Filter words act like a veil between the reader and the character
by Kathy Steinemann
This article provides a list of writing filters, with practical examples of how to replace them. You’ll also find exercises that can double as story prompts.
All words exist for a reason. Use them wisely to create engaging narrative.
Why the fuss?
Filter words form a barrier that distances readers from a story.
Bertie felt the warm sand between her toes as she walked.
Bertie’s experience is relayed secondhand. When word economy is critical, this approach works. However, wouldn’t you rather become so involved that you almost feel it yourself?
With a few tweaks, we can strengthen the sentence.
The sand trickled between Bertie’s toes, radiating warmth with every step she took.
Strong verbs, trickled and radiating, amplify the sensory impact.
Five senses? Six? Twelve?
Most people can name five senses: sight, smell, hearing, touch, and taste. Add ESP to the list, and it grows to six.
Some pundits expand to include pain, balance, motion, sense of time, temperature, and sense of direction. You might even discover lists that include miscellaneous emotions such as hunger, happiness, fatigue, and rhythm.
For the purposes of this post, we’ll stick with the five senses we learned about in elementary school.
Popular advice recommends that writing include all five senses whenever possible.
Let’s evaluate a paragraph that complies with this recommendation.
Patricia heard steps on the front porch, and she smelled sulfur. She could taste bile rising into her throat. She couldn’t see anything in the dark, so she groped until she felt the familiar cold metal of her son’s baseball bat.
“What’s wrong with that?” you might ask. “The paragraph embraces all five senses.”
Please review the underlined words. They filter the events through Patricia’s perceptions. Let’s consider a different version.
Someone—or something—stomped across the front porch. The reek of sulfur overwhelmed Patricia’s nostrils, and bitter bile burned her throat. She groped in the darkness for a weapon. What was that? Ah, the comforting cold metal of her son’s baseball bat.
The second version employs strong verbs to transport readers into the action. Patricia hears stomping, she smells sulfur, she tastes bitter bile, she sees darkness, and she feels cold metal.
Or something, set off by em dashes, adds to the tension. The reek of sulfur leaves no doubt that the odor is unpleasant. Bitter bile burns her throat—a more effective taste reference. Familiar cold metal changes to comforting cold metal, a tell that adds to the paragraph.
All filter words (heard, smelled, taste, see, felt) were traded for active replacements.
If you don’t know what filter words are, you can’t avoid them.
Let’s review a partial list of filters and their close relatives. I tried to classify them logically, although some words could appear in multiple groups.
See: appear like, become aware of, detect, discern, distinguish, give the impression of, identify, look, look like, note, notice, observe, perceive, realize, recognize, reveal, seem, sense, sight, spot, watch
Smell: detect the smell of, diagnose, get a whiff of, scent, smell like, whiff
Hear: catch, eavesdrop, overhear, listen to, sound, sound like
Touch: feel, feel like
Taste: appreciate, delight in, enjoy, like, relish, savor, take pleasure in
Know: ascertain, assume, believe, bring to mind, decide, deem, discover, gather, get, glean, guess, infer, intuit, learn, posit, regard, remember, suspect, think, understand, wonder
Experience: be subjected to, face, go through, live through, suffer, take in, undergo
Be able to: be capable of, be equal to, be up to the task, can, could, have the ability to, have what it takes to
Dialogue to the rescue?
Consider the following sentence pairs.
Fabrice stared into the water. The creek looked cold.
Fabrice stared into the creek. “Wow, look at that ice. It must be at least three inches thick.” She shivered.
Sneaky, but effective, this provides an example of a filter word that doesn’t function as a filter. Fabrice describes the ice on the creek, and readers will understand that it’s cold. The shiver reinforces her statement.
Arno heard ringing in both ears.
Arno cupped his ears with his hands. “Will this infernal ringing never stop?”
A combination of body language and dialogue shows readers what Arno experiences, without using a single filter word.
This was crazy. Royce knew it, but he couldn’t stop himself from popping the question.
“Um,” Royce whispered, “I know this is crazy, but would you … will you … marry me?”
Another filter word sneaks into dialogue without functioning as a filter.
By the way, saying that a character knows something is discouraged by editors. Of course your POV character will know _____ [fill in the blank].
If you need to introduce facts, please find a way that doesn’t rely on know/knew or several paragraphs of internal monologue. Overdoing a character’s private thoughts is another practice that annoys readers.
Double-up = double-bad.
Do I need to explain why the following examples represent abuse of filter words?
Vivienne listened and heard _____.
Orson looked and saw _____.
Alice whiffed and detected the smell of _____.
Frank tasted and relished the flavor of _____.
Mallory touched her lips and felt _____.
Each sentence repeats the same sensory filter—double-slap on the wrist for offenders. I can’t administer your punishment, but dissatisfied agents, editors, and readers will.
More examples of filter rescues.
See:
The corporal saw a grenade fly by and land in the foxhole.
A grenade flew by the corporal and landed in the foxhole.
Smell:
Joe’s belches smelled like booze.
The stench of booze accompanied every belch that Joe disgorged.
Hear:
Kristina heard a loud scream in the darkness.
A loud scream pierced the darkness surrounding Kristina.
Touch:
Alva’s fingers touched something wet and sticky.
A sticky liquid adhered to Alva’s fingers.
Taste:
Johanna smiled. The cake tasted moist and delicious.
Every delicious morsel of cake melted in Johanna’s mouth.
Know:
Quint knew Sandy wanted to go out with him.
Sandy wanted to go out with Quint.
Experience:
Emil experienced a huge stress reaction.
Emil’s heart pounded like a gavel, and heat radiated to every extremity.
Be able to:
Raquel was able to sleep well for the first time in days.
For the first time in days, Raquel slept well.
Are you ready to attempt a few filter word exercises?
Try to edit away the filter words. If you like an idea, you’re welcome to snag it as a story prompt.
A few of the suggested solutions include what some editors would classify as filter words, but as I stated at the outset, all words exist for a reason. If you have to hunt through the solutions with a magnifying glass to find the filters, they’ll likely pass muster with most people.
Exercise #1:
Guido felt a host of humongous spiders skittering up his arm. Then he felt several sharp pains. They were followed by the feeling that he was suspended, swaying, trapped in a giant web. He heard a squeaky noise somewhere behind him, but he was unable to turn his head to discern what it was.
Suggested solution:
A host of humongous spiders skittered up Guido’s arm and sank their fangs into his skin. After a moment of disorientation, he found himself suspended, swaying, trapped in a giant web. Somewhere behind him a disembodied squeak sent a shiver down his spine, but the sticky trap immobilized his head, preventing him from investigating the source of the noise.
Exercise #2:
Looking up, Prisca noticed that she and her cohort were standing in the blind spot between cameras. Feeling emboldened, she extended a one-fingered salute in the direction of the CEO’s office. Then she heard a voice bellow from somewhere to her left, “Prisca, you’re fired.”
Suggested solution:
Prisca ensured that she and her cohort were standing in the blind spot between cameras. Then, she stuck out her tongue and extended a one-fingered salute in the direction of the CEO’s office. A voice bellowed from somewhere to her left, “Prisca, you’re fired.”
Exercise #3:
All Luisa could hear was silence, a silence so complete she could hear her own pulse. She felt nauseated. Where am I? The last thing I remember was stepping into the elevator.
Suggested solution:
The silence surrounding Luisa was so complete that the ka-thump of her pulse pounded in her ears. A wave of nausea engulfed her. Where am I? The last thing I remember was stepping into the elevator.
Exercise #4:
The restaurant smelled like garlic, charbroiled steak, and a faint odor that could have been licorice or fennel. Clint felt hungry, but not hungry enough to chance being poisoned again.
Suggested solution:
Delicious aromas of garlic, charbroiled steak, and a faint suggestion of licorice or fennel beckoned Clint toward the restaurant. However, his hunger wasn’t powerful enough for him to chance being poisoned again.
Exercise #5:
Sir Edgar decided he would never be able to reveal his love for Princess Edwina. He knew she loved him too, and she would be in danger if their enemies thought they could get to her through him.
Suggested solution:
The bitter truth forced itself on Sir Edgar: He must never reveal his love for Princess Edwina. She loved him too, and she would be in danger if their enemies could get to her through him.
***
By Kathy Steinemann, @KathySteinemann, June 11, 2017
Kathy Steinemann is an award-winning author who has loved words for as long as she can remember, especially when the words are frightening or futuristic or funny.
Her writing tips blog has won multiple awards as one of the top blogs for writers.
Her career has taken varying directions, including positions as editor of a small-town paper, computer-network administrator, and webmaster. She has also worked on projects in commercial art and cartooning. You’ll find her at KathySteinemann.com, Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.
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Thanks for your informative blog, Anne!
The advice in this post would apply to non-fiction as well. In a memoir, biography, or news story, filter words distance readers just as much as they do in fiction.
Unique post, Kathy! Thank you. My advanced students will benefit from this, and I’ll point them to it.
My pleasure, Melodie.
Thanks for stopping by.
Kathy, thanks for an informative post–made even better by your excellent examples.
Now off to check my WiP for no-nos! 🙂
Heh heh, Ruth. I feel for you.
Wish I’d known all that before I began writing. Felt was definitely a word I overused and in all the wrong places.
Excellent examples – thanks, Kathy!
Thanks for stopping by, Alex. Reading older works is like viewing photos of the past. We grow as writers with every word we type.
This was fantastic! Thank you. I’m so glad Alex tweeted this article.
Elsie
Thanks, Elsie!
Thank you, Kathy, Great advice and the exercises were fun. My WIP is in first person and my protagonist has a very expressive voice. I’m thinking I should probably be more diligent with my efforts to keep her in check!
Hi, Christine.
First-person narration involves people in a way they don’t experience with second and third person. Although it can cause excessive filtering, curbing the filtering isn’t impossible.
See http://kathysteinemann.com/Musings/i-i-i/ for a few suggestions.
Good luck with your WIP!
Thank you for your excellent advice, Kathy. I’ve bookmarked this post for future reference. Really enjoyed having a go at the exercises.
Thanks, Wendy.
With hundreds of thousands of words to choose from, the options for the exercise solutions are almost unlimited.
Thanks for the lesson, Kathy. A word of caution may be helpful here. I think some inexperienced writers go overboard in trying to avoid certain no-no’s, such as filter words. In their zeal, the sometimes end up with convoluted sentences or words that don’t really serve their purpose.
Good point, Tricia. Most “rules” should be treated as guidelines. Writing is a creative process–not a series of formulas. So far, computers haven’t been able to duplicate creativity, although scientists at Dartmouth College tried to develop a poetic computer.
http://www.npr.org/sections/alltechconsidered/2016/06/27/480639265/human-or-machine-can-you-tell-who-wrote-these-poems
Thanks for the tips on words to avoid, Kathy. I have a whole list of words to avoid and will add these to my list. Your suggested changes made it easy to see how using filter words really weakens your writing.
Thanks for reading the post, Natalie. I’m glad you found the examples helpful.
I just caught one in my WIP due to reading this earlier. I have returned to say thanks for writing this post. I shall bookmark it for later.
Have wonderful evening.
I’m glad you found it helpful, Jacqueline!
You have a wonderful evening too.
It seems to me that it would be easier to write the first draft using filter words (at least for me) and then go back and fix them in the second draft. at least until someone (like me) gains more experience writing and can naturally write without using them naturally.
Hemingway would agree with you, RJ. A book requires multiple edits before it’s ready for readers. Some writers like to catch this potential problem in the first draft. Others prefer to wait.
OW! Your itty bitty heel just crushed my size 12 foot. Or is it WOW! Did I just get schooled on filtering. Did not even know that was something to watch out for. Thank you. Now off I go to sign up for your blog.
Then to my WIP for serious edit/rewrite.
Heh heh. Do you need an itty-bitty bandage or a humongous pressure dressing, David?
A humongous pressure dressing. My WIP is hemorrhaging all over the page.
Haha. Maybe apply some styptic powder as well?
Fantastic article from Kathy on word filtering and I enjoyed tinkering with the exercises too. Thanks Kathy and Anne. 🙂
Thanks, DG! It would be interesting to see some of the exercise solutions. I should have requested that in the post.
Yes! I actually did a few of them (in my head of course). Great explanations and examples Kathy. 🙂
Excellent post. Thanks heaps to both of you.
Thanks for stopping by, CS!
Kathy, this is brilliant advice! I think, nay, I’m sure I’ve overdone practically all those “filter words”! As English is my second language, it makes it all that much harder to figure out what is and what is not a filter word.
But now I see the point. Filter words are over-used because they are “catch all” and so they lose their own personality. They lose meaning. They don’t evoke anything in the reader’s mind. The verb to feel is a perfect case in point: you can feel hot, cold, scared, happy, sad etc. and even feel hate for someone!
Many thanks, this was an eye-opener.
I’m pleased this post is helpful for you, Claude, and I applaud you for writing in English even though it’s not your native language.
As I say on my website in the blog post that links to this one, filters “act like a coffee machine. Water takes time to drip through the filter while you wait for the reward: a delicious cup of aromatic ambrosia that glides down your throat.”
The fault is not with the words, but with when and how often they appear.
Thanks for providing such a nice information on Writing , Excellent article! I make this mistake all the time. It is amazing how much losing those filter words improves the story.!
Thanks for stopping by, 3.
Wonderful post Kathy! I especially appreciate that you mention the distinction between effective and redundant filter words. I’ve seen my share of editors who fail to distinguish, a one-size-fits-all strategy that leaves manuscripts devoid of these words and, consequently, deprives us of fhe interior aspect of story. We do need to look inside sometimes! What we don’t need it to be told when someone is looking outside because the nature of POV itself implies what’s being related is the inner experience of the outer world. What I truly love about your examples here is how you demonstrate the abstract to concrete conversion writing undergoes when one clearn the fog, so to speak — because that’s exactly what a paragraph or sentence is like when we’re being told what the POV character is experiencing rather than shown. Beautiful and insightful stuff! Thank you!
Thanks, John.
Yes, filter words are like salt. Sprinkled with caution, they augment writing; used too frequently, and they smother it. If anyone suggests the complete removal of any word, I recommend that they take a page of their WIP and eliminate every the. Not a pretty result.
Words exist for a reason.
This is excellent and really helpful. I love the exercises. They’re great examples of how to write in a way that will engage the reader by not “telling” him/her everything that’s going on with the character. Thank you.
Thanks, Patricia. Telling sometimes gets a bum rap, but it’s generally better to show.
Excellent advice. Thank you for all the examples. I learn best from those. <3
Thanks, Colleen. I learn best from examples too.
Great post. With a search feature, a writer can hunt out these mistakes and rewrite. Deep POV pulls readers into the heart of the story and avoids cliche writing.
Thanks, Beth. Yes, search works well as long as a writer knows what to search for.
A most helpful post. This is another to archive for future reference.
Thanks for stopping by Anne and Ruth’s blog, V.M.
I wasn’t going to bother reading this post, Kathy, but apart from being very funny in places, it turned out to be a good reminder of the need to be more direct in our writing. So easy to fall back into the old habits!
I’m glad you stayed long enough to read. Have a great week!
A Very helpful post. Loved all the tips mentioned by you especially the exercises. Thanks!
Thanks, Feelings. Interesting filter name. *grin*
Love it! I am so sharing this with my critique group! I found these exact issues in the MSs I read last night….now I have a name and a fix for them to share with the group as well as reminders for myself on what to avoid-:D
Thanks, Cat! I wonder if a Filter Addicts Anonymous group would fly. Oh–FAA. I think … nope. The Federal Aviation Administration might object.
Top notch. Many writers don’t understand or even know about filter words. Excellent info.
Thanks, Paul. English contains so many filter words, but I picked those I considered most likely to be overused.
I think the only one I disagree with is the restaurant example. (She frowned at the post and sat scanning through its lines at top speed. Suddenly, upon reaching a particular example, a pang of dismay shot through her! How could she disagree with something so well written?!)
While it’s telling, I think it’s dependent on whether or not this is some huge plot driven thing or just a passing thought in the character’s head that may end up on the cutting room floor anyway.
Still, this has me going back through my (many, overwhelming :v) WIPs now, today, to eyeball them. It’s a hell of a good point to make and I see a lot of this getting through editors, especially in YA fiction. I guarantee we all do it, but we shouldn’t~!
Thanks for stopping by, Lizzy!
The first sentence in the suggested solution for Exercise #4 takes smells that are filtered through Clint’s senses and presents an active portrayal of the aromas. Although the second sentence is tell, it’s unrealistic to use show everywhere without creating word bloat.
I’m reminded of an author who sometimes takes several paragraphs or pages to describe a scene (show). I end up flipping through the pages, ignoring his brilliant writing, until I reach the meat of the story.
Good luck with your WIPs. Plural? Excellent. You’re a busy writer.
I think some of this just goes back to the good old “don’t write in passive tense”. If everything is active and popping, even if Bill is just snoring on his lounge chair, it’s more interesting than hearing that bill’s snoring in his loung chair. It’s tricksy. This is still a primo article though.
And yeah, quite a few WIPs. Everything actively getting written on, too. It’s fun to have everybody hollering in your head at the same time 😀 Thank you though!
This is the most useful advice on craft I have seen in a very long time. Thank you so much for this!
Thanks for stopping by, Amy.
I’m always on the prowl looking for new topics and overused words to research for my next book. Do you have any nemeses?
I need to go back over my WIP. I know I’ve used filter words. The question is, as someone said earlier, do I do it now, or do I finish the first draft and then go back and kill them off?
Well, V.M., many authors like to rush through the first draft, like basting a hem on a skirt, not worrying about filters, grammar, or clichés. Others prefer a more cautious approach. Whatever works best for you is right.
Terrific article. Thanks for sharing Anne… I was lucky only found one in my latest short….Not too bad. LOL… There are were many I learned about that I didn’t know were filters….
When I saw “only one,” I just about swallowed my tongue–and then you said it was a short. 🙂
Thanks for your comment, Michael. Filter words are tricky. We use them all the time in speech and writing. Not having any in a novel is unrealistic, but it would be interesting to see someone try. Best seller?
LOL… It was a really short, short, Kathy. Only about 700 words. If I were you I would probably have reacted the same way. Thanks again for informing us of the DANGERS of Filters.
It would be interesting to try a novel …. It would probably take years and the author may lose his/her sanity. I think I’ll pass.
Excellent article on the virtues of showing instead of telling. I’d never heard of filter words, so it was educational.
Thanks, Thomas. Telling can be useful if not overdone. Likewise with filters.
Kathy, I can’t thank you enough for this fantastic post. It’s been one of our most popular posts ever, with over 5000 hits in a week! Ruth and I are so happy you visited us! Thanks!!
Thanks for the opportunity to participate with your readers, Anne and Ruth!
Duh. “Interact” is a better word. I’ve been out in the sun too long murdering dandelions with my Dynasteam.
Great advice.
Thanks, Rugby!
Great post. I love the added exercises 🙂 — Suzanne
Thanks, Suzanne.
Fantastic post – and one I really needed to hear! Love the examples and the additional exercises. Thanks so much!
Thanks, Julia!
Thanks for the informative post and practical tips. A big help!
Thanks, Paula!
Oops. Your name is probably Paul. 😉
You’re right. I would love to translate your book. When I’m translating a book, I’m always thinking: “Oh, she’s FEELING again!”… As a translator, I become bored with books full of “he said, she told, he asked”. Please, writers, try to make your vocabulary richer. Try to make us translators suffer in each line. 🙂
Thanks for your comment, Rosina.
Heh heh. It would be interesting to see a book about grammar and English translated into a different language. 😉
Excellent tips. I know I’ve overused them in early works and I still catch myself using some here and there. Thankfully I don’t think I’ve ever doubled up though. I’ve employed the dialogue cheat once in a while too haha
Thanks, Pat.
The dialogue cheat works well. Too many writers ramble on for page after page without dialogue, creating a story that leaves readers disconnected.
Very useful post. Thanks.
Thanks for stopping by Anne and Ruth’s blog, Norah.
Thanks Kathy for your informative article and Anne for posting, as well as reblogging on Chris The Story Reading Ape’s blog. I’ve shared via https://twitter.com/SuzanneNewnham & https://www.facebook.com/suzannenewnhamwriter/
Thanks, Suzanne!
What a great list! The examples are very helpful and a good reminder. It’s easy in the first draft to use filter words just to get the story out. I’ll use this blog in my next copy edit. Thanks,
Thanks, Kristina! I feel as though your blog will look like you realize the importance of avoiding filter words. Whew. How many did I just cram into one sentence? 😉
Totally useful blog post. I’m going to print it out and keep it near my keyboard for quick reference. I have a question for you that perhaps you’ve already covered in another post. What to you think of the overuse of words in dialogue, such as: well, yes, no, ah, oh, etc.?
Thanks for stopping by, Carol!
I just got my first novel back from the editor and “filter words” and “changes in POV” were the two biggest issues. I hope to use the advice here to go find the filter words and edit because I didn’t even know what that meant.
Good luck with your edits, Myloe!
Thank you for this informative article. You can never know enough about sentence structuring and conveying stronger meaning in writing.
Sorry for the late reply, Robbie. Thanks for stopping by Anne and Ruth’s blog!
I really enjoyed this post on filter words. Yours is one of the best. And I LOVED that you included some exercise passages for us to work on. I went ahead and wrote my own before looking at your suggestion solutions. It is interesting to see how different writers work out problems in sentences and passages.
I thought I might share a couple of my own reworked passages from the exercise examples too :)!
Exercise #3: Silence enveloped Luisa. A silence so complete that her own pulse thumped in her ears like the boom of a drum. Her stomach turned with nausea. Where am I? The last thing I remember was stepping into the elevator.
Exercise #5: Sir Edgar could never reveal his love for Princess Edwina. It wasn’t that he was unsure of her reciprocation. Indeed, it was true that she loved him in return. No. It was their enemies he was afraid of, whose twisted ruthlessness knew no bounds. They would do anything to get to Princess Edwina. His silence would keep them safe, though this fact did little to comfort Sir Edgar’s yearning heart.
Thanks for sharing your workarounds, Lily. I enjoy seeing how other authors approach creative writing.
Thank you for that, Kathy. I’ve just finished the first draft of my latest novel and this will be most helpful in the rewrite. I’m sure I have LOADS of filter words in there.
I’ve got your Writers’ Lexicon. It’s most useful.
Thanks, Vivienne. I must have unsubscribed to post comments when I cleared out my WordPress subscriptions early this year. 🙁
I’m glad you find The Writer’s Lexicon useful, and thank you for commenting both here and on my own website.
Have a great week!
Good post, Anne. High on information, low on self-aggrandizement.
Thanks for reading and commenting, Rod.
I have praise for your assistance, but also feel marginalised by one of you examples:
“A host of humongous spiders skittered up Guido’s arm and sank their fangs into his skin. After a moment of disorientation, he found himself suspended, swaying, trapped in a giant web. Somewhere behind him a disembodied squeak sent a shiver down his spine, but the sticky trap immobilized his head, preventing him from investigating the source of the noise.”
I tried my own version that was based on the minimal information given in the prior text. My outcome was poor in comparison (correct, but lacking the direction you took), because you had a literary license to write what you want.
In other words you guessed, or knew, what the predicament was in the first place.
In the first passage there is no mention of a spider web, and you have presumed an immobilised head, whereas the story could have been referencing total immobilisation.
A further observation:
There are times in a novel you want a secondary character’s involvement to be limited, so a quick option drives the story past the incident and back to the main characters (as per a movie hero rescuing in the damsel, though we no involvement in how the damsel came to be in the predicament).
You’ve no mention or guidance as to how such situations can be treated even though they exist in most stories.
It was an excellent piece and I learnt much from the article, thank you.
Leo
Thanks for stopping by, Leo.
Rather than provide iron-clad answers, I prefer to offer guidelines.
A writer’s imagination keeps readers engrossed. You thought of another scenario. Thumbs up. That’s what makes you different from me and millions of other writers. Readers don’t want the same-old same-old
It’s fine to gloss over secondary characters if they slow the narrative. Readers balk when forced to remember endless names of people who don’t contribute to the main storyline.
Excellent list and exercises, Kathy. Thanks for sharing this.
So I guess the MC kvetching about something is out too.
I love showing in writing. Yet I’ve had people tell me I was using too much description (maybe I was) and that the writing flows much faster when you just tell. I disagree. To me, showing immerses you deeper into the story.
This article completely transformed my writing! I had no idea what filtering was and I realized I had at least one filtering word in every sentence of my novel! So far this is the most detailed and helpful article I’ve read about filtering.
Great article! I’ve shared it with other writer friends and re-read, at times, before diving into edits.
I’m obliged to caution against the EXCESSIVE elimination of filters, evidenced by one of the examples in this article, which eliminates one problem by creating two others:
Know:
Quint knew Sandy wanted to go out with him.
Sandy wanted to go out with Quint.
The suggested “fix” does NOT communicate the same thing as the original sentence. The original sentence is written in Quint’s POV and expresses his understanding of what Sandy wants. The ‘fix’ sentence is in Sandy’s POV and only states her desire; Quint’s knowledge of it was lost entirely.
Both issues could probably be fixed by context; if the whole chapter is narrated by Quint, then it can be assumed that Quint knows everything that’s narrated.
For the sake of the example, suggest adding an active reaction on Quint’s part to what he knows.
Sandy wanted to go out with him! Quint shivered as a thrill of excitement shot through him.
A good reply. Authors must be careful not to take these kinds of blog posts as rules of thumb. The use of verbs often helps eliminate excessive description which can also cause distance.