
And remember most reviewers are volunteers. They do not owe you a review. You are asking for a MAJOR FAVOR, so behave accordingly.
Then include Part 1 and Part 2 from the agent query format. Don’t worry about Part 3. Reviewers really don’t care who you are. It’s all about the book.
How to Query a Blogger or Magazine Editor
Whether you want a guest spot on a lowly blog, or you hope to place an article in The New Yorker, the query format is the same.
Part 1 should include a few words about your proposed subject matter and emphasise why you’re querying this blog/publication.
DON’T LIE. 99% of people who query me tell me they love this blog and then go on to show they’ve never read it.
Part 2 should be a concise overview of your proposed subject matter, with sources, if relevant. (A choice of several topics works well for blogs like this one.)
Part 3 is much more important for nonfiction. Your credentials and platform are key.
So, besides a standard bio, you should provide:
- A link to your website or blog
- Links to some of your most impressive clips. (“Clips” are no longer cut out of magazines, obviously, but that now means provide links to articles you’ve written that are available online.)
The Most Important Rule of Writing a Query
Aretha Franklin said it best: show some R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
This is not about you showing off or telling people what to do. (One query I saw told the agent to go read a Bible passage to understand the genius of his work.)
You are applying for a job. Don’t tell them how wonderful YOU are, but show what wonderful things you can do for THEM.
And don’t show up in a virtual tank top and flip-flops. Be professional.
Then your query might be embarrassment-free. Good luck!
by Anne R. Allen (@annerallen) January 19, 2020
What about you, scriveners? Do you dread writing queries? If you blog, do you get clueless queries for guest blog posts? Have you found a simple formula for a good query?
For more help in writing queries to agents, follow the Query Shark blog and read Nathan Bransford’s archives. And just as I was posting this on Saturday, Jane Friedman reposted her piece from 2014 on how to write a query letter.
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Anne—Such sensible, helpful advice. Thank you. One suggestion for 1A especially if this is your first novel or memoir: I’d consider adding the word “completed.” Having spent years as an editor, I learned never to assume anything. Seriously.
Ruth–Thanks for the tip! I’ve added your advice to the text.
Great query advice! I remember when I knew less than nothing about writing/publishing and I stumbled onto Agent Query. They people in the forums (which sadly no longer exist) were so kind and generous with their knowledge. It was a great introduction to the online writing community – which is mostly also kind and generous. Queries are necessary and I learned writing a good one isn’t impossible!
Jemi–Those AgentQuery forums were great! I guess it’s a lot of work to maintain a forum and there are always trolls, but they were a huge help to new writers. QueryTracker still offers a place to exchange information, I think. Although I haven’t been there in a while.
And yes, writing a good query is possible! Knowing the rules helps. 🙂
Hi Anne,
You got it. Aretha sang it. R E S P E C T.
Thanks for this. It will improve the publishing world, as fewer buffoonish query letters will be antagonizing agents, editors, bloggers, & book reviewers.
Well done.
CS– Yup. Respect. It’s amazing how many people don’t get it.
Thanks, Anne.
For those of us who enjoy getting mail, always encloses a SASE. The replies remind me how unique I am that out of all the thousands of books published daily, I can write one so different it falls outside of current needs.
GB–Oh, the old SASE. In the old days, we sent a requested ms. inside nested boxes. the inside one had full postage and address. Querying was a much more expensive proposition.
“Current needs” are always changing, thank goodness. Hang in there.
Oh, love it. “I can write one so different it falls outside of current needs.” Priceless. I must remember next time, to comfort myself that I am just so unique.
I broke out laughing when I read about someone asking an agent to go read a biblical passage to understand their genius. Wow! Just wow!
I hear you about guidelines, Anne. I regularly get unsolicited emails proposing guest posts on my little site. Usually, they start with “Hi Gerry” or “Yo Roger” and then suggest my wee tribe might be interested in penile performance pills or time shares discounted due to recent quake damage. But the one’s I say “Come on. Really?” are the messages in some foreign language that even Google Translate can’t decipher. Thanks for this informative query piece – good stuff as usual!
Garry–That was an actual real query somebody asked me to critique. Thank goodness for our rule about no queries, or that guy would have got a nasty reality check from me. Better somebody else does it.
Oh, earthquake damaged condos? I’d jump on that! Haha.I haven’t got the foreign language queries yet. I guess I have that to look forward to. 🙂
Garry and Anne, I’ve been getting a rush of blog queries and requests for backlinks lately that are clearly produced by some sort of newfangled auto-querying software that just latches on to a keyword. So often, the thing they want me to link back to is completely unsuited to the content of the post, and the guest post they are suggesting would be of no interest to my readership. I wonder if it ever gets them a good result??? Must do, or they wouldn’t keep doing it.
The thing that troubles me the most is that if I get a genuine contact I might actually be interested in, I’ll probably miss it, in all the flood of fakery.
Great post, Anne. I’ll recommend it.
Belinda–Those are the worst! I’ve suspected that too: some robot is just spamming everybody who ever had a blog. But you’re right that they’ve got me sending everything to spam, so I might miss an actual query. I try to be careful, but those robots make me so angry I just want to delete anything that asks for a guest post. Between robocalls and robospam, I feel I’m under attack by cybermen.
This is a terrific post. So rich. Thanks. I will be posting the link on my blog.
Rosi–Thanks for spreading the word!
Very useful, practical advice for the content of the query letter! (I’ve been able to avoid buffoonery but not lameness, alas.) Now, the query guidelines would be in the same secret vault with assignment guidelines?
Liz–Oh yes. That secret vault is so hard to break into! Haha. You do not want to know the buffoonery and lameness I crammed into my early query letters. It’s amazing I ever got requests for pages!
It’s good to know that I’m not alone in that!
Hi, Anne,
This one made me laugh out loud. Such great advice.
A key reason I’ve noticed with people getting wiggy about query letters for novels is the same reason people get wiggy about a resume. A query letter is not supposed to get you the agent/book deal just like a resume is not supposed to get you the job. The resume gets you the first interview. The query letter gets you the request for the full (or partial) manuscript. Basically, its purpose is to move you to the next phase of the process. That’s it.
Thinking about query letters in this way makes them more manageable and practical to craft. Takes off the pressure that somehow a query letter pitch is supposed to convey the sum total of a novel in three sentences. Nope. All it needs to do is convey a delicious taste of the story, which will hopefully get someone to the table of the full novel. And then the novel can do its own work.
Happy Sunday!
Christine–What great insight! I said a query is a job interview, but it’s really just an application. A first step. So it doesn’t need to say it all. You’re right that’s where writers get hung up. They want to tell the whole story. All you need is the sizzle. You give them the steak later. Thanks!
You’re welcome, Anne. 🙂
P.S. I like your sizzle/steak analogy — as a vegan that one would have never occurred to me. 🙂
Christine–The sizzle/steak metaphor is Ruth’s. From her post about elevator pitches.
I extend a full-on woohooo to Ruth. 🙂
Great insight Christine, and it makes it sound a lot easier to handle!
I’ve contacted many book blogger reviewers and sites and I always try to be polite and to the point, giving them exactly what they request. Seems like a waste of time for everyone just to shoot those to people and sites that don’t fit. I’m sure many do though.
Alex–You are always the Southern gentleman! But not everybody approaches reviewers that way. In fact a top Amazon reviewer told me recently that people buy their addresses from some service and then think the reviewer owes them a review. So they treat them like servants instead of unpaid professionals who are doing them a favor. That’s partly why I wrote this piece.
Excellent advice and well phrased, Anne. I got my start writing, not when I finished the first story or two, but hanging around on the old Query Tracker website where I began to appreciate how precisely (or poorly) a simple query letter could be written. We agonized over each jot and tittle, hoping that if we could just decide between the “and” or the “but” in sentence 3, THEN the agents might say yes!
But through that board I got an invitation to a fabulous online beta-reading and writing support group and the rest was history for me.
It’s all writing. Maybe especially the query letter.
Will–Query Tracker was such a great site for networking and getting the latest word on agents.. Is it not going anymore? I made some friends there, too. Finding good beta readers is so important!
I just googled Query Tracker and yes, it is still going. I’d never heard of it. Thanks for mentioning it!
Tricia–I’m really glad to hear it. It’s a super-useful site!
Great advice, thanks Anne. “I’m writing to you because…” is exactly how I acquired my agent of more thn 25 years. I’d been published for some time when I read an article about her in the business pages. She was representing celebrities and neither of us knew what a fantastic literary agent she would turn out be be. I wrote her a businesslike query setting out how I thought we could work together. We met for coffee and we’re still working together.
Valerie–That “personalization” can be the make or break part of the query for just that reason. “Can I work with this person?” is such an important question. It’s the place you can show respect for the agent, editor or reviewer.
I have just hired a book coach through Author Accelerator to not only get a good developmental edit but to have help making my book more marketable as well as help with a good query to go with the book. I suck at writing queries. I’d rather write an entire book than write a query. But your rules are right on. Yet for some reason my queries just don’t cut it. I’ve always needed help.
Patricia–The problem is we try to stuff too much information into the query. The comment from Christine Carron above is great: think of it as a resume, not a job interview. It’s just the beginning and you don’t have to tell much. Just a little tease about the story.
Thank you, Anne. Her phrase: “convey a delicious taste of the story, which will hopefully get someone to the table of the full novel” is fabulous, right? I hope to be able to pull it off one day.
Excellent advice, as always! Common sense is in such short supply these days.
Mark–It is indeed! Thanks.
Not only is your post full of spot-on advice, Anne, but it is entertaining and funny to boot! Too bad your Nebulon chocolate story isn’t real. It sounds like it would be a lively read, too. 🙂
Caryn–I had fun with the Nebulonians. LOL. Adding Oreos makes everything more fun, doesn’t it? Thanks!
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
🙂
Thanks for such a thorough review of how to query! Like most writers, I hate writing anything intended to sell my own work (and I’m a copywriter by trade). This is made worse by all the embarrassing anecdotes about queries from naïve new writers who tried to stand out from the pack and ended up looking silly. So every time I sit down to write one, I picture the agent jeering. Next time, I’m going to follow your helpful checklist and try positive visualization!
ME–That’s why I wrote this post. If you follow these tips, your query is less likely to get passed around the office and laughed at. And it just might land you an agent. Think positive!
I love sarcasm. In fact, my blog is full of it (um…sarcasm).
Sarcasm is great, until it’s personal, and this post hit the Bulls Eye.
I’ve probably made every mistake a new writer could make, and finally came to one undeniable conclusion: If I was going to publish anything before I died I would have to go the Indie route.
Hopefully, those people who are much younger and endowed with more wisdom will heed your advice.
Florida–How do you think Ruth and I learned all this stuff? By making mistakes! You should have seen my first queries. Totally embarrassing.
But don’t despair if you still have trad pub dreams. My mom published her first mystery novel with a trad press when she was 87! If you dream it and learn the right way to do it, you can get wherever you want to go.